Sunday, January 31, 2010

In Praise of Alleys..

I think,in general,alleys tend to get a pretty bad rap.
Alley cats,..Tornado alley, that.
But I've always been fond of them.
Not just as handy escape routes shortcuts through town,but for the fact that by their largely unattended nature,they can often give us a nostalgic glimpse into times past.

Shortly after the world became round,O-Town thrived as the center of gold mining operations in the Feather River valley.
Grizzled prospectors would stumble into town in order to stock up on supplies,raise a little hell,and solve crimes.
By neglect and design,one small well-trodden passage upon which these pioneers navigated our bustling hamlet,has been more or less preserved in O-Town's historic 'Miners Alley'..

The Birdcage theater is still in operation..I wish they hadn't dressed up the back stage entrance,but what'cha gonna do?..

This is more like it!..Even a task as mundane as bricking over a window,was worth giving a little artistic flair by the 19th century mason assigned to the task.

Long shots were a little hard to come by,what with it being an alley and all..

..But this one is very representative of the architecture of the day.
I can imagine the miners conducting their official business downstairs,before heading upstairs to conduct business of a different sort.

This is a favorite of mine.
'Eats..Beer & Liquor'..
Don't confuse the '1966' with the year it was built,'s the address.

I suppose I can understand the original intention behind the two murals in the alley.
They may very well represent some typical activities of the era,but I can't help feeling that they just end up detracting from the historical flavor of the place,which is best left on the palate of the traveler.

Of course,there's always the possibility of encountering unsavory characters when exploring dark neighborhood alleys,..but I figure anyone that runs into me,can take their chances like everyone else..


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

'They need to stop acting like every day is election day'..

..I wish I'd said that,but I didn't.
I heard it from a commentator on one of my habitual news shows,and it sums up perfectly the machinations of both parties in Congress, (Okay,there are three parties if you count Independents,..but nobody can count on them), during the first year of the Obama administration.

Naturally,I'll be laying most of the blame for the total absence of progress on any front squarely on the Republicans,whose diametric opposition to any kind of reform anywhere is clearly nothing more than an infantile,'We got our asses kicked ,so we're gonna take our ball and go home!' response to the American people's overwhelming demand for change.

Change..Change we can believe in.
Now there's a concept that brings me to my next point.
Democrats,..what part of 'Majority' don't you pussies understand?

We had it,..the people mandated it,..and all you could think about was your next photo-op,and what impact a handful of lunatic 'tea party-ers' might have on your chances for re-election.
..You make me wanna puke!

The Health Care Bill has been butchered beyond recognition by the cowards in Congress,and the transparent influence of corporate insurance.
Where is my public option?..Well,that would force the insurance companies to give up their monopoly on health care wouldn't it?
Lord knows we,(and by 'we',..I mean Joe Lieberman), wouldn't want to risk losing all those campaign contributions from The Hartford,even though that particular part of the Bill stood the best chance of lowering costs,and providing some measure of security to a population struggling to, know,..LIVE!
(Don't even get me started on Nebraska Senator Nelson's blatant extortion for his 60th vote on the Health Care Bill,or the mind boggling Supreme Court decision that corporations are 'citizens'..


If you incumbent Democrats are worried about losing seats in The House and Senate in November,..stop worrying,and let me set your minds at ease..


..It's the nature of things.
Politics seeks it's own level,..and even I knew when we won the majority in 2008,that some form of balance would be restored when the mid-terms rolled around in 2010.
What really chaps my ass,is the way you've squandered a rare opportunity to genuinely effect change,for fear of political backlash from the few,at the expense of the very many voices that put you in office.

President Obama will be giving his State of the Union address tonight..
I expect it will be eloquent throughout,uplifting in well crafted moments,..and impotent in it's overall affect on the realities of the dismal state we presently find our union experiencing.
At least, long as our elected officials put party politics,and their own personal interests,ahead of the welfare of the people who elected them.


Friday, January 22, 2010


Lizzard King and I were sitting in a booth at our favorite greasy spoon,when I noticed this unusual disk-shaped object that appeared to be hovering over the dam in the cloudy skies above O-Town!
It's flashing lights,and resonant hum began to frighten the birds and..Oops,..steak and eggs are here...
Gotta go.

Have a great weekend kids!


Monday, January 18, 2010

Bible Whiplash...

You know how you spend the better part of your life reading the Bible and at first the chapters seem like a collection of stories from days gone by but the more you read it the more clear it becomes that it's a brilliantly conceived lesson plan designed to raise us up not just as individuals but as a truly blessed species and over the years you slowly begin to recognize the power and truth in the simple words of the Beatitudes and light begins to dawn on what the Parables of Jesus really mean and how their wisdom is every bit as relevant today as it was two-thousand years ago so that you just naturally assume that all those words highlighted in red mean what they say and from those words spring the message of Hope and Peace and Brotherhood..
..and then some DICKWEED!! self-proclaimed prophet who professes to know the mind of God uses the power of the pulpit to promote his own special brand of hate and prejudice by proclaiming a horrendous natural disaster to be God's judgement on an entire population of largely innocent men women and children before a glassy-eyed throng of like minded minions who smugly congratulate themselves on their obvious righteousness even as their fellow sapiens lie dying in the rubble of the devastated streets..and now all you really wanna do is snatch 'em up by the hair on their head and kick their asses all the way from here to Megiddo in a decidedly un-Christian fashion?
..It's like that.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

If you nail two things together,that have never been nailed together before,..someone will buy it.

..This was advertised on my Yahoo sidebar.

It seems that some world renowned designer has toiled laboriously to bring me this aesthetic wonder,at the unprecedented discount of 80%!!
I don't even care what the price of my exclusive membership might be..I must possess it!

...anyone out there know what the fuck this thing is?


Monday, January 11, 2010

I think it's about time we got ourselves a new family tradition..

Mostly,those things we pass along from one generation to the next by way of tradition,tend to foster a sense of unity,continuity,and the comfort that comes from being part of the familial collective consciousness.
By ritual and rote,we attempt to establish patterns of behavior designed to propagate our singular branch of the family tree,and secure our place in the scheme of things,

'That's how it's always been done!'..


Darling Daughter informed me this past weekend,that in keeping with a long standing family tradition, eldest son was sentenced to 1 year in County Jail.

Yep..Sooner or later,and for as many generations as can be accounted for,every male member of the Sling household has pissed off exactly enough people to warrant some form of incarceration.
...You'd think that was a counter productive trait,if it weren't for the evidenciary argument that we continue to thrive!

I mean,under these all to familiar circumstances,we quite naturally forego the typical throwing up of hands,and rending of garments that many families might experience.

Instead,..we'll note the time and date of conviction,and calculate the actual time our kin will reside in limbo,within a very small margin of accuracy.
(Take the imposed sentence,subtract time served during adjudication,factor in 'good time',and the end result falls between 6-9 months..,or transfer to a half-way house in 4 months,with a 'sentence completed' in 8 months).

..I've had tooth aches that lasted longer than that..

In the meantime,We'll write the occasional letter,and put a few sheckels on his books so that he can purchase his personal hygiene products,enjoy a warming cup of 'Top Ramen' from the canteen,and have a cache of 'Jolly Ranchers' to trade for that extra carton of milk at breakfast.

..It's a family tradition.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Goodbye,Old Friend...

Hello new friend!

For five years,my faithful old HP laptop served me well.
Lord knows, endured a dozen catastrophic system failures,as well as whatever abnormal wear and tear I chose to inflict on it,(like drowning it in beer twice!),and still, soldiered on.

Technology has soldiered on as well,so I determined it was high time I upgraded my computron,and invest in a newer,faster,sleeker,..younger model!
Thanks to a HUGE discount through Lizzard King's DirecTV Department of Perks,I received my flashy new HP lapper via UPS just yesterday!
..More than twice the hard drive space,and six times the RAM as Old Faithful,as well as a buttload of bells and whistles I'm still exploring.

..Like the way cool effects I can get on the built-in web cam!..

I was fond of Windows XP,and resisted Vista as long as I could,..but now that Windows 7 is out I figured it was time to jump in with both feet.
I find the best way to learn a new operating system,is to just click on everything in sight in an attempt to discover 'What's this button for?'..

No doubt,I'll be in Techno-Weenie heaven for the next several days..


Monday, January 04, 2010

Sling's Predictions for 2010..

Has there been any official word yet,on what exactly we're supposed call this year?
I mean,is it twenty-ten,or two-thousand ten,or ought-ten?..Maybe we could do like they do with hurricanes,and just call it 'Bob'.
I think that would make learning history a lot more user friendly.

'Why,..I remember back in February of Bob when'...

Oops..I'm beginning to see the flaw in this system.
April,May,June...Springtime would sound too much like bed time at 'The Walton's' house.
...'Goodnight June-Bob'..

I'll work on it.,..but in the meantime,I'd like to offer up a few of my predictions for the coming year.

Primitive life will be discovered on one of Jupiter's moons!
..World leaders will gather in Geneva,to discuss the possibility of using this new life form as slaves,..or food.

Engineers at Cal-Tech will announce a breakthrough new 'easy open' medicine bottle.
..So easy,even a child can do it!

Mark my words..Ann Coulter will say something bat-shit crazy.

Advance ticket sales among middle class white people for the Elvis/Michael Jackson comeback tour,will be donated by concert promoter Simon Cowell to completely wipe out the national debt of 12 trillion dollars.

I will have my Facebook account disabled for violating their 'Terms of Service' policy,after I tell an incredible asshole to go fuck himslf.

Here's to a Happy and Prosperous New Year Kids!