Dammitt !!
Apparently,I was bitten on the back of my neck a few days ago by an insidous member of the family of Arachnids,Latrodectus,(Latin for,"Fuck you,you vindictive man-eating bitch!"),or more commonly referred to as a "Black Widow" spider.
Turns out,it's not nearly as much fun as I thought it was gonna be.
What began as a niggling sensation,has become an angry bump the size of hail!..Which we all know,is always the size of something else really,really big.I'll spare you a more graphic description.Suffice it to say,it's thoroughly pissed-off!
In an effort to document the experience,a list of accompanying symptoms follows.They are; (in alphabetical order)
A) My neck hurts all the way down to my shoulders.
B) There is some minor disorientation,and difficulty in focusing on th...
C) Intermittant bouts of nausea.
D) Sleep?..Forget about it..There is simply no way to lay my head down for more than an hour without waking up from the pain.I'm gonna try sleeping while propped up against the wall tonight,but I don't hold out much hope for that.
E) SONOFABITCH!!...
According to the internets,I need to keep the wound clean,and take acetaminophen for the pain.Truly,this has made it something close to bearable.Although,changing the bandage twice a day has resulted in some interesting new dance moves,as the bite occurred slightly ABOVE the hair line.In any case,I'll probably go see a doctor this weekend so he can charge me about twelve-thousand dollars to tell me to do what I'm already doing.Hey!..Know what they call the guy that finishes last in his class at medical school?...."Doctor".
In the meantime,I'm looking forward to the inevitable super powers that are bound to ensue!..That's gonna be totally cool!..
So far,there has been no major indications,but I AM experiencing a disturbing urge to hang upside-down in the dark recesses of some construction site outhouse,..as well as an unusual desire to mate with females five times my size..
As always,I hope this post has found you and yours in the best of health and spirits..As for me,...DAMMITT!
Make chex payable to §£ïñg 4:22 PM
19 Bootleggers
19 Comments:
oh man..that's scary...did you google black widow bites and see if there were any homeopathic cures or help?..hope you get some sleep and feeling better..
yellowdog G.-I'm using "bag balm" even as we speak.That,and some 800 mg. Ibuprophen I scored from a friend are working nicely.It's more distracting than anything else.Thanx for the good vibes!
Sling, I feel bad for you my friend. But I don't envy the stories you can tell your friends. For instance, that you're a secret agent who was nearly assassinated by nefarious foreign agents who released a poisonous spider into your home ventilation system, etc.
Be creative ... and have fun with the giant females.
dan-Slow down!...I'm taking notes...
damn!
so sorry to hear about that bite. i've been scared to death about black widows ever since a friend of mine said "oh yeah, a black widow could kill someone your size". i'm also scared for my kitties because they like to torture spiders.
I have never been a fan of the spider and now I'm really chessed off at them, individually and collectively.
I will make a poultice of applesauce and get it to you post haste.
I sure hope you feel better soon. Damn spider.
charlie-Women,..can't live with 'em,but sometimes you can smash 'em with a rolled up newspaper.
babs-No good deed goes unpunished.If I had been wearing my lucky bat around my neck,this never would have happened.
B.Brat-Death from a Black Widow bite is actually pretty rare,but I would discourage the little kitties from aggravating them.When they say the bite can be "painfull" they are grossly understating things.
lorraine-I eagerly await your miracle applesauce poultice!It should go great with the 100 proof cinnamon schnapps elixer I'll be pounding down,you know,..for medicinal purposes.
i got bit one of those pricks this summer and have been a killing spree ever since. i'll kill a few for you this weekend.
it took me about 3 or 4 days for most of the pain to go away and little over a week for all the pain to go away.
ruby rocks-That's encouraging to hear.I'm going on about 5 days now,and it seems to be getting a little more tolerable.I did get some quality sleep last night.
bloody hell uh.
now I put you up there with my mum she was bitten by a redback a ways back, said she still felt after effects for quite some time.
can we see a photo when you mutate?
We have heaps of redbacks round the place...luckily notunder the toilet seat! Th odd funnel web too...but we Aussies are nonchalant whenit comes to spiders...but full of sympathy for you...its scary not knowing how bad it will get... before...hm
be glad it was not the White tailed Spider from Australia...its bite causes necrosis of tissue sometimes recurring for years and can be devastating. True...and not a send up which we reserve forPommie visitors...they get so bloody scared of anything that creeps and crawls its a hoot.
apos-You bet there will be photos of my mutated self!...and lots of other marketing paraphenalia on sale in the lobby!
middle child-You guys do have some pretty ornery critters down there.
I guess you learn to live with 'em like we Californians do with earthquakes.
I was a middle child too!..Thanks for dropping by :)
Mmmm, cinnamon schnapps....
babs-oh-babs-it's just THERE sunshine.
Not getting any better really,but no worse either.Proper care is making it so that I don't see any problem going to work and such.Ibuprophen in mass quantities is helping me sleep.
I've had experience in the past with a bite on the back of my hand.It took several months to heal,and left a dime sized scar,so I'm anticipating a similar experience this time around.Hey!..Whatever doesn't kill you,makes you stronger ;)...I promise to keep the whining to a minimum.
I have been lucky enough to have not been bitten by one but it has been a personal fear of mine for a long while. I feel for ya' man...
grish-Thanx buddy! :)
OMFG!!!!
Sling, bats? spiders? Stop trying to cast spells ... it's just not working out of you!
really, I hope your okay.
Yow! Are you Victor Yuschenko?
-get well soon!-
Man, I had bite once- on the ankle. Welt for a momth, looks like a vaccination scar- I see you've been there already.
Can you shoot webs out of your anus? That would be awesome for YouTube!
i hope you killed the fucker
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home