Friday, August 29, 2008

Decision '08 !!

The Presidential candidates,and their Vice-Presidential running mates have been decided!
Well,..the Republican candidates need to be officially nominated,but that's really just a formality at this point.
I think it's safe to say that all the players have been cast in bronze.

In any case,our nation lies at the cusp of history!

Every living,breathing American is poised on the brink of a monumental decision.
One that will have a profound effect on all of us.
A decision whose ramifications will resonate throughout countless generations to follow.
Probably the most important decision set before us in the 21st century!!

The question is,and the decision that I'm certain remains foremost in the hearts and minds of every patriotic citizen must surely be..

'Who will we get to play them in the movie??'..

I'm thinkin' the best choice to portray the young and vibrant Barack Obama should be..

Will Smith!..sans facial hair,of course.

Who better to capture the wisdom and experience of Joe Biden..

..than that talented Hollywood icon,Mr. Gene Hackman.

Personally,every time I look at John Mccain,I can't help but see..

Richard Dreyfuss.

This morning was the first time I'd been introduced to Alaska's Governor,Sarah Palin..I find her very attractive,in that gracefully matured kind of way.
Very much like..

The lovely and versatile,Ms. Diane Keaton.

Of course,your own conscience must guide you in this pivotal decision.
Just remember,..history will be our judge.

Have a great holiday weekend kids!


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

One way to avoid that pesky junk mail..

You know how people say,'Oh,'s out in the middle of nowhere'?..
Well I went on an install yesterday that pretty much set the standard for that little truism.

I was kind of excited about going on the trip,because our destination was some 30 miles outside of Reno,Nevada,and I've never been in that little corner of the world before.
It lies about a three hour drive west of O-Town,and takes us past some pretty remarkable scenery.

Sadly,I wasn't able to take many pictures.
I mean, wasn't a pleasure trip after all,so there was no pulling over to admire the views,which were spectacular! me on that.

Oh!..As an added bonus,we went over the infamous Donner Pass!
Glorified in story and song,as well as some pretty bizarre recipes.

Anystew..I thoroughly enjoyed the trip.

Now I gotta tell ya,that the we had no problem finding the house we were looking for.
There it was,clearly visible from the highway,sitting pretty on top of a man-made hill.
We saw it when we turned off the main road,onto the gravel road.
We could still see it ten minutes later,when we turned onto the dirt road.
Yep,there it was big as life,when we turned onto the private road twenty minutes after that!..

The whole time I'm thinkin','These people are into some serious friggin' seclusion!'..
They're all set up for it,what with their water well,and solar array.No doubt satellite TV and Internet will be added before they move in.

Here's a side view of this lovely home...
If you think I'm exaggerating about the whole 'middle of nowhere' thing,take a look at the front yard!..this is the typical view for 360 degrees.
Like I said,I was there to work.
I've posted enough photos of our cabinets to represent what it is we do,but this master bathroom arrangement was new for us.
There are two,six foot 'his and hers' vanities which feature cultured marble sinks.
Between them is a four foot,triangular marble dressing table..
..pretty nice set up.
Sorry I don't really have a lot of pix to share,..sometimes,it's like that.
I did come away wondering about the type of persons that choose to live in this kind of space.
I mean,they had to look out upon this vast,empty plain,and think to themselves,'Hey!..This is where I want to build my house!'..



Sunday, August 24, 2008

..much profanity follows.

So,I'm watchin' the news.
I know,I know,..Lord he'p me,I was too lazy to change the channel.

In any case,..Young Ashley of the blond persuasion informs me that a new crop of freshmen are crowding the hallowed halls of our local State College,in an effort to purchase this semesters required reading!
Average cost: $800.00..


Eight hundred fucking dollars for books?..For a FUCKING semester??..

Here's where my ignorance of the educational system knows no bounds.
I never went through the whole formal rigmarole of attending classes and such after the 10th grade,so I don't have a real grasp of what it takes to provide quality reading material to THE FUCKING FUTURE MINDS of our nation.

I mean,..I mean...HOLY FLYING FUCK!..It's 600-1200 sheets of goddamm RECYCLED paper,individually wrapped in FUCKING CARDBOARD binders!..Right?

You know,..books.

Books that should be available at your local library,..for free.
Books that should be available at cost,just to make sure everyone gets reimbursed for the effort put into their manufacture..
OH!,..and we get to educate our children as kind of an ADDED FUCKING BONUS!!

(deep breath)..

The good news is,the students might well recover 50% of the initial cost by re-selling these FUCKING RARE AND ELUSIVE BASTIONS OF KNOWLEDGE back to the issuing entity,at the end of the term.
I'm guessin' the average lifetime reimbursement for a FUCKING BOOK!,..amounts to somewhere in the neighborhood of A BAZILLION FUCKING DOLLARS!!..

Did I mention that they are books?..
If Gutenberg were alive today,he'd turn over in his motherfucking grave.

Granted,there is no real substitute for the printed word.
Turning the dog-eared pages of a well read tome,and gleaning those bits of inspiration from the hastily scribbled notes in the yellowed margins is,..well,..priceless.

..even I understand that.

And I also understand this!!..

I have the entire Bible on CD,along with commentary,and references.
..It cost me $3.98,..plucked from the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.

My point is, fucking point is,..that it might behoove us to put all these precious bits of esoterica on,..I don't know,..FUCKING CD'S!!

That way,the eager and thirsty minds of they that might very well set the course of the next FUCKING GENERATION,might have easier access to the tools they'll need to guide us into the future..

Maybe they could spend the initial eight hundred smacks on a typical laptop,and throw another FORTY FUCKING DOLLARS at the software it takes to navigate the precarious seas of modern academia.

A blank CD costs about a buck.
It takes some fifteen minutes to copy a gig of information.

I didn't graduate from high school,..but I can do the math.

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Friday, August 22, 2008

Practice Empathy

Sometimes,not infrequently,I find myself wondering exactly what it is that motivates people to do the things they do.
I mean,..what the hell are they thinkin'??

That's when it occurs to me that there was a time in their life that had a profound affect on their demeanor.
Something that set them on course,forever after,in a direction over which they have no physical control..Passengers,on a runaway train of thought.

And so,I have a fall back position .
Whenever I find myself wondering why it is that people do these things,react in that way,and proceed on seemingly arbitrary paths,I remind myself that I'm a people too!..and consider those things that motivate me.

Quite naturally,there are behaviors that escape my ability to reconcile.
Heinous acts that defy comprehension..I'll leave that to those possessed of greater insight than myself.

But still,from time to time,I make it a point to attempt to decipher the story in the eyes of my brethren.
Read the lines on their brow,and walk,at least for a moment,a mile in their shoes.
I find those relatively few interminable minutes 'standing in line' with my fellow sapiens the most productive,and revealing.

..Try it,and discover those things about yourself that are mirrored in others.

'Watchin' Scotty grow'


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Dear Diary

Here it is Tuesday,and I don't really have much to blog about.

But I know that if I don't post something,the porn bots will steal my blog,and I'm concerned that my readers won't notice the difference..

I have been keeping tabs on the Olympics,enjoying the successes of Misty and Kerri,as well as that phenomenal Mr. Bolt from Jamaica...No kidding...This guy practically walks to the finish line,and still sets a world record!
And of course,young Mr. Phelps is standing the world of swimming on edge with his unprecedented 938 gold medals...can you say 'endorsements'?..

I'm Still not working 40 hours a week,but things have picked up to the point where I'm damm close!
Close enough so that I don't mind a few extra hours of free time to kick it in the air conditioned comfort of the homestead.
Plus!..I'll be on my regularly scheduled paid vacation come the 27th!

I have no travel plans,but for seven glorious days I'll be basking in the glory of decadent slothery,staying up way past bedtime,and rising when I damm well feel like it..You know,..The good life.

On a somewhat more worrisome note,Drooley the cat came home a couple of days ago,lookin' like he came in third in a axe fight.
..Totally singin' the blues.
We made him comfortable,and ministered to him as best we could with the intention of getting him to the vet,but he has wandered off to god knows where to either heal,..or not.
Hopefully he'll come mewlin' about soon.

***Bonus Random Snaps***

The cat with no name takes exception to my flagrant disregard of his presence by editing my blog.
..that rat bastard 'spellcheck' has agreed with his corrections.

I'm told this little beauty goes by the common name,'Crucifix Plant'..
MOLK has nurtured this specimen,and produced a respectable representation of the species.

These pics have been squirreled away in the abyss that is the memory of my camera,waiting to reprieve me from that day when I got nothin'..
That would be today.


Friday, August 15, 2008

The Donna Reed Show!..

Brought to you by Campbell's soup.

We have a Friday video twofer today kids!

Back when I was (you guessed it) a toddlin' lad,it was a well known fact that mothers wore high heels,figure-flattering dresses,and an understated string of pearls,while going about the business of raising perfectly ideal children,and keeping an immaculate house for their successful husbands.

June Cleaver..
Harriet Nelson....
And Donna Reed were clear examples of the typical American nuclear family matriarch.

Yeah,yeah,..that's a naive vision of the way things truly were,and are in most cases,but it's my childhood,and I'll embrace all the fantasies the black-and-white remembrances of my formative years can abide..

Speaking of fantasies...
Is it possible for a 9 year old pup to have a genuine crush on an older woman?


No,..I'm not talkin' about Donna,although I really did think she was beautiful,even then.
Sadly,she was married,and we had scrupulous morals back in the early 60's!
...look it up.

Any pre-pubescent-I-don't-know-what-it-is-but-there's-something-about-Mary,..I'm talkin' about that flaxen haired sultry songstress,and teenage heart throb,Mary Stone!
..AKA, Shelley Fabares.

..check out the look Donna gives 'Johnny'..Priceless!

'Johnny Angel'

I must have her!..

We'll get married.
I'll become a world famous pediatrician!..
We'll have two perfect children,and one day,my own son will pay homage to my sterling character with this touching tribute.

'My Dad'

Things change as they are prone to do,and the best laid plans yada,yada..

Still,we'll cling unerringly to those things that make up the fundamental tenets of our nature,however naive.
Even if they are the grainy,flickering images of a time that never really was.

It's circa 1962,or thereabouts,..and life was good in little Sling's Domain.

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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

For he's a jolly good fellow!

Today is the anniversary of the birth of the legendary Lizzard King!

We'll be commemorating the occasion with some o' MOLK's renowned homemade enchiladas,and a tour-de-force performance by LK via Guitar Hero 'Aerosmith',on his brand spankin' new,state of the art,wireless Git-fiddle thingy!..

..Oh,these kids nowadays,and their newfangled gadgets.
Next thing you know,he'll be wanting to install a fancy new dance floor,and hire nubile young girls,clad in inadequate skirts,to serve cocktails!

Step #1..
Pull up the ratty carpet in the entry way,exposing the faux wood vinyl flooring from the Eisenhower administration that lies beneath.

Step #2..
Provide a cushion of foam underlayment for our dancing convenience.

Measure your cuts,so as to stagger the joints, (just remember the words 'stagger', and 'joints''s a no brainer).

Step #4..
Enjoy your shiny new dance floor!..

I know..It would appear from these photos,that I was no help whatsoever in accomplishing this complex transformation of mere entry space,into the dazzling dance arena we now enjoy.
..I assure you that I was knee deep in responsibility,handling the intricate process of interviewing cocktail waitresses.



Sunday, August 10, 2008

Things that go bump in the night!

Sometime during the small hours of the morning,I rose from my bed with a compelling need to go into the kitchen.
I opened my bedroom door,took the few steps across the foyer,and walked head on into the kitchen door jamb.
..It knocked me out!
I woke up,butt naked on the entry floor,and realized I had been sleepwalking!

I remembered getting out of bed as if that part was a dream.I have no clue why I was going into the kitchen,unless it was to assure myself that the light in the refrigerator does indeed go out when you close the door.

As far as I know,this is the first time I've ever walked in my sleep.
I suppose it's possible I've done it before,but how would I know?

I have a small knot on my forehead this morning,to show for the experience.
The kitchen door jamb escaped unharmed.


Thursday, August 07, 2008

..wherein I choose to remain oblivious.

Tomorrow marks the opening of the umpteenth Summer Olympic games in China,and I'm gonna be all over it.

I'm not a sports fan of the type that can recount the vital stats of a favorite team,or tell you who pitched,or ran,or batted in the winning run back in '63.

I know as of just this morning,that Brett Favre (which should in all good sense be pronounced 'Faver'..but there you have it) played for Green Bay,and is now signed with the New York Giants..
Tomorrow,I'll have forgotten those wee bits of esoterica, in farve of being in the moment.

The moment that we set aside every four years,to revel in the sheer physicality of being Earthlings.

OH!..The things we can do!

The lovely and vivacious Booda spoke of this some few days past,in reference to those artistic gifts we strive to pass amongst ourselves.Things we put forward in an effort to connect with our kind.
Things that transcend cultural and political boundaries,and serve to elevate that part of us that hungers for more than just our daily bread.

That's what I'm talkin' about,right there!

And so,for the duration of this Olympiad,I choose to remain oblivious to the myriad and sundry socio-political ramifications of celebrating the best that dwells in each of us,in a country that may very well be the number one violator of human rights.
..I just don't know.

But!..I do know this!..

I'll root for America first,'cause, know.
Then I'll see,(I goddamm guarantee ya),that unique individual performance that sets the standard for our species,and I'll embrace them as if they had sprung from my very loins.

I'll root for them if they hail from Egypt,or Israel,or Palestine,or Cuba.
Russia,Canada,Latvia,or Bolivia.
I'll be proud to have them represent me,regardless of their Latitude,or the name by which they choose to address their God.

Hell,..I'll even root for the Guantanamanians,if they prove to show me how it's done.


Monday, August 04, 2008


**Strange but true**

Saturday night I went to bed at 12:12 am.
I woke up several times during the night.
1:11,..2:22,..3:33,..and 4:44!
Then I slept till sometime after 8am.

**Unexplained phenomena**

Sunday,the cashier girl at the casino buffet gave me the senior citizen's discount without even asking!..
I won't be eligible till December.

**Mysteries of nature**

The grapes of wrap..

This cat is four months old,and doesn't have a name yet!,he lives in a bag.

He really does need a name.
MOLK says she'll welcome any suggestions that aren't of the 'Fluffy','Poofy',or 'Sticky' type persuasion.

It's Monday,..and things are curiouser and curiouser in Sling's Domain


Friday, August 01, 2008

Drunken Friday music Videos..

I'm fond of saying,that I grew up in the ocean.

Born and raised within spitting distance of the 'tranquil' Pacific,I can't for the life of me ever remember a time when I couldn't swim.
I remember being so small,that the simple retreat of the gently lapping waves seemed to tug at my calves,drawing me into the bosom of the deep green waters,and I would let it carry me out at it's pleasure.

You learn early on,that if you just let go,..let the current have it's way with you,it will return you safely back again.

The years pass.
Summers long, grown tall and strong,..and ever more defiant..

You simply haven't lived until you've body surfed the Horseshoe Pier at Hermosa Beach!
Twelve to fifteen foot breakers,the remnants of a tropical storm somewhere near the Hawaiian isles,challenge you,..wait,..that's wrong,..invite you to join them in a kind of carnal/spiritual celebration of being alive.
The smell of salt,and seaweed fill your nostrils,and the incessant complaint of seagulls serve as background vocals to this song of youth.
Frankly,'s better than sex.

No matter what you do,or how vehemently you might resist,time,and the relentless tides,wait for no man.

Still,and all things considered,I'd just as soon be body surfing.

'The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald'

Yeah,I know this takes place on the Great Lakes..What's yer point?