Friday, September 28, 2007

What's with all the sirens?

We could hear them coming like gangbusters...
O-Town has joined the community of small towns,with huge whackos.

According to Action News;

"Friday morning, a student at Las Plumas High School took several classmates and a teacher hostage. He was upset over a break-up with his girlfriend. Classmates identified the suspect as 17-year-old Greg Wright.It started 9:15 this morning. Witnesses say Greg Wright went in to the band room and fired two shots. No one was hit. Students tell Action News that the suspect had been disgruntled over his breakup with his girlfriend. The suspect pointed the gun at a substitute teacher and took at least four people hostage.By 10:45 all hostages were released and the suspect is in custody. Parents picked up students at the Church of the Nazarene located at 2238 Monte Vista Avenue, south of Las Plumas High School.Crisis counselors and youth service counselors are at the Southside Community Center located at 2959 Wyandotte Avenue in Oroville. They are available for anyone who wants to talk with them."

Got a gripe?..Well hell,grab a gun and go take it out on your classmates.
Naturally,we all talked about this at work.Each of us speculating on the possible causes of this behavior,which seems to be more and more prevalent in this country.
Personally,I don't think he was given enough "time outs" as a child...Time out being defined as the time it takes out of a parent's busy day to whip the tar outta the little bastard every time he willfully disobeys...just my opinion.

Anyway..My neighbor just got a new laptop,and I promised to help him set it up.This could take a while.
After which,I'll get down to the business of visiting the residents of Bloggertown...It's Friday,..and life is temporarily being held hostage in Sling's Domain.


Tuesday, September 25, 2007


Last night I dreamed that I escaped from prison.
It seems that I had been in prison my whole life,and it suddenly occured to me that I could just walk downstairs,and exit the back door...So I did.
I was greeted by my best friend,whom I haven't seen in over 20 years.He brought me a woman that he said would be my wife.
Almost immediately,I was captured and taken back to prison.
They asked me why I escaped,since I only had 4 days left on my sentence,and now they would have to add 20 years for escaping.
..ain't this a bitch.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Cast your bread upon the waters..

..and it will return to you ten-fold.
Salmon,like most bloggers,are driven by an undeniable urge to procreate.Returning each year to the place of their birth to propogate the species,and die.
So,all you really have to do is build a hatchery for the tasty little fellas,turn them loose after a bit,and you'll get a steady stream of prodigal son's and daughters rushing home to roost...Brilliant!

The Feather River,a few hundred yards downstream from the overflow. The Overflow...The Salmon must make it up this point to reach the hatchery,helping to ensure that only the fittest make it to the dinner table.The Ladder...They still have to climb this route for about a mile.Observation room...A brief rest.
The Hatchery itself was closed to the public today.That's where the eggs are removed from the female,and fertilized...

Your moment of Zen..


Saturday, September 22, 2007

Sprinkles and Drizzles and Showers and Downpours...

..are just some of the words we use to describe water,falling from the sky.
Oddly enough,they are not interchangeable.You either understand their nuance,or find yourself woefully unprepared.
..I thought I'd better write than down.

Today marks the occasion of the annual Salmon Fest here in O-town!
It was on this very date,back in 1963 when the Spanish explorer,Todd DeGama,discovered Salmon in the Feather River while searching for a shorter route to India,..or whatever.

In years past,downtown-O would be the focal point of the celebration.Food and drink,live bands,and vendors hawking their treasures to all and sundry passers-by.Good times generally ensue.
So I toddled my happy ass on down to join in the festivities.
..It began to sprinkle.

Sprinkles were forecast for today..Even the name "sprinkles"sounds all sparkly and festive. Sprinkles are good.
It occurred to me about halfway there,that the sprinkles had crossed the line into drizzles.
Drizzles are defined by that amount of moisture it takes to make your jeans wet enough to cling to the front of your in a weather-wise related type context I mean...Focus people.

By the time I arrived downtown,we had skipped the "showers" portion of our program,and launched instead into a full blown downpour.Whereupon the whole kit-and-kaboodle slammed shut faster than a speakeasy,with Elliot Ness pounding at the door..(Is it just me,..or are metaphors getting really hard to come by these days?).
Salmon Fest was over...

TOMORROW: Salmon Porn!


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The NEW Bionic Woman!

They rebuilt her from scratch!

They got the tits and ass just perfect,but apparently we lack the technology to match her eye color...
That's about it..
Only because,for the most part,life has been fairly routine.I go to work,I come home,watch some television while navigating the blogosphere,and hit the sack...And that's cool.

Always,there will be more non-events to provide hours of dwelling at the keyboard,only to come away with that fundamental question niggling at the back of my psyche.."Why aren't these letters in alphabetical order?..Who the hell came up with this bright idea??"..
And then I think,.."Maybe it's like The Tarot!"..
All the mystical knowledge,and spiritual esoterica known to the ancients,conveniently and forever withheld from the common folk,yet mockingly flaunted before us in a single word..."QWERTY!".
I just don't know,..but you can bet yer ass the Masons are involved.

This week,I did get to help construct a nice little entertainment center for the Bosses' daughter.
These kinds of things are always approached with enthusiasm by all the fellas...Daughter being quite easy on the eyes you see.

Have a great week kids!

Friday, September 14, 2007

Just a minor rant...

Here's whats going on in The Golden State..or is it the Artichoke state?...Home of the Whopper??...I can't remember,'s been 157 years since 6th grade civics.
In any case,the governor of the great and precariously balanced on the edge of insanity state of Cal.I.For.Ni.A,has gone on a "see how many things we can forbid in one week" rampage.
Recently signed into cast in bronze law,beginning July 1st of 2008;

  • 16 and 17 year old drivers will not be allowed to use any electronic devices while operating a motor vehicle..Cell phones,laptops,pagers,vibrators and what have you...Verboten.
  • Only the use of "hands free" devices will be allowed by drivers 18 and over,and,
  • Nobody!!...will be allowed to smoke in a car with children as passengers.
You know what?..I happen to agree with all this stuff,as a matter of courtesy.
I agree with it because it promotes not only safer driving habits,but common sense,give a mad fuck about the people around you,type behavior.
I don't have any intention of "violating" any of these mandates,because I live,in community,with my fellow sapiens.

Here's the thing I can't get past..And if I've said it once,I've shouted it at the top of my lungs in a drunken stupor a thousand times...
..In a free society,it should be nearly impossible to pass new law..
Why,oh friggin why,do the powers that be continue to focus so intently on all the things we can't do?
Look around,..find something that offends the sensibilities of someone,.someplace,..and pass some kind of legislation against it.
Can't do it...No way..Not on my watch.
No laughing out loud in public...Really depressed people might take some kind of exception to your jocularity,..and really depressed people vote.
"So,..What the hell do you want Sling?.."
I want,I want,I want!..That someone reaches into that giant stainless steel vault in Washington D.C,where we have squirreled away the Constitution,to dust it off and say,"Hey!..Check this out!..Turns out we have all been given certain inalienable rights!..Go figure!".

Our forefathers never once debated over the necessity to ensure the blessings of "The Bill of Wrongs" to ourselves and our posterity...

See how easy it was to single out a demographic? (16-17 year olds)..
A group,formerly afforded all the rights and priveledges of a driver's liscence?
I'm wondering what the penalty will be when our 17 year old daughters anxiuosly dial 9-1-1 while being pursued by..well,..that's just my paranoia talking.
End of minor rant.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Well...Now I've gone and done it.

I took a chance,God he'p me,and watched the 6 O'Clock news...
Apparently,there is an unprecedented mortgage crisis in this country.
It seems that,due to historically low interest rates,mortgage lenders have approved over 376 bazillion dollars in home loans that have no hope whatsoever of being repaid.Many employees of Countrywide lenders,(the wold's largest mortgage corporation), have found themselves locked out of their place of business without so much as a reach around.

..Yet another earthquake has rocked Indonesia,and produced a "Minor" Tsunami..(I guess that's like winning a free spinal tap),..and,
The good news is!!..

Americans are living longer!..
..or maybe it just seems longer.
Have a great week kids! :)..I'm outta' here.


Tuesday, September 11, 2007

On this date...

I was pretty sure that there would be a number of well written posts among the residents of Bloggertown, paying homage to the tragic circumstances that occurred six years past.
People like Lorraine,and pretty much everyone on my blogroll,whose character and spirit are frequent inspiration to someone like myself,who hasn't always taken the high road...I'll happily defer to them to express the sentiments I know we all feel about that dismal day.

Live long enough,and you can randomly pick any day on the calendar,and attach some personal significance to it.
I met my first wife,Phyllis,when I was 15 years old,and fell instantly in love.
Even now,I see her in my mind's eye as she was then.
Sleek brown hair,cute little butt,and huge green eyes!...I saw my children in those eyes.(oh shut up...I know that's corny,but this is my reminiscence dammit!).

In any case, raging hormonal year after we began "going steady",we lost our virginity to each other.
One year later,I joined the Army, know,to become a man,..and within 6 months we were married.
She wasn't pregnant or anything,and we had to get dispensation from a judge to get married because she was only 16.
I made the greatest pitch of my life to convince him of the soundness of our sincerity,and he relented.
We stayed married for 13 years.

In that time,Phyllis gave me 2 children,who have since given me 3 grandchildren...Soon a fourth.
We divorced,not because of any heinous and irretrievable acts on either of our parts.I think it was simply that we married too young,...and grew up.
Grew up to be more different from each other than could be reconciled.
Still,she was my first true love.

Today is Phyllis' 53rd birthday...I just wanted to remember that.

Friday, September 07, 2007

My camera barfed up some pix...

I was going to post some pictures of an aqua park we went to over Labor Day,and got side tracked by the whole "Sling's ATM" ordeal...
30 minutes from O-Town,is a pleasant little village with the entirely pretentious name of Paradise...Well,I don't know about all that,but it is where I like to go when I'm feeling homesick for Colorado.
Lying at a somewhat higher elevation,there are plenty of tall pines,and other evergreens,as well as a general Alpine atmosphere to the layout and architecture of the town.
Plus!...Snow in the Wintertime.Something I need on a spiritual level to feel like a human being.

At the edge of town lies a small,but very enjoyable aqua park.A nice place to sit,and clear the cobwebs.
..Obligatory Fountain..

Polliwogs!!..I love polliwogs.
There was a group of boys running helter-skelter with homemade nets,trying to capture as many as they could...I went back to my own childhood for an instant.
..Long,barefoot Summers.

A nicely shaded picnic area.It's about 5 degrees cooler here than O-Town.
Reason enough to make the short trip up the hill.
This is a little waterfall spilling into a stream that feeds the lake.
The Elks,or Masons,or Mormons,or whoever put this plan together,did a nice job of keeping the landscape as natural as possible.
Okay,I had to play with Photoshop a little.
This is the "Watercolor" effect.

..Nothing all that spectacular,I know,but we take our respite where we find it.
It's Friday..I've readjusted my attitude,and life continues to be good in Sling's Domain.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

To the one who has been helping themselves to my money..

Here are some of the things I know about you.
  • I know that you know where I kept it.
  • I know that you took $50.00 2 Mondays ago,thinking that,"He probably won't notice"
  • I know that you took another $50.00 last Friday,thinking that you must have gotten away with it the first time,since I never mentioned it.
  • I know you took $100.00 today,because it's the beginning of the month,and your rent is overdue.
  • You clearly know when Chris and I are at work,because you are close to us.
  • I know that you are close to us,because you don't take expensive personal items,for fear of being discovered in possession of them,or having word get back to us that you are selling them.
  • I know that your key doesn't work on the new locks I installed on my bedroom,so you came in through the bedroom window,which I had left partially open..THAT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN!
Here's the deal...

I'm going to smile in your face.
I'm going to be happy to see you.
You are among a very small group of individuals that have the kind of knowledge,and access that you obviously display,and I will pinpoint exactly who you are,because you have already made mistakes,and I am,quite simply,a hell of a lot smarter than you.

I'm going to tax your ass....Hard.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Imagine my surprise..

Blaze and "friend"..

You know how you're nearsighted as Mr. Magoo,and on top of that you're severely night blind,and you go out to have a cigarrete,and hear the neighbor's sweet tempered dog at the fence,so you walk over to the fence and reach over to pet her,only to discover that she's in heat,and the neighbor has imported an ill-tempered male to breed her to,and said ravenous stud takes a HUGE exception to your blatant intrusion on his territorial imperative,and you end up frantically counting your digits to ensure that you still have all ten?

It's like that.