Thursday, January 22, 2009

The WORST Job I Ever Had!..

At the tender age of 12,by way of neighborhood connections,I secured temporary employment at a local amateur dog show taking place over the weekend at the municipal park.
My duties were simple.
Patrolling the showgrounds scooping up dog shit (tons),and pulling apart snarling canines battling tooth and claw over territorial imperatives (many).

..Fifty cents an hour..Eight hours a day..Two days,in the hot Summer sun.

That wasn't the worst job I ever had,it was the first job I ever had,..and it was a total blast!..

Some thirty-five years later,I found myself the reluctant resident of the San Luis Valley Community Corrections facility in Alamosa,Colorado.
Community Corrections is an alternative sentencing program..One last opportunity for convicted felons to redeem themselves,before the system decides that you're an irretrievable idiot,and sends you packing off to State Prison.

A primary requirement of your tenure at Corrections,is that you maintain full-time employment (30+ hours a week).
Quitting your job,in most cases,is grounds for swift disciplinary action (Loss of good time,earned priveledges,fines,or imprisonment),and getting fired for cause earns you a ticket on the big green bus headed straight for 'The Joint'.

Alamosa business owners know this,and find the facility a bountiful source of laborers willing to take on the most menial tasks,and suffer the most degrading indignities without complaint.
It is,quite literally,indentured servitude.

So,..don't ya know that for the last eighteen months of my incarceration,I was employed as a dishwasher by the most notorious of these taskmasters (even the guards at Corrections were like,'Dude..You have my sympathy'), 'Mrs. Durkin'.

She owned and operated one of the more popular restaurants in Alamosa.
A very nice establishment really,comfortably decorated in a 'John Wayne' styled theme.

Now,..I'm not above manual labor to be sure.
Mopping floors,scrubbing toilets,plowing through mountains of greasy pots and pans,topped off with numerous trips to the dumpster to discard buttloads of garbage can be made sufferable by keeping an eye on the ultimate prize..Completing your sentence,and going home.

Mrs. Durkin however,saw it as her civic duty to make every minute of your workday as thoroughly demeaning as her god-given talent for incessant human degradation could devise.
Male employees were 'Mother Fuckers!',and 'Cock Suckers!'.
Female employees were 'Bitches',and yes,..even 'Cunts!..'
Epithets hurled with gusto at every opportunity.

During my time at True'The Steakhouse', less than four of her Corrections employees chose to walk off the job,knowing full well that 48 hours later they would be in prison.

$5.15 an hour..Ten hour shifts (with one twenty minute break)...Eighteen months under the gnarled thumb of that screeching Harpy, who had sprung from the very loins of Satan himself..(Remind me to tell you about the time we didn't receive our paychecks at Christmas,because she was in Boulder buying herself a brand new big screen TV,and had neglected to turn our time cards in to the accountant)..

THAT was the worst job I ever had!

Mrs. Durkin..This song is for you...

'Good bye Mrs. Durkin'



At 1:27 PM , Blogger Mom said...

That is much too happy a song to dedicate to the likes of Mrs Durkin.
So glad you were able to survive that job. You did indeed pay for your misdeeds.

At 1:38 PM , Blogger Sling said...

It's meant to be happy mom.
The Mrs.Durkins of the world are nothing but cowardly bullies,that guage their self-worth by the amount of suffering they can inflict,and the number of spirits they can break.
..I kicked her ass! ;)

At 2:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's funny. Mrs. Durkin sounds kind of evil.

At 2:20 PM , Blogger jan said...

Perhaps Mrs. Durkin thinks of you all fondly as her graduates.

At 2:37 PM , Blogger Random Thinker said...

Was her name really Mrs. Durkin? My worst boss ever had teh initials K.O.C. I kid you not.

At 2:59 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Citizen- She was a malevolent and relentless sociopath!

Jan- Mrs. Durkin thinks exclusively,of Mrs. Durkin.

Thinker- I changed her name,but inserted enough telling information to appeal to the Googlers amongst us.

At 3:30 PM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

i think i married her sister.

At 6:11 PM , Blogger cs said...

Wow, don't that beat all. Where on earth did you find this song? Too much! I laughed like a piggy.

So how is O-Town? We are surviving--no frills in IDahodee either bubba. You keep the songs comin' and the stories to go with. I'll get the wood for the firepit so we can ll stand around sing and warm our hearts, deary.

Have a great weekend Sling!

At 6:16 PM , Blogger austexgrl said...

I don't like bullies.....!

At 8:46 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

i'd like to bip her into the future and bip her back again..jeez..that's the worse job ever..i never had a job that bad.

At 11:31 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Billy P.- So that's what happened to her sister!..I just figured she ate her.

CS- I used to hum this tune while I was washing dishes at the restuarant..kind of a private joke to amuse myself.
O-Town is pretty much like the rest of the country.More people getting their hours cut,or laid off every month.

austexgrl- ..Me neither doll.

yellerdawg- What doesn't kill ya,makes you stronger!

At 3:52 AM , Blogger Willym said...

Ah the Mrs Durkin's of this world - you can only hope there is a special ring of hell for them! A schoolyard where they are constantly bullied and beaten for eternity.

Knowing the system they probably gave her foster children too!

At 3:57 AM , Blogger Willym said...

and what a sterling review you gave the Tru.. Miss V.. sorry, your former place of employment.

At 9:18 AM , Blogger Sling said...

Willym- WE HAVE A WINNER!!..Your Googlage skills have served you well. :)

At 5:22 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

That is just plain shitty. Sorry you had to suffer through that, dude! She sounds like a real bee-hotch.

At 7:22 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

I love the Wolfetines and was thinking about this sond the label "Wolfetones"...Does she still have the restaurant? If you how hard would it be for a friend of yours to set up outside her place of torture, with a megaphone from the car...and play this one over and over..loud...or is this a jailable offence...what sort of heaven will she go to do you reckon?

At 7:24 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

Sling a fre typos...if I ever learn to type proplerly you'll be able to read my stuff...

At 9:53 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Miss HP- I made that bed so, know. :)

Middle child- I know that she still owns the joint.
I recently checked the Alamosa newspaper,and saw that she got a ticket for running a stop sign last year..HA!!

At 10:43 AM , Blogger sageweb said...

wow you are one tuff guy...I would have made her slip accidently on the kitchen floor

At 12:27 PM , Blogger Doralong said...

You realize naturally your refusal to be cowed annoyed the living shit out of her... Good job!

At 2:26 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Sage- Okay,I did have my petty vengeance.
I told her my release date was a month after it actually was.
I was scheduled to work the morning I signed out,so I called and left a message on her machine to go fuck herself.
By the time she arrived at work(she was the only cook) NONE of the day's prep work had been done,and I was on my way to California.
..It's the little things.

Doralong- For sure I knew that,and knowing that was the motivation behind sticking it out.
..I'm twisted like that.

At 6:45 PM , Blogger austexgrl said...

But, you know what...I am wondering.....What did you look like at the age of twelve? I bet you were cute!

At 9:36 AM , Blogger LostInColor said...

What an evil lady! I am glad you got some vengence! :)

At 10:27 AM , Blogger Sling said...

austexgrl- ..I was a handsome little bastard!

Lost- It was a minor victory.
I never did get my last week's pay,but there are some things money can't buy!

At 12:11 PM , Blogger evilganome said...

I have worked for a few crazed evil bastards over the years, but this witch sounds worse by far.

You're a good man. And good job by the way on the bait and switch on your release date. A man after my own heart.


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