Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Tuesday Psycho Mailchick Update..

I've been very curious,after Friday's little brew-ha-ha with psycho mace mailchick,what the response might be from our beloved U.S. Postal Service.
I mean face it,anytime you're dealing with the lowest level employees of a megalithic ,quasi-governmental,corporate behemoth,you're likely to encounter some measure of resistance.
They do tend to circle the wagons you know...
Birds of a feather,and all that.
I also took note of the fact that on Saturday,we didn't receive any mail at all.
This isn't especially unusual,but my paranoia soars,unfettered..

When I forecast all the possible scenarios in my head,it went something like this;
  • Psycho mace mailchick would arrive at my doorstep,spray me full on in the face with her combination mace/anthrax aerosol dispenser,throw my renewal subscription notice to 'Popular Science' in the mud,and continue on her merry way.
  • Every day,for the next several weeks,I would try to convince my self that maybe nobody has anything of import to relay to me via postal correspondence,and I shouldn't be concerned about the fact that a family of red squirrels have set up housekeeping in my mailbox.
  • The lights would go out,the phones would stop working,and two Sheriffs would arrive at my doorstep to execute an eviction notice,just as psycho mace mailchick was returning three bags of 'accidentally misdirected' envelopes.
  • 'Mr.Sling?..Yes,..we're from The Department of Homeland Security..We'll need you to come with us.'..
Comes Monday afternoon,just as I'm sitting on the front porch chewing on my third cigarrete in the past twenty minutes,the mail truck glides up to the curb,and the gleaming fresh face of 'New Mailchick' bounds up the drive,and hands me the mail with a cheerful,'Hi!..Have a nice day!'..

I find this unexpected turn of events,strangely disappointing.

25 Comments:

At 5:13 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

ruined that little scenerio didn't she..

 
At 5:55 PM , Blogger jan said...

Reality can be a bitch.

 
At 3:30 AM , Blogger citizen of the world said...

"I find this unexpected turn of events,strangely disappointing." Ha ha ha! Took away all that righteous indignation you'd been storing up! I'm glad you have anew sane mailperson, though.

 
At 7:31 AM , Blogger LostInCO said...

Great post. You are so funny.

 
At 9:28 AM , Blogger Willym said...

okay but we've really only ruled out scenarios 1 and 2 - the Revenge of Psycho Mace Mailchick (sorry we're going to have to shorten the title when the movie comes out) could still happen.... when you least expect it those lights could go off ... there could be that knock on the door...
Not that I'm trying to play on your paranoia or anything.....

 
At 10:58 AM , Blogger Allan said...

There's not as much loyalty among the Fed workers as you might think...too bad it's so damned hard to fire them, though.

Great story!

 
At 12:00 PM , Blogger evilganome said...

Don't trust 'em honey! They're just trying to lull you into a false sense of security.

Seriously. I'm happy to hear you have a sane mailchick now.

 
At 3:48 PM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

did new mailchick look tibetan??

you might be a buddhist before you know it.

 
At 4:01 PM , Blogger sageweb said...

Oh is new mailchick cute? I would watch it tho.....she might send you a letter...the mad mailchick..and poof...you have 3 eyes. Perfect lifetime movie.

 
At 5:21 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Yellerdawg- You just can't trust civil servants.

jan- This is why I prefer my version of events.

citizen- I do my best work when I'm entirely full of myself.
i'll just have to save my righteous indignation for another time.

Lost- Oh thanks doll. :)

Willym- HA!..I've got enough paranoia for both of us buddy!

allan- I don't expect she got fired.I just didn't want her in my neighborhood.
She can deal with the intrigue at work on her own.

evilganome- Oh,you can bet I'll be watching 'em.
Truth is I don't actually get any mail.Really...Not since I let my subscription to popular science expire.

billy P.- I'm a devout Capricorn,and expect I'll stay that way.

Sage- Lifetime movies almost never bode well for men..just sayin'.

 
At 5:26 PM , Blogger Mom said...

Niceness gets us every time. You just get properly prepared for it.

 
At 6:55 PM , Blogger booda baby said...

There's nothing as unsatisfying as deflated indignation.

(That's probably a big fat lie, but it was kind of fun to write, anyway.)

 
At 10:42 PM , Blogger Willym said...

Booda Baby - there are other deflated things that are equally unsatisfying.... sorry did I write that outloud?

 
At 5:57 AM , Blogger Sling said...

mom- Those random acts of kindness can really throw a guy.

booda babe- Oh,it was fuun to read as well. ;)

willym- That's so true..A deflated 'ego' can be a real bitch.

 
At 3:49 PM , Blogger booda baby said...

Ha ha. Willym's being naughty.

Thank you for that. I NEVER have occasion to use that word - naughty - and really, it doesn't come easily outa these lips, but I love it anyway. It's kinda onomono etc etc, isn't it?

 
At 4:19 PM , Blogger cs said...

Now that took the foam out of yer beer didn it?
Why that ol hag from before probly got herself into a picklejar...only takes a few registered complaints. yessiree

Sounds like a whole new relationship could be developing here now....

 
At 5:39 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

You're too funny! :)

 
At 7:55 PM , Blogger Sling said...

booda babe- Oh snap!..now I get it.

CS- This may very well turn out to be the best relationship I've had in years!
She brings my mail,and leaves me alone.

MHP :)

 
At 11:22 PM , Blogger Kimberly Ann said...

I'm with Willym - it is all a clever rouse to catch you off guard. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, or USPS or whatever the Python line is.

 
At 12:04 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

KNow exactly what you were thinking. (I think they used to use the word paranoid) I have planned out some scenarios - some of which were true actually...cannot be too careful...

don't drop yer guard Sling - its probably her little sister and she's just lullin you into a false sense of seurity...

Maybe you could past a photo of the puppy next door on the mail box for a few weeks and then hide behind the window and watch...


she'll come...she'll come, and probably at midnight.

 
At 1:11 PM , Blogger Willym said...

Sling... Sling... Sling... Sling... do you honestly think I would write somethng naughty? Vulgar - sure! Crude - definately! Filthy - is there a doubt? But naughty - you know that's not my style.

 
At 1:11 PM , Blogger Willym said...

And I've never seen it spelled "ego"

 
At 1:18 AM , Blogger more cowbell said...

HA! Buh-bye, bitch! May your new route be overrun with Rottweilers, Pit Bulls, Dobermans (Dobermen?), and whatever else puts the fear of Dog in you. Oh, and weak fences.

 
At 2:20 PM , Blogger Doralong said...

Never know, I'd keep an eye out for a black Suburban parked in front of the house- just sayin'...

 
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