Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Wanna see something REALLY scary?...

In keeping with the season,..a tale of horror.

My wife and I had just purchased our very own home in the "Inland Empire".That nebulous area lying at the foothills of the high desert,which over the last 25 years has basically become a suburb of Orange county,which is now basically a suburb of Los Angeles.

Built in the 30's,it was a charming 3 bedroom cottage.Just perfect for my wife and I,.."Audry Rose" our 2 year old daughter,and "Shatzie",our beloved Sheltie-mix mutt.

The following incidents occurred within the first few weeks of moving in...

Like most people,immediately upon getting settled in,I was anxious to check out the attic to see if the previous owners had left behind any vintage clothing...Wouldn't it be cool to find an actual WWII leather flight jacket amongst the usual cache of Mason jars,and old newspapers!!..Oh yes.

I had been rifling through a stack of autographed Gustave Dore lithographs I'd discovered under some Faberge eggs in an old Chippendale credenza (sadly..no leather flight jacket) for about ten minutes, when I became aware of a "presence".

Not one of those malevolent,Amityville,"GET OUT!" kind of spectres,..more like a, "This really isn't a good time for me" type sensation..

I felt like a telemarketer trying to sell timeshares at KOA during suppertime,and the hairs on the back of my neck prickled...Needless to say,..I got the hell outta there!..

"Did you find anything useful up there?..'Cause I gotta tell ya,we're up to our asses in Mason jars"..

"There's a ghost in the attic".

"Fine..Take out the garbage"..

That night,shortly after we retired to our bed,we heard the unmistakable sound of the toilet flushing!

Knowing that Little Audry was fast asleep,I lept from the bed to investigate.

I burst into the bathroom just in time to witness the final "gurgle" of blue toilet water descending the porcelain bowl in triumph,..AND!..The toilet seat was up!..Inconceivable!

I live in a house with two women..Do the math.

"What was that all about?"

"I'm pretty sure the ghost flushed the toilet".

"Fine..Aarrgh!..Your feet are cold!"...

Over the next several nights,this phenomenon occurred like clockwork..Each time I would rise,walk down the hall to the bathroom to that same blue hemispherical "Whoosh",..and put the toilet seat down.
No way I'm gettin' blamed for that!...

Then,..one night...



"There was a man on the couch,..and he floated up in the ceiling!"..

"...wake me if he comes in your room"..


"Oh!..umm,..come sleep with us honey..Daddy'll take care of it in the morning".

Shortly after sunrise the next morning (10 am),I climbed up the ladder,and thrust my head through the claustrophobic opening,into that terrible space.

"Hey!!...WE LIVE HERE!..You can stay if you want,but quit being such a putz!"...yer scarin' the women folk"...

.."And put the toilet seat down when yer done!!...dammit"..

I know without fear of equivocation,that all ghostly activity ceased after that bold confrontation with our resident poltergeist.

Still,..and to this very day,..my ex-wife swears that it was he that continued to leave the toilet seat up for years afterward...


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Sunday, October 28, 2007

Drunken Photography..

Hunter's Moon.. Vertigo..
That is all.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Sometimes,we'll sigh..

Back when I was but a toddlin' lad,in the 50's,my older sister was every bit the typical teenager.
Oh yes..Poodle skirts,and saddle oxfords.
Ponytails,and bobbysox,..and American Bandstand!

There's a poem in there someplace...I'll work on it.

In any case,among my earliest memories are of the hours she spent babysitting me,playing over and over the latest and greatest from her grand accumulation of 45's..(That would be 45 RPM records kids..umm..records are those circular vinyl things that,...I digress).

She would very often enlist me as an adoring dance partner.
She taught me how to "Waltz",which I later discovered was actually the "Box Step",to tunes similar to the following...

Let me tell you,this was no easy find.
All the actual video of Buddy Holly is pretty well worn,and the quality of the audio,quite simply,sucks.
So I opted for the sound I remember,and settled for clips to barely qualify this as a Friday Video.

Buddy Holly..."True love ways"


Thursday, October 25, 2007

Luxury items..

My friend Doralong is taking a mental health day today,and I've become inspired to treat myself to a little pampering..I think this weekend.
You know those elegant "continental breakfasts" you get at like,Motel 6 and stuff?..Aside from the fact that just saying continental breakfast makes me feel good,I seriously enjoy the pomp and circumstance of approaching a soft boiled egg,in one of those decorative ceramic soft boiled egg stands,tapping the top off with a spoon,and scouring out the viscous contents...
It reeks of indulgence.

Top that off with a toasted English muffin,buttered and dripping with orange marmalade,(Oh sure,you can't really use the jar for a drinking glass when it's empty,but I also like saying "orange marmalade",..even though it reminds me of that Great Dane cartoon Marmaduke,...but still),and you've got yourself one helluva royal repast!

..Bailey's and coffee to cleanse the palate.

No Television!..I'll spend the day basking in the illusion that I'm thoroughly removed from the rest of humanity,oblivious to the plaintive wails of the less fortunate,listening to Buddy Holly music..You know,..like George Bush..
Say what you will about the guy,he knows to how get his "Sovereign Ruler" on.

I haven't yet determined the evening meal,but the Olive Garden has that whole Mediterranean/"Where would Cassius Brutus eat if he were alive today?" thing happenin'. .

Regardless,..or is it irregardless?..Whatever,..I'll be crowning the evening with a dram o' Makers Mark whiskey,and one of those $3.80 Honduran cigars,rolled on the thighs of Cuban women that were expatriated during Castro's Great Purge...That's not just the good life..
That's Gusto! ..

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I got a new shiny thing!

I called in sick today,because as my youngest used to say,"I have a headache in my stomach"..

Actually,I have an ulcer that flares up from time to time,usually at night,and it's hard to try and work on zero hours sleep..Believe it or not,I've been dealing with this since I was 8 years old...I know,..what the hell is an 8 year old doing with an ulcer?..Well I've always been strung a little too tight,don't ya know.
But enough about me..

WAIT!..There's more about me.

Danielle,over at Modern Musings,has granted me the sparkly, "You make me Smile" award.

Here's what she had to say during the presentation;

"Sling,author of Sling's Domain is another blogger spreading cheer wherever he goes.His posts are humorous and thought provoking at the same time"..

See!...I told you I spread cheer!...dammit.
Comes now,the time to pass along this wonderful bit of recognition to my fellow bloglodites.There is no limit to the number of people that can be thus acknowledged.

There simply has got to be a better way to say,"Everyone on my blogroll deserves this award!",because that's just the truth..I'll personally give an award to the first person that comes up with a viable alternative..
In any case,I choose three..

Citymouse makes me smile because she has spirit,and attitude.
A big city child,slightly out of her element in a small town,she keeps true to herself!..She rocks the house!

More Cowbell makes me smile because she calls 'em like she sees 'em.
From home repair,to the not-so-subtle bigotry that somehow still exists in this world,if you fuck up,you can bet yer ass you'll get called on the carpet.

Finally,Middle Child makes me smile because she perseveres!
Having been handed more than a fair share of grief,she continues to soldier on.
She is,quite frankly,my hero.

I'm confident that these fine recipients will bestow this honor in their own way,to other deserving folk.

Have a great week kids!


Saturday, October 20, 2007

Incoming Call...

Every time the phone rings,I get a little message on my television.
The Lizzard King works for Direct TV,so we're all hooked up with every kind of widget they have to offer...Oh yes!..We got every live HD Sunday Ticket digitaly enhanced movie bonanza and delicatessen step right up and win a baby type techno-weenie frivolity you can imagine!
But I've never been more pleased with any of this cornucopia,(notice how I used a seasonal reference there..Huh..huh?) of fine electronic value, than when I saw;

Incoming call:
Auld Hat..
(Odd that they should know her nom de plume,..but there it is)..

Back when I very first started to put my incoherent thoughts out into the blogosphere,I figured it would be a good way to get some of the clutter I'd accumulated over the years out of my head,so that I could make room for new and different clutter,as well as the constant barrage of quotable quotes from, "The West Wing",when what to my wondering eyes should appear??,..but a comment from a kindred soul...
Holy Crap!..Some one actually read this shit!

Just Angela.
Auld Hat.

Through all these incarnations,we have been friends,..and on this very day I was finally able to put a charming voice to nearly two years of correspondence.

I know,..I know.
So many of my blog buddies have been there,and done that,and I've had some small idea of how enlightening it truly is.
Still,..It absolutely made my day!

Thanx for calling Sunshine!


Friday, October 19, 2007

Little Martha..

This tune was written by Duane Allman.
With all due respect to his skill,I've always liked Leo's version better.
He uses the most wonderful harmonics.A cute little trick of laying the finger across the fret,that produces a sound I can only describe as ear candy.
If memory serves,this was filmed during Leo's "Home and Away" concert at Wolftrap theatre in Canada.


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

For your shopping convenience..

I use "My Yahoo" as my homepage,and each and every day I get the most viewed photos on the web.
A recent survey of the Celebese Sea captured these pix:

There's a sea called the Celebese??..crap..How many goddam oceans and continents and seas and shit are we supposed to memorize?..Oh,sure..I've had the planet Pluto nailed since I was 7,so we'll just jerk that one out of the sky,and make you feel like everything you know is bogus.
Like back when everyone knew the world was flat...Wrong!..

Still,..life went on,and people raised babies,and nobody had the slightest inclination that they were spinning madly into an ever expanding cosmos.
Ignorance is bliss!
..and those are some amazing photgraphs.


Monday, October 15, 2007

I have way too many responsibilities..

A few weeks ago,I decided to go ahead and build a bird feeder for the little family of Sparrows that occupy the rafters of our shop.
It's about 6" wide,and 10" tall,perfect for mom and pop,and their lovely brood.

This arrangement went on just fine for awhile,but apparently one of the little winged beasts put out the hue and cry,because now I've got Sparrows descending in great Hitchcockian legions,devouring the entire contents of the feeder in a matter of hours.
Oh,..that whole,"Eat like a bird" thing?...It's a total crock!
The little raptors eat like friggin' locusts!..
Hell,..they even eat the locusts that have themselves just pounded down an entire cash crop...So there you have it.

Every break I'm going out to fill the feeder,under the constant scrutiny of those beady little eyes,with that menacing glare that Sparrows are famous for..Well,..at least they should be famous for it.
Point being,I'm out of friggin' bird food!
Now I have to go to Wal-Mart,and throw down for some more Sparrow mix.I needed Q-Tips and foot powder anyway,..but still.

I considered for a moment,bringing the cat to work that she might disperse the crowd,but Gizmo doesn't even guard her own food dish from those thieving Blue-Jays.
Why should she?..The dish magically replenishes itself while she sleeps after all.
Which reminds me..I need to add worthless cat food to the list.

I'm pondering this whole Sparrow-worthless cat scenario as I enter my bedroom upon returning from work.
..The message light is blinking on my answering machine!
Wow,..nobody ever calls me.
And indeed,no one has.
Some telemarketing parasite has used up all the time on my machine with some inane pitch designed to hook me into applying for a second mortgage.

That's when it occurs to me,that I'm working my ass off primarily to support hordes of ravenous birds,one ungrateful feline,and on the off chance that there's something left over,I'll pay the phone bill so that my phone can enjoy leisurely conversations with every random dialer in the Western Hemisphere...

It's Monday,..and life is up to it's ass in commitments in Sling's Domain.

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Friday, October 12, 2007

These guys might just amount to something...

Well it seems that Lorraine,JP,and Hat have hit upon the idea of posting music videos on Fridays,and I think that's a terrific plan!..
I imagine the conversation went something like this;

JP- "Hey we should post music videos on Fridays!"

Lorraine- "Oh,I heart that idea poodle!"

Hat- "Count me in!..Shall we be bringing our own pie?"

JP- "Wait..What if Sling wants to join in?..I mean,..you've heard the music he plays"..

Lorraine- .."Frak!"..

Hat- ..."maybe he won't notice.."

Sling- "TOO LATE!"..

I've liked the feeling around this tune for years,and never really known who sang it because,well...you've heard the music I play.
I understand these guys became fairly popular.

Pink Floyd.."On the turning away"

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Dear Diary..

I'm pretty sure we have moved out of those countless 100+ degree days of Summer,and into the much more agreeable and temperate NorCal shift into Autumn...Just fine by me,thank you very much.It's a helluva lot easier to rouse at 5 a.m, and sit out on the front porch to enjoy my morning coffee and cigarette when I've spent the night luxuriating under cover of my favorite Afghan,than having to crawl out from a miserably hot and restless sleep,into yet another miserably hot and restless dawn.
Last night,it rained a healthy 1.5 inches while I slept.Enough that I was awakened for a brief moment by the steady,syncopated snare of heavy droplets on the roof..
Smile..Pull the covers across my shoulders,..and go directly into hibernation mode...I love this time of year.

Cambraic shirts,and Harvest moons.
Acorns,Pine cones,and Celtic Runes.
Pagan days filled with desire.
Earth and air,..comes wind and fire.
Hooded Druids gather then.
Oil lamps,in wooded glen.
To gaze upon the Southern skye.
To eat and breathe,and live,and die
..but you know my favorite part?..

The wondrous way in which nature clothes itself in thunder.

..For Hat. ;)


Sunday, October 07, 2007

Graveside Watch..

"We stood beneath a tall black Pine at the edge of Glenridge road,..and I watched,..as you knelt with gentle grace,to stroke the handsome face of your only son.
There are no strangers here,I thought.
In this sheltered place where loved ones pause,to renew the ties that bind..."

I've wanted to document this little slice of O-Town for awhile.
While it may seem a little macabre at first glance,it's really just a way for me to integrate my love of art,and history,and the pensive nature of Sunday in season.

I don't know any of these people.
I do know that they lived,for a time,and that they were loved.

...I wonder.

Did young Tom die in some ill-conceived cavalry charge during the Civil War?..

What tragic childhood disease took the life of 2 year old Charlie?..The Flu?..Smallpox?..The physician,helpless on this day in 1858,could only offer a feeble,"I've done all I can,..it's in God's hands now"..

...Josie...In Heaven.
Her loved ones could barely afford this simple,yet poignant memorial.
While others ..

I have no such lofty rememberance in mind for myself,once I shuffle off this mortal coil.
I'd like to think that my own humble carcass will be on display in some theatre of higher learning,where serious students will giggle nervously,as the instructor makes clinical fun of my "extremities"..

..Have a great week kids!


Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Binge Grafix..

I spent much of the weekend helping my neighbor set up his new laptop.
Turns out,he really doesn't have any computer experience,so there was a whole lot of hand holding to get him through the process of installing the various software and drivers necessary to do the things most of us take for granted.
.."How do I get an e-mail address?".."Can I play DVD's?"....Left click this,..right click that...

I'm not complaining..Really.

Someone took the time to help me out back when I got my first Commodore 64,(who remembers that?),and I think it's a Karmic imperative to pay that forward.In fact,his enthusiasm for acquiring these new skills reminded me of the reason I was anxious to get involved with computing in the first place.
All those wonderful toys!..

These last several days,I've been playing with a program that came with my Windowblinds software called "Logon Studio",and once I got started,it was hard to let go.

Logon studio lets you create your own logon screen for signing in to your computer.Text and graphics,as well as the layout are all customizable.
It's all about the bells and whistles boys and girls!

I took this wallpaper downloaded from the Windowblinds website,.. ..and made a fun little Halloween logon.
..While still in the spirit of all things demonic,I named this one,"Dante's inferno".
The Lizzard King kicked me down his favorite Scorpion wallpaper.
...and I just couldn't resist.

I'll bet I spent 3 or 4 hours a night tweaking and deleting and cursing,trying to learn how to use all the options and such.Oh,..I could have read the instructions that came with the program,but following instructions is for Pansy's.
I'm more of a,"What's this button for?" kinda guy...
It was frustrating,and time consuming,..and a total blast!
I hope this post has found you and yours in the best of health and spirits.
As for me,..I really think I can get the user icon properly centered on my next try.