Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Quarterly Financial Statement..

Somehow,I've always managed to live within my means by using a simple formula.
Take what I make..Subtract what I have to spend on rent,food,and utilities,..and whatever is left over I can blow on whiskey,and loose women.
This budgeting theorem has held me in good stead,..until now.

Ever since I started working part-time,the whole system has been thrown into indecipherable chaos!

You see...
My part-time job pays every two weeks and that check takes ten days to arrive from Texas and my unemployment deducts what I made working part-time and sends me two checks every two weeks and those checks take three days to arrive and I cash my checks at Wal-Mart and they only let you cash two checks a week which they keep track of via your social security number and the pay periods between my part-time job and unemployment are staggered one week apart and I pay my rent weekly which is due on Fridays and my total bi-weekly income needs to cover two weeks rent and I have one check in my hand and two checks coming on Thursday and my part-time working hours go in on Friday and my unemployment claim goes out a week from Monday and I have $31.67 in my pocket and I can't for the life of me figure out if should get drunk,..or hire an accountant.

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19 Comments:

At 11:21 AM , Blogger sageweb said...

you should get drunk because I wanna get drunk right now, after reading that.

 
At 11:30 AM , Blogger Sling said...

Sage- THANK YOU!..for casting the deciding vote!..How much do I owe you?

 
At 12:04 PM , Blogger jan said...

Have you priced loose women?

 
At 12:21 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

Jan it depends on how loose they are???? Oh sorry about that wash my mouth out with soap

 
At 1:19 PM , Blogger Willym said...

Not that I have much experience - or rather what I have is soooo long ago that I forgot - but wouldn't you rather have a tight.. never mind! I get it - go for the accountant.

 
At 1:24 PM , Blogger Mom said...

Ask an accountant if you can afford to get drunk. Or maybe ask a drunk if you need an accountant. One or the other.

 
At 2:29 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Jan/Middle Child- HA!..You guys are better than my post! :)

Willym- Now that you mention it,it's been so long I can't remember either!

Mom- Who knew that working 18 hours a week would result in my having to control a crushing financial empire?
..I liked it better when I was just broke all the time.

 
At 3:23 PM , Blogger citizen of the world said...

The chaos is apparently throwing you off to the point that you are answering your commenters on my blog!

 
At 3:32 PM , Blogger Random Thinker said...

Just tell the unemployment people you want to be paid in whiskey and loose women from now on.

 
At 3:35 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

arghghgh fuck no...no math..please no math..numbers bad bab bad..
what you need is a loose woman accountant..

 
At 3:52 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Citizen- Oh shit Oh dear!..I 'copy' my responses so blogger doesn't eat them,and then I visited your blog,and then the whole thing went to hell..
I think I fixed it.

Thinker- Al Capone did pretty much the same thing,and the IRS got all persnickity on his ass.

Yellerdawg- I can handle the math..That's the problem.
I have extrapolated this nightmare scenario whereby I have 3 checks I can't cash for a week because I'd be over the limit at Mall-Wart,..and the rent was due yesterday...

 
At 6:07 PM , Blogger booda baby said...

There's an assumed get-to-vote on it in there, right?

Put up a fricking pay pal button. I can't pay for your accountant, but I can CERTAINLY contribute to one or two drunks. (Meaning occasions of drinking, not people involved.)

As long as I have a job, you will have a paypal contributor.

I'm going to give up two hours a week to get Adimations-dot-com going and see what we can stir up. I am so sorry for other things getting in the way.

 
At 6:37 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Boooooda Babe- It's not a matter of income,it's the mind altering logistics!,..you dear sweet Booda.
(insert sloppy hugs here)..
As long as I have my laptop,and god provides public libraries,and internet cafes,I'll continue to flood the interwebs with my rants and raves.
Now..If you'd like to pay me to shut the fuck up,I think we could negotiate something.. ;)

 
At 7:39 AM , Blogger Doralong said...

Get drunk then get an account with direct deposit-

 
At 9:14 AM , Blogger rosemary said...

If I were you I'd take that $31.67 and take a loose woman to a bar.

 
At 8:59 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

Oh, so totally get drunk!! :)

 
At 7:01 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

I think you need to find yourself a nice little credit union and settle down somewhere...like, you know, your place...maybe get another cat...

 
At 6:47 AM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

maybe a little shoplifting at wal mart would help out. i hear they're a very forgiving organization.

 
At 8:24 PM , Blogger austexgrl said...

Sling, call me if you need a " loose woman" !!!

 

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