Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Somewhere along the line,I started shaving my Grandfather's face..

..this occurred to me yesterday morning,as I as scraping the ever increasing grey whiskers from my chin.
I've already moved on from the whole midlife crisis deal.You know,..Driving around in my 240-z,and surrounding myself with women 15 years my junior.Damm,I miss that...Still,I knew it was a phase even at the time,so I rode it out for all it was worth.
Now,I think I'm becoming fully initiated in the rockin' world of male menopause.

I find that I get moody and short tempered at the slightest provocation,thinking the whole time that there's no reason to feel that way,but not really giving a particular damn.
And why am I always cold?..Crap...I never used to get chills at room temperature.I'm growing way too attached to my Wal-Mart space heater if you ask me..
Is it normal to fore go going out to shoot some stick with a couple of buds in order to be in bed by 10 pm.....on Saturday night?...I don't think so.
It's probably just that it's winter time,and things just naturally tend to slow down in a hibernation,conserve the energy for the rites of Spring kinda thing.


Come March,I'll be motivated and energetic,and chompin' at the bit for a little excitement.The sun will shine high,and my days and nights will be filled with enthusiasm!
Birds will sing and all them hunny's,with all them legs,will be there for the picking..and I'll be ready for 'em.

I'll just need a few extra minutes each week,to trim the hair from my ears.


Monday, January 29, 2007


Dear Sling,
My boyfriend was out with his friends last night,so naturally I sent him text messages every 10 minutes.
He would text me back for the first hour,but then he just stopped.
I called every 5 minutes thereafter,and the phone would ring,but he didn't answer.
After a couple of hours,I tried calling every 3 minutes,but all I got was his voice mail...What should I do?

Hurt and Confused

Dear Obsessed raging Harpy from Hell,
Man,..I can't wait 'till my 1600 hours of 'Community Service' is finished,so I can stop dealing with neurotic,self absorbed,twaddling morons like you!..You people are killing me dammitt!...Anyway,..I'm here to help, here is my advice;
Run the errant little vagrant down to yer local veterinarian and have one o' those 'Lo-Jack' deals implanted in his ass.That way,you'll always be able to stick yer head up his butt whenever you feel like it.In fact..You may as well have the poor bastard neutered while you're there,so you can keep his balls in a jar of formaldehyde on your nightstand,right next to that autographed photo of Anton LeVey...


Saturday, January 27, 2007

Given my total lack of a personal life...

I'll post about work...
I had to work a half day today.
We needed to get a job completed,and loaded into the trailer so that the installers could leave bright and early Monday morning.The job is 4 hours away...We're the only cabinet shop in the area doing any kind of business at all.
It's all about quality boys and girls!..and I kid you not,we have the local market cornered.Other shops are laying people off,and we have orders out 'till April.

Speaking of a personal life..This song makes me wanna kiss someone.

"Lift your open hand,
strike up the band and make the fireflies dance,
silver moon sparkling.." That's poetry right there..

Thursday, January 25, 2007

There's no place like...

Today is 'Homeless census'day!

In an effort to calculate the number of homeless people in our little burg,hordes(30)of volunteers are scouring the length and breadth of O-town...

How exactly does that work?..I mean,It's not like you can just go door to door,inquiring after the number of indigents in the household.I was thinkin' maybe you could invite all the homeless people to the High School gym,and then take a quick head count.But what do you do with 'em afterward? Tell them, "Thanks, hit the road!..We gotta have this place cleaned up for the big dodge ball tourney in the morning"..That's messed up..

Turns out,The plan is to form teams,and go all over town asking people if they have a place to live,where they slept on Wednesday night,and the first three letters of their last name...Homeless people being well known for their willingness to answer a battery of questions posed by upwardly mobile types brandishing clipboards....I guess.

Wouldn't it be easier just to go to Wal-Mart,and count the number of people displaying "Will hold this sign for food" placards?...Well,I don't know about that,but I do know this!..Today is also "Thomas Crapper Day "..

Really,...You can look it up..

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Checkin' In...

Damm..I haven't posted in like,6 months..

There really hasn't been much in the way of blogger fodder to write about.Oh Hey!...I received my very own copy of "Unbound press",along with a nice card from Amy,which I appreciate very much.
Charlie,Nicki,and Amy did a great job putting it together.If you haven't ordered one,stop reading this right now and do so! ;)

I got a buttload of comments on my last post.You guys rock the joint!
While I was reading them,I started thinking about how I was raised,which started me thinking about my dad,which reminded me of something an old friend of his said when I informed him of my dad's passing..."Oh,..I'm so sorry...I hope it wasn't anything serious!"...


I've thought about this,and decided it makes perfect sense.
I hope when my time comes,I die of something fun..

Saturday, January 20, 2007

That's why they call it "Rearing" children...

California assemblywoman,Sally Lieber,has proposed introducing a bill which would make it a misdemeanor to spank children under the age of three.Offenders could face up to a year in jail or up to a $1,000 fine,although first offenders would likely only be required to attend parenting classes.

I'd like to try to take the emotion out of this topic for a moment,and offer my unsolicited opinion.

I just don't believe that a child three years old or less is able to make the connection between the misdeed,and the punishment.Like rubbing a puppy's nose "in it",it really only accomplishes instilling confusion and distrust in the mind of the offender.Spanking therefore,would have no legitimate value.I could very well be wrong in this assumption,not giving tiny humans the intellectual credit they deserve,but I don't think so.I do think that parents who opt for corporal punishment at this stage are doing more harm than good to the child...Having said that..

Holy crap!...Here we go again!..(notice how I've conveniently inserted emotion into the subject?)...
When,in the name of George Orwell,is the government going to get their noses out of our collective asses(no pun intended)and leave us to raise our children as we see fit?This is yet another attempt to worm their way into our private lives by playing on the sensibilities of people with legitimate concerns about child abuse.
We're talking spanking here,okay.The sure and swift retribution that comes from the deliberate act of defiance.Don't get me wrong,children are hell bent on testing their limits,it's their job,and I give them their props for that.Just like I KNOW it's the job of the parents to set those limits,and enforce them.

"Don't play in the street!"
(screw you,I'll play in the street if I feel like it)
(Er,..maybe I'll just stay in the yard today)...and not get hit by a bus..

The same people trying to hamstring our ability to discipline our children,are surely the ones that will be the most outraged when that child grows up,and figures he'll just take an Uzi to class and wipe out a few innocents because "They made me angry"..Gee, must be those damm video games...We'd better start legislating against them!

Yes,I am pro-spanking.I really think that children need to learn that certain actions,beget certain consequences.In any case,it should be the inalienable right of the parent to decide the best way to raise their offspring to have a firm sense of social responsibility.

Some of you may remember the case,a few years ago,of the American teenager in Singapore that was sentenced to be CANED for perpetrating senseless acts of vandalism.The whole world threw up their hands and protested this extreme form of punishment...Poor little thing..Singapore didn't give a particular damn,and whipped his oh-so-smart little ass out loud,right in the public square,and it was done.Their own brand of justice,duly administered..Anybody hear about this kid committing ANY sort of misbehavior since then?...No?,..neither have I.

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Friday, January 19, 2007

Dear Diary...

I was riding my bike to work in the dark this morning,and I accidentally ran into a homeless guy's shopping cart because I didn't see it because it was empty.I'm okay,but my front tire and right leg both wobble,..just a little.
I added some new friends to my blogroll.Gina,Rosemary,and CSL.They accidentally found my blog,and now they are stuck here on my sidebar till someone gives them a ride home. :)
I woke up at two a.m. because I thought I heard hamsters in my closet.I got up to look and found this cover to a journal I kept years ago,..but I didn't find any hamsters.
I have an idea for a drink special for the weekend's giant extrava-macallit over at Here's the 80's..It's spicy and refreshing,and low in calories, the VJ's.
It's Friday!,..and life is good in Sling's Domain.
T'was ever thus...

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Drunken Photoshop..

A friend of mine kicked me down a pirated version of Photoshop about,oh..27 years ago.Since then,I've upgraded to each new version as they came out.There was a time when people used the program to make counterfeit proofs of insurance,bogus birth certificates,and fake Green Cards(which aren't really green) for assorted and nefarious types,rakin' in some o' that "Easy money"..or so I'm told.
Personally,(and by that I mean,presently)I just like playing with pictures,and maybe coming up with something pleasing.
I took this photo from my driveway..
Painted it on stucco..
Threw a spotlight on it...
Wrapped it in plastic..
..and then got hammered.

There are COUNTLESS (..more than 12..) filters and plug-ins,and variations on them to play with....Good clean fun!...just add whiskey.

Monday, January 15, 2007

One fish,Two fish,Red fish,Dead fish!..

Wanted: Highly motivated,self starter to work in
the O-Town "Ecological Census" department.
Qualified applicants will enjoy working outdoors,
taking leisurely walks along the river,and counting
the bloated,putrefied,maggot ridden corpses of dead Salmon...

O-Town has hit the bigtime boys and girls!..
We are prominently featured on The Discovery Channel's "Dirty Jobs" to be aired Jan.16th(that's tomorrow) at 9pm.

Every year,from September to December,an accounting is made of all the dead Salmon along the Feather River.
This,in an effort to determine the number of fish that return each year to spawn.

You don't want to miss this!..Unless you like,.have a life or something..

****In Other News****

The O-Town McDonald's announced today,the addition of their new menu item,..the "Salmon McMuffin"...I'm outta here..

Sunday, January 14, 2007


You develop certain habits peculiar to living a less than sterling lifestyle.Among these are traveling "light",and keeping a modest amount of "getaway" money stashed,in the likely event that you will be required,by circumstance,to pack yer shit and get the hell outta Dodge...I haven't had to worry about that these last couple of years,still,old habits are difficult to break...A self imposed intervention is sometimes necessary,in order to break the cycle of criminal thinking.So,..
I decided it was time to let go of the old 13 inch disposable television..
..and throw a few Sheckels at this 20 inch,high definition beauty!..Hey!..It's therapy...

Friday, January 12, 2007

Whale's Song..

'Cross briney leagues,
breached froth and foam.
This ancient sea,
by depths,unknown.

Scarred flukes,ascending,
clothed in thunder.
Crashing waves,
hull torn asunder.

Who's masted tall ship's
gauntlet ran.
"Seize the day!"

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Havin' Things!..

Here's an Idea!..
Let's build a house,install a nice central heating unit,and then put a vent in every room!...except the bathroom.
I don't know what the builder was thinking,but he apparently decided that the one room of the house where you are most likely to be wet and naked, really didn't need to be warm.(I see many of you raising your hands, doubt to inform me that there are other rooms in which you may find yourself wet and naked...just settle down,and stop giggling)

The morning and evening temps here in O-Town have been in the low to mid 30's.The temperature in the bathroom when I get up in the morning to get ready for work is absolutely hypothermic.So...

We called Larry the he handy guy!
Here he is,like a life saving doctor,performing his special brand of by-pass surgery..

Now we have blessed heat!..Right next to the best seat in the house.
It's a thing of beauty!...(sniff)..sorry,..I'm feeling a little emotional right now..

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Phone Phreak..

I really hate talking on the phone.
Mostly because you can't see the person's face that you're talking to,so you can't tell if they are lying or not...which they probably are.
That's why they call,instead of talking to you face to face.
Plus,..I totally suck at small talk.
"Hi Sling!"
"How are you?"...
"Watcha doin'?"...
"nuthin'"...after this initially electric exchange,the conversation pretty much becomes strained.

So,I usually just tell people not to bother calling me,because I won't answer the phone anyway.I really won't...I'm not kidding.

"Oh my God!..How can you NOT answer the phone?...What if it's an emergency?"..
"Like what?"
"Well,,what if somebody died?"
"Then they're gonna be just as dead whether you call me or not,so why should I let that ruin MY day?"..

Throw in assorted telemarketers,and sundry other forms of peddlers,and the telephone becomes nothing more than a huge source of irritation.

The only time I really feel the need to use the phone,is when I call in sick to work..Like this morning.

"Good morning,K's Kustom Kabs"
"Hi,this is Sling,..I'm not feeling well this morning,kinda feverish,I think it's best if I stay home today"..
"Okay Sling,take care of yourself,and hope you're feeling better soon!"

I don't mind talking on the phone in this case at all 'cause, know,...I was lying.

EDIT:...Sorry,..I couldn't resist.

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Monday, January 08, 2007

Celtic Bach..

It's Monday,and Bloggertown is runnin' a little bit slow.
So,I'm going to play the "It's my blog" card.I first saw these performers on PBS.
For the record,I really don't use words like,"exquisite",and "sublime" in real life,(what with the funny looks and all),but....damm..

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Saturday, January 06, 2007

Where were you?..(assuming you were born)

lorraine and JP are havin' ALL the fun over at Here's the 80's.

How fun were the 80's?...They rocked!!

My partner,GB,and I ran a martial arts studio in San Bernardino,California.

Here we are getting ready to go on stage at the"Orange show" to perform our staff fighting technique...always a big hit at these things...April,1984..

Friday, January 05, 2007


We finally got the last of our rush commitments out this morning....On time..

While most of the fellas were out installing,I went over to our other shop to make face frames, in preparation for next week.
"Easy money today",I figured.Just me and the guy that makes the cabinet doors.
Of course I know him,but we really never work side-by-side.It turns out,much to my angst,he's a non-stop talker..

I don't know how people do that.You know,..Just keep having words come out of their mouths,seemingly without even taking a breath...and the thing they just told you leads to the next thing they wanna tell you,and Oh!...that reminds them of the time....CRAP!..It's been pretty well established on this blog that,occasionally,I get cranky.I've lived long enough to reserve the right to put social irritants in check whenever the desperate need arises.So, break time,I graciously schooled him on a few of my..

***Rules for working with Sling***

Rule #1: Don't talk to me when I'm using power tools.
I can't believe I even had to go there.I think I learned this when I was about..I don't know..eight friggin' years old!..My limbs and digits are too precious to me to lose them because you distracted me with the revelation that,"My wife's sister has the hots for me!"..

Rule #2: Don't talk to me when I'm taking measurements.
I've got half a dozen 2 and 3 digit numbers and their associated fractions in my head,which promptly vanish when you query,"Which do think was better,Lord of the Rings,or The Silmarillion?"..

Rule #3: Shut the fuck up..
This also applies to ex-wives

He took note of these easy to follow guidelines,accepted them in the spirit in which they were given,and the rest of the day passed in blissful quietude.

It's Friday!!...and life continues to be good in Sling's Domain..

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

music whiplash..

...Startling at first..
I was surfing U-Tube looking for a nice version of Floyd Cramer's "Music box dancer", and ran across this surprising performance.
I didn't know there were lyrics to this tune,and the first time I hear them,They're in Japanese.
The orchestra has the grace to allow this young lady's charming voice to dominate,and I took some small pleasure from her decidedly Appalachian(to my ear)style "yodel".

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Monday, January 01, 2007

Loggin' in to '07...

I've been up and down in Bloggertown today,and everything seems just fine.Yeah,I know the internets doesn't need me to approve or disapprove of the state of things,but as long as I had the time I figured it couldn't hurt.
I enjoyed a very nice(and quiet)transition into 2007.Lizzard king was out and about at his Direct TV company party till the small hours,so I revelled in the solitude with a glass or few of Brandy,and a nostalgic Twilight Zone marathon.

Blogging this past year has been good to me,..and for me.

Good to me,in that there are 20 links on my sidebar to some extraordinary people..People that think about things,and can see well past thier noses.By that I mean that they are aware,and caring,and add energy to the universe...Yeah,..I'm talkin' about you guys!...sheesh.. ;)

It's been good for me,because I now have a place to squirrel away all the crap in my head that has been accumulating 'lo these many chaotic and eventful years..for better,or worse..It's the most socially acceptable outlet I've found.
This bodes well..

I've had this song in my head for a few days now because,sometimes,'s like that.