Sunday, April 25, 2010

How to identify an Illegal Immigrant..

I've been following the progress of Arizona SB1070,which was signed into law by governor Jan Brewer on Friday.
The gist of this abomination,is that the police in Arizona will now be empowered to demand proof of citizenship from any one of whom they have 'reasonable suspicion' of being an illegal immigrant.

Well isn't that lovely..

As a natural born citizen,I had to wonder exactly how it is one might have cause to reasonably suspect a person of being in this country illegally?
Fortunately,Arizona Representative Brian Bilbray appeared on the Chris Matthews show to enlighten us with his criteria,in an effort to clarify those tell-tale signs that might betray a person's questionable immigration status.

Follows,his well framed guidelines:

1) You can tell by their hair..

2) You can tell by their clothes..

3)  You can tell by their shoes..

No doubt,this information will prove to be indispensable to Arizona's dedicated law enforcement officers,and I'm grateful for his concise evaluation.

Of course,I'll have an easier time explaining to my two-year old grandson Jackson the intricacies of alien identification under this ill-conceived piece of legislation.
All he has to do,is look in the mirror..


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Tuesday Memory Dump..

If it weren't for I wouldn't have jack-shit to post today.

I caught this cold blooded little fella sunning himself early enough in the morning ,so that he wasn't inclined to run off before I got near enough to get a nice close-up.He lives under a loose board on a bench at one of our Ministry of Geriatric Housing complexes,so I see him out and about on a fairly regular basis..

This antique car club gets together from time to time over at the historic Lott home,right here in O-Town.
It's easy enough to convert the photo to black and white,and then apply a sepia filter in Photoshop to get a nice,nostalgic effect..

I have no idea why I never noticed it before,but our Dogwood first blossoms in these lovely pink flowers at the advent of Sping,and then begins to leaf.

This phenomenon probably isn't news to most folks,but I find it pleasantly odd.

My daughter,suspicious of little Erin's unusually quiet activity,went outside to investigate and found her embroiled in the construction of this very wonderful contraption!
A sort of designer trebuchet,no doubt intended to employ against that snotty little brat next door,and her stupid 'Barbie's Dream House'.
..A fine example of our familial German engineering gene,made manifest in my 8 year old grand-daughter!

A fashionably spotted Ladybug,and her Gentleman bug consort,caught in an intimate embrace..
We are not above a little graphic imagery here in Sling's Domain.

Speaking of bugs..What the hell kind of malevolent multi-legged menace deposited these gruesome looking eggs on MY Grape leaves??
They don't belong to those Ladybird Beetles I know,..'cause I looked it up.
They have since been dispatched with extreme prejudice..

This is what I have to contend with whilst shaving..Fat Cat crouched in the bathroom window,and the neighbor's pitt bull 'Rex' glaring at me disapprovingly,as if  my personal hygiene has rudely intruded on their conversation..I don't know what they're so pissed about,since they clearly have a more interesting social life than I do..


Thursday, April 15, 2010

C'mon!..Put some effort into it!

I was spending my evening as usual,stalking my Facebook buddies,and eating Sardines on Chicken-in-a-biskits,when I came across the lovely Christine's status update wherein she laments over the deluge of anti-Obama e-mails she receives from one of her relatives.
She didn't get into the specifics of type,but my thoughts went directly to the abundance of Obama jokes that have permeated the interweaves since his inauguration.

We've all seen them a hundred times..
Watermelons growing on the White House lawn.
Obama shining Sarah Palin's shoes..
Obama riding a camel,and wearing a Turban..
You get the idea.

Obviously,and immediately,they tend to repulse folks of good conscience by virtue of,..well,..their complete lack of virtue.
Still,and right up there in my top two criticisms,is the disappointing fact that they simply are not funny!

I've come to the conclusion that Conservatives,by and large,absolutely do not have a clue as to how to put the 'fun' in funny.
Let's face it..It doesn't take a 'Dr. House' to take one look at John Boehner's strained countenance,and attribute his malevolent behavior to the fact that this is a man that hasn't had a decent bowel movement in decades.

I mean,..damn..Lighten up homie.

I truly enjoy a good joke but,where's the flavor?..where's the nuance?..where's the craftsmanship that goes into constructing a genuinely humorous scenario??

And so, a bi-partisan attempt to take up the half-assed slackedness of my Right Wing contemporaries,I offer up the following on their behalf.
You don't have to agree with the premise,to get a grin out of some o' these...

********Obama Jokes********

  • Based on his performance in office so far, President Obama should do just fine on his future tax returns.. After all, he will be able to write off his second term.

  • The Obama economy is so bad,..that the CEO of Wal-Mart was seen shopping at Wal-Mart.

  • Under Obama,everyone in America will be working for the government.. Democrats will be on the payrolls and Republicans will be on the tax rolls.

  • Due to Obama's lending agreement with our creditors,.'Made In America' stickers will now be manufactured in China. (Now that's funny right there!..I don't care who ya are).

  • "I thought it was one of those heartwarming infomercials.. It had a wonderful ending. In the final scene,Barack Obama is adopted by Angelina Jolie." ~Dave Letterman.

  • John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?"
    McCain takes a breath and then replies, "Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book." God looks down and then says, "You can sit to my left side."
    So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?" Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, "I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long." God again looks down and this time says, "You can sit to my right side."
    Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?"
    Obama smiled and replied, "I think you're in my seat."
Just sayin', might want to copy these down,to interject the next time you find yourselves surrounded by the juvenile offerings that seem to pass for humor amongst the staid Republican'ts.
...You'll be the hit of the Tea Party.


Monday, April 12, 2010

A Public Service Announcement..

WARNING!: Do not leave your Polliwogs unattended!..

..Tiny Frogs will come and eat them.


Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Lush Rimjob Show!..

..already in progress.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Modern Marvels!..

Long before we had cars that ran on electricity,we had cars that ran on,umm,..electricity.
When I was just a toddlin' lad,and from time to time,my mom would scoop me up and spirit me,along with my big sister,downtown on the streetcar to spend countless agonizing hours filtering through every goddamm ladies rack at J.J. Newberry's,clucking over acres of fabric and accessories while my bones ached to just get to the toy department before I reached puberty,..FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD!! go shopping..

Any trepidation I may have felt over the inevitable epic search for that perfect frock,was temporarily assuaged by the boistrous ride to the city on that marvelous conveyance!
I'd sit in my seat,breezing through traffic at the blistering speed of 12 miles per hour,and wonder at the cornucopea of technical whizbangery going on about me while I calculated the advantage of Silly Putty,versus the Slinky.

Bells and whistles,(and not the metaphoric kind),..and the crackling sparks of that doohicky,that connected to the overhead thingamajig,that mimicked perfectly the immense power source that propelled Buck Rodger's space ship across the universe!
Lord he'p me,..I did love it so.

Sadly,the Los Angeles streetcar lines,like milkmen and the Helm's truck,have passed into history.

This was on my mind...

NEXT WEEK: 'If you don't leap off the escalator at Newberry's a split second before you reach the platform, will snatch your toes,drag you down into the gears,shut down the entire operating system,and your Dad will have to pay for it!'

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Happy Easter Bubbles!..

Lu 24:3 And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus.

Happy Easter!..A blessing on all your houses.