Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Yeah,..but can it tell jokes?..

I can cite any number of reasons why this world is going to hell in a digitized,sanitized,miniaturized,and electronically de-personalized handcart,but this one really chaps my hide.
I subscribe to Popular Science magazine 'cause,you know,I'm a dork,and here's the latest that them damm bean counting techno-weenies that have to take all the fun out of social interaction has to offer.
According to the article;
"It pours an Old Fashioned,but it's all modern day tech.
MyFountain is the first fully automated drink slinger".(Slinger!!..Dangerously close to plaigeristic,copywrite infringement type,"Screw you and yer infernal machine too!" verbiage if you ask me) .
"Tap the screen to select a drink,and pumps send each ingredient up a tube
to the nozzle,which mixes and pours them".
You know,it was bad enough when they came up with those stingy automatic pour spouts that poured exactly the same amount of alcohol each time,but at least you were still able to enjoy the personal touch of a trained professional at the helm.
Someone to listen to your gripes,empty your ash trays,and make you feel as if you were indeed special,regardless of what your spouse,your kids,or your employer had to say about you earlier in the day.
Is this mechanical bastard gonna greet you with a hearty "Hey!..How's it going Joe?...The usual?"...I think not.
It's going to be more like,"Please wait while MyFountain processes your request"..:45 seconds..:40 seconds..:35 seconds...
Fuck that shit!
The article concludes with those cherished words that every tight-assed,polyester wearin',penny pinching,sonofabitch longs to hear.
"Best of all,you don't even have to leave a tip!"..
Take me now Lord.



At 6:55 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

Holy crap on a stick. There are so many things wrong with this that I can't even begin to address them.

Save to say, you can pour my drinks anytime, sweets!

At 6:55 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

And yeah, blah blah blah, the actually word is "Safe". Whatever.

At 6:56 PM , Blogger Serena Joy said...

I wonder if you'd have to tip automated bartenders? And I wonder if drunk guys would hit on automated barmaids?

What a sucky idea.:)

At 9:04 PM , Blogger more cowbell said...

Drink Slinger? Are you kidding me? I think you've got a viable lawsuit there, buddy.

Now some electronic devices can be a good thing. This is not one of them. See you at the club?

At 9:57 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not even a robot could put up with me and Lorraine the way you do, buddy.

At 12:24 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

No worries, friend. These things will only be used in those really geektified secret handshake role-playing clubs that no one goes to anyway. lol, oh man - I just got this great visual of some total nerd re-calibrating it to play Rush albums as it pours. ahhhh...good times.

At 3:51 AM , Blogger Doralong said...

Is nothing sacred anymore??? As a former bartender I vote we organize a formal protest and boycott.. As soon as everyone sobers up.

Never gonna fly however. Some forms of human interaction ought not to be messed with, and the relationship with one's favorite barkeep is one of them. Anyone tries to take my favorite boy away and there will be a reckoning I tell you!

At 7:19 AM , Blogger Citymouse said...

well there goes my next job, unless I repair the autobarmaid. Wait... dont they still need a little t&a? I mean other than that, why not drink at home?

At 7:43 AM , Blogger the rube said...

where does it hold all the liqour? it must have a limited selection.

it wouldn't have the audacity to serve a drink in a plastic cup would it?

At 8:01 AM , Blogger cs said...

Okay, let me get this straight...are these going to end up being in a bar that is cafeteria style, like school lunchrooms? And you swipe your credit/ATM card and move along...and then you go sit down at the picnic style tables and enjoy the heck out of yourselves?
ha ha ha..I can see it now? What will they think of next...too funny.

At 8:32 AM , Anonymous tater said...

Oh goody, another technological marvel. I would love to see the robo-bartender sugar or salt a rim before pouring, or squeeze fresh lime, or muddle an old fashioned. Perhaps next up is the "robo-chef". Please wait while we pump your food to order. Perhaps someday, we won't need to interact at all, and will never have to leave our homes. Christ.

At 12:47 PM , Blogger booda baby said...

I'd like to be a little more confident that the bars I've frequented/made home would never EVER install one of these piece of shits, but they've done appalling stuff like remodelled themselves into chain restaurant look alikes and - unbelievably - didn't suffer. And one bar in the Midwest chose to become no smoking. Chose it.

Hell, by the time I die, there won't be any good pub/tavern/bars. Which, I guess, won't be that bad since I'll be dead, so ... never mind.

At 4:39 PM , Blogger Sling said...

lorraine-Who's the putz that sits around in his little think tank all day,and decides that this is somehow a good idea?..I just don't get it.
Part of the pleasure of having a cocktail,is the little bit of pomp and circumstance that preceeds it.
..and I'd be pleased to sling drinks for you anytime!

serena joy-Not tipping the thing is one of it's major selling points.You know,among those who's ass you couldn't pull a needle out of with the jaws of life..

Cowbelle-I'm pretty sure they read my blog,and are trying an end run around the name thing.
See ya at the club for sure!

JP-Oh,you guys are a piece o' cake.
I once had 3 pro football players start a game of tackle in my bar...while they were on the floor,I picked up their drinks,and bid them goodnight...believe it or not,they simply left.

Hat-I'm sure you're right.
Only guys who have given up hope on ever being laid would invest in such a thing.

rube-I took the magazine to work,but if I recall the article,it really does hold a wide variety of liquor and mixes.
Also,it uses a Windows based OS that will download recipes,and can be programmed with all your favorites!...mechanical bastard..

cs-The thing costs a little over two-grand,so I'm guessin' it will find it's way into all sorts of nooks and crannys.

tater-Exactly!..That's the pomp and circumstance type stuff I was telling lorraine.
Have you seen the commercial where there is this ballet of customers purchasing stuff with their plastic card,and one guy brings the whole thing to a screaming halt by having the audacity to pay with cash?..It's all part of the vast right wing conspiracy I tell ya!..I've been drinking a little.

booda baby-It's a world gone mad to be sure.Glad I won't be around to see it.

At 5:43 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

Well, here is the flaw....my name isn't JOE. See, won't work.

At 5:59 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Joe-Mary-..are you sure??
Damm,..I coulda swore.

At 1:10 AM , Blogger david santos said...

I passed to congratulate it with its work and to desire a good August to it in vacation.

At 5:41 AM , Blogger Sling said...

david santos-Obrigado meu amigo!
Eu espero que você e sua família estejam tendo um agosto maravilhoso também.

At 7:54 AM , Blogger cs said...

Bueno Sr. Sling...


At 10:06 AM , Blogger Allan said...

They have had those on Star Trek for years- but the Trek booze doesn't get you drunk- no wonder no one tips.

(Thanks for giving me reason #845 to never drink again)

At 1:19 PM , Blogger apositivepessimist said...

Wouldn’t have to tip the bastid though, nor could it’s tits be ogled. Yeah I agree will never fully be the G O.

Heehee I have been offered a barkeep job at a new Pizza restaurant soon to be opening up. Brother-in-law’s the manager. They keep talking about the “tips” I could make with my accent. Trouble is, I generally don’t like people enough.

At 3:56 PM , Blogger Sling said...

cs-Gracias mi amiga!..Salud por vida..

allan-I always wondered what purpose those non-alcoholic drinks on Star Trek were supposed to be all about.
Then they came up with the Holodeck,and I figured that's a pretty fair trade.

apos-I can't stand drunks or loud music,so I always schitzed into my bartender mode,just long enough to pull my shifts,and rake in some o' that free money. ;)

At 11:02 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

i bet 125 drunks never came in at 9am on a monday to watch the mixer stand on the bar in a short mini skirt and clean the lights over the bar like they did me..I made more on mondays cleaning the lights then i did on a sat night.

At 4:16 PM , Blogger Sling said...

YellerDawg-THAT WAS YOU??..Thanks for the show!

At 4:49 AM , Blogger Middle Child said...

I'm getting awfully close to just bloody well giving up...

its just stupid...crazy

At 2:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sling, you are an idiot. Read their webpage. ALL OF IT. Then comment.

At 3:57 PM , Blogger Sling said...

anonyputz-Yeah,I'll rush right over and do that,because I do so give a flying fuck..dickweed.

At 9:54 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I invented it. There are three types of people in the world, those who that look to the future, and those who are afraid of the future. And those like you, the truly clueless, you, the ones who fires half-cocked, but in your case, without powder firing in ignorance, crawl back into your hole.

At 4:00 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Jesus!!..This is too good to be true.
No wonder you got your panties in such a bunch.
I hope you make a million bucks over this piece of shit Sparky..No doubt you will,because there is a fourth kind of person in the world.The kind that will run out and buy every rediculous kind of techno-widget they can lay their hands on,because,.."OHHH!...It's all SHINY!"..

At 11:10 AM , Blogger CS said...

Ha ha ha! I was all set to comment on the post itself, when I saw the exchange with anonymous. That really is too good to be true! WHat are the odds that you would get the inventor coming to your blog all in a tizzy? Great stuff - you made my day!!!

At 4:04 PM , Blogger Sling said...

CS-After his first comment,I thought to myself,"Why's he got such a bug up his ass?".."I always go off half-cocked!..It's my job".
I don't know if he really did invent the damn thing,but I like to think so.

At 7:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

U.S. Patent 6,651,852 and only a million, dude, you need to tkink BIGGER! Everyone needs to think BIGGER....

At 8:25 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Way to go Sparky!
Good luck with yer little Robo-Bidet thingy.

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