Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Wherein Sling commits a 'Limbaugh'..

Yep..I know I said in an earlier post that this would be my last week working for the O-Town Housing Authority,but it turns out I'm gonna have to back-peddle,re-group,switch gears,and otherwise cover my ass with a retraction.
I received the following e-mail from Toni over at Experience Works on Monday:

'Sling,..you are on the “hot” list for an office placement but that won’t happen over night. I know Nancy is hoping you can work over there in her office. There are some places opening up and I will keep you posted. We will want you to stay with the housing authority til then'.

See!..I've even compounded my transgressions by editing out my actual factual name,and inserting a totally-conjured-up-out-of-thin-air pseudonym in it's stead.
How have I fallen so low?

I know what you're thinking..
'But Sling,(or whatever your name is),..We trusted you!..And now we discover that you have taken that trust,and manipulated us into believing in your lies!'

To which I will respond by posting this cute picture of my cat to make you go 'AWWWW!',..in an effort to beguile you from the irrefutable fact of my misdeed.

I will now continue to proceed as if the entire incident never took place..

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Not another political rant..

Don't get me wrong..
I'm not done enumerating all the possible permutations of gobsmackery the Republiscams and their post-lobotomized teabag ladies-and-gentlemen can devise in their most self-satisfied wet dreams,..It's just that over the past few days,their adolescent antics have temporarily anesthetized my ability to proffer all but the most basic,and succinct observation..


Stymied,as I was,at what logical course of action to pursue under these surrealistic circumstances,I concluded that there was only one desperate solution to my 'What-in-the-name-of-holy crap-motivates these incredible idiots?' dillema.


Our illustrious team leader,Joe,patiently monitors the progress of  the tri-tips,and skinless chicken breasts..

A thing of beauty is a joy forever!

The Partner does his carnivorous happy dance!..

Peair (L),..John (R),..and myself (not pictured),stand aside while everyone else does all the work.

My plan is to marry the lovely Melissa (L),..have her babies,..and wind up the respondent in a messy divorce over my torrid affair with Tina (R).
..But I haven't yet worked out all the details.

You can't buy this in stores!

It's Thursday,..and life is fat and happy in Sling's Domain.


Monday, March 22, 2010

You know Spring has arrived in O-Town..

..When the R.T.P.S.L. (Really Tiny People's Soccer League) begins Spring training.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

It was the best of times,it was the worst of times..

You know,..somebody really should use that line in an essay,..or maybe a pamphlet or something..

My tenure at the O-Town Housing Authority will be drawing to a close at the end of this month,and I'll be moving on to something else.
..That's a good thing.

I spoke with Toni over at Experience Works yesterday,(who replaced the infamous Bobbi some few months back,for those of you that have a clue what the hell I'm talkin' about),and we both agreed that it's a good time for me to diversify my 'training'.
We didn't discuss any specifics,but apparently there's an ongoing infusion of funding for the program,so I'm optimistic about connecting with a host agency that will offer oportunities to develop some marketable experience in this recessive economy.

I'd really like to post something on my resume that involves sitting at a computer all day blogging,and surfing porn sites using those computer skills I've aquired 'lo these many years,but for which I lack any documented academic credits.
..We'll see.

In the meanwhile,I still have around 3 billion dollars in unemployment extensions to draw from,so I shouldn't have to resort to selling my good kidney any time soon.

I imagine I'm going to miss working with The Partner,who really is a likeable character,..as well as the tenants I've come to know over the last year.
Those old-timers tend to have a lot more on the ball than they let on,until they get to know you.

Still,I most assuredly will NOT miss all that synapsis interruptus that comes from the constant exposure to the delusional railings of Rush Limbaugh,Shaun Hannity,and their legions of intellectual Succubi over at FOX news.

Seriously,..I could literally feel myself growing stoopid.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Happy Spring Forward!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Thursday memory dump..

I've refrained from blogging too much about the weather here in O-Town this winter tide,because most everyone in Bloggertown has been buttcheeks deep in snow,the whole rest of the planet has lurched three inches off it's axis thanks to continental drift in both hemispheres,and all we've had to contend with 'round these parts is 100 years several consecutive weeks of rain.
..Kinda makes it difficult to go for the sympathy vote,you know.

Lately however,and with enough predictability to give rise to hope at the prospect of Spring,there has been an increasing number of balmy days in which to accumulate the following portfolio of

You ever try to get a close-up of a bee going about the business of taking her seasonal pollen inventory?
They are notoriously uncooperative..

..Not so,this handsome amphibian.
Stirred from hibernation the very day this was taken,he graciously allowed me to pose him at my leisure without any outward sign of trepidation.
Obviously,unaware of the fact that he tastes just like chicken.

Raindrops on water..

..and whiskers on kittens.

..You're really not supposed to look directly at the sun,but the juxtaposition of sun and contrail possessed a geometric quality I found appealing.
I centered it in my viewfinder until it went black,snapped the shutter,and dodged great flying spots before my eyes for about an hour afterwards.

A study in the aerial skills of flying rats..

I really don't like 'breasts'..
I mean,..quite naturally I have an abiding admiration for actual breasts in theory and practice,and line up second to none when it comes to the aesthetic appeal of their form and function.
I'ts the damnable articulation of the word that really chaps my hide!
Those final three hard consonants in a row invariably transform the pronunciation into 'breast-ises'..(Probably the very reason we invented the word 'tits' to begin with).
I still have nightmares of those few times I was obliged,by circumstances,to utter the phrase,'Okay kids,..it's time to sit at our desks,and put masks on our breasts!'..


Have a great weekend kids!..

EDIT: Damm..I'm using a new blog editor that ginormisized my pix!..I'll format them better next time.


Sunday, March 07, 2010

Aint this a bitch..

The landlord is finally doing something about our miserable bathroom,and has hired a two-man crew to do a long overdue makeover.
That's not the bitch part..The bitch part,is that it's taking FOR.EV.ER!
Here's the progress over the first three days..

..Nothin' like stepping out of the shower,onto a luxurious piece of cardboard covering semi-rotten floorboards.
Did I say shower?
..I meant bathtub.

Don't get me wrong,I enjoy a nice leisurely bath as much as the next guy,but I don't take baths to get clean,I take them to relax,and unwind.
I'm really not a huge fan of coming home after a hard day's manual labor,and soaking in my own filth before bedtime.

By Thursday,the fellas had completed putting in a new sub floor.
Notice anything missing?..

By Friday,I was at last able to take a decent shower!..

Oh,..that missing item isn't really missing.
..It's been sitting in the kitchen for several days now,along with the new linoleum,which is all boxed up out of frame.

To be perfectly fair,the fellas are doing a good job.
It's just that they're doing it two or three hours at a time,and of course,they don't work weekends.

Maybe by the end of next week,I can stop shaving out of the toilet..


Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Ruht Roh...

Obama: 'I think we should have health care for everyone!'

Republicans: 'OH MY GOD!!..Obama's Trying to take over this country with his Nazi,Socialist,Muslim,Commie,Chicago style,..(inhale)..Hitler,Charles Manson,and Jack the Ripper will kill your grandma,ACORN,birth certificate,radical Nigerian agenda!'..

Obama: 'I think it's time we stopped torturing prisoners at Gitmo,shut down that disgraceful facility,and try those criminals in American courts'.

Republicans: 'RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!..Obama is letting all the terrorists in the the world move into your spare bedroom,rape and murder your daughters,use up all your cell phone minutes calling Osama Bin Laden,and drink all your beer!'..

Obama: 'I think we should take serious steps to alleviate global warming'.

Republicans: 'LIES,LIES,LIES!!..It snowed seven inches in Fargo North Dakota just last week!..in the winter time..Proof positive that global climate change is a left wing MYTH!'..

Obama: ..'I think I'll have the tuna melt'..

Republicans: 'SWEET JESUSJOSEPHandMARY!!'..Obama is going to murder all the Dolphins,turn Wisconsin into a penal colony,and make it a capital crime to be caught in possession of PB&J!!'

Half a million unemployed,..Medicare recipients,and thousands of Federal employees: 'We really could use the money..You know,..to LIVE!'

Republican Senator Jim Bunning:.. 'TOUGH SHIT!'

..It might actually be humorous,if I weren't surrounded by people who listen to these insane diatribes,and nod their heads knowingly,.. as if it all makes perfect sense.