Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I AM SO THERE!!...

Tuesday Jan. 13,2009.
SYDNEY (Australia)
Position: Island caretaker.
Duties: Lazing around Australia's Great Barrier Reef for six months.
Salary: 150,000 Australian dollars ($100,000).

The tourism department in Australia's Queensland state has advertised that it is seeking one lucky person to spend half a year relaxing on Hamilton Island,while promoting the island on a blog!

Holy flyin' crap!..I can do this!..

I was born for the job..
I literally grew up on the beach in Southern California,and have a working knowledge of coastal ocean environments.
Add to that my prodigious snorkeling prowess,and my years of experience in the Blogosphere,I think I'd make a sterling candidate for this position.
Hell,..I could even survive on this remote island eating nothing but peanut butter sandwiches if I had to!..

Of course,they're expecting thousands of applications for this plum assignment,so in an effort to set myself apart from the ravenous hordes,I'm FedExing them an audio sample of my narrative skills,which I have transcribed here for your shopping convenience:
**********************************************
'Today,we're venturing out into the shallow waters off the Southern tip of Hamilton Island,on a unique snorkeling adventure!
Here,on Australia's fabulous Barrier Reef,we'll get an up close and personal glimpse into some of the most breathtaking underwater scenery you'll find anywhere on Earth...
So follow me,as I don my handy custom snorkel with built-in microphone,thoughtfully provided by the good folks over at Outback Bob's Sporting Goods Emporium,and all-you-can-eat Wallaby Bar-B-Que!
*splash*..
...This is a real treat kids!
Just look at the dazzling display of indigenous flora and fauna,..many species of which are in very real danger of becoming extinct due to pollution,and worldwide climatic shifts.
By golly!..We're in luck!..Off to our right is the powerful and majestic Portuguese Man O' War!
..let's move in for a closer look,shall we?
I can't BELIEVE our good fortune!
This rare and elusive jellyfish,dubbed 'Man O' War' for it's uncanny resemblance to an ancient class of warship,is truly an awe inspiring sight!
It's gracefully trailing tentacles can reach lengths of up to thirteen feet,and are armed with thousands of tiny stinging cells which it uses to..AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!..
GET IT OFF ME!!..GET IT OFF ME!!!..LORD HE'P ME JESUS!!!.. IT BUURRRNNS!!!!
....krikey'..

**********************************************
..I'm feelin' pretty good about my chances of gaining employment with this one kids,..so don't be surprised if you should find me basking,blogging,and recovering as well as can be expected in the Land Down Under comes the very near future!

Labels:

19 Comments:

At 5:37 PM , Blogger jan said...

Awe inspiring. Did you use a thesaurus or anything?

 
At 5:56 PM , Blogger citizen of the world said...

I say, go for it!

 
At 5:58 PM , Blogger Citymouse said...

you wont forget about the old bolggers, will ya?

 
At 6:33 PM , Blogger austexgrl said...

Hey, sweetie pie..You need to do this...IF YOU need me to write a letter of recommendation, let me know!!
I am READY, i KNow HOW to write THESE letters! I can do it! Go For It , Sling..I am not kidding!

 
At 6:54 PM , Blogger Doralong said...

Oh honey- you got it in the bag. Just as long as they jack in that wi-fi so you can keep us all up to date.

 
At 7:33 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Thanks for all your support kids!..but I may have exaggerated my qualifications just a little bit.
I've never snorkeled, (I have body surfed,but that doesn't lend itself well to Great Coral Reefs), and I just don't think I could survive on peanut butter sammies for more than 3 or 4 months..

 
At 8:24 PM , Blogger Random Thinker said...

You're a shoe in! When I read your transcript it's like I'm there....

 
At 7:04 AM , Blogger Mom said...

Did you know that there are more creatures that can kill you in Australia than any other place in the world? But what a beautiful place to die.

 
At 10:31 AM , Blogger sageweb said...

I think you should take this serious...who cares about snorkeling..you are a blogger extrodinairre. I could survive on peanut butter it I was on that island.

 
At 1:17 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

take me with you...I can do all the fishing while you write.

 
At 4:36 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

good use of the word krikey....that's a shoooo in word there. how hard can it be to snorkel?

 
At 5:14 PM , Blogger booda baby said...

Shouldn't you include a few testimonials from satisfied clients? When's the deadline for our submissions?

 
At 4:44 AM , Blogger Eternally Curious said...

AWwww bummer Sling! I've already beat you to it! And me with no qualifications at all! 'Bout the only thing I can do that'd be useful on an island is swim! But hey these days ... no qualifications might just be the key, eh? (^_^). LOL! Love your writing, as always!

 
At 2:06 PM , Blogger LostInColor said...

You would be the most excellent sling from down under. I think you need to go for it!

 
At 5:39 PM , Blogger Sling said...

At last count,over 200,000 applicants had landed on the ad's website.
Don'cha know that there's bound to be some statuesque hottie with a masters in oceanography,and a minor in communications that's gonna be all over this?..which really pisses me off 'cause it conflicts with my Match.com profile,wherein I say my perfect match would be a statuesque hottie with a masters in oceanography,and a minor in communications..

 
At 12:36 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

Hey, don't give up, Sling-o! It would certainly make for some interesting stories that you could tell us all about! :)

 
At 3:06 PM , Blogger Mr Farty said...

I hear if you want to apply in person you have to go to Perth and join the end of the queue. Still worth a try.

 
At 8:17 PM , Blogger Mimi's Pa said...

How many 0f those 200,000 are regular blokes? Bloke check--when you ride in a taxi by yourself, do you sit in the front next to the driver or back like you're in a limo.

They may ask stuff like that.

 
At 1:47 AM , Blogger Middle Child said...

Sling sooo you! I can actually see you doing this...and loving it....The water is so celar that you can see the bottom for ages and all the coloured fish...then there is as an added extra the odd (?) australian you might come accross...carry a big stick if you see one okey...

 

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