Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I guess the punishment should fit the crime..

Criminal charges will not be filed against 18-year-old college freshman,Danmell Ndonye, who falsely accused five men of raping her in a dormitory bathroom at Hofstra University.

I had to read that twice.

I mean,..this little spoiled twat,in a classic case of bimbo's remorse,decides it would be a lark to ruin the lives of five guys she eagerly gang-banged in a dormitory restroom,and basically gets to walk away with little more than a half hearted,'Tsk-tsk..Shame on you'..

Never mind that these guys' entire futures were put into the nightmarish limbo that naturally follows the mere accusation of this particularly heinous crime..
Let's forget about the fact that she had no qualms at the prospect of them quite likely spending the next twenty years in prison if convicted.

Did I say 'if '?...Let's face it...Once Little Miss Munchhausen put on her well practiced 'helpless victim' routine for the jury,homeboys might as well lay in a lifetime supply of Vaseline.

As it rightfully turned out,the precious darling had to recant her story when she was confronted with a cell phone video that showed her happily lapping up (pun fully intended) all that desperately sought after attention,..exonerating all of the accused beyond question.

At first,I was outraged by the decision to merely give her 250 hours of community service for her unconscionable attempt at false witness,but I guess that it makes a measure of sense.
I mean,..the whole world knows she's more than qualified to service her entire community!

Just ask the fellas over at Hofstra U..


Thursday, September 24, 2009


Black Cat is strictly an inside cat.
Under no circumstances is he allowed outside,and we have discussed this with him on numerous occasions,so there's no doubt that he understands his restriction.
Still,and on two recent bouts of rebellion,he's zipped out the front door before I even had the chance to say,'Holy crap!..Mom-O is gonna kick my ass for letting you out!'.

Back in the day,I would have snatched him up by his furry ass,slung him back through the front door,..across the foyer,..and gliding somewhat less than gracefully over the kitchen linoleum,all the way back to the laundry room..
Just like my dad taught me not to run blindly into the street.

But,in these politically correct times,I must opt for chasing him down the driveway in my skivvies at 5:00 a.m,coaxing him gently into allowing me to retrieve him,('Such a good kitty-kitty'),and then relegating him to a corner of my bed so he can contemplate his misbehavior during a dutifully enforced 'Time Out'..

..that'll teach 'im.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Last day of Summer...

Yesterday,being the last day of Summer and all,the partner and I decided to mark the occasion by planting two Oak trees in the common area of one of our complexes.
Purchase order in hand,we lickity-split on over to 'Bob's Horticultural Pavilion and Topless Bowling Alley' to hand select these healthy specimens!

By the way,..the term 'common area' is Housing Authority jargon for 'vacant lot'..

No,..The Partner isn't doing all the work...Trust me.

They may not look like much now,but they will no doubt offer a pleasant respite from the Summer sun for generations of O-Townians to come.

After all those Oak cabinets I built,I'm especially pleased to be able to put back a little something in return.

Now,I told you that story,..so I could tell you this one.

My six-month contract with the Housing Authority,through the auspices of 'Experience works',officially ends on the 30th of this month.
..Yep,..Wednesday next.
At that time,the rules and reg's state that I must say 'adios' to this job,and re-enter the program in some other capacity as a 'trainee'.
Well,..this never made any sense to me.
I mean,you spend half a year getting to know your job,and making friends and such,and then you're just supposed to unceremoniously pull up stakes!
..'Twas ever thus.

Turns out,there is a brand spankin' new supervisor of the program,so I decided to take advantage of the amorphous nature of the present bureaucracy,and throw a wrench into the system.
This very morning,I made an unannounced and in-person call on Stacy,the new
honcho,with the intention of making my case for extending my contract with Housing for another six months.
I've been preparing my argument for a couple of weeks now.

1) I know every nook and cranny of our complexes,..not to mention having developed a good working relationship with my fellow employees,as well as the tenants.

2) As a groundskeeper,a whole different set of tasks present themselves during the Fall and Winter,than those in Spring and Summer,..so it would serve to round out my overall skills..
This is the point of the program,after all!

3) What the hell kinda sense does it make to jerk me out of the system,only to drop some other schmuck in there that needs to be indoctrinated from scratch?
..Seems awfully inefficient to me.

4) The Partner,and his/our supervisor both asked me to make my most earnest pitch for continued employment!
Frankly,..they love me there.

Armed with this strategy,(which included well formed counters to any anticipated objections..I didn't attend all those sales training sessions back in the 80's for naught),and with all my ducks securely in a row,..I went to Stacy's office,and introduced myself.

Stacy: 'Nice to meet you,..What can I do for you?'

Sling: 'Well,..my six months at Housing ends next Wednesday and..'

Stacy: 'Oh!..How have you liked working there?'

Sling: 'I like it very much!..In fact,I came here to discuss the possibility of me extending my contract for another six months because..'

Stacy: 'Sure!..That'll be great!'..

Sling: '?!?!?!?...umm,..k'.

Stacy: 'Just continue showing up for work,and I'll put all the paperwork through'.

Sling: ........

Stacy: '..Uhh..You can go now'..

I LOVE it when a plan comes together!

Friday, September 18, 2009

If I had a hammer..

..I'd smash something right about now!

I'm checking my news feeds..You know,..link to link to link to ,..'What the fuck??'
Mary Travers died Wednesday,at the age of 72.

No,..'We interrupt this program to bring you a special report!'
No huddled masses,yearning to grieve free.
No helicopters..
No six-hour media homages...

As part of the 6o's folk trio 'Peter,Paul,and Mary',..her soothing vocals spoke to a generation of the futility of war,and the injustices suffered by minorities in this country.
Her music was absolutely instrumental in changing the hearts and minds of people all over this miserable planet toward a more tolerant stance,and had a profound effect on my own ideals in particular.

I guess you had to be there...

'If I had a hammer'

I fully intend to be inconsolable,..for a time.


Monday, September 14, 2009

Manly Things..

If the highlight of my Summer was the visit with my grand kids,then this impromptu trip to Fort Bragg comes in a close second.
The Partner,his friend RB,and I headed out on the four hour trek right after work,passing Clear Lake long about midway.

..Smoke on the water.

My proximity to this brown Gull didn't seem to phase it one bit..

These two ladies,on the other hand,were decidedly perturbed at my intrusion..

The Partner's trailer is snuggled comfortably in the woods,about a half mile from the ocean.We settled in that first night with a hearty stock of Budweiser,and played a very fun board game. (The name of which escapes me..did I mention the hearty stock of bud?).
The point of the game is to correctly answer multiple choice solutions to different survival scenarios.

Did you know that Willow bark can cure a headache?..Or that you can drink your own urine if you have no water? (Apparently,it's perfectly sterile when it first comes out,but tends to collect bacteria pretty quickly thereafter).

RB kicked our asses two games in a row to become the 'Sole Survivor',and was quite pleased with himself.
I decided right then and there that if we were ever stranded on a desert island without any food,..I would eat him.

The next morning,we went down to the shore so Partner and RB could do some diving for abalone,and other sea going edibles.
I didn't have my own gear,but I was more than happy to enjoy the beautiful coastline of Northern California,and document the whole operation.

..it's harder than it looks.

They'll stay within about a hundred yards from shore,where the water is at about ten feet deep.
In spite of some early morning fog,the weather and the water were comfortably warm.

The Partner displays his bounty!..

The limits on Abalone are fiercely monitored..Three a day,per person.
You don't wanna mess with those kids over at Fish and Game..Poaching is very nearly a capital offense in these parts!..
The fellas managed to each get their limits in about an hour.
Six Abalone,two ocean perch,and a type of sea trout called a 'Greenling'.

This ain't no downstream Oyster!..that Abalone is nearly ten inches..(seven inches is the minimum you can keep).

The flesh of this Greenling is blue,but turns white when it hits the frying pan.

My reward for hanging out onshore!..The Partner had these beauties filleted in no time,and packaged for me to enjoy at home.

We did take some time to go down to the marina,so the guys could purchase some fresh Albacore (Tuna)..You can see folks on the dock lining up to buy those tasty critters at $2.00 a pound..

This handsome beast was waiting patiently for whatever scraps the crew might toss overboard.

I may not have been able to go snorkeling,but I damn sure was gonna try my hand at ocean kayaking!...YES!!

Me and my Kayak..You can see by the grin on my face that I'm about to have a Yak-Attack..

Warning!..This ain't for the faint of heart!
Manly men,doing manly things,on the high seas!
..and floating and stuff.
Mendocino is an absolute bonanza of sea caves!
Sorry about the unsteady camera work,but I was filming with both hands,and trying not to get deep-sixed. (That's manly sailor talk for falling off the boat).
The voice you hear at the beginning is RB's.

We finished off the day by taking in a movie!
Normally,I don't go to the theater.If there's a movie I want to see,I just wait for it to come out on DVD.I had to think back to remember the last movie I saw in a theater?...'Jurassic Park'!
Naturally,we decided on a guy flick..'Inglorious Basterds'.
Check it out..I'm sitting there watching the movie,..minding my own business,..when all of a sudden Brad Pitt starts yelling at me!
I kid you not..One of those Inglorious Basterds has the same surname as mine!
..Some nefarious ancestor,no doubt.

All in all,it was a most satisfying adventure!
Thanks for taking me along for the ride Partner!..


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Road Trip!...

I had planned on catching up with comments and such,but I got a last minute invite to spend the weekend on the beach in Fort Bragg this weekend..So I'm outta here! ..in about 20 minutes.

I won't have internet access but I'll try to come back with some pictures,a few exploits,and maybe a fabrication or two.

Have a great weekend kids!

Monday, September 07, 2009

Such a deal!..

I was running low on my beloved tobacco yesterday,so I lickity-split on over to Sal's liquor bonanza and tobacky emporium to purchase a new box.
I tossed it on the dresser when I got home,and it sat there 'til I needed it this morning.

Well,..when I broke the factory seal and unwrapped it,this is what I found..


I guess I really can't complain though..I mean,..I did get 15% more nothin',..absolutely free!

Quite naturally,..I wondered how they managed to cram all that extra nothin' in that little box?

Friday, September 04, 2009

Surgeon General's Warning:..

..This song has been known to cause diabetes!

Some words are just fun to say.
Quintessential,effervescent,peritonitis,and Valvoline spring immediately to mind.
They're lyrical and evocative,and roll trippingly off the tongue in a most satisfying fashion.
Plus!..As an added bonus!,..they tend to sound like what they mean.
(Okay,..in my youth,I naturally assumed Valvoline was some sort of marital aid).
..Know what I mean?

Anyphonetics,..the word Madrigal has been a long time favorite of mine that I have neglected to ever use in a sentence,here in the pedantic verbosity that is Sling's Domain.

Technically,(not that we're married to technicalishness up in here),Madrigal is a style of romantic music made popular in Italy during the Renaissance,that generally involves two or more vocalists.
No doubt,my good friend Willym could cite numerous classical examples.

For my purposes,I've opted to use the lesser definition;..
'Romantic poetry suitable for setting to music,used to designate certain expressive solo songs'.

I think one of the most charming contemporary efforts,(and definitely in the running for 'Most saccharine tune I've ever heard'),was written by that talented kid,Randy Sparks,and performed here by the late John Denver.
There's an especially savory violin interlude long about the 3:16 mark,that makes me grin with the contented satisfaction of The Cheshire Cat every time I hear it.


..'I'll be a dandy,and I'll be a rover.
You'll know who I am,by the songs that I sing.
I'll feast at your table.
I'll sleep in your clover.
Who cares what the 'morrow shall bring'..

I think the world would be a whole lot better place,if people talked like that more often!


Tuesday, September 01, 2009

The price of bacon...

Hey..some of you may remember the post I did way back in July,when Darling Daughter and the Little Slinglets came up to O-Town for a visit.
The Partner invited us to his homestead to pick a share of his garden,and introduce young Jackson to the resident pig.

Well,..he actually makes his barn available for members of the FFA,(Future Farmers of America..Duh.),to house their livestock.
This,he does from a sense of civic responsibility.

Those kids over at the FFA are working hard to breed and raise high quality animals,which they will eventually sell for profit in the hopes of making a few sheckels,while setting a high standard for their chosen field of animal husbandry.

Here's the photo of Jack and the pig..

Dont'cha know that the O-Town County Fair just ended this weekend.
The pig, (a Boar), went up for auction,..and that fine example of porcine genetics ended up going to the lucky bidder for a mere,..

**$12,000.00 FREAKIN' DOLLARS!!!**

I absolutely kid you not!
..I think that's pretty cool.