Tuesday, February 27, 2007

This is my plan..

About half a dozen times in my life,I've been "by" the Grand Canyon,but have never actually SEEN it.
Oh,I've seen the signs on the highway;
Grand Canyon.. 3 miles..
Grand Canyon.. next right..
Grand Canyon.. So close you could friggin' spit on it..
Always,there has been some reason why I couldn't take the time to just go there.Business,time constraints,hormonal ex-wives,..whatever.

The Lizzard King and I each have vacation time coming,so the week of March 19th we're renting an SUV,(I know..Global warming and all that,but hey!..it's the Grand freakin' Canyon fer Chrissake!),and taking a road trip...

We'll pack up little Newt,some few cares,a smattering of woes,and high tail it out to the "Southern Rim".(See,..I'm gettin' the lingo down).

About half way there,we intend to spend the night at a friend's house to enjoy some pleasant company,and rub her nose in the fact that we're on a free-wheeling adventure..."Oh,...YOU have to work?..bummer..".

The whole thing is virtually cast in bronze!
Grand Canyon here we come!..or maybe San Francisco..it's kind of a toss up..

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Fun With Stix!..

I’ve thought,from time to time,of writing about some of my experiences in martial arts here on my blog.I hesitated,because I felt it might come across as some kind of exercise in “chest thumping”.Not that I’m above that necessarily,it’s just that I’m not really about that.Recently,my dear friend Mary brought me some pix she has held onto for over 20 years.The memories are too wonderful not to share..

A little background;
My partner,GB,and I are putting together a staff fighting routine to perform at the “Orange show” in San Bernardino,California.We decided from the beginning that we would execute all the strikes and blocks at full speed and power.This,by necessity,would involve some meticulous choreography in order to make it as realistic as possible,without either of us ending up in the emergency room.
The staffs are made from “Rattan”,a solid core bamboo that,when treated with a mixture of linseed oil and turpentine,becomes virtually unbreakable.The routine employs techniques from the “San Soo” style of Kung-Fu.
It starts with staff “form”..Moves that are done individually to simulate actual fighting technique.Karate enthusiasts would call this “Kata”

After the form,which always consists of 26 moves,We move into the "Attack"

I've disarmed GB.The observer presumes that I now have the advantage..
GB evades a strike...
..and takes me out with a piston kick to the head.
No,he didn't take my head off!..Although contact is made,the punches are "pulled"..Excellent control on GB's part I might add.
After several weeks of practice..
It's SHOWTIME!..Damm,..we were serious..

There were over 100 martial artists in attendance,as well as over 300 observers in the audience..What a rush!..By the way,the 2 kids in the white "Gi's" were students in my kid's class.The one on the left went on to achieve his Black Belt,and open his own studio
"Are you talkin' to ME?"..
It's ON!..
This demo was way back in the 80's kids..But even if I do say so myself,after 20 odd years...
I STILL got it... ;)


Friday, February 23, 2007

This is a Test...

..of the Emergency Blogcast System..

If this had been an actual blog,you would have been entertained,..or enlightened.

We now return to our regularly scheduled boredom...

Tuesday, February 20, 2007


I rode Ol' Blue to the store last night,was in there for ten lousy minutes,and when I came out,Blue was gone.
Spirited away by some nefarious bastard..
What kind of twisted individual would steal a kindly old man's bicycle??
The kind that's gonna get his lungs handed to him if I ever catch up to him....sonofabitch..

The O-Town Constabulary has released this composite picture of a man they say is,"A person of interest" in the misdeed,and chief of police Orace Schmendrick has vowed to seriously consider looking into the crime at some point,..sooner or later..
After an appropriate grieving time had passed,(45 minutes),I beat feet it down to Wal-Mart and adopted a new bike.This one is red,but Ol' Red sounds crappy so I'm naming it "The Spirit of Oxnard"...Much better dont'cha think?..

Sunday, February 18, 2007


Dear Sling;
I don't understand the big deal about tipping service people.
My friend's say they are embarrassed to go out to dinner with me because I demand that everything be EXACTLY the way I want it,and then refuse to leave a tip.I mean,those people are getting paid to do a job,so why should I feel obligated to add anything extra to their miserable coffers?
I am right in this,aren't I?
A penny saved..

Couldn't pull a needle outta your ass with the "Jaws of Life":

I swear to God I live for mortally oblivious,Sphincterally challenged,Butt-Plugs like you!

I'll bet you squirrel away every nickel you find on the sidewalk against the day you might get to purchase that shiny new polyester suit you've had your eye on.

Did you know that service people are actually paid less than minimum wage precisely because they are expected to receive gratuities?..of course you didn't,because you're too busy making ridiculous,whiny ass demands of servers to notice that they are just trying to make a friggin' living.

Anyway,..I'm here to help,so here is my advice.

Sell everything you own,withdraw all your money from the bank,then pile all that precious cash in one spot and roll around naked in it you miserable,stingy fuck..Oh yeah,..keep an eye out for children that have recently lost their baby teeth.You should be able to retrieve a tidy little sum of "Tooth Fairy" money from under their pillows while they sleep..

Saturday, February 17, 2007

A Day in the life...

(Excerpt from court ordered "Intensive Rehabilitation" Journal)

-Session #6-
Discussed how our beliefs and feelings will produce our actions...e.g.We like the feeling so we continue to use..Much like Pavlov's dogs,the bell rings,and we salivate.
Pos.Rein. 1)action produces good=Reinforced
Neg.Rein. 2)Action relieves bad=Reinforced
Neg. 3)action Produces bad=Not reinforced

[ *Why do we continue to do things that produce negative results??]
1) Instant Gratification
New kids came in today..I like helping them get oriented as best I can..
A little concerned about the guys who get sentenced here sans A.O.D. use..Must be difficult for them to relate.
Tues 7/21/01
Intro'd a topic;Was there a point in your A.O.D.use when you realised,"I have a problem,and need help"..for me it was when I lost custody of my five year old son...Haven't seen him in 3 years..Can't ever get these years back..-
Topic; How has your A.O.D. use affected people around you?...
Over the years,people close to me have tried painfully to get me to get under control...I guess the disappointment in their eyes is gonna be with me for a long time...Hard to think about...

Edit:I pull this journal out occasionally,to remind myself how bad things can be,and to remember how great things are now.
Click pic to enlarge...

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

I can't wait to post the "After" pix....

Oh,..I know it looks ragged... ..sorta like a scene from "Tobacco road..
and a little bleak..
Maybe even downright pitiful!

BUT!..It's what needs to happen before the house is painted..
Finally,after a year and a half of promises,the landlord is painting the old homestead.
The overgrown trees and brush have been cleared,the old paint has been scraped away,and all the joints have been caulked.
We're gonna be better insulated,and just maybe we won't have to hear,"Oh,..you live in THAT house" ever again... I'm so happy,I could squirt..

Monday, February 12, 2007

The Predator...a love story..

Titus used different internet dating services to find his victims,and never more than twice in any city.
Two in San Diego.
Two in Oceanside.
One each in Manhattan,Santa Barbara,and San Francisco.

He had an easy way with women.Tall and athletic,with a quick wit and disarming smile,they gravitated to him naturally.It seldom took more than a few flirtatious and complimentary E-mails to secure a “get to know each other better” meeting in person.
These women had tired of doing the bar scene.Nothing but creeps,and posers,and married men looking for a one-night stand.So they scoured the profiles of “perfect matches” promised by the instant notifications in their in-boxes,in search of that elusive soul mate.
More than anything,they were lonely..
It was what made them such easy prey.

He would suggest they get together for a casual lunch,at a restaurant of her choosing.
Never dinner.It was too presumptive for a first encounter.She would feel safer,more in control in the conspicuous light of day.Titus understood this.Hell,he counted on it. She would be nervous,at first,just enough to betray her vulnerability.
Titus could taste her savory weakness.He would seize upon that fragile instant to be ever so charming..Warm,sensitive,and attentive.She would,predictably,loosen her guard.
”Could this really be true?” She would think to herself.After ALL the losers that had gone before,was this finally the “real thing?”..Hope springs eternal,..and YES!,..She’d love to have dinner with him Friday next!


Seven times before,there had been the inevitable intimate conversation,in whatever dimly-lit establishment had been touted as “The cities finest!”.
Seven times before,the evening had concluded with her clutching his arm.The intoxicating scent of her perfumed hair electrifying his senses,as they crossed the threshold of her inhibitions.
Seven time before,he had left them,..bound,..and lifeless..

Tonight would be the occasion of Titus’ and Trina’s second date.

This evening passed with an ease that he hadn’t expected.
She was bright,and bubbly,and not at all like his previous “conquests”.
Still,he knew with the clinical certainty of the driven psychopath that he was,how it would conclude.

He would imply..
She would demure..
He would coax..
She would feign..
In the end,..they arrived at her loft in West Sacramento.

Trina was a new wrinkle in the fabric of Titus’ experience.
He felt a spiritual connection to her,unlike anything that had gone before.

She would have to die,..no question about that...It was the natural order of things.
Women were the root of all evil,and HE was retribution...Salvation,..and redemption.

Trina eased herself next to him,stroking his cheek with the back of her hand.
“I’ll pour some wine if you like”..
Titus felt a flush of desire...
He brushed back her long black hair,and pulling her toward himself, kissed her full on the mouth,their tongues teased for one brief moment.
“I’ll take that as a yes”....

He watched her glide into the kitchen,and then made himself comfortable on the leather sofa.

They would have a few drinks,after which he would make love to her.Then,after a gentle kiss,he would choke the life from her.
He sensed her presence behind him,smelled her perfume.Turning to accept the wine,..Titus was dead...

The claws of the hammer made a wet,sucking sound as Trina retrieved it from his shattered skull.

“You would have lied to me eventually Titus”,she said aloud.”All men do”.

She wiped the blood from his face,and set about the task of cutting out his tongue with a pair of pinking shears.This,she would wrap in a silk kerchief,and place in the mahogany treasure box her grandmother Hattie had given her for her 12th birthday,..along with the eight others she had collected.“Lying bastard’s” she thought,"and so predictable...You are all so readily led around by your cocks!"..
It’s what made them such easy prey..

Happy Valentine's day!

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

Sunday reverie stuff..

I was sick as the proverbial mongrel yesterday.No doubt,due to my saturated excursions up and down the streets of O-Town.
Chills,body aches,coughing,..but no fever.Go figure.
I'm feeling a lot better today,after mass quantities of NyQuil,and a couple of Vicadin left over from the tragic spider bite incident some few months back.
So,I wanted to share a favorite Sunday song with y'all! (insert audible moan from audience here,..which I shall choose to ignore).
Anyway,..I tried to find it on U-Tube.All they had was a version that I couldn't get to play properly.I think it might have something to do with Viacom being bastards that suck,but I'm not sure.
Then I tried to find it on Veoh...Not even close.
I had no other choice but to reach into my giant stainless steel vault,and upload the audio file myself.
'Leader of the band' by Dan Fogelberg has a lot of parallels to my own experience.Some will be readily apparent,some..not so much.
Personally,I could have done without the disturbing horn interludes,but then,Mr. Fogelberg seldom seeks my opinion of such things.

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Friday, February 09, 2007

The next best thing to searing stomach cramps..

Holy crap!..It's raining buckets here in O-Town!
Now,I'm sure you are all thinking,"OMG!...How does this affect Sling?"
Well,I'm here to tell you,it ain't no friggin' picnic.

A) I pedaled my happy ass to work at 6:30 this morning,and arrived looking like a drowned rat.
B) There's no smoking in the building(..and rightfully so I might add...all those stains and lacquers and wood...Oh my!),so I had to stand outside under the eaves to have a smoke during breaks and lunch.*
12) When the day had thus passed in soggy servitude,I got to ride ol' Blue downtown to cash my check,stop by the liquor store,(okay...that part was fun),and arrive home after some 45 minutes of battling the elements like friggin' Admiral Peary.The whole time dodging O-Town's most creative drivers.

Happily,I arrived safely,albeit somewhat cranky..This too shall pass.

It's Friday!..and life is soaked to the skin in Sling's Domain.

*..Rain dripping from the roof onto yer ciggy makes for a dismal experience..which reminds me,Please don't throw cigarette butts in the urinals when using the Men's room over at Here's the 80's...It makes them soggy,and hard to light..

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

More news as the story developes..

You know that kid in 3rd grade that always wanted to shit on people's cornflakes because he was selfish,and insignificant,...and STILL wet the bed?...It's like that.
Help support Here's the 80's...Boycott Viacom.

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

PUPPIES FROM HELL II:..Shelby's Revenge

8 brand new baby lappers,hell bent on latchin' on to a tit.

We locked the gate.
We chased away all the butt-sniffing Lotharios.
We brought her in the house as much as we could.
Oh sure,..we could get her spayed,but why do that when you've covered all the bases??..I'll tell you why..

Shelby is a total tramp!...She'll give up that thang faster'n you can say"Roll over Brittney!"

We thought the "muffin" shop was closed,but apparently,somebody turned the sign over..

Okay,..I'm out of sexual metaphors..or are they similes?..I just don't know.
BUT!...I do know this,..

I like the chocolate flavored ones best...


Sunday, February 04, 2007

Just Sayin'..

The Superbowl is gettin' ready to begin soon,so I'll probably be offline for a bit...Yeah,..That'll happen.
I'll jump up every break and click on my links,and check my E-mail because,"Hi,...I'm Sling,..and I'm a Blog addict".

Anywhiz,..Today is Sunday,which is my traditional day for counting the numerous and notable blessings the good Lord,in his infinite and seemingly arbitrary fashion,has chosen to bestow on the least of his wretched children..That would be me.
I talked to my daughter today and she is FINALLY hooked up to the internets.This is gonna make it a helluva lot easier to keep in touch with her and her brother,and all the little slinglets runnin' around SoCal, (we're talkin' web cams here kids).In addition,fears that she had been harboring regarding a medical situation have proven to be unfounded...This pleases me.

You know,..Some very nice people,have posted some very nice things about me the last couple of weeks.Something that,frankly,I'm unaccustomed to.Citymouse,lorraine,and JP..You don't know how much That means to me...or maybe you do,because you have such beautiful spirits.In any case!...I love you guys...and that's all I wanted to say about that.

It's 20 minutes till game time,so I'm gonna head to the VIP lounge to watch the Superbowl on the giant,high definition,surround sound,grab yer babies,wide screen television that accidentally "fell off the truck" right around the corner from Here's the 80's...thanx Guido.. ;)

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Friday, February 02, 2007

I get mail...

My good friend ,Yellowdog Granny,sends me some wonderful E-Mails.
Jokes,stories,and really terrific pictures.These were so amazing that I wanted to share them with y'all.
Julian Beever is an English pavement artist,famous for his amazing 3D illusions.The following are all done in chalk.You really have to admire someone whose mind works like this.
Thanks Yellowdog G,...I got a kick outta these!

The hose,water,and drain are all fake!
Damm things get worse every Summer...
It's Friday!...and life continues to be good in Sling's Domain.

Thursday, February 01, 2007


...mouse hover HERE