Friday, November 28, 2008

Surgical Subterfuge..

That whole Smallpox vaccine debacle wasn't the first time I had been victimized by the malevolent machinations of the medical community.
Oh no..

Back in the day,when every one on TV wore black-and-white,and doctors still made house calls,our family physician,Dr. Simon,apparently went door-to-door in the neighborhood on a relentless quest to complete his collection of little boy's tonsils,and the organically redundant appendix of their hapless siblings.
(A practice which was abandoned in the early 60's,due to the falling demand for tonsils and appendii on the world wide market,no doubt).

In any case,it was decided on one such visit to our house,that as long as my big sister was being scheduled to have her appendix removed,it would be economically prudent to go ahead and jerk my tonsils out at the same time.
Sorta like a package deal don'cha know.

Well of course I had no clue what this procedure entailed,..but I did know this!
I was going to get to watch cartoons,color in coloring books,and eat all the ice cream I wanted!

Shortly after this ill-fated conference,I found my self happily sharing a hospital room with my sister,laughing heartily at the folksy observations of Foghorn Leghorn,and deftly filling in the lines of Donald Duck's sailor suit with the multi-colored bonanza that was contained in my newly acquired box of 64,..when out of nowhere appeared a lady-in-white,brandishing a syringe the size of the freakin' Chrysler building!..

Nurse: 'It's time for your shot little Sling,..I promise,this won't hurt a bit'..

It occurred to me that,in point of actual fact,this thing was gonna hurt like a sonofabitch, I offered up my most eloquent protest.

Little Sling: 'WHAAAAAAAA!!'

Nurse: 'Now,now..This will all be over in a second'.

Big Sister: 'Yeah Little Sling,..don't be such a big baby!'.

Little Sling: 'WHHAAAAAAAAA!!!'..

Clearly,I had made a compelling argument,because the nurse gently refrained,..when suddenly,something outside the window next to my bed caught her attention.

Nurse: 'Oh my goodness!..There's a Giraffe outside!'..

Little Sling: '???!!'..

Quite naturally,I leapt to the window in an effort to behold this wondrous sight and,..wait a minute?,..I don't see no Gira..


When I woke up,the room was darkened,my sister was sleeping soundly,and my throat hurt like hell!..This is my recollection .
I lost my tonsils that day,but I did get to feast on some damn fine Neopolitan,and keep all 64 colors..


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At 11:55 AM , Blogger jan said...

At one time this our old (very old) family doctor decided that I needed to have my tonsils out. For no apparent reason than that I had some.

My parents took me to the new doctor in town who said they were fine where they were. I was happy but I didn't know about the crayons and ice cream then.

At 1:47 PM , Blogger Random Thinker said...

I am convinced that nurses who flunk out end up as prison matrons.

At 2:03 PM , Blogger sageweb said...

I wish that dam giraffe wouldn't have move away from the window so fast.

At 2:25 PM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

my only regret is that i had but one set of tonsils to give for my country.

At 4:36 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

you ever notice how easily it is for people to lie to little kids..????

At 7:41 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Jan- All things considered,I figure it was worth it.

Thinker- I know a few felons that are still dumb enough to fall for the 'giraffe' routine.

Sage- It never did come back..I kept checking all the next day just in case.

Billy P.- You are a true patriot my friend!

Yellerdawg- Notice it?..After my kids were born,I counted on it!

At 8:56 PM , Blogger Mom said...

I have managed to keep my tonsils all these years, but if my country needs them I will proudly donate them to the cause.
I love the song.

At 2:45 AM , Blogger more cowbell said...

Great story! I had mine yanked at 17, after having to give up my solo at the Christmas concert to a smirking Cindy Wilkins. Never again, I swore! I soon came to regret that, as recovery is apparently much bumpier for 17-yr-olds the younger tots. Of course they didn't tell me that until AFTER the deed was done, and I couldn't have eaten any ice cream if you'd paid me.

I still love a fresh box of 64 Crayolas! One of life's best treats.

At 3:36 AM , Blogger Willym said...

Ah that great lie: This won't hurt! How often have I heard ... never mind!

Wonderful post and a great video.

At 11:30 AM , Blogger LostInColor said...

OUCH! I hate shots.

At 5:05 PM , Blogger Allan said...

Home surgery just ain't what it used to be.

At 6:32 PM , Blogger austexgrl said...

As A " Current Nurse," Please, I must apologize for her.....That was then, we are here now.... hopefully the nurse would hold your hand, give you a popsicle, and things would go MUCH better....

At 6:13 PM , Blogger Sling said...

mom- I'm pleased you were able to escape the great Tonsil harvest of the 50's!

Cowbelle- I never did like that bitch Cindy Wilkins!

Willym- Ha!..Sounds like you fell for that line more than once...I first heard the song on a commercial for Verizon wireless phone service.
Simple,and pretty.

Lost- I haven't cried from getting a shot since I was 19.

allan- ..self-medication ain't all it's cracked up to be either!

austexgrl- I don't hold any grudges against nurses doll.
NOW can I have a popsickle?

At 6:42 PM , Blogger Citymouse said...

What I wouldnt give for a shot an all the icecream i could eat...

At 7:20 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Mouse- Now might be a good time to come down with a case of tonsilitis!..
Plus!..I think Monday is tapioca pudding night at the hospital.

At 9:26 AM , Blogger citizen of the world said...

Still have mine, along with my appendix, wisdom teeth, and various reproductive organs. I'm a conservationist.

At 12:52 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Citizen- It's people like you that are responsible for the severe tonsil shortage we're now suffering!..did I mention all the ice cream you can eat?

At 3:31 PM , Blogger citizen of the world said...

I'm stingy that way. But I'll have some ice cream, please!

At 6:53 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Oh, my yord! That's a delightful tale. But maybe I deem it so because I'm smug in my continued possession of all ancillary and unnecessary organs.

At 9:18 AM , Blogger Sling said...

Citizen- You may have some ice cream,but I'm afraid I'll have to draw the line at crayons...fair is fair.

Rainey- Oh,you organically intact folks are just SO smug!

At 2:31 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

No doubt Sling they not took out thise pesky tonsils which protect us from so much infection but also your adenoids which do the same thing...I am sure that the Oharmaceutical companies made a mint from all the kids and adults with sore thorats and upper respiratory tract infections because their perfecyl healthy and needed bits were removed...I have a sha,eful tale to tell about how I lost mine, but not sure if i'll have any friends left if I tell...that giraffe seems to get about...we used that...or rather don did to distract the kids when they were with you it worked a treat for a while...lovely song... we have a song out here by Casey chambers called True colours...I'll see if I can find it.


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