Thursday, May 31, 2007

There is life after American Idol !!..


It's my dirty little not-so-secret that I'm hooked on American Idol.

I find Simon to be insightful and forthcoming with his constructive criticisms,PLUS!..He's an asshole..I like that quality in someone that holds the hopes and dreams of America's youth in his smarmy British hands.

Paula beams with big-sisterly encouragement,and Randy is,..well,.Randy's pretty weird,but he's made a buttload of money in the music business,so he must know what he's talking about,even if I can't make heads or tails of it..."That was a little pitchy for me Dog.."..Does that mean the same thing as,"Your voice has the ephemeral quality of goose farts on a muggy day?"..I just don't know.

Anyway..

I do have a Summer replacement to tide me over 'till next season.
I've now become thoroughly addicted to "Deadliest Catch".

This is where we get to follow Alaskan King Crab fishermen on their trek to snare that elusive delicacy from the icy depths of the Bering Sea.

"Holy flyin' shit Batman!",..do you realize what it takes to put one o' them crusty,snapping bastards on your dinner plate?

Half a dozen maniacs pile into some great creaking rust bucket,deadhead out to the middle of creation in the heart of winter,and beat the shit out of themselves for like 263 hours straight.

All the while the Bering Sea,..which,by the way,..doesn't give a rat's ass about any of 'em,.is hitting them with waves the size of the Chrysler building,while every piece of equipment on board ship is conspiring to snatch them straight away into the briny abyss.

Phil is my favorite Captain...Arrgghhh!
He's a cranky old salt that's been a crab fisherman since he was like 3 years old,when his Pop would tie a rope around his ankle,and toss him overboard for bait...It's in his blood.

This season,he's Shanghaied his two sons to work as deckhands on his boat,."The Raging Bitch",so that they might follow along in the family tradition of risking various and sundry forms of death and dismemberment,in an effort to provide you and I with a pleasant Saturday night outing at Red Lobster.

Oh sure,..it's no American Idol,..but it will have to do 'till next season.






11 Comments:

At 8:22 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

Full moon....you're joking right??? Is there really a show called Deadliest Catch....are you sure it isn't about a sexually transmitted disease?
I agree with you about Simon and Randy...well he is just trying to be cool in his old age...he must have 3 baxzillion pair of glasses...and Paula, Sling she is shit-faced all the time and probably does have a goose fart liver! I love your irreverent posts...love em.

 
At 8:29 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Rosie-I kid you not!..It's on the Discovery Channel,and it's totally cool.
These guys seriously risk their lives to catch Alaskan crabs.
They average between 30 and 40 thousand dollars a season for their efforts.
...and thanx for the luv.. :)

 
At 9:00 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

i knew the fix was in on the idol show when they kept blake over melinda doolittle...she could sing circles around him AND jordan...who is a great singer..but sorry..she cant hold a candle to melinda..i was soooo pissed when they kept him over her..dipshits...
now that i have cable..i will watch the deadliest catch..i read someplace where that is one of the most dangerous jobs to have....i bet that's a good show..
fullll moon...i saw you standing alone....fulll moon...

 
At 9:46 PM , Blogger Auld Hat said...

Factoid:
I heard somewhere that 18% of all crew members on crab boats die at sea. I just can't have that kind of blood on my hands. Or my plate. Which is why I refuse to eat Alaskan King Crab.
My inability to afford said crustacean has nothing to do with it.
And yes, that factoid is completely fictional. And, equally yes, I would eat them by the bucket load if I had the cash to do so.
HOWWWWWWWL!

 
At 7:46 AM , Blogger gina said...

I KNEW I liked you for a reason! American Idol - YES! And I adore Simon, can't stand to listen to Paula's meaningless blather, and Randy cracks me up. I can always tell when he's going to say something bad about the performance because he starts off with "Yo! Blake, how's it going Dog? You know what? You know what, Dog?"... then he goes on about how it was only "awright for me, Dog, but you did your thing, Dog, you did your thing."

I LOVE the Deadliest Catch too! I hadn't caught it this year, yet, so I'll have to set my TiVo to record it. I can't believe anyone does that for a living, no matter HOW much money they make. Crazy! Great show, though! And I love your post...you write so well, Sling!

 
At 11:46 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Oh. My. Yord.

 
At 8:22 PM , Blogger Sling said...

JS-I thought Blake should have been eliminated way before he did.
I think Jordin got the sentimental vote due to her age.
You're gonna like Deadliest Catch.Those guys endure some pretty amazing stuff.

Auld Hat-18% is a little high,but anyone tha lands in the water without a safety suit can only last about 5 minutes....Aarroooo!

gina-Oh yes!..Great minds think alike. :)...and thanx for the thumbs up!

lorraine-You took the words right outta my mouth..

 
At 2:45 AM , Blogger Babs said...

American Idol? Sling... I don't know if we can be blog buddies anymore. Except your cool quotient went up with The Deadliest Catch. I guess that evens it out.

PS... I get blind chickens from Oklahoma.

 
At 9:00 AM , Blogger Sling said...

babs-It's nothing I'm proud of..sneaking around behind closed doors,TiVoing it so I can watch it late at night when everyone is asleep...
LOL @ the Okie Chickens btw. :)

 
At 9:13 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

your right..i love deadliest catch..and the lobster one too..and how come i didn't know about the riches...i love the riches..and the gene simmons show..cracks my ass up...

 
At 9:18 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Yellowdog G.-Ooops...I haven't seen the Riches or Gene Simmons.
Now I'll have to check 'em out.

 

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