Thursday, November 30, 2006

I'm cranky and I feel like crap and this shit is buggin' the hell outta me and who do they think they're fooling and everybody gets to suffer my utt

I was wondering how long a title I could use before I ran out of my "allotted" title space.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. government warned American private financial services on Thursday of an al Queda call for a cyber attack against online stock trading and banking Web sites beginning on Friday,a source said.

The source,a person familiar with the warning,said the Islamic militant group aimed to penetrate and destroy the databases of the U.S. financial sites...

Where the fuck do I begin?
Here goes..
"government warned"..
"American private financial"..
"AL QUEDA!!"..(holy flyin' crap!..Grab yer Babies!)..
"cyber attack"..
"banking web sites"..

Can we use any more,..aimed at the most weak minded,paranoid,right wing,PISSED OFF because we lost control of the hearts and minds of the people, key fear invoking phrases??...Why yes,...we can..

Islamic militant!!..

Hey,..the indiscriminate destruction of national architectural icons,and the subsequent loss of thousands of lives is one thing,..but now yer after my Christmas club account??..BASTARDS!!...Why did we ever let them Democrats take control of our legislative branches of government in the face of such..such...I don't know,..but that shit sounds really fucked up.

Wait a minute..

The department of Homeland Security confirmed an alert had been distributed,but said there was no reason to believe the threat was credible...
Okay..So,.. you're saying that this was just one of them INcredible Homeland Security alerts?..Well don't I feel dumb for getting all worked up..

"Denial of service is what is called for",said a Homeland Security official who spoke on condition of anonymity...

Translation: "I'm supposed to follow the party line and come out in favor of censoring the internet and eavesdropping on private citizens in an effort to further the agendas of my party's fundamentalist dogmatic BULLSHIT,..but I see which way the wind is blowing so I prefer to remain "anonymous"..

Like I said,..I'm cranky...Nyquil helps.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Paint your pallette blue and grey..

Well it's Sunday eve,and I'm nearing the end of a most pleasant four-day holiday.
The cheesecake dispute has been amicably resolved,and our little family's bountiful turkey feast has been nibbled and pecked down to the equally bountiful ingredients for making a hearty turkey soup,with just enough left over for yet some few more tender sandwiches,(a little salt,pepper,and mayo on potato bread..YES!).Life continues to be good in Sling's domain. :)

And so,as I am wont to do when the rain,and my own psychic needs require,I'll don the headphones and take a warm snifter of brandy in hand.Top o' the reflective charts tonight is Don McLean's tribute to Van Gogh,.. "Vincent".
I keep an especially moving version on the jukebox for just such a circumstance.It was recorded live,and augmented with soaring violins and cello that blend exquisitely with Mr. McLean's flawless poetry.

"..with eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met.
The ragged men,in ragged clothes.
A silver thorn,a bloody rose,
lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow"..

I swear,If I could write like that, I'd never have to leave the house...
Yeah,I know the lyrics might seem a little melancholy,but sometimes,'s like that..You are welcome to enjoy it with me here,..if you're so inclined..Peace out.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Please help settle an argument...

The holiday festivities were tragically interrupted when I suggested during the dessert portion of our program...suggested mind you...that cheesecake was in fact,pie.
I mean,..It looks like pie and acts like pie,and comes in those handy Sara Lee boxes like those handy Sara Lee pies fer Chrissake!..BUT...

The Lizzard King,(who had a little too much "holiday spirit" if you know what I mean),insisted...insisted mind you... that it must be cake because,..and here's his logic,.."They couldn't legally call it cheesecake if it wasn't cake!"..

Are you kidding me??

So the whole thing degenerated into a huge and boisterous argument with cheesepie ending up stuck to the walls and ceiling and the cops,"letting us off with a warning this time!"...

Any opinions you may have would be appreciated...Is it cake,or pie?..
...or pudding?....damm..

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Three Pearls rare,..

..and wonderful.

Listed among the very many things I have to be thankful for,are my beautiful Granddaughters.Erin,Tyler,and Olivia.I just received these photos yesterday.

When little Erin was but a toddlin' lass,she would call me "Scrappo".How cool is that!...Damm near became my screen name.

I hope this post has found you and yours safe,and warm,and bathed in the love of friends and family..As for me,I do well..

Happy Thanksgiving!..

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


When I was a young whippersnapper,back when the world was brought to you in black and white,mom's did the housework wearing cotton dresses and high-heels,and our government knew exactly what was best for us,we had three neighborhood characters every child feared...
Crazy Eddy: Who would turn his bicycle upside down,crank the pedals so the rear wheel would spin,and shout "The British are coming!"
Crazy Nellie: Who thought the snails were her babies,and hit Tommy Kratzmar with a baseball bat for picking them up...and..
The Lady with the phony-ponytail:Who would come out of her front door screaming "Dammitt!!" when she spotted any of us misbehavers playing in her yard..and one time the screen door, (remember those heavy wood framed ones that were hooked to the door frame by a huge metal spring?), slammed shut behind her and yanked the ponytail right off her head...
Life was good...

Monday, November 20, 2006

The answer to yesterday's pop quiz...

*In a memorable (at least for me) show of hospitality,both Nan Wood-Graham,and the "Mummy Murderer" have made me Tuna fish sandwiches for lunch..

"WTF??"..."How the hell are we supposed to guess who you had lunch with 30 freakin' years ago?"..."Or even give a rat's keister for that matter?"..

Now,now,..before you get your knickers all in a twist,the explanation is quite simple really,...I didn't consider your feelings..
See?..No harm,no foul...:)

The particulars follow:

I was working as a carpet layer in the mid to late 70's in Riverside, California.Well,it turns out even great American Icons like to re-decorate from time to time and my partner,CB,and I secured the job of installing brand new floor covering for one of Riverside's most celebrated citizens,Nan Wood-Graham.She is the sister of artist Grant Wood,and is one of the most recognizable faces in the history of portraiture (along with Whistler's mother,and the Mona Lisa)...We were insufferably pleased with ourselves..
I gotta tell ya..
Ms. Graham,"Call me Nan",..was a delightful pixie of a woman with striking blue eyes and a wonderful sense of humor.I'm guessin' she was in her 70's at the time,...and nothing short of beautiful.She gave CB and I the 50 cent tour of the house,where almost every wall was decorated with the hundreds of parodies of "American Gothic",with an elegantly framed copy of her brother's masterwork taking center stage in the living room.The original hangs in the art institute of Chicago.
CB and I set about the task of removing the old carpet,and installing a plush new sculpted Axminster...Long about noonday,Nan had prepared us a delicious meal of Tuna sandwiches,potato salad,and soda pop,by way of common courtesy...Thanks doll ;)..

Ten years(more or less)later;..

My older brother "Coat Hanger" (don't ask) had spent the better part of his life in and out of State and Federal prisons,..more than 25 years in toto...From the West coast,to the East coast,and parts in between...During those times,he had made the acquaintance of some notable and nefarious ne'er-do-wells...You wanna know who really killed Jimmy Hoffa?...I digress..
While on one of his brief stints "in the world" he lived with me in Carlsbad,California,just North of San Diego.One fine morning,we had a conversation that went something like this;
Coat hanger; "I'm going up to Hawthorne to visit the Mummy Murderer,..wanna go with?"
Sling; "Okay!"..
On the drive up,he filled me in.
The mummy murderer(who's real name shall remain,..well,..nameless) had earned his moniker by virtue of having "accidentally" (as much as crushing a man's skull with a blunt instrument can be considered an accident) killed a man during an unfortunate mugging,and in a hasty effort to conceal his misdeed,disposed of the body,tightly wrapped in a bed sheet...Shit happens,..I guess... He had served some 12 plus years in the Joint and was recently paroled..In any case,we arrived at MM's modest abode,and much camaraderie ensued..
I noticed that MM had a small black and white TV,tuned to "The Price is Right",sitting atop an unused console color television.
"What's wrong with the big TV?"..
"I dunno ,it just stopped working a few weeks ago".
"Mind if I take a look?"
"Knock yerself out brother"..

A few phillips head screws later,l found what I had expected to find,..A blown fuse similar to a typical automobile accessory fuse.
So similar in fact,that I was able to go out to my car,take a spare fuse that I kept in the glove compartment,and get his color console fired up and running in about 20 minutes...

"COOL brother!!..Thanks a lot!..Hey, hungry?..I got some Tuna in the fridge...Wanna sandwich?"...

Thanks for hangin' in there kids... ;)

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I helped bury Harry Truman?....

EDIT:..Damm!...The format of this post turned out crappy as hell.. :(

Sunday, November 19, 2006

The Tuna Connection...

Q: what is the common thread that inextricably ties the Farm girl in Grant Wood's "American Gothic",..L.A.'s infamous "Mummy Murderer",..and Yours Truly?..

(Hint)..this is bound to be more fun for me than it is for you.....

Saturday, November 18, 2006

"Don't any of you bastards speak English??"..

"This maniac has me trapped in this castle and you grinning idiots are standing around taking snapshots!"
EDIT:Shouldn't that ring be on her left hand?..

Friday, November 17, 2006

This is my plan...

Step 1: I just bought the full screen 2-disk version of "The DaVinci code".
No,I haven't read the book.
No,I didn't see the movie.
I know,I know,..I'm a total slacker.Stop brow beating me!!...dammitt.
Anywhiz,..Tonight It's popcorn,corn liquor,and high definition entertainment.The Lizzard King's sister -in- law is roasting a dead bird even as we speak.I've tweaked the color and text of my blog in an effort to 86 the evil black bar that pervades my Bloggage.

Step 2: Mid-November is the time for viewing the annual Leonid meteor shower.As an added bonus,our humble planet will be passing through the remnants of a dust trail left by comet Tempel-Tuttle back in 1932...Should provide some additional fireworks.
In the erstwhile,I'll be stalking unsuspecting blog buddies,sleeping in,listening to Harry Belafonte,and avoiding the appearance of having accomplished anything productive...It's the weekend.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Street people..

In every community there are faces that you see walking about pretty much everyday.
You don't know them by name,but after a while you can be sure they are going about their daily rituals in an effort to keep a degree of consistency in their lives.Some,like me,ride their bikes to and from work at the same time each day.Some jog,or walk their dogs..Some are happily homeless,collecting aluminum cans in the small hours of the morning to take to the local recycling center in the hopes of earning enough for a meal,or maybe even a pack of smokes and a forty ouncer.Been there myself for a short time, back in the last century.Things change.

Still,you get to know each other in an informal sort of way,smiling,nodding,or acknowledging each other with a "How ya doin' today?"...."Fine,..just fine"..

I'm sitting at home last night when I heard a knock at the door.My neighbor was having some problems with his laptop,so I told him to bring it by,and I'd help him get it back in shape.

"Come on in!"....
Now,I've seen this guy just about every day,he's clearly harmless,but he's not my neighbor.
"Oh,..uh,.hi,..what's up?"
"I'm sorry to bother you sir,..can I please use your phone?"..
..."Why not?",I think to myself.."Sure",I tell him,handing him the phone.
**beep beep beep,...beep beep,beep beep..**
No sooner had he dialed,that he hands me the phone urgently,"Tell him I'm not here!"...

"Hello?"..."Yeah,...He's not here"...*click*
"Thanks a lot!",..obviously pleased..
"No problem buddy"...and he left..

There is no point whatsoever to this story...

Monday, November 13, 2006

New toys and old friends...

Of new toys;..We have a brand new "Big 5" sporting goods store here in O-town,and they had their grand opening this weekend.
Now,I've been wanting a telescope for some time .
I had one years ago,as well as a very nice lab quality microscope,and if ever the addage"As above,so below" ever applied to any thing,looking out and peering in through the miracle of precision ground optics is right there at the top o' my list of way cool stuff.Unfortunately,I lost both of those wonderful toys during the "Hurricane Ellen" years,..but that's a story for another time.
In any case,Big 5 advertised an impressive array of 'scopes at prices I thought were downright reasonable for the features I wanted...Check it out..In an UNadvertised special,this little beauty was 75% off the regular price,(let's see..Divide by 9...carry the 12...subtract California sales tax from some randomly generated integer and,..)Are you kidding me??...
Needless to say the few,albeit persistent, Hebrew genes I inherited from Great-great Grandma Landwherle had a shit fit and fell straight over in it!...Okay,..It's been rainy and overcast for about two weeks,with no end in sight,but that can't last forever..
Of old friends;..Who should come sauntering into Sling's Domain with a long awaited "Wassup?" but that effervescent cyber hottie evangeline,(as she likes to call herself these days ) ;)..Apparently,she has been engaged in a clandestine "Lemonade" mission for the Allies these past several months,but is back again in fine fettle.This,much to the joy of those who know her...She gets an automatic Link,waiving the usual $4.95 fee...
New toys,and Old friends....Life is good...

Saturday, November 11, 2006

There's a party goin' on 'round here..

Yep,'s a Red Letter Day here in O-Town.
The whole community has gathered together in the rain to celebrate the occasion of the Mayor's 34 year old daughter finally losing her virginity!
Not surprising really,..what with all these soldiers milling about of late...Happy Veteran's Day,and thank you to all the men and women who have served us so well..

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Dear Diary...

I woke up in the middle of the night and My mouth was really dry so I went to the fridge and grabbed one of those little bottles of "Sunny Delight" and began to drink only it wasn't "wet" and it didn't quench my thirst so I drank another one and the same thing happened so I drank a whole 6 pack and still it didn't feel wet and my throat was totally parched and then I woke up and realized I had dreamed the whole thing!..except for the thirsty part.

Every one at work but me is a Republican so I've always been the brunt of their jibes at Democrats except for the last 2 days since we took control of the House and Senate and now they are all butthurt and Donald Rumsfeld had to pick up his toys and go home.President Bush is all like "We need to work together" instead of like "I'm the president and can do whatever I damm well please" so now I get to make fun of my co-workers and pretty much wield ruthless power.
The Lizzard King's brother and sister-in-law and their newborn son are staying with us for a while and I really like them because now I have somebody to do dishes and watch "Deal or no Deal" with.
Tonight I am going to visit all my friends in Bloggertown where it turns out I can't wield any power..ruthless or otherwise..

Monday, November 06, 2006

On second thought..

I did have a post here,which was simply a link to lorraine's recent post.
Please take a moment to read what she has to say,really read it,and think about what it is you want for yourselves,your progeny,and your country.
Believe me,I can understand how easy it is to become apathetic.
We hear the same rhetoric during every campaign.
"It's time for a change!"
"Let's finish the job!"
Only things never seem to change,and "the job" never quite gets done.
We find ourselves,at best,trying desperately to pick the lesser of two evils,at worst,foregoing the process altogether because there just doesn't seem to be any point to it.
Well,friends and neighbors,..SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT!..

We like to strut around calling ourselves the most powerful nation in the world.A beacon.Land of the free,and home of the brave.
News flash kiddies!..Our government derives it's power from the people.
THE people...
THE PEOPLE!...People.

Are you kidding me??

We have the ability,.. scratch that,'s our moral obligation to say,"This is what we want,this is how it's gonna be,and if you can't do it,by GOD we'll find someone who will!".."If you think you've got my vote because I'm a Democrat/Republican then you better wake up and smell the unemployment line buddy because I WILL fire your ass before breakfast,and forget your name by brunch!".

"Don't make me come over there dammitt!"..

Lorraine says it better...Rock the Vote!

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Mrs. K's Kitchen Kabs...

Having completed the kitchen remodeling,the K's threw a terrific BBQ for all the employees and their families.Ribs,chicken,pasta salads,and a variety of breads.Real guy food,and a very gracious way of thanking us for all our hard work.

The Travertine mosaic was purchased over the Internet almost a year ago,and serves as a centerpiece around which the cabinetry was designed.
The two drawers under the sink tilt forward,and have storage compartments attached.I like the little microwave cubby,and refrigerator dividing wall..Fun to build!
Spindle posts decorate the sides of the sink and oven cabinets.All the drawers have self-closing hardware..A little nudge is all it takes.
Under cabinet lighting helps illuminate the counter tops.The job was built from quarter sawn Oak,and stained in Black Walnut.It was a real pleasure to be able to do something nice for the K's...They are a warm and hospitable family,and a joy to work for.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

...and so it begins.

The rainy season...
Today was our first big rain,starting at 3 a.m. and still going as I write this.

Last Fall,it rained for 732 straight days with curious consequences,as this un-retouched photo of the view from my bedroom window plainly illustrates.

You just can't argue with photographic evidence.Oh,..You can try,but the Judge will over rule you.