Saturday, May 31, 2008

Saturday twofer!

How many times during the course of everyday conversation,do you get to utter the name 'Redbone'?..

I mean,unless you're one of the fortunate few that just happen to own a redbone hound dog,(in which case,you may all gather about the punch bowl,and talk amongst yourselves)..
No,..I mean every body else that doesn't live in Alabama.(Oh great,now I'm going to get letters!).

I digress.

Well here's two very good excuses to work 'Redbone' into your daily chat over coffee and biscotti..
I saw these guys in concert during a car show at the L.A. Convention center!.
Okay,they played this same song over and over.
But!,..they did it for well over 3 hours! ..

Take that miss lorraine thing!

'Come and get your love'

Shortly after this song came out,a determined group of American Indians occupied Alcatraz Island!
..I'm not exactly sure why,but it looks pretty cool on a resume.
But wait!..
I played that video,so I could play this one!
Leon Redbone rocks on several levels.

a)He doesn't care if he sings in tune
b)He does however,play in tune,Plus!,
3)..he disguised himself so as not to be recognized by Homeland Security,long before it was fashionable.

'Ain't misbehavin''..

Have a great weekend kids!

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Friday, May 30, 2008

Good news,bad news..

First the bad news...
New construction installs,quite simply,..suck.
The entrance to this home is 5' off the ground,and the steps haven't been built yet!
This means that we get to haul monster cabinets up a makeshift ramp,hastily built from 2" x 12" planks.
..It's like carrying a horse across a tightrope.
We took turns walking backwards up this stairway from hell.

The good news is,the actual installation went like 21 jeweled clockwork!
It's a virtual given that something will screw up.
An electrical outlet placed 2 inches too high,or a window installed slightly to the left,and the cabinet becomes worthless.
Since it's more feasible to build a newly re-sized cabinet,than move a sliding glass door an inch and a half to the side,..well, get my point.

No such nonsense today!..Thank you Lord.

I thought I'd start the tour with an overview of the kitchen.
We've actually completed the job at this point,and Mr K. is schmoozing with the owners at the island cab.
I wish I had time to take exterior shots of this beautiful home.
Just outside the back door is a lovely deck that wraps around 3/4 of the house.

..a view from the opposite angle.Work in progress.
The refrigerator will fit nicely in the space below the two open doors.

My good buddy Tyson secures the 'rough top' to the center island cabinet,preparing it for the ceramic tile setters.
The cabinet measures 4' x 8' with about a 12" overhang at each end.
Every inch of this is pure counter space!..
Full extension roll-out drawers lie behind the doors on both sides.

This is my pride and joy!
A hutch/bar arrangement approximately 16' long.
A laser level shoots a beam along the bottom of the uppers to insure equal placement.
The wine rack is centered between standard cabinets,and glass door display cabinets...I couldn't get the whole thing in one shot.
Again,Roll-outs behind the doors in the base cabinets.

The open spaces in the cab on the left will accommodate a built-in microwave (center),and built-in oven.
The cook top and range hood will be installed just to the right side.

Corner cabinets are a little tricky...
Just below the upper cab,is a double 'lazy Susan'..Sweet!

The Master bath linen closet is nearly 12' tall!
This arrangement is duplicated in the 2nd bath.

This Master bath sink cabinet will have a marble sink/counter top installed.
The 2nd bath gets ceramic tile.

Holy crap!..I totally spaced out taking pix of the laundry room!..Dammit!
Maybe because it's located out in the north forty of the home,and it was all I could do to find my way to the front door.
Anywhiz,..we installed a nice utility sink cabinet,a base cabinet that I assume will function as a folding table,and two upper cabinets,each over 50" wide.

The job was built from Red Oak,with Melamine interiors.
The finish is clear lacquer.
We are the exclusive cabinet makers for the home builders, Endeavor Homes of Northern California!..just sayin'.

Thanks so much for enduring all this shop talk.
It's what I have.

Comes now,the cheap brown liquor back therapy and weekend slothery!..
..I think perhaps a video on the 'morrow.


Wednesday, May 28, 2008 the vernacular.

I had a terrific 3 day weekend,but now it's time to get back to work.
We're smack in the middle of the biggest job we've ever done!

Who in god's green earth needs over 60 drawers in their kitchen?..I kid you not.
These aren't just your standard flatware,and dish towel sized drawers either.
Many of them are nearly 2 feet wide,and 6 inches deep.

Oh,let's not forget the bathrooms,and laundry room...another 20 drawers.
How many friggin' Q-tips and corn pads can you stuff in 20 freakin' drawers?
These people have entirely too much stuff!
..and that's just the base cabs,which by the by,are nearly all over 8 feet long.

Massive overheads,two linen closets that are over 110 inches high,thirty inches wide,and two feet deep.Each one three-tiered,with nine adjustable shelves.

It's like a Martha Stewart showroom fer crissake!
And don't ya know,all this has to be installed come this Friday...

I've already been informed that I'm going on this install.
The home is located three hours from O-Town,in a charmingly named little burg called 'Shingletown' can't make this stuff up.

Let's do the math,shall we?
Six hours drive time,one hour to unload two trailers full of heavy ass Oak cabinetry,and at least 5 hours of actual installation!
..I'm having a retroactive hernia.

Remember a few months ago when I was bitching about not having enough work,and offering nightly prayers for business to pick up??
..god is laughin' his ass off.

Assuming that all this goes as planned,I'll be posting pix of the final results.
It's gonna be beautiful!

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Sunday, May 25, 2008

Back up..go left.

We awoke early Saturday morning,anxious to take the ninety-minute drive out to Mt.Lassen Volcanic National Park.
Everything had been meticulously planned down to the last detail!

*Pack fried chicken and cole slaw...Check !
*Stock ice chest with water and Gatorade...Check !
*Cameras fully charged...Check !
*Fill the tank with gas,and our bellies with breakfast...Check and Check.!!
*Be sure to watch the weather report for the Mt. Lassen area...

..I thought YOU were s'posed to do that??.. shit.

When we arrived at the park entrance,young Cherie,looking mighty cute in her park ranger hat,advised us that the road was only open for one mile!
This is sorta like being told that you're only going to be allowed ten feet past the entrance to Disneyland,but what the hell.
I promised you guys a video recap,and I'm nothing if not a man of my word.
Unless, know,'s to my advantage to lie.

Thus,and without further adieu!

I decided to take the minimalist view.
The fumaroles and mud pot shots were taken just a few yards past the 'Road Closed' sign.
Oh sure,we could have ventured out onto the now snow covered trails in search of more fascinating displays of vulcanism,but we decided that none of us wanted to appear on the six o'clock news,frozen to a tree.

Having said all that,it was a total blast!
The drive up was rife with breathtaking views,Little Newt thoroughly enjoyed himself,and the contrast of pristine snow against the raw power of the Earth's living interior was inspiring!

Plus!..The irony of my having gone all Winter without seeing a single snowflake,only to find myself smack in the middle of a blizzard on the cusp of Summer,was quite delicious.

Happy Memorial Day Kids!

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Friday, May 23, 2008

I heard a voice..

..and fell in love.
Yeah,I'm a scandalous vocal whore.
..Sue me.

I guess my only question is,what ever happened to Phoebe Snow?
We got Whitney,and Mariah,and probably some few others that have the ability to walk up and down the vocal range as if they were taking their tonsils out for a casual stroll,but this chick can also play the guitar like it hung from a mobile over her crib.

It's Jukebox Video Friday,and life is pretty much in sync with the sound in my head


Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Woots & Hoos!

I'm still tired from last week.
We had to get a very labor intensive job out by this Monday past,so it was necessary to work Saturday in order to make it happen.
We managed that just fine,what with all and sundry multi-tasking their asses off.It was a pretty impressive team effort.
Still,a six day week makes for a one day weekend,and that mildly sucks.

The good news is!..I didn't realize till this morning that next Monday is Memorial day!
Yep,a three day weekend.
Lizzard King and I have decided to take a well deserved road trip back to Mount Lassen,our local volcano,and explore some of the wonders we missed last time around.
You all will get to tag along by way of video recap,no doubt.(aren't you just thrilled?..of course you are!)

**In other news**

The battle between the two candidates for this country's highest honor continues.
While voters may be split on whom they prefer,each candidate has more than enough qualities to recommend them.
I think the important thing,will be for each of us to get behind whomever is chosen,and make a show of solidarity.
It's down to the wire now folks,and the question of who the winner is will be answered TONIGHT!..On American Idol!

Sunday, May 18, 2008


Dear Sling,
Last week,the California Supreme Court overturned my beloved law prohibiting gay marriage!
Oh my stars and garters!..what hath god wrought?
This is the end of civilization as we know it.Next thing you know,people will be turning gay right and left.
Upon hearing the tragic news,I immediately called all my friends,and we've decided to organize a protest.
We'll be having a rally outside the John Birch memorial bowling alley this weekend.
We want to get the message across that marriage is strictly relegated to those that can successfully reproduce 'normal' children like ourselves,that will grow up to be diligent guardians of the public morals.
If god wanted people to be gay,he wouldn't have given men pee-pees,and women hoo-has....You know, they could do the nasty for the sole purpose of procreation,and not for the devil's pleasure.

My question is this.
Do you think god will smite the homosexuals in this life,or wait till they stand before him on judgement day,where he can really take his revenge?
..I'm so upset over this unholy turn of events,that I had to have a Courvasier and Coke to calm my nerves.

Yours Truly,
Twisted Knickers

Dear bible thumping,backwards-ass,jesus krist on a popsicle stick!..

Why do we keep breeding emotionally stunted,self righteous,gotta have your head up every body's ass so you can feel good about your own miserable self,retro-mindfucks like you?..
I just don't get it!

What possible affect does who the hell is sleeping with whom have on you,except that you need something to get indignant about to draw attention away from your own shortcomings.
You're Fucking pathetic!

..Anyway,I'm here to help,so here is my advice;
HOLY FLYING CRAP!..You mix Courvoisier with Coke??..
..Fucking pervert.


Friday, May 16, 2008

Then there was that whole puberty thing..

I never went through any kind of,'girls are icky' phase..I always liked 'em.
I was 5 years old when I met my very first girlfriend,Suzy Purdle.
Yep,that's her real name,so if you're reading this Suzy,you had me at,'Wanna bite of my popsicle?'. they still call it,'Playing doctor?'..I just don't know.

First grade through sixth grade was all about,'Going steady'.
A highly formalized ritual whereby you would give a girl a St. Christopher necklace,and the whole schoolyard knew that she was spoken for.
The precise implications of being spoken for wasn't necessarily clear to both parties.
Basically it revolved around holding hands,and stolen kisses...I'll plead guilty to numerous counts of petty theft,Your Honor.

The Summer after my sixth grade year,I met my very first 'serious' girlfriend.
One evening,while watching our favorite TV show,we went all the way!.
Yep,we French kissed while listening to this very song.

I'll always be grateful to The Monkees for setting just the right mood.

Oddly enough,songs with the name 'Jean' in the lyrics hold some small significance in the milestones of my youthful enlightenment.
But that's a story for another time.


Wednesday, May 14, 2008


I like to post something long about mid-week,even if I don't really have all that much to say.
Lorraine already took the 'Today I Sneezed' title,(Why,..oh why didn't I come up with that?)..Life is so unfair!..maybe I'll eat some worms.
Here's the thing...(DAMM!)

We're up to our asses in alligators at work.

I was just barely able to start the job today,that's been scheduled for installation,well,..yesterday.
Okay,next Monday.
But still.
The alligators ate my homework!

It's probably become clear to you at this point,that I'm just typing words to hear myself blog.

Fine then.
Here's a picture of The Lizzard King's new Satellite Clipper!

Sometimes,a little catastrophic vehicular misadventure can be a good thing.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

...because we don't need an excuse!

Several times a year,and for reasons which continue to elude me,the residents of O-Town gather about the streets and back alleys of our little shire to spend the day drinking beer,eating chili,and generally misbehaving.
As you might imagine,this works out quite well for me!

The festivities begin with a grand parade down Montgomery avenue.
I've prepared a brief synopsis of said paradage,in video format,for your shopping convenience...Enjoy!

Afterwards,we all head downtown for an afternoon of well organized debauchery.

This is where we can force small children to scale great jagged monoliths,..

..or throw Little Newt down a steep incline! ...5 times.

But this isn't the only form of entertainment to be had.
There's an absolutely astounding array of classic cars lining every possible nook and cranny.

PLUS!..The Hell's Angels annual picnic and gang bang coincides with the celebration!

As the day draws to a close,I head over to the craft fair at Sank Park,and pick up this little beauty to add to my genuine reproduction tin sign collection.

All in all,it was a rip roarin' good time!

Comes now,the time to wish all they that qualify,a Most Happy Mother's Day!


Saturday, May 10, 2008

Cut to the chase..

My dear friend Yellowdog Granny sent me this video.
I'm not sure if it's the whiskey sloshing about my brain,or the fact that it makes perfect sense that makes me wanna go,'Hell Yes!'

Goddess Bless West,Texas!


Friday, May 09, 2008

Thanks buddy..

Back in the late 70's and early 80's,It was more or less routine for me to get together with my good friend Mark on the weekends,and pick guitars.
Along with family and friends,we'd gather in the back yard,drink great quantities of Jack Daniels,snort cocaine till it dripped out of our noses,and toss chords and pickin' runs about as if we knew exactly what we were doing.
In truth,we weren't half bad.
Over time,he and I put together a nice little repertoire of acoustics.
The Doobie brothers.
Cat Stevens.
The Beatles...You know,all that mellow C,D,and G stuff that spoke to most twenty-somethings at the time.
Eventually,we could anticipate each other's next change,and elaborate with our own interpretation..It was indescribably satisfying!

By an amazing coincidence,it sounded absolutely nothing like this...

'Teach your children'


Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Bi-Focular Disorder..(BFD)

I took a chance after work,and dropped by Dr. Mengele's little shop of optometrics and muffler repair to see if my new specs had arrived,and they did!
This is my first pair of bi-focals,and they are seriously messin' with my head.

I look like Ben Turpin playing Buddy Holly as an old man.

My left eye doesn't seem to know what my right eye is thinking,and the whole,up/down,near/far transition thing very nearly caused me to get my foot stuck in the ceiling fan.

I understand this is normal,or at least as normal as I'll ever hope to achieve,and my brain should make the adjustment in short order.

***This Just In!***

What is the proper order of information as regards someone close to you being involved in a ginormous traffic accident?
I think it's most important to let everyone know up front that Every.Single.Body,is fine!
Now then,..Lizzard King escaped just such a hiway confrontation Monday night, perfectly unscathed.
His beloved truck however,was TOTALLY scathed! shit.

Yep,..A mere four months into the relationship,and 'The Satellite Clipper' is forced into retirement.

The good news is,it appears that she'll be replaced very soon with a younger,and more beautiful model!

..every man's dream.

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Monday, May 05, 2008

..and home improvement.

As Spring progresses,and Summer begins to rear it's sultry head,the weather here in O-Town is getting decidedly warmer.
The nights however,remain cool,crisp,and refreshing!
What with the price of everything from Sling's Domain,to cheese and rice on the rise,(Yeah,..a burrito suddenly becomes a major financial commitment),Lizzard King and I have decided to introduce a new concept in Summer cooling to the homestead.
Something that doesn't require great buttloads of electricity to operate.
Something that will help keep the joint at a comfortable temperature,and at the same time,save some o' that precious energy you've heard tell about.

We like to call it,..'Fresh air'!..

Keeping in mind that there be womenfolk about that deserve some measure of personal security,we've gone about replacing this!,..

..and by 'we',..I mean,Lizzard King..

With this state of the art titanium deadbolt,and wrought iron marvel!

It functions wonderfully,in tri-fold fashion.

A) It allows us to keep cool at night,without running the swamp cooler.
B) We're able to incarcerate Little Newt securely behind bars,..PLUS!
3) It prevents nefarious types from gaining easy access to the interior of our home while we sleep,and having their way with me.

We're having BBQ'd chicken tonight!

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Friday, May 02, 2008

Around the house..

When I started on this blogging adventure back in 1963,I figured I'd get to spit out a few rants and raves,and maybe every once in a while someone would accidentally land on my blog,and tell me to get a real job.

Almost immediately,and to my utter amazement,sparkly people arrived!
They glittered and shone,and by mere words alone,..
We became friends...
(Aren't you glad I didn't wax all poetic on yer ass?).
Of course you are.

Comes mid June,and I'll be graced with the most wonderful gift Bloggertown has to offer. :)
Hat,Lorraine,and The Child will be arriving in O-Town via helicopter,or private jet,..whichever,.. long about the 14th!

In an effort to familiarize and orient them to Sling's Domain,I offer up these pix;

..It was too dark to get any clear photos of the dungeon.
***In other news!**
I haven't forgotten that it's video jukebox Friday!..

You know how you hear music during a commercial that you just can't get outta yer noggin'?
Well,it sounds like this.

Yael Naim..'New Soul'

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