Thursday, July 30, 2009

And so,it's off to the big city!

Tomorrow's the big day!
Lizzard King,Little Newt,Erin,and I will be heading out 'afore sunrise to make the eight hour trek to Darling Daughter's abode,at the very fringes of Sling's Domain.
(Which stretches roughly from wherever I'm at,to the last chance to buy liquor before bedtime).

I've hired the house sitters...

Taken a shower..

And set the alarm on my nightstand for 4:00 AM.

Anyone need to go potty before we hit the road?

..Fine then.


Monday, July 27, 2009

I just washed my brain,and I can't do a thing with it...

You know,it's all beginning to make sense.
I mean,..if you listen to Rush Limbaugh,and Shaun Hannity,and Lars Larson every day at work,..all day.
Every day..
Day,after day,after day.
After day,...after day..
After day.
The reasoning behind their ideological arguments becomes crystal clear.

Like a beacon in the night,the truth of their divine insight lights a path of redemption from the unholy depths of annihilation that President Obama and his indentured minions have plunged this country into,since the untimely deposition of King George the Misanthrope during the Great Left Wing Radical Liberal Uprising of '08.

You know,..when we voted and stuff.

Fortunately,for the sake of everything we as real Americans hold dear,those saviors of democracy permeating the airwaves of Radio Free America have energized the Conservative Right behind a rallying cry!..
An anthem,if you will,designed to unify the whole of creation behind the righteous reclamation of power that the Republicans have come to expect as their White Anglo-Saxon Evangelical,I make over $500,000.00 a year and you don't,birthright.

Universal Health Care?..Economic Recovery??..A freakin' Latina on the Supreme Court of God Bless the United States of America???...

Well HERE'S what the Republican response to that kind of nonsense is my friends!
An unequivocal,..

..I defy any of you godless,anti-American Liberal Democrats to come up with a cohesive argument against that kind of irrefutable logic!


Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Unmitigated Gall..

While standing outside the shop this morning taking a smoke break,I happened to look down and notice a small pile of amber colored seeds at my feet,beneath a Live-Oak tree.
Nothing unusual about that this time of year,..wait?,..Oaks grow from acorns..
Plus!.. These seeds were moving erratically about,and literally jumping several inches above the asphalt!
..No wind,mind you.

I took a minute's worth of video of this phenomenon,but I think it's best observed at around the 45 second mark..

I pointed this out to a couple of the fellas who've lived in this area all their lives.
They thought it was interesting enough,but couldn't tell me what the hell the story was.

One thing I've never been able to tolerate,is a question I can't answer.
I will seriously lose sleep over this type of thing.
..No way am I lettin' this go!

So,when I got home,I lickity-split on over to Google.

Most folks are familiar with Mexican jumping beans,..that they jump because there is a larval worm dwelling inside.
These things are no bigger than the head of a pin,but I figured that would be a good place to start.

Nope...Not even so much as a cross reference.

What should I call these things?..
How about, 'Oak jumping seeds'?

'The California Jumping Gall'!

Check it out..The tiny 'Jumping Oak Gall Wasp' (Neuroterus Saltatorius) deposits it's eggs inside the stems of Oak leaves.
The Oak defends itself by forming a gall around the offending egg,which in turn serves to protect the wasp's larvae while it develops.
(Aren't you just lovin' the poetry in this motion?)..

The gall jumps because the larvae is attempting to regulate it's temperature.
In about three months the fully formed adult wasp,which is about the size of your average flea,emerges!

Turns out,there are several species of the little bugger, of which makes it's home in edible figs.
In fact,the fig produces a nutlet in response to this intrusion.
The nutlets formed by the wasp's pollination provide the nutty flavor and crunch in your Fig Newtons!

..I know I'm gonna sleep better knowing this.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Guest Blogger Jess and Tons O' Pix!

Four Glorious Days!..
Of MY LIFE outside of the norm.
I mean,it's not everyday that you get attacked by a giant slug,who then sends in his ant buddies to finish off the job by having my toes for a mid morning snack.

The joys of watching the kids run amok, drinking beer, and napping every single day have been the most pleasurable.

Hilarious conversations with Dad that are far too amusing to keep to ourselves, however I must plead the 5th.
Fond memories of quality family time that means so much,but doesn't happen enough.

My Dad is amazing,and may be the only single person on this planet that can truly appreciate my sense of humor,and that is only because I am exactly like him in so many ways.

I am convinced that he inherited his oddball personality and fabulous looks from me.
It has been a blast,and a refreshing change of pace.

Time to go home, but I pack in my bag memories to last a life time.
I haven't brought those home in four years,but now they are with me forever.
Thank you Dad.

I love you.

..I love you too baby!

..She's right you know.
I mean,about the doesn't happen enough part.
Still,..better to embrace the moments and cast the memories in bronze,than to dwell on the vexations of time,and distance.

Yep..Erin and Lizzard King hatched a brilliant plan,whereby Erin will spend two more weeks with us,and then LK,Little Newt,Erin and myself will drive her down to SoCal,and spend a few days at Darling Daughter's.
Is this the best Summer,or what!..
In the meantime,and without further adieu,some precious moments of our time together right here in O-Town..

Wood Nymphs..

Tyler Anne kicking Lizzard King's butt at Guitar Hero!..

Jack loves his big sister..

Mom-O and Jessica,clearly up to no good..

Erin,Uncle Lizzard King,and Tyler avoiding having their picture taken..

Jesus dad!..Take the picture already..

..It's Tuesday,my immortality is assured,and as you may have already surmised,.. life is good in Sling's Domain.


Saturday, July 18, 2009

It's a very strange world..

I've noticed a preponderance of Mommy Blogs out there in cyberspace,but there does seem to be a severe shortage of Grandpa blogs.
I think this is a grave social injustice..Probably a vast feminine conspiracy designed to oppress those of us dwelling on the senior side of manhood,in order to keep us securely in our place!
..But that's a story for another time.

I have so very many pictures of the Grandkids to share,that I think I'm going to need to stretch this out over several posts.
I'm starting out with young Master Jackson,for no particular reason except that his dad keeps bugging me to post something..

The really hard part about memories,is that I can either spend the entire time with a camera up to my face viewing the whole thing through a sterile lens,or I can zip that puppy up in it's factory issued carrying case,revel in the experience,and take the mental images with me wherever I go.

I decided to do a little bit of each.

..The Partner extended a gracious invitation for us to come out to his garden,and pick from all the home grown goodness from which we chose...
I'm wearing my favorite T-Shirt,by the way.

I'm pretty sure this is the most unusual dog Jack has ever seen.
..Very strange indeed.

We harvested some of the bountiful grapes that border our own house.
Jack has decided that it may be possible to gather food in nature,rather than taking a trip to the grocery store.
The world is so full of a number of things!..

I would be remiss in my duties as a Grandpa,if I didn't instruct Jack in the intricacies of blogging..

..and then a peaceful night's sleep in the specially prepared nursery.

Thank you,Master Jack.


Thursday, July 16, 2009

Adult Supervision Required..

The Slinglets arrived safe and sound in O-Town yesterday,and we wasted no time setting about having a little fun...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

When in Rome..

I've said it many times before,but I think it bears repeating that one of the great joys of blogging is that it shrinks the world to a manageable state.
A state in which geopolitical boundaries fall at the speed of light,and I can converse,share ideas,laugh,and even cry along with my fellow sapiens across the planet as if they were sitting next to me in the comfort of my own home.

I must confess,I tend to take that circumstance a little bit for granted.
This is America after all,and the freedom to do that is never seriously challenged.

But my friends across Bloggertown aren't really sitting next to me,..are they.

In point of actual fact,they are likely worlds away in terms of geography,and subject to differing sets of governmental ideologies than I have grown accustomed to.

I was shaken from my complacence this very morning,when I visited my dear and gentle friend Willym at his blog in Rome,and discovered that the Italian government has set upon a track to severely restrict,if not entirely curtail his freedom to communicate via the internet.

This is unacceptable to me,..and I'm frustrated by my inability to do little more to express my concern than OBJECT to those efforts here,and display this sign of protest by way of showing solidarity with my friends and counterparts in Italy.

'Bloggers Unite!'


Saturday, July 11, 2009

Magic Dick Blows..

..the sweetest blues harp you're apt to hear anywhere!

Yes,..the title of this post was a cheap shot at garnering some extra hits.
..Like you've never done that!
Can we please just move on?..Thank you.

Anyblogwhore, my ever continuing effort to bring you,what I think,is the best of the best when it comes to pure musicianship sans vocals,I'm pleased to offer up the Harmonic stylings of Mr. Richard Salwitz,..stage name, 'Magic Dick'..

He was an original member of The J.Geils(Blues)Band back in the late 60's and 70's,when I thought they did their very best stuff.
They shifted from Blues/Rock to Pop/Rock in the 80's,..and while 'Centerfold' was enjoyable enough,they pretty much lost me as an avid fan.
..I'm sure they're losing buttloads of sleep over that!

'Whammer Jammer'


Wednesday, July 08, 2009

To make a short story long..

Night before last,I committed that most infamous of technological faux pas.
I accidentally spilled a nearly full bottle of beer on my laptop!..


Everything slammed shut like a crack house after an undercover buy!..
Naturally,like most bloggers,I quickly threw up my hands and ran through the house screaming like a little girl,..'OH MY GOD!,.OH MY GOD!'
Then,..I snatched it up and held it upside down over the sink.

I'll bet I poured four ounces of beer out of the thing,(that's a bartender's estimate),and then I dried it off with a cotton dish towel.
I plugged it in,fired it up,..and the screen lit up!...And then froze.
Well hell..

So,..I took it apart,towel dried the hard drive and RAM chip,blew it out with one of those canned air thingys,..and let it sit over night to air dry.
The next morning I put the whole shebang back together,hit the power button,..when what to my wondering eyes should appear!?..

I've never been so happy to see this nag screen in my entire life!
I mean,..I have actual options!
..As opposed to fuck you,eat shit,..and die.

I opted to start Windows normally,and Old Faithful booted up without any further complaint.
This,I think,is a testament to the Hewlett-Packard HP Pavillion laptop I purchased over four years ago,and which continues to function beautifully,in spite of whatever maladroit misdemeanors I may be prone to commit.

Now,..before you all go yelling at me,..I want you to know I've learned a very important lesson.
From now on,I'll use a wide bottom beer mug while drinking at my computer.
..They're much harder to tip over.


Sunday, July 05, 2009

'They're taking this country over!'..

This is a phrase that has baffled me since childhood.

'They'..'Them'..'Those people'..

I mean,in this country,unless you're an American Indian,(in which case,your ancestors theoretically immigrated to North America from Asia..But I digress),somewhere along your genealogical line,you were a 'They'.
This isn't a rant,..just an observation.

America is the 'Great Melting Pot',and I've always considered that to be our greatest strength.
I take special note of this on the day we celebrate the institution of our Declaration of Independence,when I think about the lofty ideals it proposes...Those self-evident facts so eloquently enumerated.
..And I consider my own eclectic heritage.

Stone cold German on my Father's side,..Scotch/Irish,with a smidgen of Comanche Indian thrown in for that extra-spicy flavor,on my Mother's side.
My paternal Grandfather arrived in this country two short generations ago under questionable circumstances,(No immigration records to be found),but I can trace my maternal roots in America all the way back to the Shenandoah Valley in pre-Civil War Virginia.
So,..I'm as American as apple pie,..corn liquor,jerked venison,and sauerkraut.

As an American,I revel in the wonderful assortment of ethno/geographical influences in myself,..just like I expect my Afro-American Nieces and Nephews,as well as my Hispanic Nieces, Nephews and Grandson to revel in theirs.
It's the American way,..and we're taking over.

Comes now,in deference to my lineage,a haunting ballad performed by a lovely Irish lass.
It tells the story of a Civil War soldier,crossing the Missouri River with his Indian bride.
It just doesn't get any more American than that!
..With the possible exception of your own unique story.



Thursday, July 02, 2009

Thursday Memory Dump..

Gizzy is looking quite fetching in her new Lion 'do!
This is her,'I'm so happy I could shit a golden brick' look.

These next two are kinda cool..
I call them,'Trees Swallowing Fences'.

Our crop of vintage grapes is coming along nicely!


I like to lay out my clothes the night before..

The historic O-Town Whore House has been meticulously restored down to the last detail!

I'm told this sinister looking vine will produce great ginormous pumpkins,but I've never seen them growing in the wild, I just don't know.

I want to wish everyone a joyous and festive 4th O' July!
Please celebrate responsibly,and remember what my old Uncle Three-Fingers used to say..

'Fireworks should be treated like a woman'...
  • Place on a hard level surface.
  • Light fuse.
  • Get Away!