It's my dirty little not-so-secret that I'm hooked on American Idol.
I find Simon to be insightful and forthcoming with his constructive criticisms,PLUS!..He's an asshole..I like that quality in someone that holds the hopes and dreams of America's youth in his smarmy British hands.
Paula beams with big-sisterly encouragement,and Randy is,..well,.Randy's pretty weird,but he's made a buttload of money in the music business,so he must know what he's talking about,even if I can't make heads or tails of it..."That was a little pitchy for me Dog.."..Does that mean the same thing as,"Your voice has the ephemeral quality of goose farts on a muggy day?"..I just don't know.
I do have a Summer replacement to tide me over 'till next season.
I've now become thoroughly addicted to "Deadliest Catch".
This is where we get to follow Alaskan King Crab fishermen on their trek to snare that elusive delicacy from the icy depths of the Bering Sea.
"Holy flyin' shit Batman!",..do you realize what it takes to put one o' them crusty,snapping bastards on your dinner plate?
Half a dozen maniacs pile into some great creaking rust bucket,deadhead out to the middle of creation in the heart of winter,and beat the shit out of themselves for like 263 hours straight.
All the while the Bering Sea,..which,by the way,..doesn't give a rat's ass about any of 'em,.is hitting them with waves the size of the Chrysler building,while every piece of equipment on board ship is conspiring to snatch them straight away into the briny abyss.
Phil is my favorite Captain...Arrgghhh!
He's a cranky old salt that's been a crab fisherman since he was like 3 years old,when his Pop would tie a rope around his ankle,and toss him overboard for bait...It's in his blood.
This season,he's Shanghaied his two sons to work as deckhands on his boat,."The Raging Bitch",so that they might follow along in the family tradition of risking various and sundry forms of death and dismemberment,in an effort to provide you and I with a pleasant Saturday night outing at Red Lobster.
Oh sure,..it's no American Idol,..but it will have to do 'till next season.