Friday, November 30, 2007

The greatest thing since spaghetti and string cheese!

It's Friday Music Video time boys and girls!..
How many of you can name the very first artist to appear in a music video? (Hint:..It was slightly before the 60's JP)..

It was 1927..And my favorite son-of-a-cantor starred in a landmark feature length "Talkie",..The Jazz Singer!

Flappers,and dancers,and prancers,and vixens!..I love this stuff!

Okay,..I don't have a clip from the original movie,but it's all about the voice.

"I'm sittin' on top of the world"


Thursday, November 29, 2007

...more nonsense

...I'm changing the name of my Teddybear to "Grumpy".

When Joseph and Mary showed pictures of baby Jesus to their friends,did they say,"Hey!..His eyes follow you wherever you go!"?...just wonderin'...


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

What do you wanna do?..

..I dunno...What do you wanna do?...

Well it hasn't really been all glamour and excitement here at Sling's Domain.
Once the Thanksgiving lethargy settled in,I was having too much fun exploring the innumerable ways(43)there are to lounge on my couch in a vegetative state,to accomplish anything blogworthy.
I did finally get my new hard drive installed!

"What??..Weren't you s'posed to do that like,..weeks ago?"..

Yes I was...But,(you can start a sentence with "But"),..When my new hard drive arrived,it looked like the pins wouldn't match my laptop,so I was gonna send it back.

(Insert procrastination here)..
Turns out,..I'm an idiot...

(Insert incredulous gasps of disbelief here!).


Fine then!..See if I act surprised next time you decide it would be a good idea to make toast while taking a bubble bath,or don't have the uncommon good sense to realize that the little plastic adapter on yer ailing hard drive fits quite nicely on the one that's been sitting on your desk for days!..

"..ummm..Is there a particularly salient point to this story Sling?"..


Yesterday,The Lizzard King did some work for a local flooring business!
This is the current state of our miserable foyer,(pardon my French)..While it may not look too bad in the photo,It is thoroughly uninviting...Even the dog will only come in the back door.
..Thanks to some shrewd bargaining on LK's part,we will be installing this brand new,genuine artificial,Oak flooring!..Sometime...Sooner or later.

...and there you have it.

**Important Tourist Advisory!**

When traveling in Northern California,be sure to pronounce "Almond"" the same way you pronounce "Salmon"...They get really pissed if you say "All-mond"..


Friday, November 23, 2007

Gizmo here...
Sling is too damm lazy to post a Friday Jukebox Video,so I'm gonna have to do it for him!..
Well,..I've got my own agenda!..Thank you very much.
These guys seem to be competent musicians,with a keen sense of what the public really wants to hear,..yada,yada...Whatever.
..I'm late for my nap.

"Stray cat strut"


Important Update!..

As of this morning,my plan to remain lazy and worthless is moving along quite nicely!...

..more as the story developes.

EDIT: It seems the story developed.
That bold,brassy,and beautiful Middle Child sent me this marvelous poem.

"Leisure"..William Henry Davies.

What is this life if, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs,
and stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
and watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can,
enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.

...wish I'd said that.


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Four Glorious Days!..

I look forward to this shit all year long boys and girls!
We went into "Holiday Mode" at work starting on Monday.
From now,'till New Years,we'll be keepin' it casual.
This,Per Mr. K.
"I don't want you guys working too hard!..Let's all take time to enjoy the holidays!"..
Okay,..we are bound to have some last minute,gotta have it in time for Christmas,bust yer ass for a few hours and take care of this so we can make a buck,tasks to perform...Still,The K's are all about family,and that includes the people that work for them.
For the next four days,I'll be basking in the glory of being scandalously lazy,and irretrievably worthless...Yeah,'s like that.

One thing I will do however,is continue to bring you the kind of music that makes you go,"Does Sling have any idea that this is the 21st century?"...

...and to that I say,.."Well,..if yer gonna sing the blues..."


I want to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving.
May you be showered by the genial love of friends and family,and prosper in your chosen endeavors.
A blessing on all your houses!..


Monday, November 19, 2007

Who's yer Daddy?..

The Lizzard King told me he'd kick my ass if I posted this pic of he and Gizzy!..

..seems like a fair trade to me.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Didn't they try to find some good in you and me?

On Thursday the 22nd,we'll most of us be celebrating,..well, I suppose.
I have this wonderful mix of friends here in Bloggertown.
Christian,Pagan,Jewish,agnostic,atheist..what have you.
This pleases me.
It pleases me because I get the benefit of being associated with,what I'm convinced,are people of good heart,and enlightened minds.
I'll be giving thanks after my own fashion come next Thursday.

The 22nd of November holds some added significance for me as well.
On that day,in 1963,Mrs. Wolfert sought me out in particular on the playground.
With tears in her eyes,she told me that John Kennedy had just been killed.
I knew at that moment,that the world would be different after this.
I think that may very well be the day I started really paying attention.

"Abraham Martin and John"...Dion


Thursday, November 15, 2007


It's been 3 1/2 years since my un-carceration,and I knew this was bound to happen sooner or later.
This morning,while riding my bike to work,I was pulled over by a cop.
DAMM!..I hate it when this happens...It's just been my experience,that every time I talk to a cop,I go to jail.
At least that's how it was in Colorado.
My brothers and I would routinely be picked up in that "usual suspects" fashion,and end up spending a day or three locked down while the local constabulary sorted things out.We even kept Larry,"I'll get you out if it takes 20 years!",the bail bondsman on retainer..

In any case,when I noticed the flashing lights reflecting off the pre-dawn sidewalk,I began preparing myself for the inevitable Danse Macabre..

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"..

Why do they always ask that stupid question?..I mean, they expect me to say,"Is it about those blood curdling screams you heard emanating from the trunk of my car??..'Cause,..I can explain that!".
Personally,I really don't think it's my job to offer up a list of reasons why they should arrest me..I'm funny like that.

"Umm..No I don't officer".
Of course,I knew for an actual fact that I'd just breezed through that last stop sign like I owned the property..

"You just breezed through that last stop sign like you owned the property!"..

..damm..This guy's good.
Once they've correctly identified the nature of my misdemeanor,and I'm satisfied he really doesn't know about that thing I did that time,I try a different approach..

"Yes,..yes I did officer...I could see that there was no cross traffic for 37 miles in either direction,so I continued on...My bad".

"Can I see your ID please"..

Shit!..okay..In 3 1/2 years,I've never bothered to get a driver's license,or state ID...All that paperwork.
I've gotten along just fine with my Department of Corrections identification.
The country may be on yellow alert,but I've flown on planes,secured employment,and cashed my paychecks using only my,"This guy is a certified felon" picture ID.
Hey!..It never expires! shit.

So I hand it over to junior achiever,and start doin' the math in my head.

This is where he tells me to turn around,and put my hands behind my back.
I'll lock my bike up to that stop sign I just ran.
I'll get to County lock-up,and call work to explain how I don't feel very well today.
I keep a couple hundred in my wallet for just such an occasion,so I'll post my own bail,and be home in time for Regis and Kelly...

"Requesting wants and warrants on a Mr. Sling,Shot".

Do I have anything in the Western Hemisphere I forgot about??..
Did I pay that $17.00 busted tail light fine back in '86??..
I'm pretty sure that check I kited at "Gary's house of leather" has been long since forgotten.

Oh, you never skipped town in the middle of the night!..

**Crackle**..."be advised...Subject is clear"..

"Thank you Mr. Shot..Try to be a little more careful in the future"..


I was really lookin' forward to Regis and Kelly.

What happened to the leopard pic in my header??
..there's never a cop around when you need one.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

"Nice to See You NT!"...a rant

My dear friend Hat has given me a gentle nudging reminder that Friday was a long time ago in blog years,and I heartily agree.
I've been going back and forth about posting on the subject that has been occupying my mind for the last couple of days.I've written and deleted no less than 3 drafts,and decided I need to get some shit off my chest.

Let's talk about ex-wives,shall we?..

No,not mine..My first wife and I get along well enough,and my second mistake is someplace out of sight,no doubt kneeling at the footstool of Lucifer..So I'm cool.

My friend and room mate,The Lizzard King however,is having his life turned upside down by the selfish machinations of his vindictive ex-significant other "NT",..and it's pissin' me off.

Since their divorce,LK has had visitation rights to see their son,"Little Newt" on weekends.
LK works hard,pays his child support,and lives up to the agreement they had put in place at the time of their divorce.

Well don't ya know that in the last year,Miss Tramp has sunk her hooks into yet another unsuspecting schmuck,popped out a puppy,and shotgunned his ass into marrying her.
Now,Miss Roundheels spends her days,and his money "volunteering",and generally putting herself out there as some kind of model citizen..

She lives in a lovely 2 story home,and enjoys the benefits of having a new husband that is a successful business owner..Fair enough.
But she wants more..
Good god why do they always want more?..Always at someone else's expense.

She recently filed for a modification order to take one of LK's weekends away from him.
Her reasoning?..Well,she has so little time,what with her varied social obligations,to spend with Little Newt,that she feels she deserves to take two of LK's 8 FRIGGIN' DAYS A MONTH away from him..
You selfish,self centered,incredibly ignorant snatch!!

Excerpt from her petition:

"Little Newt also needs to have down time with his family in my home.Therefore,I am requesting that one weekend a month be spent in my care.our lives are much busier now with Little Newt in school,and his time with me is much more limited"...

Are you kidding me??
You insufferable bitch!!...
You get to tuck him in five nights a week.
Five days a week,you get to see him grow,and experience new things.
You are so wrapped up in your own perceived self importance,that it never even occurs to you that a boy needs time with his Father..

In truth,..I don't see any Judge in their right mind modifying the custody order based on her insane logic.
I've told LK as much,but still..He's in a constant state of worry 'till this is resolved.
He's my friend..He's a good man,an outstanding Father,and he doesn't deserve this kind of grief.

By the way...
All this volunteering she is so busy with?
She spends a few hours every day as a teacher's helper, Little Newt's classroom....Yeah,God knows she needs more time.

I'm not talking out of turn here.The Lizzard King knows I wanted to post about this,and I have his permission....Peace out.


Friday, November 09, 2007

Friday Videos

I like this whole Friday Video concept.
These last several weeks,I've gone up and down in Bloggertown listening to music of assorted genres,and enjoying artists I might never have heard if it weren't for my fellow bloglodites.

Plus!..It's a fine excuse to post whatever-the-hell,cranky old bastard,who in their right minds listens to that?,type videos I see fit...The power is intoxicating.

This week,because I can..Folk Music!..Oh yes.
Hey!..This was all the rage in the 60's!
Pete Seeger,Bob Dylan,The Lettermen,..ummm,..and others that I can't remember right now.

..Sue me!..sheesh.

Not to be outdone by The Hat,and her mad video skillz,I produced this little gem in my basement,using only a Polaroid instamatic camera,and some string..

"For lovin' me"..


Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Windows Update!

Damm..The last few days I've spent way too many hours installing and re-installing XP on my computer,only to have it puke up error messages like they were three week old egg salad.
Hence my less than sterling attendance here in Bloggertown.
Turns out,I was having a software conflict due to the recent installation of "System Mechanic 7",which has been resolved.
I highly recommend System Mechanic btw...I would never have been able to recover without it.

In the meantime!!..

During all this I had been preparing myself for the worst,and even though I don't really need it,last night I ordered a new hard drive!..WOO HOO!
I'm upgrading from 80 Gig's to 120,and increasing the drive speed by around 1,000 RPM's...Oh yes!..havin' thangs...
It's scheduled to arrive this weekend.
I'll be spending the next couple of days transferring every software installation disk I own (TONS!) over to this drive,so I can have a handy back-up for when The Government outlaws personal computers,and I have to mount a rebellion from my lair in the steam tunnels beneath O-Town...

I'll be dropping in on everyone at intervals...Unless I owe you money.

Have a great week kids!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Not exactly Armageddon..

Yesterday,I experienced what we in the Geekosphere refer to as a "Catastrophic system failure"!
That's the actual technical term...Catastrophic.
As if Al Qaeda blew in on Hurricane Katrina,smuggling a mega-tsunami across the border in the heels of their air-Jordan's...And yet,that's exactly how it feels!
Is that shallow and self-centered of me?
Fine then.

Having my computer suddenly flash the blue screen of death,and blip off into oblivion is not necessarily tragic.Normally a simple re-boot solves the problem.
Every once in while however,no amount of wheedling and cajoling,(cursing..begging...and finally, crying),will breath life into my hard drive..umm..You know what I mean...Oh hell with it.

Comes now,the Viagra of computer repair,..the format.

Wipe everything out,and start over.A process I've described in great detail before,what with the tendency I have to push my laptop to the limit without regard to it's state of health.
Anywhiz..This is about me.

The greatest torture in this process is the whole "Windows Update" ordeal.
My installation software is two years old,and Microsoft likes to produce Three updates an hour,seven days a week.Consequently,there are 432,784 updates to download.(UPdates to DOWNload? wonder I'm dizzy)..
That shit slows my computer down to a snail's pace,so I'm taking this opportunity between "ready to installs" to post,because it's too hard to surf Bloggertown while that green hard drive indicator light is strobing fast enough to give someone a seizure.

432,784 updates to install..Right now,I'm on number 23.


Friday, November 02, 2007

I like to fall in love at least once a day..

...and then maybe run away with a violinist.
This is one of those families that are cursed from the very beginning with good looks,talent and charisma.
..put your hand down lorraine.

"Runaway" The Coors