Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Bi-Focular Disorder..(BFD)

I took a chance after work,and dropped by Dr. Mengele's little shop of optometrics and muffler repair to see if my new specs had arrived,and they did!
This is my first pair of bi-focals,and they are seriously messin' with my head.

I look like Ben Turpin playing Buddy Holly as an old man.

My left eye doesn't seem to know what my right eye is thinking,and the whole,up/down,near/far transition thing very nearly caused me to get my foot stuck in the ceiling fan.

I understand this is normal,or at least as normal as I'll ever hope to achieve,and my brain should make the adjustment in short order.

***This Just In!***

What is the proper order of information as regards someone close to you being involved in a ginormous traffic accident?
I think it's most important to let everyone know up front that Every.Single.Body,is fine!
Now then,..Lizzard King escaped just such a hiway confrontation Monday night, perfectly unscathed.
His beloved truck however,was TOTALLY scathed! shit.

Yep,..A mere four months into the relationship,and 'The Satellite Clipper' is forced into retirement.

The good news is,it appears that she'll be replaced very soon with a younger,and more beautiful model!

..every man's dream.

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At 5:58 PM , Anonymous rosemary said...

You look very encyclopedic and well read in your new specs....I have em but it did take a lot of getting used to. as for the accident....forget the truck as long as The King is OK.....

At 6:33 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't wait to hug you (:

At 7:06 PM , Blogger Mom said...

You a a handsome devil!

At 8:54 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

you look like a smart hippy...i started wearing bifocals when i was fourteen, im 64 and still not used to them..

holy shit..that's some wreck...don't know how he came out of that one in one piece..

At 9:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where was he riding that he didn't get scathed in that mess? The trunk? Wait, trucks don't have those; never mind.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to the optometrist for some bifocals so I can look as good as Sling.

At 11:16 PM , Anonymous LaLaGirl Twinfinite Chaos said...

You look good in those glasses! I found out today that I need bifocals too. I haven't worn glasses at all in nearly a decade! Guess it caught up to me.

That is one scary ass looking wreck! Thank God everyone's okay!

At 2:53 AM , Blogger Speck said...

WHOLE.LEE.SHITCAKES Batman! ...about the truck, not the specs. Specs look just fine.

LK must have racked up a ton of good karma points in his lifetime to come out of this without any scathing.

At 3:58 AM , Blogger Doralong said...

You look fabulous! Really!

Holy SHIT, what hit him?? And how in hell did he walk away without a scratch?? Glad LK is fine, please tell me Newt wasn't in the vehicle at the time..

At 10:14 AM , Blogger booda baby said...

Wow. That's the best news in the world!! (LK's news, I mean.)

One of the things that changed with age: I started actually hovering over amazing escapes. You know, once, they just happened. Now, I'm grateful and have to spend a little time contemplating the close-call-factor.

So. Are you all poking at it or have you moved on to bigger, fizzier inventions?

Comment Part Deux: You're mighty handsome, aren't you?

At 10:54 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Holy...wait for it...SHIT! LK's guardian angel must be a heaving brute...thank Heaven he's ok.

Bifocals are the new pink.

At 11:46 AM , Blogger sageweb said...

Oh you look so handsome. And you have a shirt on. I have always had this vision of meeting you and you are naked. Oh well. I will change that vision to the brown shirt being on.

Thank goodness for LK!

At 1:47 PM , Blogger Allan said...

That is a seriously scathed truck...very glad no one was hurt!

"My left eye doesn't seem to know what my right eye is thinking"

At 5:22 PM , Blogger Sling said...

rosemary- I got progresssives too!
I didn't want that line across the middle 'cause,you know,I'm all cool n' shit.

Hat-tasia- Won't that be the best!
And I'll get to hug Rainey too!
I've never been so happy to have two arms.

mom- Thank you doll. :)

Yellerdawg-I am a smart hippy.
Ask me how many grams are in a ton..g'head.

JP- Two words..Air bag.
He credits it with saving his ass.

lalagirl- Ten years without glasses??
I couldn't go ten feet.
I did give God his props on this one. :)
Thanks for stopping by!

speck- Hey!..Speck/specs!..
I'm so easily distracted.
LK has bonus Karma points,no doubt.

doralong- The first thing he said to me after telling me about the accident,was that he was glad Little Newt wasn't in the truck with him.
The vehicle does not move till Newt is strapped in,but still.

booda babe- I was thinkin',maybe a little Bondo here and there,but these things are bst left to the pros.
..and yes,I am quite handsome indeed. :P

Rainey- Actually,LK's guardian angel is a buxum wench named Tiffany.
Mine is a rather nervous little fella named Schlep.
Thanx for the 'bi-focals are the new pink' observation btw...I was almost feeling good about myself. ;)

Sage- So my choices are naked,or brown shirt?
*Note to self;..
Go to Walgreens and buy something decent for next pic.

allan- Here's an interesting note.
The other guy was the husband of a friend of his!
Well that just sounds provocative,but it's really just coinkydink.

At 5:37 PM , Blogger Doralong said...

I was thinking more along the lines of freaking the little man totally out- pft, of course LK wouldn't put it in drive without strapping the boy in.

At 5:46 PM , Blogger Sling said...

doralong- This is one of those classic 'what if' scenarios that can really make you crazy.

At 6:52 PM , Blogger cs said...

You look grand. Was your buddy wearing your glasses to get in such an accident? Holy moly...another fine mess...definitely a God thing going on here...sheesh.

Yes, the bi-f's will take some getting used to and then one day when you don't even realize it, they will be second nature to you. Nice oix!

At 6:56 PM , Blogger Sling said...

CS- I have it on good authority that I'll get over the sea sickness in about a week.
In the meantime,thanks for complimenting my oix.

At 7:44 PM , Blogger Kari (GrannySkywalker) said...

Thank God Lizzard King is fine. Too bad The Satallite Clipper will clip no more. But....out with the old and in with the new, right?

Bi-focals are a bitch. I don't have them yet (mainly because I'm still clinging to my contact lenses - I've reduced myself to wearing those "granny style" reading glasses, instead. But I AM a granny so it's cool.) My husband on the other hand, just got the "progressive tri-focals", whatever in the heck THOSE are. During his "adjustment" phase, he ran into the garage door (he couldn't see that it was lowered about a 1/3 of the way down) and then he ran into his car door because he didn't realize how close it was to his face. And, being the kind and sympathic wife that I am, I laughed until my brains hurt both times. Come on. A grown man running full tilt into a garage door - that's funny stuff!


At 7:57 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Kari- AHAHAHA!..
Don't feel bad.I just got a mental picture of a grown man cracking his nose on a garage door and...OWW!..who moved my keyboard?

At 8:29 PM , Blogger Citymouse said...

Man.. i am so glad everyone walked away okay... oh .. you look HOT in your glasses

At 8:48 PM , Blogger Speck said...

Men with hot oixes makes me purrrr.

At 2:22 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

Still laughing my guts out (Aussie term)...When I got mine so that I could do things like not give Don the wrong tablets etc...I used to get to the top of the stairs and wonder, which step my foot was really at...still do Sling...just tile them back for stairs, open drains and mountain tops okay...

Wow what a smash that was. Your mate must have used up two of his lives in that...thank god he's okay

At 4:10 PM , Blogger Serena Joy said...

The new specs look terrific! I have bifocals, and they really do take some getting used to. I felt dizzy and seasick the first few days.

That wreck looks horrific. LK was so, so lucky to walk away from it. Scary!

At 7:00 AM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

excellent glasses, must be total chick magnets.

my friends warned me on the evils of bi-focals so i turned them down much to mohammed's dismay.

At 8:56 AM , Anonymous Tater said...

Good Lord! That he walked away from that unscathed is a testament to crumple zone engineering. You are looking stylish Sling, good luck adjusting to the bifocals. My sister promptly walked into a doorframe when she first got hers...

At 6:35 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Lord, I think I'm in need of them, too. But I'm resisting.

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