Tuesday, September 30, 2008

For my next trick..

..I'm going to pull a rabbit outta my ass!

I'm sure by now,that all of you are aware of the embarrassing debacle that occurred yesterday in the House O' Representatives,and no doubt,you're all asking yourselves the same question...

'Holy crap!..How is this congressional clusterfuck gonna affect Sling?'

I share your concern.
There were a few things that chapped my hide about the so-called Bailout Bill.

  • Clearly,it smacked of Socialism..If I wanted the government to take possession of private enterprise,I'd move to one of those countries in the world where they do that sort of thing,whose name I can't think of right now,..and,

  • Wait a minute!..Where the hell is MY bailout??..I mean,my co-workers and I put out a fine product,at a reasonable price.We worked hard to produce something that was beautiful,as well as functional,and now through no fault of our own we're spending our days watching internet porn,and waiting for the mailman to bring us our unemployment check!
Don't even get me started on the very idea of some fat ass Wall Street rapist hittin' the silk with a steamer trunk full of shiny new sheckels..

Ultimately,I just wasn't satisfied that the bill,as it stood,properly addressed these issues.
In the end,I'm glad it failed to pass.
That's not to say that I'm of a mind that things will be all rainbows and Unicorns if we just let the shit continue to roll happily downhill.
My hopes are that a thoughtfully revised version of the bill will hit the hallowed halls of Congress come Thursday next.

Give us some reassurance that our investment stands some kind of chance of being recouped,and even profitable!
I'm pretty sure it's called 'Capitalism'..

Free up lines of credit so that small business,..you know,..the freakin' backbone of our economy,can access the raw materials it takes to continue to provide goods and services,meet their payrolls,and put me the fuck back to work!

And if it's at all possible,maybe a few Federal indictments for criminal assholed-ness on the part of the greedy bastards that wiped their asses with our national financial security would be in order..just sayin'.

I for one,will be closely monitoring the situation.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

***Sunday Geek Update!***

LOS ANGELES - Mathematicians at UCLA have discovered a 13 million-digit prime number, a long-sought milestone that makes them eligible for a $100,000 prize!

The three mathematicians responsible for the discovery,are now engaged in a bitter dispute over how to equally divide the prize money..


Friday, September 26, 2008

This is my plan..

The Debates are on!..

Frankly,I knew they would happen,if for no other reason than they simply had to!..
I can't explain it.
If I had my 'druthers,I'd 'druther be watching them over at Sage's Naked Debate Party.
Sadly,I'll just have to stay at home,and hope she posts videos of the whole affair.

If there's been an advantage to all this free time I've had of late,it's that I've been able to immerse myself in the election coverage offered up by the media pundits on both sides of aisle.
Namely MSNBC(me!),and FOX(the proverbial 'them'),..and here's what Ive decided.
It's not whether the glass is half full,or half empty,..it's the annoying fact that some body's been drinkin' outta my goddamm glass!

So,I'm going to watch,and really listen to the candidates with an open mind!
I mean,..I'm going to try my level best.
Then I'm going to offer up a silent prayer,that the good Lord will grant me the wisdom to simply know that something is good when I hear it.

Oh,I'm still gonna watch it on MSNBC!
I can't just go cold turkey after all..

'Yusuf Islam'

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Fluff n' Stuff..

Given the current economic crisis,I've decided the only prudent thing to do is to bring to a screaming halt all of this political ranting,suspend any debates on peripheral concerns,and concentrate on the pressing issue that confronts us here,on the home front.
Specifically,..finding a new cat!

I put my lovely assistant,Mom O' LK,on the job.
Here she is,scouring the interwebs for a viable candidate..

She was able to tackle the problem on two fronts.
Not only did she discover,after only one interview,the fine feline fellow pictured below at our local animal rescue facility,but she was indeed inspired to give Cat-With-No-Name,..well,..a name,..in her efforts to combine his previously scheduled nueterization,with this fortunate adoption!

Cat-With-No-Name,for the purposes of properly labeling any extraneous body parts that might become bottled up,and put on display for future generations to admire,has been given the moniker,Bailey!
Or Baylee,..or Beighleigh,..it's still to be decided.

In any case,we welcome the newest edition to our little homestead!
..he doesn't have a name yet.

***In Totally Unrelated News!***

This heads -up penny has been sitting on the entry way floor for almost two weeks!..None of us want to pick it up,for fear that it belongs to some one else.
..a testament to our fine character!

..I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out...

Monday, September 22, 2008

..it's like finding money in the dryer.

So,..it turns out I'm a fully vested owner in the world's largest Insurance-slash-Investment Banking enterprise in the history of the planet!
This is monumental!.

I mean,I don't know jack-shit about the economic subtleties of running an entire monolithic,freakin' grab yer babies!, financial behemoth,..but by golly,I got's me a piece o' the rock!

You know what tripped me out the most?..
I had a TRILLION smacks layin' around for just such an occasion!

At first I thought,'Holy crap!..Let's do whatever it takes to rescue our economy from this,the most devastating market collapse since the Great Depression of last century!'

Then I thought,..'Wait a minute?..If I had this $1,000,000,000,000.00 gatherin' dust in the Congressional coffers all this time,why didn't I just use it to pay off about a BILLION home mortgages,provide health care to every citizen of the United States,and maybe cure Lupus or something'??

..and then I thought..
'Fuck it,..now that I'm a major player in the global financial arena,I shouldn't have any problems cashing my unemployment check'.


Friday, September 19, 2008

Now for something a little bit different!..

For this Friday's Jukebox Video,I thought it was about time I took a departure from my usual fare.

I tend to gravitate towards music of a somber nature.
Odes to tragedy and grief,opportunities lost,and unrequited love.
But not today...

I submit for your approval,the following little ditty.
Something bright and lively,..with an energetic rhythm,and delightful lyrics!

..feel free to tap your feet,and sing along.

'Forest Lawn'


Thursday, September 18, 2008

For example..

I think I may be getting the hang of this whole,'Hear what you wanna hear' style of interpreting what the opposition party has to say.
Not 15 minutes ago,President Bush gave a 5 minute speech in an effort to calm fears about the dismal state of the Stock Market,in which he assured us that the administration was 'on top of it'..
The Stock Market's immediate reaction?..It fell 10 points!

Now,even I know that one thing has nothing to do with the other,but at least it's the truth.

Monday, September 15, 2008

No postage necessary if mailed in the United States..

Like most bloggers,I've done something so incredibly stupid,that I hesitate to admit it.
You know,..that thing you did that time,that if it were made public,you'd have to change your name,delete your blog,and move to another town!
A full blown moronic act whose revelation would require you to resign from the human race,and wander the world aimlessly,..your head forever hung in shame!!

Well fortunately for me,I have no shame..So lemme tell ya all about it:

Many years ago,my older brother came to live with me as a condition of his parole.
I forget what year that was exactly,but I do remember that it was an election year,and I asked him if he wanted to register to vote.

"I can't..I'm a convicted felon"..

"Well" I said.."That just sucks!"

And therein lies my transgression.
I took that statement at face value.Never questioning it..Never pursuing it.
Filing it away with all those other bits of common knowledge that I knew were an absolute fact.

Fast forward to the present..

I'm coming out of Food-Maxx recently,and there's a guy,sitting at one of those card tables,hawking people to register to vote.

"I can't buddy,..I'm a convicted Felon"

"Are you on parole?"..


Well guess what!
You may register to vote in California if:

You are a United States citizen.
You are a resident of California.
You are at least 18 years of age (or will be by the date of the next election).
You are not in prison or on parole for a felony conviction.
You have not been judged by a court to be mentally incompetent.


I've been laboring all this time under the delusion that I couldn't vote!
I mean,..I've got the felony conviction,but corrections isn't prison,and I've never been on parole,having completed my entire sentence.

So there you have it.
The proper paperwork is in,and ol' Sling has joined the ranks of those that have a legitimate right to bitch about the way things are run in this country!
(Which I have been doing illegitimately all this time..See..No shame).

You can bet your bottom dollar that I'll be at the front of the line,come election day in November!

..Assuming of course that some judge doesn't read my blog,and declare me mentally incompetent..

Have a great week kids!


Friday, September 12, 2008

Like a poem I meant to write...

Autumn,creeping upon us while we slumber,is betrayed by cooler mornings,and longer evenings...

On my twenty-first birthday,amidst the usual celebrations of one who has successfully made the transition from wet behind the ears whipper-snapper,to fully fledged adult,it occurred to me that I had experienced my life up to that point in seven year cycles.

Birth to age seven.
Seven to fourteen.
And fourteen to twenty-one were defined by three separate and distinct phases,apart from the physical,that passed unnoticed until viewed in retrospect.
It's kind of a mathematical thing I do without provocation.
An obsessive compulsion that drives me to multiply the horizontal by the vertical,and divine words from the random numbers on the license plates I observe,walking from the parking lot,into the supermarket.
..Numbers make rhymes.

So,it's come as no surprise to me that this seven year formula-callit has held true to this very day.
Not that it's some cast in bronze occurrence that I can set my watch by.
I mean,..I didn't make the abrupt transition on my forty-ninth birthday to an entirely new set of circumstances.
..Not exactly.

It's more akin to the manner in which twilight falls just a little bit earlier each evening,until you awake one morning to discover that the seasons have changed.

'The leaves that are green'

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Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Back in the day,when O-Town was just beginning to boom as a gold mining operation,a large Chinese population found it's way here looking to make their fortunes...

Like most folks,they needed a place to gather amongst their brethren,and worship...

These are photos of the original Chinese Temple.
I don't really know if it serves any present function,because they've built a brand spankin' new one right next door..Hey Rainey!..You know the park that lies across from my house?..Well this is two blocks East on the street that runs behind it!

This is some kind of huge,cast iron something-or-other that sets in front of the new Temple.
Maybe it's a massive incense burner..I just don't know.
Although I wasn't able to capture the magnificent patina,the brilliant craftsmanship is evident..
I'm tempted to wander on over there some fine day,and observe the services.
My background in Kung-fu has served to spark my interest in most things Chinese...Still,I wouldn't want to be perceived as just another Ugly American,intruding on their sacred mass.
Like Master Jimmy Woo used to say,and only half jokingly,
'White men have no character'..
Have a great week kids!..

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Monday, September 08, 2008

I like to think of it as a sabbatical..

..although technically speaking,it's a lay-off.

Well dont'cha know it's been a tenuous time at our little cabinet shop of late.
Rising fuel costs,and especially the thunderous crash of the housing market have conspired to slow business down to a trickle.
Add to that the crippling cost of worker's compensation,and the lovely K family really had no alternative but to lay-off those three of us remaining after the great purge of December last.

I actually received the news two weeks ago when Mr. K called us together in the shop,and fighting back the tears,laid it on the line.
The guy seriously apologized for 'Letting us down',as if any of us could hold this dear man responsible for the current state of the Union.
..can't be done.
That's the bad news..
The good news,at least for me, exists on several levels.
I'm guaranteed my unemployment insurance.
The paperwork is in,and I'll be compensated in an amount that,while it necessarily precludes any whimsical jaunts to Europe,still covers my humble day-to-day needs.

There is still work to do at the shop that requires me to perform on an 'on-call' basis,for which I'm being compensated as kind of a day laborer,at a dollar an hour increase over my regular pay.
..I worked ten hours last week!

Most importantly,there is light at the end of the tunnel.
The doors are staying open,and our biggest contractors are still building homes.
Granted,they are homes that won't be ready for cabinets for some few months hence,but time passes no matter what you do.


Worker bee that I am,I expect the the hardest part will be figuring out what to do with myself,given an over abundance of free time.
I mean,I suppose I know what to do with myself,..
I just can't very well do it eight hours a day..


Friday, September 05, 2008

If you don't know what 'Do-Wa-Diddy' means,.then don't mess with it.

What with all this talk about change in the wind,I find it disturbing to realize that the biggest 'change' they might achieve,would be to give us back what we already had.

...a little harmony.


Wednesday, September 03, 2008

I really suck at political commentary..

..and I'll tell you why.

When people look me dead in the face,and act like the bullshit they are telling me is true,as if I just woke up from a 55 year coma,all I wanna do is slap the living shit right out of them.

See!..I can't be objective,or articulate.
..I lack finesse.
Skills that a good political commentator needs to be taken seriously.

For the last two nights I've watched the Republican Stepford Bundists spew their claims of being a force for change,as if they aren't the ones solely responsible for the dismal state of my country!

They've had the gall to use phrases like 'Constitutional rights',..'alternative energy',..and 'free trade',..as though none of us ever lived in the time before G.W.,and his rape of the Constitution.
Meanwhile,robotic chants of 'Drill Baby,Drill!' resonate in the background,while The Governor of Alaska smiles lovingly at her oilman husband.

Okay,..here's where Lush Rimjob inserts a 2 hour rant about how I hate this country.

I mean,I'm not willing to fall in step with the proscribed agenda of the Right Wingnuts,so I must be a subversive...un-patriotic..a threat to national security.

This is the part where any common sense argument I can make falls apart,and all I really wanna do is break a mother fucker's jaw.

This is why I'll refrain from political commentary.


Monday, September 01, 2008


Well hell...
It's been a fortnight since my good friend Drooly has made an appearance.

Given the nature of his condition,and the circumstances surrounding his disappearance,I've resigned myself to conclude that young Drools of the feline persuasion has scampered off,in pursuit of his well deserved reward.

He asked for naught,and gave his friendship in return.
I'll miss the little furbag.