Monday, May 31, 2010

Darling Daughter Update..

Darling Daughter: 'Ok Dad, so first I was confronted by a 12 foot trannie, a hobo took a shit in the lobby, my apartment is the size of a jail cell,and this hooker was walking her dog in 10 inch heels.
...'But you CAN see the Hollywood sign from my balcony'.

Sling: ..'You have a balcony?...COOL!'.

Darling Daughter has packed up her entire operation,and moved to HOLLYWOOD!
She has recently been employed to manage this lovely building on Sunset Boulevard.

This is the view from her balcony..I don't see the Hollywood sign.
..Perhaps it was out for a lube,and oil change.

The building is across the street from the celebrated tattoo studio featured in the series, 'L.A. Ink'!
The owner assures her that she will be seeing many celebrities milling about the premises,..and apparently,the occasional dog wearing ten-inch heels..

Tyler Anne will be turning thirteen years old on her next birthday.
At which time,I will be packing her off to a convent in Silesia,where she will be sequestered away making porcelain figurines of the twelve apostles until she turns thirty..

In this photo taken immediately after being apprehended for joy-riding,and the subsequent high speed chase down the San Diego freeway,young Master Jackson poses for his fans.

..The Torrance Fire Department has declined to press charges.


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Depends on how you spin it..

If you're like me,and let's face it,..who isn't?,'ve come to enjoy gathering up the family,crowding together on the couch,setting the coffee table with a bowl of pork rinds and a bottle of Tobasco brand hot sauce,and watching the live video feed of the monumental oil spill roaring forth from the sea floor in the gulf of Mexico.

The younger ones amongst you may have curiously inquired,..'HOLY FLYIN' SHIT!!..How is this gonna affect all those rare and wonderful creatures that inhabit that delicate environment??'..

Well,not to worry!..As you can see in the screen shot I took this very morn,a magnificent Eel glides gracefully within a few feet of the catastrophic consequences of the unbridled greed and hubris of short-sighted corporate ASSHOLES!  gently flowing stream of Earth's bounty.

Clearly,this nimble fellow remains unaffected by his circumstance..
If anything,his freshly lubed exterior will allow him to more easily slip those relentless gulf stream currents,allowing him to better compete with his so-called 'pristine' counterparts!

..I hope this encouraging development has helped to set your mind at ease.


Sunday, May 23, 2010

Turn around..

Now here's a young man I haven't seen in far too long!..

The last time I saw young master Mark,he was just a toddlin' lad.
Six years old,with striking blue eyes,and a curiosity that knew no bounds.
He and I fell out of touch,in that inexplicable way in which circumstances alter cases.
..That's all on me,of course,for what's a mere boy to do?

Well,don'cha know that friends times friends on Facebook,and we reconnected just 4 days ago!

Mark turned seventeen in March.
He's on the Varsity swim team,and the Varsity water polo team.
His immediate goals are to graduate from college,and join the Peace Corps.

Mark is my son..

I never told you that story?
..I'll have to rectify that.


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I clicked 'Like',..because Facebook doesn't have a 'HELL YES!' button..

WHEW!!..I really needed to step away from Facebook for awhile. Now I see how folks can get hooked on farms,and the Mafia and such.
My own daughter is sending me Instant Messages (via Facebook,of course) and chastising me in that tone she has just like her mother's,even when I know for a fact I put the toilet seat down..
..'Dude!..You need to blog something!'..

Fine then..

We've been having what I call 'scheduled weather' this month.
Each week,beginning on Monday,and ending on Friday,it's either been hot and sunny,or cold and rainy during the entire work week.
I don't remember what it's been like on weekends,because I don't have to worry about how to dress for work..Maybe the weather takes weekends off.

This week's schedule calls for cold and rainy,(and yes,..6o degrees in California is COLD!)..It's during these times that we landscaping types like to catch up on some of the indoor projects we've been setting aside for just such an occasion.
So yesterday,we made toys!..

Have you ever heard of 'Oklahoma Horseshoes'?..It's a surprisingly addictive game,the object of which is to toss a 2 3/4" flat washer into a hole drilled in the target ramps you see my co-workers assembling above.
Tossing your washer from about 12 feet,if it stays on the ramp it's worth 1 point..If it partially covers the hole it's 2 points..A 'ringer' (sinking your washer fully into the hole) is worth 3 points.
Quite naturally,great amounts of alcohol consumption is involved.

********In Other News********

It's going to be a bountiful fruit crop this year,..right here in Sling's Domain!
I fully expect to triple last year's harvest.
Oh,the following 'before' pictures may not look like much now,but come summer I'll be gorging on the citrusy goodness of the very finest produce NorCal has to offer!

Baby Oranges..These suckers will be 4" in diameter,and extremely easy to peel and segment.

Mom-O gets all the credit for tending these Blackberries.
She's been cultivating them in a pot for a few years with meager results,but it looks like this year is off to a much more encouraging start..

I submit that the wines of Northern California rival the very best wines in the world,and I'll tell you why...
Soil,sun,rain,and the most remarkably delicious grapes you'll ever taste!
Comes the 100+ degree days of summer,and a chilled bowl of these is like heaven on a cloud*..

*I was gonna say they're like having little orgasms in your mouth,..but thought better of it...

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Happy Mother's Day!

'If I could build a sailing ship,
I'd take the helm,and chart a trip.
The world to plunder,I'd fill it's beams,
With joy,and wonder,and all your dreams.

If I could build a chest secure,
an ark of holding to endure,
I'd gather all your secret fears,and bind them for a thousand years.

And if I could build a house that could,
be filled with all your hopes,
..I would'.


I hope all the moms out there in Bloggertown had a wonderful day today!

The weather o'er these past couple of weeks has been nothing less than spectacular!
Lots of sunshine,and moderate temps have brought out some of the best nature has to offer.
And so,I find my self in need of unloading a fewhere in Sling's Domain..

I thought of my dear friend Yellerdawg when I took this..She has a fondness for clouds,you know.

These Canadian kids were spotted having a great time,relaxing on the mighty Feather River.

I ran into my buddy Peair down by the river,and he let me knock a few golf balls as far as I could..
His honest critique of my style?
'It's a golf club,..not a baseball bat!'
I've never swung a club in my life,short of miniature golf,so I had to to practice looking off in the distance for this picture,even as the ball ended up landing five feet in front of me.

I'm told by the nice lady that grew this that it's called a 'Red-hot Poker'.
I don't know about that,but as long as she keeps making The Partner and I peanut butter cookies,she can call it whatever she wants.

This red-headed character is one of a couple species of Hummingbirds that hang out at our Winston Gardens complex..
He's fairly large for a Hummingbird I think,and not too shy about letting me in for a close-up.

Yep..It's parade season here in O-Town.
I swear,these folks will use any excuse to march down Main Street,drink beer,and eat chili...Not that I'm complaining.
Yesterday was 'Feather Fiesta Day"..Next comes 'Perry Mason Day',in honor of Earle Stanley Gardner having gone to high school here in O-town,
..and I'm so not kidding.

Lizzard King's little niece Abby,waiting for the parade participants to throw some candy her way..

..The End.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

BUSTED! the Facebook police.

You know how great monolithic bastions of social propriety get their silks all knotted up whenever you defy their draconian rules by going about the business of being yourself ?..
It's like that.

Okay,'s not really like that.
Facebook has rules in place for good reason.
Harassment,intimidation,and hate speech have no place in civilized discourse,no matter what venue that discourse takes shape.

And so,for that very reason,I was given the bum's rush by Facebook for meeting hatred with hatred over at 'One Million Strong against the Arizona Immigration Law SB1070'..
(Which now has over 1 1/4 MILLION members in little over a week,..btw).

At first I thought,'Hell..I've been kicked outta better places than this!'
Then I thought,'Dammit..I really like this place!'
When I'm not embroiled in the constant battle for truth,justice,and the American way at some socio-political fan page,I've really come to enjoy the day to day updates and musings of all my Facebook buddies.

And THEN I thought,'FUCK!..Now all my friends are gonna get that 'account disabled' message,and think that I broke up with them!'

They'll delete my blog from their Blackberrys,tear up the photos of us marlin fishing off the coast of Kansas,..and clean out our joint bank accounts!!

Fortunately,I was able to establish a 'new' persona on Facebook,utilizing a dormant email account I keep handy for just such an occasion.
Yeah,..I so saw this coming one day.
Even as we speak,my beloved friendships are being re-established,and some measure of balance has been restored.

Having successfully set those wheels in motion,I must now away to engage all those Neanderthalian haters spouting their ignorance over at 'Against SB1070'.
..There's a few things I wanna tell 'em.


Saturday, May 01, 2010

Does this couch make me look fat?


I've was bit by some malicious intestinal ninja yesterday,that put me entirely off my feed.
Even the thought of eating sent waves of nausea rolling through my guts,sending me,yet again,rushing to the bathroom to ,well,..sit down.

I told you that story,so I could tell you this one.

Odd as it may sound,it wasn't all that bad.
I couldn't eat,or smoke,or drink cheap brown liquor,but I did get to spend an entire day vegging on the couch,lounging all snuggly in my pajamas,and covered up with my favorite Afghan..the blanket kind,..not that stunning green-eyed chick that was on the cover of 'Life' magazine a few years back..But I digress.

I guess I'm sayin' that it was all reminiscent of those times,as a wee lad,that I'd stay home sick from school,watching cartoons,sipping 7-Up (it's medicinal,you know),and surfing porn sites on the internet coloring in some brand new color books my mom bought me for just such an occasion.
Maybe it sounds wierd,but it was,..comforting.

I don't know exactly how to 'splain that,but I do know this!
Come bedtime,physically drained as I was,I fell into the deepest,and most recuperative sleep I've experienced in years.

It was the sleep of the innocent,and Lord he'p me,it was worth it.