Friday, June 08, 2007

Psst...Paris...Check it out..

Bitch,you have the entirely wrong attitude about incarceration.I'm here to tell ya,..get to know it,..make it your friend!

Here's the thing..(a tip o' the lid to lorraine for the minor bit of plagiarism)..
Consider it an all expenses paid vacation at a spa...Seriously.

Imagine being served three wholesome and nutritious meals each day,(dehydrated scrambled eggs,bologna and cheese,mystery meat and gravy...YUMM!)brought to you at precisely the same time,and NO pesky silverware to wash afterward.The plastic spoons may simply be discarded after use.

NOW is the time to catch up on your reading hon.If I'm not mistaken,(what are the odds?).L.A. county jail has a wonderful library.You'll have 23 hours a day of uninterrupted time in your cell to enjoy all those Clancy novels you may have missed out on.I once did 10 days in county,and read a novel a day.It's true bliss!..
Two words...Baywatch!..It's on cable 24 hours a day!
On the men's side, there is no shortage of miscreants gathered around that massive 19 inch TV,hoisted 10 feet off the ground,anxiuosly awaiting the slip o' Pam's nip that is bound to happen as she runs in super slow motion across the beach in the opening credits..I'm guessin' there won't be any shortage of uber-butch podmates tuned in on the women's side as well.

.."And how about some board games?", you ask,in that pouty,breathless way you have..
DOMINOES!!...WooHoo!...There is simply nothing like the incessant SLAP!! of dominoes ringing endlessly throughout the pod to make you want to jab pencils straight through your eardrums..BONEYARD! Mutha' Fucka'!!...It's a gamer's dream come true.

And when it's time for lights out,you'll have your very own bull-dyke to tuck you in,and thoughtfully lock the door on her way out...

Shit..I envy you..THAT'S "Real Life"..


At 5:57 AM , Blogger Danielle said...

You see therein lies the problem. It is far too real for her in prison, it is far too real to face actual consequences with sanctions for her behavior. She needs to serve her time in prison it will do her good. It won't be pretty but if she bucks up will be changed by the experience.

Sling I will never forget a slip o pam's nip. Burned in there for eternity.

Continue enjoying the weekend, my friend.

At 7:32 AM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

every time I see them showing her crying ..i laugh my ass off..

At 7:47 AM , Blogger Sling said...

I'm here to tell you guys,I was drove when I heard they let her out.
Three freakin' weeks,and she seriously thinks she's too special to be held resposible for her behavior.Hell,even Martha Stewart did her time like a soldier.
Kudos to the Judge that overturned her release.

At 8:15 AM , Blogger Citymouse said...

Rich and white
must be nice

At 10:21 AM , Blogger Auld Hat said...

Sorry, gotta play devils advocate on this one. You folks have lost all compassion for this flake. She's an emotional infant! She's never been remotely in this sort of place before. Would you be cheering for a 5 year old to be put in prison for a month? Cuz that's what she is. House arrest was fine, but I think we should have a more European approach. Take away her license period. Forever. You get a DUI, you just don't drive. Ever. (yeah yeah Hat, but she had her license taken away and she STILL drove, that's actually what her prison time is for) And to that I would say...oh right. Forgot about that part. Carry on with the hate.

At 5:51 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

I've been waiting and whoosh you post 3 blogs....the kids are adorable...absolutely adorable. Aren't grandkids the best???? I love your official seal...give it to yourself many times... you are most deserving. As for poor, poor Paris....gee, that's a shame deal with REAL life and adulthood aka responsibility....drop by for a beer one of these days Sling.

At 6:56 PM , Blogger Sling said...

citymouse-Sending her back does much in my mind to show that there really is "Equal opportunity under the law"

Hat-House arrest would have been fine with me too,but I'm sure she was released because she,(insert whiney voice here),"just didn't feeeel like it!"

rosie-Grand kids are indeed,the best!..
Tyler has grown at least 6 inches since I saw her last.
I'm clearing off room on the mantle for all my awards,even as we speak. ;)

At 10:51 PM , Blogger more cowbell said...

Normally I'm all about empathy and have plenty to say about this country's handling of our prison system, but on this one, I'm going the other way; gotta admit I'm with Yellow Dog Granny on this one. I see The Hat's point (and JP's too, on his site) but emotional infanthood notwithstanding, her sense of entitlement and privilege, and history of NOT having to deal with real life does not excuse her from consequences. The girl still had the option of a friggin chauffeur when her license got yanked. She chose not go that route. Must be friggin' hard, sweetcakes. Welcome to the world of not having rich/white privilege, honey.

Hell,even Martha Stewart did her time like a soldier. That about covers it.

At 5:46 AM , Blogger Princess Banter said...

And the best part is -- it is taxpayers that pay for these things that prisoners get to "enjoy." ;)

At 7:43 AM , Blogger the rube said...

i'd like to see her try and communicate with strother martin.

At 8:11 AM , Blogger apositivepessimist said...

Aw c’mon now Slingoh the poor wee girl was feeling icky [No icky ain’t the resident bull dykes name] so they let her out. Where’s yer sense of admiration for the upper lower class and their privileges?

Can’t wait to see the porno she made while in there. Dude I would love to see her working on a chain gang busting rocks and cocks.

Arhaaha…okay no more smoke fah me.

At 10:15 AM , Blogger Sling said...

More cowbell-First off,I gotta tell ya I LOVE the name!If I've said it once,I've said it a hundred times,"What this world needs is more cowbell"..;)
Paris desperately needs to understand something.Violation of probation is no joke.3 weeks in county jail is about an average slap on the wrist for the first offense.My educated guess is that next time,she'll be looking at some actual prison time.1-3 years.
Thanx for stopping by MC. :)

princess banter-That's what I'm sayin!..Sheesh,show show appreciation Paris.. ;)

The Rube-..doomed to failure from the start..

Apos!-(insert happy apos in the USA dance here)..
Yeah,I remember the first time I got thrown in jail,and I turned to my mommy and wailed,"This isn't FAIR!"..I've grown since then.. :)

At 12:01 PM , Blogger more cowbell said...

Sling: right now it's my life in need of more cowbell. -sigh- As far as the "This isn't FAIR" deal -- put me in mind of my dad. He had many many quotes that stick in my mind even still, but "LIFE ain't fair kid. Whattya think this is, a democracy?" (usually followed by braying laughter) was a big one.

He was a cop, and once he put me and my sister in the slammer. Kind of a home-schooled version of Scared Straight. (This was a suburban city jail. We're not talking Alcatraz here.) Not sure if that contributed to my upright citizenhood or not.

At 2:39 PM , Blogger CS said...

Maybe it's just me, but I can't seem to work up the slightest bit of interest or caring about the whole Paris Hitlon thing. She's a dimbulb, but hey, mnay people have been paying her lots of money to be just like she is. Instant karma - now we're paying for it. (Not me, though - I wasn't paying her any attention to start with, and I'm not now, except to respond here.)

At 11:43 PM , Blogger Babs said...

That's hot.

At 9:07 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Paris Hilton does wrong and whines about it. Scooter Libby does wrong and talk immediately turns to pardon. And here I sit, trying to teach my kid that there are consequences for your choices and actions. Sheesh.

At 11:32 AM , Blogger jp said...

I'm just loving the fact that Anna Nicole Smith had to actually die to get this kind of press coverage.

At 12:59 PM , Blogger more cowbell said...

A hearty amen to Lorraine.

At 2:23 PM , Blogger Natalie said...

It's all just hilarious to me. I would be so happy if she got out and messed up again and landed a three year stint. They should have locked both her and Nicole up for every simple life season after the first one.

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