Sunday, June 28, 2009


  • I try liver, just to see if I might like it...I never do.

  • I forget how to spell 'definately..deffinitly..definitely'.

  • When I leave the house early in the morning on my bicycle,I get about three blocks down the road before I remember to check and see if I'm wearing pants.

  • I go out of my way to piss people off.

  • I watch 'Cops' on TV,..just so I can get pissed off.

  • I use ketchup instead of mustard.

  • I wish I didn't know now,what I didn't know then.

  • I feel Yiddish.

  • I think God is a comedian,with an audience that's afraid to laugh.

  • I'm pretty sure there's something they're not telling me.

  • I save pieces of velcro,because I might need it someday.

  • ..I Meme myself, 'cause I don't have anything to blog about.


Friday, June 26, 2009

Is it just me,..or did Farrah get screwed?

Of course,by now everyone is aware that Farrah Fawcett and Micheal Jackson both passed away on the same damm day!
I feel the loss of each,(as well as the loss of Ed McMahon a few days earlier),in the sense that they all had an impact on my generation,and as time goes by, I expect I'll be seeing more and more of my contemporaries moving it were.

I'm struck this day by what I think is something of an unfair disparity in the coverage of this unusual development.
I mean,.. if Mike hadn't died within hours of Farrah,we'd be focused a lot more on her brave battle with a terminal disease,..not to mention the whole Ryan O'Neil 'Love Story' example of life imitating art,..which I find poetically poignant.

I don't know, just seems odd to me that the media attention is largely dedicated to the admittedly untimely death of Micheal Jackson.

I'm really not trying to take anything away from his remarkable career,but I'm guessin' it has a lot to do with all the controversy that surrounded the guy in the last few years.
I just can't help feeling that our priorities may be a tad skewed.

..And that's my two-cents worth.

Quite naturally,there will be a number of musical tributes to Mike out there in Bloggertown today.
This is as it should be..

I highly recommend stopping by my dear friend Rainey's house,and checking out her cool MJ memory!..
I don't want to give away too much,but it has Communists and everything!

In the meantime,I've chosen an old favorite I'd like to dedicate to Farrah, my pubescent..ummm..inspiration,..and pretty much every little boy's dream!

'Hey nahnie ding dong,..a lang-a lang-a lang'.
..That stuff's poetry right there!



Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Today is a notable anniversary for me.
Not like a break out the Champagne and Rumaki kinda thing,but something I take note of with one of those 'score another mark in the air with your forefinger' sorta moves.

Five years ago today,I successfully completed my 3 year sentence in Community Corrections.
In the five years since my release,I have remained entirely clean,occasionally sober,..and have limited my contact with the police to an infrequent nod of neighborly recognition as we pass each other on the streets of O-Town.

Like I said,..this,by way of parsing out the little wedges of time in my life,the sum of which brings me to wherever it is I am today.
..No need to smother me with hugs and kisses.

***In Other,..Totally Bitchen News!***

The Daughter and Grand babies are coming to see me!
It's been four years since I've seen her and my two Granddaughters,and of course I have yet to meet young Jackson in the flesh,..lo these past eighteen months that he's been hangin' out on the planet.

Daughter has a brand spankin' new Chrysler Crossover,and is scheduled to arrive July 15th for a four day visit!
The entire household is all abuzz with anticipation..
As for me,..I'm so happy I could squirt!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Dire Straits Indeed...

I've been trying to make heads or tails out of the whole condition of everything that has transpired since Obama took office,and frankly,it's well beyond my pay grade.

Bailouts and bankruptcies,
Wall Street,and GM.
Pirates and potentates,
..and something that rhymes with GM that I can't really think of right now.

..Close enough.

It all just seems quite nebulous and out of control somehow,making it difficult to try and reason out if anything being done to rid ourselves of all these socio-political alligators is having any real effect.
Perhaps it's too late to think about draining the swamp,but I guess the alternative is to resign ourselves to being eaten alive.
..Which is just what the Republicans are bent on having us do!

How is it they can wake up in the morning to the same world I do,and take up all that oxygen railing incessantly against late-night talk show hosts,and the ethical implications of swatting a nasty ass fly in the Oval Office?

Their strategy is simple.
Wait for Obama to actually DO something in an effort to climb our way out of the abyss eight years of Republican leadership has plunged us into,..and then run frantically to the nearest crowded theatre to shout 'FIRE!'.., at the top of their lungs.

That's it...That's their job...It's what they know how to do.

Take this whole Sonia Sotomayor thing..

Here's a fine candidate for the Supreme Court.
More qualified than many who've already served,or are currently serving.

In the nearly thirty years since she graduated from Yale Law School,she has been a professor of law at the NYU School of Law,the Columbia School of Law,..and as an Appeals Court Judge she's heard over three-thousand cases,and drafted some 380 opinions on Constitutional Law.
..Pretty damn impressive!
But the mere fact that she was nominated to the Supreme Court by Obama has negated anything she may have accomplished over the course of three decades,in the tiny minds of the far Right.

She's a 'racist',an 'activist',(since when did being an activist become some kind of terminally immoral disease?),..and someone who has managed to keep her hidden agenda of overthrowing the white man a well kept secret for an entire generation,against the day she might be nominated to the Supreme Court,where she could finally put her evil plan into motion.
..An Obama-nation??


You know what it's like??
..I'll tell you what it's like.

It's just like back in my beloved bar tending days,when I was at the height of my dating prowess..(Okay,..for the purpose of this analogy,'dating' means scouring the clubs for that special someone with whom I could have a meaningful and intimate relationship,..for one night).
I would often have conversations like this;..

She: 'Do you know that girl over there?'..

Me: 'Yeah,..we went out a couple times'.


Apparently,..a woman achieved the malevolent status of slutdom,by virtue of having dated me!..

Now,I'm pretty sure Sonia and I have never dated,..but hey, was the 80's,and we weren't all that into first names.
Still,..somehow I expect all of this is gonna end up being my fault!

It's after five p.m. in Sling's Domain,..and if I don't start drinking now,I'll be up all night..

(Cue Bartender's Theme Song)..

'Money for nothing'


Tuesday, June 16, 2009


My daughter is wonderful in a number of ways,..not the least of which is her eye for a good photo of the Grand kids,which she'll forward to me for my bragging convenience.

You know,I just don't think there's anything more satisfying than seeing a bit of yourself in your progeny.
It's especially gratifying when you consider that they will,in all likelihood,take whatever small gifts they may have inherited,and run with them.

Here's Ms. Tyler Anne..I can practically hear the wheels spinnin'!

Sharp as a tack she is,..with a tendency to call 'em like she sees 'em.
Emperors have been known to lay in an entirely new wardrobe after one of her fashion critiques.
Clearly,she will accomplish much in life.
At a minimum,she's well on her way to becoming famous,..for being famous!

..And here's the most recent photo of young Jackson,which arrived only yesterday in my in-box under the title, 'Ball Washing'..

You see!..My daughter has obviously inherited her delicate ability to turn a succinct phrase,from yours truly..(*sniff*..wipes nose on sleeve).

That reminds me...I need to get myself a bigger sink.


Friday, June 12, 2009

Second Thursday..

I've written it down someplace,that Thursday is my favorite day at work.
It's the last day of my workweek,and I only have to work two hours in the morning.

The second Thursday of each month is my special favorite,because it's commodities day at Winston Gardens!
I get to help unload,separate,and hand out care packages of your standard staples to all the residents of this seniors-only complex,and it just makes me feel good.

Those that can make it to the clubhouse file past in good order,smiling and chatting as we place a nice variety of grocery items into their waiting shopping bags.

Having done with that,Shirley the manager,Laura the delivery lady,and I bag up goodies to hand deliver to the seventeen or so folks that are too frail or infirm to carry the weight of it on their own.

The heartfelt 'Thank yous!' after I've knocked on the door and announced 'Commodities!' absolutely makes my day.
For two hours a month,..Jesus loves me.

Plus!..As an added bonus!..I get an issue of my own for helping out.

I really have tried refusing to accept it...I mean, sorta takes the fine edge off what I'd just like to be a charitable act..But Shirley and Laura will have none of that,and I've learned not to argue with elderly and insistent church lady types.
..It never goes well.

It's like the guy said.
'You can't always get what you want,but if you try sometimes, get what you

'You can't always get what you want'


Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Photo Ops...

Two magnificent Bull Moose clash,horn to horn in mortal combat,over territorial imperatives in the lush green marshlands of Minnesota!
Taken at great risk to the photographer, night.

Okay,..that was lame.
But!..We did have a record thunderstorm right here in O-Town recently,and I managed to capture a couple of minutes on video for posterity!
This was a huge deal in this part of California.
Over one-thousand lightening strikes in a matter of just a few hours!

I know..It doesn't especially compare to those glorious and apocalyptic boomers that occur in many parts of the country..
Lord he'p me,..I miss those Jovian battles on The Grand Mesa of Colorado,that all but turn your bone marrow into Jell-O.
Still,this was pretty damm impressive,in a laid back Northern California sorta way!

Have you ever tried to grab a still shot of lightning?
You have to point your camera in an anticipated direction,wait for the flash of light,click the shutter on the camera,and hope that it digitally registers in time to catch the forked beast at the precise moment of optimum,..ummm,..fork-ed-ness.

Or,you can just take a video into Windows Movie Maker,and do a frame-by-frame search.
..That's what I did.


Friday, June 05, 2009

I'm still mad at Helen Reddy..

Everything was going along just fine.
Dads went to work,made all the family decisions,and smoked pipes while watching the nine o'clock news..
Moms did the laundry,cleaned house in high-heels,and made pot roast for dinner.
Life was good for us men..There was order in the universe.

Then Helen Reddy recorded 'I am Woman',..and the very fabric of civilization was torn asunder!
All of a sudden,women started asserting themselves,demanding 'equal rights',and (GASP!)..having opinions!
Oh sure,..They stopped wearing bras as well,but that's little consolation for the inexorable decline of male dominance,that up until then had been our birthright.
Maybe allowing women to vote was our first mistake..I just don't know.

While I still harbor some resentment over this unforeseeable turn of events,I have to admit that Helen quickly became one of my favorite vocalists. She has a distinctive style,and a masterful range that I find irresistibly appealing.

Plus!..She's a redhead,.. so there it is.

Quite naturally,I won't be playing her signature theme song for this Friday's Jukebox Video,in deference to my Chauvinistic prerogatives,..but I do have a favorite that I think you'll enjoy!..



Wednesday, June 03, 2009

..and on Wednesdays,we solve crimes.

We have this symbiotic relationship with the tenants of our Housing Authority complexes.
We keep fixing the sprinklers and they,in turn,keep breaking them.
They'll run over them with a lawnmower,or back over them in their cars,..or the resident juvenile delinquent types will just kick them really hard,and retreat to their rooms to smoke weed,and plot the violent overthrow of the Rutherford B. Warsniak Manual Arts and Trade School.
It all works out quite nicely for everyone,as they are able to take out their hostilities and aggression in a largely benign fashion,and The Partner and I are afforded some measure of job security in these troubled economic times.
I have noticed of late,a variation in our routine that seems to fall precisely midweek.
Last Wednesday,we arrived at the Gardella complex to find an unauthorized vehicle parked in the space reserved for an apartment we knew to be vacant.
The Partner gets on the horn to report this infraction to O-Town's finest,and sure enough the car had been reported stolen in our sister city,some 30 miles away.
The police tow truck arrived shortly thereafter,and the hapless victim retrieved his property none the worse for wear.
Today,again at Gardella,(there seems to be a pattern forming here),we pulled in just in time to see two policeman combing the area with their K-9 compatriot,in search of a wanted felon known only as 'Rocky'.
Rocky drives a silver Mustang convertible,and was apparently last seen skulking about the premises,no doubt bent on committing some heinous act of fuckery.
Failing to track down the elusive Rockmeister,the cops bid their leave,(those doughnuts aren't gonna eat themselves,after all),and The Partner assured them that we,(that would be the royal 'we'),would keep an eye out,and ring them up should Rocky decide to make an appearance.
One hour later..
'Rocky, incredible moron!
You've returned to the scene of the crime!'

While The Partner is dialing 911,..Rocky's in the driveway gettin' the 411 on the morning's police activity from his lovely assistant.
Rocky beats a hasty retreat toward the freeway,The Partner relays that information to the local constabulary,and asks,..'Do you want us to follow him?'..
..'Have you lost yer friggin' mind??'..I inquire.
'That won't be necessary',they inform him..'We'll take it from here'...
The freeway,at this point,consists of two lanes running North and South,with miles of nothing in both directions.
I can only assume Rocky made it to his cell in time for the noon day meal of baloney sandwiches,and grape Kool-Aid.
Tomorrow is Thursday..
That's the day I sanitize the dumpsters over at Winston Gardens.