Sunday, May 18, 2008


Dear Sling,
Last week,the California Supreme Court overturned my beloved law prohibiting gay marriage!
Oh my stars and garters!..what hath god wrought?
This is the end of civilization as we know it.Next thing you know,people will be turning gay right and left.
Upon hearing the tragic news,I immediately called all my friends,and we've decided to organize a protest.
We'll be having a rally outside the John Birch memorial bowling alley this weekend.
We want to get the message across that marriage is strictly relegated to those that can successfully reproduce 'normal' children like ourselves,that will grow up to be diligent guardians of the public morals.
If god wanted people to be gay,he wouldn't have given men pee-pees,and women hoo-has....You know, they could do the nasty for the sole purpose of procreation,and not for the devil's pleasure.

My question is this.
Do you think god will smite the homosexuals in this life,or wait till they stand before him on judgement day,where he can really take his revenge?
..I'm so upset over this unholy turn of events,that I had to have a Courvasier and Coke to calm my nerves.

Yours Truly,
Twisted Knickers

Dear bible thumping,backwards-ass,jesus krist on a popsicle stick!..

Why do we keep breeding emotionally stunted,self righteous,gotta have your head up every body's ass so you can feel good about your own miserable self,retro-mindfucks like you?..
I just don't get it!

What possible affect does who the hell is sleeping with whom have on you,except that you need something to get indignant about to draw attention away from your own shortcomings.
You're Fucking pathetic!

..Anyway,I'm here to help,so here is my advice;
HOLY FLYING CRAP!..You mix Courvoisier with Coke??..
..Fucking pervert.



At 3:08 PM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

if there's no pepsi in casa myshkin, the courvasier stays in the cupboard.

At 3:50 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

Dear Slingmeister:
Is ok for me to smite reglious fanatics?
I used to drink straight shots of tequila and chase it with Dr. Pepper, will I go to hell for that?

your friend...Yellowdog

At 6:26 PM , Blogger Sling said...

billy P.- According to scripture,jesus turned water into pepsi at the wedding in Cana.
So you should be okay.

yellerdawg- god encourages you to smite religious fanatics!
Nobody ever went to hell for chasing tequila with Dr. Pepper,but it just sounds gross. ;)

At 3:51 AM , Blogger Doralong said...

Kind of sad that there really are a lot of people like that out there, isn't it? And yeah, most have no taste either, I guess the stupid, mean ideas take up too much space in their heads..

At 10:15 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

"Is he gay?"


"But he seems like such a nice person".

"That's because he is a nice person".

Actual transcript from a conversation I once had with my mother. She's not like that now. And she never mixes Couvoisier with Coke. Eeeww.

At 10:45 AM , Blogger Mom said...

When I thump my Bible I like to thump the love one another part and the God is love part and the part that says don't judge other people. I have a real hard time with people who give Jesus a bad name by acting like a bunch of narrow-minded, self-righteous bigots who don't know anything about love.
Twisted Knickers makes me sick!

At 12:42 PM , Blogger sageweb said...

Things like this always bring out the ignorance and hate that some people spew. It bothers me that it even matters to them. Do they think about me when they crawl into bed? I think they do, I think they are freaky people that interpret things from a book that a bunch of old people wrote, they twist all around shake it up and down and then pour themsleves a nasty drink.

At 5:53 PM , Blogger Sling said...

doralong- Shekespeare wrote,'Methinks you doth protest too much!'
My wonderful grandma used to say,'The guilty dog barks the loudest!'..
There's a point in there someplace.

Rainey- 'Janice is black,OH!,but she's really nice!'
Actual transcript of a conversation with my mother.
I recognized this as progress.

mom- THAT'S what I'm talkin' about right there!
God,my God,is only ever looking for ways to love his children,and prepare a place for them.
The best I can do is try not to hate incredible morons.
Sometimes,I fall short.

Sage- Hell,I think about you when I crawl into bed! ;)

At 7:19 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I run into that attitude more often than I care to think about.

At 7:38 PM , Blogger Sling said...

citizen- I have to seriously wonder,don't these people think?
I mean,aren't they motivated by the very human desire to love,and be loved?
Who gets up in the morning,and works out their daily hate list over coffee,and bearclaws?
It's beyond my ability to fathom.

At 9:48 PM , Blogger Oliver said...

I'm with Kinky Friedman on this one:
All for gay marriage. Why shouldn't they have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us?

At 10:45 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Oliver- Exactly!.. if we can just guilt them into cleaning the rain gutters.

At 8:43 AM , Blogger booda baby said...

I'm impressed you took the time to reply. I'm sort of on the side of Johnson (ha) with this one - you know, the 'there's no arguing with nitwits.'

I think the burden ought to be on them to quit inventing more idiotic shit rather than on us to persuade them.

At 3:54 PM , Blogger Sling said...

booda babe- I have to reply,it's court ordered community service.
Boy howdy,don't they just keep comin' up with idiotic shit faster'n a body can absorb?
..and I'm very absorbent.

At 5:08 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Canadians are still laughing at us. (sticks head out window) Yup. I can hear 'em.

At 5:16 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Hat-tastic- Canadia has always been at the forefront of enlightened social reform!..and bacon..sweet,sweet bacon.

At 5:40 PM , Blogger Kari (GrannySkywalker) said...

Yeah! Ditto what YOU said!

For the life of me, I will never, ever understand how people think being gay is a "choice". Dumbasses. Nor will I ever understand how a person can believe "straight" people are more deserving of rights than "gay" people. Double dumbasses. And finally, why in the hell are some people so interested in what goes on in other people's bedrooms??? For pity's sake, people. Buy some porn and quit worrying about who your neighbor is banging. It's none of your bizwich! You double-double dumbasses.

Now, in the interests of living up to your high standards, Sling, I will attempt to put aside my contempt for the likes of Mizz Twisted Knickers and think good and happy thoughts about her. Dumbass that she is.


At 7:35 PM , Blogger Sling said...

kari- I have enough trouble just making sure my socks match,..not that they do,but at least I try...anywhiz,how is it that these people find enough spare time in their day to leap headfirst into the morals of their neighbors?
Maybe I'm just too busy being distracted by shiny objects.

At 4:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poop-Butt says...Your very exact thoughts on this tells me I have somehow transmitted my brainwaves to you so that you were able to write a perfect piece. I'm glad I gave you something more than just my good looks.I love you dad.

At 5:30 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

My only query.. whats Courvoisier? God save us from those who would order our lives... we maybe need to do a bit of a digging into their family treasure chests to see why they feel this way.

At 6:20 PM , Blogger Sling said...

anonymous- I knew those thoughts were coming from someplace!
I know,that you know I'm an asshole..but at least I'm not a fucking asshole. ;)
I love you to baby! :)

middle child- As near as I can figure,these people quite naturally assume that the rest of us are just begging for them to instruct us on how to live.
Based on their vast experience in hunkering down in their basements,flagellating themselves.
..I'll pass.

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