Friday, November 27, 2009

A Retirement Anniversary!..

I hope all of you folks dwelling right here in The Colonies enjoyed a bountiful Thanksgiving feast yesterday,snuggled all up in the warm blanket of family and friends!
Mom-O and Lizzard King,in perfectly choreographed fashion,whipped up an amazing presentation of holiday favorites,while I played my traditional role of staying the hell out of the kitchen.

Today marks an occasion of a different sort..
Ten years ago on this very date,I was relaxing in my upstairs bedroom,..minding my own business,..when a battalion of armor-clad law enforcement types burst in the front door,and flew up the stairs!
Dont'cha know I was slammed up against the wall with a 9mm pressed against my temple,before I even had an opportunity to make a graceful egress out the second story window.
I had been dealing methamphetamine for several years you see,and they rightly figured it was time for me to retire.

'You guys shoulda called first,..I'da made a pot of coffee!',..I told them.
They just love it when you engage them in witty banter..

In truth,I number this day among those that seem pretty dismal at first,but which eventually prove themselves to be a blessing in disguise.
I went through the system,jumped through all the hoops,dotted all the I's,and crossed my heart never to get embroiled in that sort of nonsense again.
And I haven't..

Just for grins,I looked up the appropriate gift to mark a tenth anniversary.
Turns out,it's aluminum.
Ironic when you consider that 'doin' a foil' was my preferred method of ingestion.
If you don't know what that means,you may number that among your own blessings as well..

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22 Comments:

At 2:03 PM , Blogger jan said...

There's a Hallmark card for practically everything, but probably not for that.

 
At 2:24 PM , Blogger Willym said...

As traumatic as I'm sure it all was - and that is probably an understatment - it has given us the Sling we care about and love today. And for that we are truly thankful.

 
At 3:01 PM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

my dad told me to always include a donut if serving coffee to a cop.

 
At 3:17 PM , Blogger YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

congratulations on your 10 anniversary..your my hero.

 
At 4:29 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Jan- We should invent one!..
'Congratulations on the anniversary of your last arrest..Don't worry,we'll get you out if it takes 20 years!'

Willym- Not to make light of it,but it wasn't so traumatic.
If you're gonna have guns pointed at you,it's best they're in the hands of professionals..Amatuers tend to be a tad unpredictable.

Billy P.- Hey!..If I'm making the coffee,the least they could do is bring the donuts..I'm sure Martha Stewart would agree.

Yellerdawg- Thanks doll..I figure a decade off the grid cleans the slate. :)

 
At 6:36 PM , Blogger Mom said...

I am thankful that you are now my friend Sling, great story-teller and friend.
Thanks for sharing some of your journey with us.
Is happy anniversary the right thing to say on this occasion?

 
At 6:52 PM , Blogger booda baby said...

If you were going to be busted, I'm glad you went down with a nice big Thanksgiving feast in you. Donuts are beautiful things, but they're no pumpkin pie.

I am suddenly fascinated by what kind of mind you had cooking before meth. You're crazy gifted now and I'm told meth will etch itself no matter what - so I'm having visions of you being some kind of ... what's bigger than crazy gifted and a breadbox. Genius?

I love you for lots of things, but extra specially because you tell your true story. I'd like to try that some day. :\

 
At 7:06 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

To think, 10 years ago I'd probably have seen you coming, clutched my bag to my bosom and crossed to the other street and now here we are. Ain't life a pip?

 
At 9:10 PM , Blogger Random Thinker said...

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. A gun to the temple? Really? God I hate cops.

 
At 9:53 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Mom- 'Happy Anniversary' works just fine. :)

Booda Babe- Now for your moment of Zen..
Everything that happens while under the influence,..happens in your head.
All that LSD I did back in the 70's taught me that much.
I've heard the word 'genius' bandied about since I was 10 years old.
I promise to always tell you the truth,or at least,a reasonable facsimile.

Rainey- 10 years ago,I would have recognized your anxiety from 2 blocks away,and crossed the street ahead of you in deference..
I still do that.

Thinker- It was a Fine thanksgiving indeed!
Yeah..That whole gun to the temple thing was unnecessary..I knew these guys from half a dozen previous arrests,and they knew me.
When I made the 'coffee' remark,it really was my way of saying,'Dude!..Lighten the fuck up!'..
It kind of embarrased my old friend,Sherriff Dan.
..I guess you hadda be there.

 
At 7:49 AM , Blogger jp said...

I wish I had been there to cause some sort of distraction while you made your hasty getaway. Maybe some kind of show choir number with choreography and jazz hands.

Things probably worked out better this way.

 
At 11:36 AM , Blogger Sling said...

JP- Brilliant!..Dude,..if I ever need a partner in crime,you're at the top o' my list.

 
At 1:28 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

Ahh, sling. I send birthday cards to two of my recovering kids. I have a grandson that had 3 years clean, but he is back in the clutches of crack. He is a big boy. I would like to see him become a man in the true sense....but, I do have to consider the alternative and so should he. Congratulations/happy 10th birthday....happy me having you as a blog friend.

 
At 3:18 PM , Blogger cs said...

No silly--the aluminum is there in the picture! Look! It's the aluminum pan the big fat bird is in...sheesh!

 
At 8:05 PM , Blogger austexgrl said...

Happy Anniversary.... been there.. done that!! love you, truly.. you have brought so much joy to my life. Thanks, Sling.

 
At 1:08 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Rosie- Until your grandson makes the conscious decision that he's had enough,he's gonna have a hard row to hoe..I know that doesn't help,but it was my experience that all the counseling and such won't make a bit of difference without it.
Thankful to have you as my blogpal as well. :)

CS- So I guess I'll be cooking my turkey in a silver pan on my 25th? ;)

austexgrl- Thanks doll! :)

 
At 5:05 PM , Blogger secret agent woman said...

"Sittin' and starin' out of the hotel window.
Got a tip they're gonna kick the door in again
I'd like to get some sleep before I travel,
But if you got a warrant, I guess you're gonna come in."
(Grateful Dead)


A good anniversary to be celebrating!

 
At 9:31 AM , Blogger sageweb said...

Happy 10 years of retirement. I am so thankful I have found you..you are entertaining and delightful. Life is strange the way people meet up.

 
At 12:05 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

I love that Secret Agent Woman quoted the Dead--I so was thinking the same thing! :) :)

Anyway, Happy 10-year Anniversary, I guess! :) I've heard that stuff can mess you up, so it's probably good that you're out of it.

I'm glad that you are now my blog friend Sling, whom I always love to read. :)

 
At 7:10 PM , Blogger Citymouse said...

Interesting job you use to have! Nice to retire at an early age so that one can pursue more artistic endeavors!

 
At 8:34 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Secret Agent Woman- 'Woke up in my clothes again this morning..Don't know exactly where I am'.
(The Police).

Sage- I quit marvelling at these fortuitous connections,and have just come to recognize them when they happen,and go with it. :)

Miss HP- 'That stuff' wants everything..
Your friends and family,your health,and every material possession.
I say fuck that stuff!
I'm adding your friendship to my stockpile of treasures.

Mouse- It was kind of a cool job there for a while,until I realized that,on my very best day,I was surrounded by drug addicts.

 
At 5:00 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

John Lennon wrote "Life's what happens when we're making plans" - sometimes I look back and with all the bad and good stuff...apart from what they did to Don...I would do it all over again the same...

Nowadays Sling they'd hit you with a Tazer with nary a moment for such conversational eloquence

 

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