My ever continuing battle with the Post Office has raged on,subsequent to my last installment.
Ten days turned into two weeks,..turned into sixteen days,without a trace of the lost checks to be found.
Finally,and at last,I contacted all the parties involved in an effort to void the errant instruments,and issue new ones in their stead.
All it took was three phone calls,(which sucked up 72 minutes of pre-paid cell phone time),to convince them that the checks had been lost to the nether regions of Post Office hell,and that I was indeed who I claimed to be,..and could they please FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD
kick me down their replacements!!
Yesterday,I received the affidavits necessary to set the wheels of recompense in motion.
Two pages of ass-covering legalese wherein I pledged allegiance to Mammon,god of banking,that the checks have been lost,stolen,or destroyed,..and that if by some miracle they should ever find their way to my new address,I would not under any circumstances
attempt to cash them!
They have assured me that the whole matter will be set aright
at the speed of a Post Office worker on Vallium
,...within ten days.
Well don'cha know I filled them suckers out lickity-split,put them into my mail box this very morning,and dutifully raised the little red flag that alerts the postman to outgoing correspondence in need of immediate attention!
Diligent civil servant that he is,he retrieved that precious plea just two hours ago in accordance with his daily duties,so that it is now winging it's way off to fulfill it's noble mission!
...Guess what he delivered
at that self-same moment,none the worse for wear,.embossed with little yellow stickers advising me to 'notify sender of new address'
I am so NOT.FUCKING.KIDDING...