SLING'S DOMAIN

FOX News Update!..

2009-11-04T22:40:00.000-08:00

O-Town,Ca.- ..In a crushing blow to the Bleeding Heart Liberal Democratic party,and the Socialist President Barack Obama in particular,the O-Town city council has appointed world renowned Republican taxidermist,Harvey Schmendrick,to the lofty post of County Coroner!..
When asked to comment on the impact of this monumental victory for real American Conservatives across the nation,Harvey replied,..'So,..necrophilia is still just a misdemeanor in this state..Right?'..

2009-11-03T11:35:00.000-08:00

While NatGeo will only accept one submission per month for their 'Your Shot' campaign,they do provide a 'Gallery' where you can upload as many photos as you wish.
As they are uploaded to the site,they appear HERE,and scroll away as fast as submissions come in.
A visit to the site will give you an idea of the stunning abilities of the amateur photographers roaming around out there,and why it's clear I'll need to seriously up my game!
While they are there,(about 30 minutes),people visiting the site can rate the pics..Naturally,not every picture garners a rating,and you can't rate your own photos.
Ratings range from 0-5 stars.
..I've uploaded 22 into my gallery,and these seem to be the viewer favorites so far.
..Click to embiggen.

5 *****'s..
I took this on the Feather River during an unusually tranquil moment in the Spring runoff .

4****'s..
This is a personal favorite..I like the 'Monet' thing goin' on.
The Partner is dismayed at the condition of his beloved above ground swimming pool,what with Fall dumping it's load without mercy..I think it's all a matter of perspective.

4****'s..
I hate this picture!..But,several folks took the time to weigh in.
I am looking forward to those sweet-sweet California oranges ripening
in a few weeks..

4****'s..
..Too much sepia.
This is an exterior shot of the 19th century Chinese Temple,right here in O-Town.

4****'s..
'Kilroy was here!'..Go figure.

The ratings have no influence on which photos the NatGeo editors pick for inclusion in 'The Daily Dozen',or which will eventually make it to publication,but I'm finding the input useful in deciding which ones I might submit in the coming months..

Relax..I've done all the work for you.

2009-10-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

What with All Hallow's Eve nearly upon us,I've been scouring the interweaves in search of,..yep,..Christmas music!

You know how you really love a particular song,but you don't know the title and all you have to work with is the lyrics of the refrain,so you type those into 'Search' a hundred and seventeen times over the last couple of years and all you come up with is great quantities of songs that just aren't the one you're looking for,and then one day you're doing something totally unrelated to your search and a commercial comes on the TV with that very tune and you quick-like-a-fox rewind the TiVo and there is the actual title,so now you can type in six little words and lo-and-behold! up pops every variation of that beloved hymn known to humanity,and now you have to spend three days sifting through all those interpretations looking for the definitive version?
...It's like that.

In all fairness,I just don't think this music can be performed badly.
I listened to every thing from Junior High Christmas pageants,to soaring flocks of pristine nuns against the solemn timbre of ginormous pipe organs,and they were,each and every one,inspirational on some level.

In the end,I chanced upon Mr. Zacharron's performance of a Mike Marshall arrangement..
..Guess which one is stuck in my head.

'Angels we have heard on high'

Face Plant...

2009-10-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

First of all,..Little Jackson is O.K!..
I always like to preface incredible tales of survival with that disclaimer,so people don't get all twitterpated and stuff.
(Can 'Twitter' sue me for copywrite infringement?...Screw 'em!)..

It seems young Master Jack was exercising on the kitchen counter,(been there),and fell ass-over-tea-kettle backwards,(done that),..and in an heroic attempt to perform a graceful dismount,landed squarely on his face on the tiled floor!
..Quite naturally,this rattled his cage pretty good.

Lickity-split,Darling Daughter hit the 911 speed dial,and our would be gymnast was transported post-haste to the hospital,via ambulance,where it was determined that;..

He had suffered a minor concussion.
..Those two goose eggs on his 'noggin will heal in no time!,..and,..
He had a chocolate candy bar that his mom had forbidden him earlier in the day,squirreled away in his diaper against just such an emergency!..

..You just can't keep a hard-headed and resourceful Germexican down!

Words of Wisdom..

2009-10-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

Soupy Sales died Thursday,at the age of 83.
Maybe you grew up with the likes of Red Skelton,Abbott and Costello,W.C Fields,Lenny Bruce,Rusty Warren,..
Sorry,..I digress back to those pre-pubescent days when there were things that I just knew were a tad askew.
Things that seemed painfully obvious,but were never really spoken of in polite circles.
Still,..if you listened...

'Words of Wisdom'

Give it a shot..

2009-10-21T17:01:00.000-07:00

I have a new hobby!

Well,it's more like a goal.

Actually,..it's more like a fantasy,whose attainment is a goal I'm making my new hobby..Anywhiz,..

I fully intend to get a photograph of some sort published in National Geographic Magazine!

'What manner of madness is this!?!',..you ask.

First of all,..you guys talk funny.

But,I do understand your incredulity.

Turns out,NatGeo actually solicits reader submissions for their 'Your Shot' photo campaign!

Each weekday,(Monday-Friday),they select a 'Daily Dozen' from the buttloads of reader submissions,to post on the above underlined link.

From these,two photos are selected to be featured in their monthly issue.

The helluvit is,you may only submit one photo a month.

So,..I guess my first objective is to make the Daily Dozen.

I don't know how many submissions they get each month,..But I do know this!

..Twelve a day,times five days a week,times four weeks a month,divided by two,(Subtract the nine,..carry the seventeen),..makes the odds of getting published 1 in 120!!

That's way better than the odds of winning the lottery..(Although, there's no actual talent involved in winning the lottery,..but we won't let that deter us).

I like to think I can take a 'pretty' picture..

Maybe sometimes,..an 'artsy' picture..

..Even the occasional 'whimsical' picture..

Now,if I can just manage to take an iconic picture,..I'll be up to my ass in the fame and adulation that having a photo published in NatGeo quite naturally deserves!

That's why I'm calling this whole endeavor a hobby..It's not anything I could do to earn my daily Sheckels,but there's an enormous amount of satisfaction in the effort.

More Cockle Warming stuff..

2009-10-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

Some of you may recall the the announcement I made last August,of the sad passing of Mom-O's sister,Christine.
Numbered among the friends and family Chris left behind,was her beloved little Chihuahua,Roscoe.

It's sometimes the nature of things when someone passes,priorities being what they are,that the decease's pet tends to get a little lost in the shuffle.
Often,the only sensible thing to do is to transfer the animal to a local shelter,in the sincere hope that it finds a loving home.
Such was the eventual circumstance of Roscoe's dispensation.

Fast forward two months...

Mom-O is waiting in her doctor's office for a perfectly routine appointment,and picking up a copy of the O-Town Gazette she is startled to see,prominently featured on the front page,...
..ROSCOE!

Roscoe's new owner,Mr. B,is a Veteran of the Vietnam war who recently suffered a debilitating stroke.
Forced into having to essentially re-learn the most basic skills,(like walking and talking),..Mr. B. began to sink into a rather profound depression.
After a time,concerned friends convinced him that perhaps a pet would help brighten his spirits.

Mr. B. had no more than walked into the shelter when he and Roscoe spotted each other,and the bonds of friendship were permanently sealed.

..'When Lorraine Green,executive director of the SPCA,put Roscoe in B's lap,a smile broke across his face,and he kept laughing when he looked at the dog..When asked why he picked Roscoe from all the other dogs,he smiled and pointed to the small Chihuahua,..'Right there!', B said,'That's him!'..

I can't help but think,for those of us who dearly miss Christine,as well as for Roscoe and Mr.B,..the healing process can rightfully begin.

Livin' Large!...

2009-10-14T18:55:00.000-07:00

The Partner and I look forward,..every Wednesday,..to our free lunch!

A couple of our tenants are involved with the 'Feed the People' program at a local church,and they encouraged us to stop by about 5 months ago.
..We haven't skipped a Wednesday since!

The program is designed to insure that the low income,and homeless on the 'Southside' of town (every town has a Southside) receive at least one nourishing meal a week.
All that is required is to walk in,take a seat,..and one of several cheerful souls will bring you the meal du jour,along with an ice cold glass of kool-aid,and some sort of pastry for dessert...Today it was peach pie!

No one is turned away,and no one goes away hungry because seconds are eagerly offered,and 'Would you like to take something home with you?' is always their final inquiry as you prepare to leave.

The meal itself is,quite naturally,a simple one.
Chicken and rice with gravy and a dinner roll...Beef or pork enchiladas with refried beans,a salad,and home made salsa...Like that.
Still,we've never had the same meal twice!
At least,not thus far.
PLUS!..As an added bonus,..there's entertainment!

Who doesn't like to hear a haunting version of 'Greensleeves',performed faithfully on the harp while enjoying a hearty beef stew?

That's the good life right there!

No,The Partner and I aren't indigent by any means.
One hand washes the other,as best it can.
So,it's understood that we'll each make a donation to the pickle jar that sits inconspicuously on the kitchen counter every time,and as long as we're in the neighborhood,we may as well load a small cache of donated items in the truck,and deliver them to the thrift store they operate across town,if needs be.
Hey,..It's on our way.

Speak of the Devil..

2009-10-09T16:50:00.000-07:00

..and up pops a reasonable facsimile!

Clipping the heels of my most recent lamentations over the dismal lack of rantable rants,..comes now,the announcement that Barack Obama has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize,and the woefully predictable Republican response.

If ever there were a more clear indication that the one and only goal of the Conservatives is to subvert any forward motion of this country in an effort to permanently ensconce their beloved reactionary ideals,(that being the dominant installation of white male,Anglo-Saxon,Christian fundamentalist,fear mongering,'Run for your lives!..There's a Negro in the White House!',..in every niche of power conceivable),..this is it.

I mean...Who would have ever imagined that the United States losing a bid for the Olympics would generate standing ovations from all those self proclaimed 'Real Americans?
Their justification?..
Well,..it's because that uppity Obama character has no credibility on the world stage!

A half-fortnight later,..and they're apoplectic over the 'embarrassment' of President Obama's having garnered what is arguably the most prestigious award on the planet,because his 'star power' in the global community took priority over more deserving candidates,and therefore has no real value to this country's diplomatic status.
(There will be a brief pause in this post,..while I puke).
'Ahem'...

To those that would insult the collective intelligence of every American citizen with their diametrically opposed points of logic,I can't help but feel compelled to point out,..'IT'S THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE YOU INCREDIBLE FUCKING MORONS!!'..

Obama himself,humbled at the announcement,acknowledged that he would not accept this turn of events as something that he had earned,but as a mandate to continue to represent America as an earnest participant in the efforts to bring peace to all peoples,..everywhere.

Did the Nobel committee have a political agenda here?
You bet!..
The Peace Prize,(as opposed to say,prizes for medicine or physics),has frequently looked forward.
Mikhail Gorbachev,for example,received the award in 1990 not for what his 'Glasnost' policy had already accomplished,but for how the profound effect his enlightened approach would,(and eventually did),have on the world's political stability.
Okay..We didn't necessarily turn our swords into plowshares,..but we most certainly did turn our bomb shelters into root cellars!
Way to go Mike!

..My point,assuming I have one,is that if Barack Obama were to cure every disease known to humanity,..the very far right-wingnuts would denounce him for his Socialist attempt to take over health care...

I feel better now.

Titles That Didn't Make It..

2009-10-07T18:05:00.000-07:00

I'm suffering an alarming dearth of blogging material lately,a side effect of things seeming to go fairly well,..I think.
Blogging about things that really piss me off is one of my most enjoyable activities,and when life is rolling along at an amiable pace,it makes it hard to get motivated.

So,..I decided to go back through my drafts,and see if there was anything I started that I might draw upon.
What I found was mostly just a bunch of titles that I intended to write stories around.
Like most bloggers,I always come up with a title first,and then make up stuff to go with it.

..Which is exactly what I've done here today!

Follows,..

****Sling's list of titles that didn't make it.****

10 Things Every Woman Should Know About Male Menopause.

I See Dead People!!..wait,..nevermind.

Those Marks Are From Guys Touching Her With Ten-Foot Poles.
~~Titles That Didn't Make It.~~

O-Town..Land O' Plenty.
Does This Look Infected To You?...and,

Spotted Owls Taste Just Like Dolphins!

They all sounded pretty good at the time,but lost their appeal once the Vicodin wore off..

Holy smoke!!..

2009-10-02T12:55:00.000-07:00

You know how,whenever you hear multiple vehicles with sirens blaring come to a screeching halt in front of your house,your initial reaction is to bolt out the back door,over the fence,and down the alley to make your getaway?
We've all been there.

Well,..I managed to suppress that urge long enough to look out my bedroom window,and this is what I saw!

The house next door is a duplex,and when the young mother of two smelled smoke coming from the other apartment,she rounded up the kids,high-tailed it into the street,and called the O-Town fire department...Good girl!

I love these kids!..I'll bet it didn't take 'em three minutes from the time they received the call to get on the job.

Everyone was safe and sound outside,but the husband didn't know that when he showed up,(I guess that info wasn't forwarded to him for some reason),so his first thought was for his two babies.

All this transpired yesterday afternoon..
The cause of the fire?..The other tenants decided to cover up that unsightly floor heater with a more attractive throw rug,and then leave for a couple of days.
..I kid you not.
Sometimes,I really wonder why it is we allow some people to vote,..and drive cars..

I guess the punishment should fit the crime..

2009-09-29T12:40:00.000-07:00

Criminal charges will not be filed against 18-year-old college freshman,Danmell Ndonye, who falsely accused five men of raping her in a dormitory bathroom at Hofstra University.

I had to read that twice.

I mean,..this little spoiled twat,in a classic case of bimbo's remorse,decides it would be a lark to ruin the lives of five guys she eagerly gang-banged in a dormitory restroom,and basically gets to walk away with little more than a half hearted,'Tsk-tsk..Shame on you'..

Never mind that these guys' entire futures were put into the nightmarish limbo that naturally follows the mere accusation of this particularly heinous crime..

Let's forget about the fact that she had no qualms at the prospect of them quite likely spending the next twenty years in prison if convicted.

Did I say 'if '?...Let's face it...Once Little Miss Munchhausen put on her well practiced 'helpless victim' routine for the jury,homeboys might as well lay in a lifetime supply of Vaseline.

As it rightfully turned out,the precious darling had to recant her story when she was confronted with a cell phone video that showed her happily lapping up (pun fully intended) all that desperately sought after attention,..exonerating all of the accused beyond question.

At first,I was outraged by the decision to merely give her 250 hours of community service for her unconscionable attempt at false witness,but I guess that it makes a measure of sense.

I mean,..the whole world knows she's more than qualified to service her entire community!

Just ask the fellas over at Hofstra U..

Whatever..

2009-09-24T18:40:00.000-07:00

Black Cat is strictly an inside cat.
Under no circumstances is he allowed outside,and we have discussed this with him on numerous occasions,so there's no doubt that he understands his restriction.
Still,and on two recent bouts of rebellion,he's zipped out the front door before I even had the chance to say,'Holy crap!..Mom-O is gonna kick my ass for letting you out!'.

Back in the day,I would have snatched him up by his furry ass,slung him back through the front door,..across the foyer,..and gliding somewhat less than gracefully over the kitchen linoleum,all the way back to the laundry room..
Just like my dad taught me not to run blindly into the street.

But,in these politically correct times,I must opt for chasing him down the driveway in my skivvies at 5:00 a.m,coaxing him gently into allowing me to retrieve him,('Such a good kitty-kitty'),and then relegating him to a corner of my bed so he can contemplate his misbehavior during a dutifully enforced 'Time Out'..

..that'll teach 'im.

Last day of Summer...

2009-09-22T12:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday,being the last day of Summer and all,the partner and I decided to mark the occasion by planting two Oak trees in the common area of one of our complexes.
Purchase order in hand,we lickity-split on over to 'Bob's Horticultural Pavilion and Topless Bowling Alley' to hand select these healthy specimens!

By the way,..the term 'common area' is Housing Authority jargon for 'vacant lot'..

No,..The Partner isn't doing all the work...Trust me.

They may not look like much now,but they will no doubt offer a pleasant respite from the Summer sun for generations of O-Townians to come.

After all those Oak cabinets I built,I'm especially pleased to be able to put back a little something in return.

Now,I told you that story,..so I could tell you this one.

My six-month contract with the Housing Authority,through the auspices of 'Experience works',officially ends on the 30th of this month.
..Yep,..Wednesday next.
At that time,the rules and reg's state that I must say 'adios' to this job,and re-enter the program in some other capacity as a 'trainee'.
Well,..this never made any sense to me.
I mean,you spend half a year getting to know your job,and making friends and such,and then you're just supposed to unceremoniously pull up stakes!
..'Twas ever thus.

Turns out,there is a brand spankin' new supervisor of the program,so I decided to take advantage of the amorphous nature of the present bureaucracy,and throw a wrench into the system.
This very morning,I made an unannounced and in-person call on Stacy,the new
honcho,with the intention of making my case for extending my contract with Housing for another six months.
I've been preparing my argument for a couple of weeks now.

1) I know every nook and cranny of our complexes,..not to mention having developed a good working relationship with my fellow employees,as well as the tenants.

2) As a groundskeeper,a whole different set of tasks present themselves during the Fall and Winter,than those in Spring and Summer,..so it would serve to round out my overall skills..
This is the point of the program,after all!

3) What the hell kinda sense does it make to jerk me out of the system,only to drop some other schmuck in there that needs to be indoctrinated from scratch?
..Seems awfully inefficient to me.

4) The Partner,and his/our supervisor both asked me to make my most earnest pitch for continued employment!
Frankly,..they love me there.

Armed with this strategy,(which included well formed counters to any anticipated objections..I didn't attend all those sales training sessions back in the 80's for naught),and with all my ducks securely in a row,..I went to Stacy's office,and introduced myself.

Stacy: 'Nice to meet you,..What can I do for you?'

Sling: 'Well,..my six months at Housing ends next Wednesday and..'

Stacy: 'Oh!..How have you liked working there?'

Sling: 'I like it very much!..In fact,I came here to discuss the possibility of me extending my contract for another six months because..'

Stacy: 'Sure!..That'll be great!'..

Sling: '?!?!?!?...umm,..k'.

Stacy: 'Just continue showing up for work,and I'll put all the paperwork through'.

Sling: ........

Stacy: '..Uhh..You can go now'..

I LOVE it when a plan comes together!

If I had a hammer..

2009-09-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

..I'd smash something right about now!

I'm checking my news feeds..You know,..link to link to link to ,..'What the fuck??'

Mary Travers died Wednesday,at the age of 72.

No,..'We interrupt this program to bring you a special report!'

No huddled masses,yearning to grieve free.

No helicopters..

No six-hour media homages...

As part of the 6o's folk trio 'Peter,Paul,and Mary',..her soothing vocals spoke to a generation of the futility of war,and the injustices suffered by minorities in this country.

Her music was absolutely instrumental in changing the hearts and minds of people all over this miserable planet toward a more tolerant stance,and had a profound effect on my own ideals in particular.

I guess you had to be there...

'If I had a hammer'

I fully intend to be inconsolable,..for a time.

Manly Things..

2009-09-14T16:40:00.000-07:00

If the highlight of my Summer was the visit with my grand kids,then this impromptu trip to Fort Bragg comes in a close second.
The Partner,his friend RB,and I headed out on the four hour trek right after work,passing Clear Lake long about midway.

..Smoke on the water.

My proximity to this brown Gull didn't seem to phase it one bit..

These two ladies,on the other hand,were decidedly perturbed at my intrusion..

The Partner's trailer is snuggled comfortably in the woods,about a half mile from the ocean.We settled in that first night with a hearty stock of Budweiser,and played a very fun board game. (The name of which escapes me..did I mention the hearty stock of bud?).

The point of the game is to correctly answer multiple choice solutions to different survival scenarios.

Did you know that Willow bark can cure a headache?..Or that you can drink your own urine if you have no water? (Apparently,it's perfectly sterile when it first comes out,but tends to collect bacteria pretty quickly thereafter).

RB kicked our asses two games in a row to become the 'Sole Survivor',and was quite pleased with himself.

I decided right then and there that if we were ever stranded on a desert island without any food,..I would eat him.

The next morning,we went down to the shore so Partner and RB could do some diving for abalone,and other sea going edibles.

I didn't have my own gear,but I was more than happy to enjoy the beautiful coastline of Northern California,and document the whole operation.

..it's harder than it looks.

They'll stay within about a hundred yards from shore,where the water is at about ten feet deep.

In spite of some early morning fog,the weather and the water were comfortably warm.

The Partner displays his bounty!..

The limits on Abalone are fiercely monitored..Three a day,per person.

You don't wanna mess with those kids over at Fish and Game..Poaching is very nearly a capital offense in these parts!..

The fellas managed to each get their limits in about an hour.

Six Abalone,two ocean perch,and a type of sea trout called a 'Greenling'.

This ain't no downstream Oyster!..that Abalone is nearly ten inches..(seven inches is the minimum you can keep).

The flesh of this Greenling is blue,but turns white when it hits the frying pan.

My reward for hanging out onshore!..The Partner had these beauties filleted in no time,and packaged for me to enjoy at home.

We did take some time to go down to the marina,so the guys could purchase some fresh Albacore (Tuna)..You can see folks on the dock lining up to buy those tasty critters at $2.00 a pound..

This handsome beast was waiting patiently for whatever scraps the crew might toss overboard.

I may not have been able to go snorkeling,but I damn sure was gonna try my hand at ocean kayaking!...YES!!

Me and my Kayak..You can see by the grin on my face that I'm about to have a Yak-Attack..

Warning!..This ain't for the faint of heart!
Manly men,doing manly things,on the high seas!
..and floating and stuff.
Mendocino is an absolute bonanza of sea caves!
Sorry about the unsteady camera work,but I was filming with both hands,and trying not to get deep-sixed. (That's manly sailor talk for falling off the boat).
The voice you hear at the beginning is RB's.

We finished off the day by taking in a movie!
Normally,I don't go to the theater.If there's a movie I want to see,I just wait for it to come out on DVD.I had to think back to remember the last movie I saw in a theater?...'Jurassic Park'!
Naturally,we decided on a guy flick..'Inglorious Basterds'.
Check it out..I'm sitting there watching the movie,..minding my own business,..when all of a sudden Brad Pitt starts yelling at me!
I kid you not..One of those Inglorious Basterds has the same surname as mine!
..Some nefarious ancestor,no doubt.

All in all,it was a most satisfying adventure!
Thanks for taking me along for the ride Partner!..

Road Trip!...

2009-09-10T16:15:00.000-07:00

I had planned on catching up with comments and such,but I got a last minute invite to spend the weekend on the beach in Fort Bragg this weekend..So I'm outta here! ..in about 20 minutes.

I won't have internet access but I'll try to come back with some pictures,a few exploits,and maybe a fabrication or two.

Have a great weekend kids!

Such a deal!..

2009-09-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

I was running low on my beloved tobacco yesterday,so I lickity-split on over to Sal's liquor bonanza and tobacky emporium to purchase a new box.
I tossed it on the dresser when I got home,and it sat there 'til I needed it this morning.

Well,..when I broke the factory seal and unwrapped it,this is what I found..

NOTHIN'!...

I guess I really can't complain though..I mean,..I did get 15% more nothin',..absolutely free!

Quite naturally,..I wondered how they managed to cram all that extra nothin' in that little box?

Surgeon General's Warning:..

2009-09-04T12:50:00.000-07:00

..This song has been known to cause diabetes!

Some words are just fun to say.
Quintessential,effervescent,peritonitis,and Valvoline spring immediately to mind.
They're lyrical and evocative,and roll trippingly off the tongue in a most satisfying fashion.
Plus!..As an added bonus!,..they tend to sound like what they mean.
(Okay,..in my youth,I naturally assumed Valvoline was some sort of marital aid).
..Know what I mean?

Anyphonetics,..the word Madrigal has been a long time favorite of mine that I have neglected to ever use in a sentence,here in the pedantic verbosity that is Sling's Domain.

Technically,(not that we're married to technicalishness up in here),Madrigal is a style of romantic music made popular in Italy during the Renaissance,that generally involves two or more vocalists.
No doubt,my good friend Willym could cite numerous classical examples.

For my purposes,I've opted to use the lesser definition;..
'Romantic poetry suitable for setting to music,used to designate certain expressive solo songs'.

I think one of the most charming contemporary efforts,(and definitely in the running for 'Most saccharine tune I've ever heard'),was written by that talented kid,Randy Sparks,and performed here by the late John Denver.
There's an especially savory violin interlude long about the 3:16 mark,that makes me grin with the contented satisfaction of The Cheshire Cat every time I hear it.

'Today'

..'I'll be a dandy,and I'll be a rover.
You'll know who I am,by the songs that I sing.
I'll feast at your table.
I'll sleep in your clover.
Who cares what the 'morrow shall bring'..

I think the world would be a whole lot better place,if people talked like that more often!

The price of bacon...

2009-09-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

Hey..some of you may remember the post I did way back in July,when Darling Daughter and the Little Slinglets came up to O-Town for a visit.
The Partner invited us to his homestead to pick a share of his garden,and introduce young Jackson to the resident pig.

Well,..he actually makes his barn available for members of the FFA,(Future Farmers of America..Duh.),to house their livestock.
This,he does from a sense of civic responsibility.

Those kids over at the FFA are working hard to breed and raise high quality animals,which they will eventually sell for profit in the hopes of making a few sheckels,while setting a high standard for their chosen field of animal husbandry.

Here's the photo of Jack and the pig..

Dont'cha know that the O-Town County Fair just ended this weekend.
The pig, (a Boar), went up for auction,..and that fine example of porcine genetics ended up going to the lucky bidder for a mere,..

**$12,000.00 FREAKIN' DOLLARS!!!**

I absolutely kid you not!
..I think that's pretty cool.

..like it was only yesterday.

2009-08-28T12:30:00.000-07:00

Numbered among some of my fondest memories,is when I was a young man back in the 1930's,traveling across the country with my partner in crime,and pulling off brilliantly executed 'Stings'.

Oh,..what fun we had getting the gang together,and scamming ruthless mobsters out of thousands of dollars without them ever realizing they had been stung!
We always managed to stay one step ahead of the law and,..wazzat?..That was a movie?..Are you sure??

Well,..then how come I distinctly remember playing Scott Joplin's 'The Entertainer' on the guitar while we were setting up the unsuspecting 'mark'?
..I even have an old kinescope of me performing the tune for my fellow Grifters!

You'll notice I'm using nylon strings for their smooth and mellow,..huh?..who?..Chet Atkins??..

Fine then...

Next week,..I'll tell y'all about how I was the first guy to fly solo across the Atlantic,earning me the nickname 'Lucky Sling'!

Tuesday Scribbles 'Caption Me!' Contest..

2009-08-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

I really get a kick out of those 'LOL Cats',and 'Stumbles' that float all over the interwebs,and which my dear friend Yellowdog Granny is so adept at seeking out for our blogging convenience.
So,..since I don't really have anything of consequence to blog about,I thought I'd rummage through my giant stainless steel vault of scribblage,and offer a few up to my millions of readers to caption at their leisure.
I like these,..

#1: Bailey..

#2: Rex,..the neighbor's pitty bull..

#3: Ratz!..

Oh,..there is no prize for the best captions.
I'll probably just mass produce my favorites in poster form,and make a bazillion dollars!
..This shouldn't have any impact on you guys.

Sunday Surgery..

2009-08-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

The Silver Bullet has been on the waiting list for a double tubectomy for three days now,and I just couldn't put it off any longer.
Yep..We don't mess around up in here when it comes to flat tires,we go ahead and get two at the same time!

No matter how careful you are,those insidious 'goatheads' will seek you out,and bury themselves in your inner tubes.
I don't see any evolutionary advantage to this seeming self-sacrifice,so I can only assume they do it for joy of the sheer aggravation it causes.
..I can sorta relate to that.

It's a relatively safe operation,one I've performed successfully many times..

So,why postpone the inevitable for three days?..

Because I hate,hate,hate getting grease on my hands!
Hate..Despise..Loathe..Abhor.

I don't know what it is about grease,but if it's on my hands,(or HORRORS!,under my fingernails),..I feel filthy all over!
Defiled even.

Don't misunderstand,..I'm not one of those unfortunate,obsessive compulsive germophobes that needs to wash his hands every thirty seconds.
Hell,I've even been known to stretch the 'five-second' rule to a full eight seconds without giving it one second's thought but,..

'ARRGGHHHHH!..Lord he'p me,..I can't breeaatthhhhe!'..

The Silver Bullet came through the whole operation famously,and was back on the road immediately after the procedure.
I,..on the other hand,..will need to locate a gallon of industrial strength cleanser,some 60-grit sandpaper,and a wire brush before I can properly function.

This joint could use a little humor..

2009-08-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

..and what better place to start,than with those zany kids over at the New York State Supreme Court?

In a decision handed down earlier this week,New York Supreme Court Judge Joan Madden ruled that Canadian born model,Liskula Cohen,has a right to pursue litigation against the anonymous blogger who posted her photo on the website,..'Skanks of New York'.
The good folks over at Google,who support the blog hosting service,Blogspot.com,complied with an order to provide Ms. Cohen with the e-mail,and IP address of SoNY's owner.
(I harbor no ill will toward Google,by the way.
A court order is a court order,and that's a rant for another time).

No doubt,the question that all of you will quite naturally be asking yourselves right about now is,..'Oh my Gawd!..How is this unforeseeable turn of events gonna affect Sling??' ..

Well just settle down dammit!..Jeez,..you people are so high strung.

Let us not forget that the litmus test for whether or not statements can be deemed slanderous,libelous,or defamatory,is if they can be shown to be demonstrably untrue!
So,under the circumstances,I'll just have to make a few minor adjustments in the tenor of my blog..

I'm pretty sure I'm covered when I call Rush Limbaugh a 'Morbidly obese,pusillanimous draft-dodging drug addict,with a profoundly over-inflated ego,and hygienic proclivities that lean toward the malodorous'.
..Because,..you know,..that's a given.

I will however,need to scour my archives and delete any references to George Bush as that 'Irretrievably Fascist religious fanatic,with the mental prowess comparable to that of a lone spear of boiled okra,whose eight year reign of terror was directly responsible for the catastrophic collapse of the world's economy!'

..The last thing I need,is an unruly mob of irate farmers suing me for defamation of okra.

In passing..

2009-08-18T12:40:00.000-07:00

It's with a great measure of sadness that I note this day,the most untimely passing of a dear friend,and member of my extended family here in O-Town.

Yesterday,after a lengthy struggle with the myriad of ailments that often accompany diabetics,Christine Scott lost the good fight,and let loose the ties that bind to friends and family.

That she was lovely on the outside will be readily observed,but it was the beauty of her nature that truly endeared her to everyone that knew her.

She freely gave the best of herself,bringing out the best in others.

..She only ever saw the best in me.

I'll need some time to reconcile with The Lord,the patent unfairness of one such having been deprived of all the tomorrows that should have belonged to them by virtue.

Sleep tight Christine..