Tuesday, September 04, 2007

To the one who has been helping themselves to my money..

Here are some of the things I know about you.
  • I know that you know where I kept it.
  • I know that you took $50.00 2 Mondays ago,thinking that,"He probably won't notice"
  • I know that you took another $50.00 last Friday,thinking that you must have gotten away with it the first time,since I never mentioned it.
  • I know you took $100.00 today,because it's the beginning of the month,and your rent is overdue.
  • You clearly know when Chris and I are at work,because you are close to us.
  • I know that you are close to us,because you don't take expensive personal items,for fear of being discovered in possession of them,or having word get back to us that you are selling them.
  • I know that your key doesn't work on the new locks I installed on my bedroom,so you came in through the bedroom window,which I had left partially open..THAT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN!
Here's the deal...

I'm going to smile in your face.
I'm going to be happy to see you.
You are among a very small group of individuals that have the kind of knowledge,and access that you obviously display,and I will pinpoint exactly who you are,because you have already made mistakes,and I am,quite simply,a hell of a lot smarter than you.

I'm going to tax your ass....Hard.

27 Comments:

At 6:43 PM , Blogger cs said...

Okay, all you have to do is stick this person's hand over the fence...should take care of it.

 
At 6:51 PM , Blogger Sling said...

cs-Yep...I may be that lenient. ;)

 
At 8:03 PM , Blogger Auld Hat said...

"Ya gonna hurt him bad Pa?"
"I reckon"
(barn scene from The Mustached Avenger)

 
At 8:16 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Hat-Not physically..Too unimaginative.
This is someone that has enjoyed the hospitality of my home,and mistaken me for some whole body else.

 
At 8:24 PM , Blogger more cowbell said...

Damn ... that's some nerve. Glad it's not me, that's all I can say.

 
At 8:30 PM , Blogger Citymouse said...

arrggg....
i hate when that happens...ok..now i have another blog post ...remind me sometime sling... people with keys ... fiends who arnt... arrggggggg
If you need me, i got your back!

 
At 8:41 PM , Blogger Sling said...

You know..I really hate posting such a shit-fuck thing as this.
I'm thinkin' that He/She reads my blog,and I wanted to do an attitude check.

 
At 9:55 PM , Blogger Monica said...

ok, i gotta look out for my boy sling here... how are you gonna be his friend, steal his shit...AND SELL IT???? in a few years you might laugh about this over a beverage though, right? no? damn.

 
At 10:07 PM , Blogger Sling said...

monica-I'm laughing about it now kid,'cause this person is a rookie.
I once watched my brother sell a guy his own stuff!...and the dude went away thinking he got a good deal...That's talent right there. ;)

 
At 9:23 AM , Blogger more cowbell said...

Dude your brother's got skillz. Hey, just wanted to clarify, in reading over my earlier comment, I meant I'm glad I'm not the idiot who's taking your shit ... I wouldn't want to have to face the wrath of the Moustachioed Avenger. Just wanted to set that straight, Sir, uh, Mr. Avenger -- I didn't mean any "better you than me" stuff. Nosirree. Can I get you a beer? Shine the shoes? Thanks, Mr. Avenger. Er, Mr. Moustache ...

 
At 9:29 AM , Blogger Lorraine said...

I can make an applesauce cake with little Mattel toys in it.

 
At 10:02 AM , Blogger booda baby said...

I hope rookie isn't a meth head because the best thing about being a little forgiving of thieving and injury is that they're the ones who have to sort it out in the end and get minor surgery for the removal of little Mattel toys from winding viscera. (I don't know if viscera wind, but ... you know what I mean.) But a meth head has that convenient 'I don't remember shit about it' attitude. Oh. On the other hand, they have to be meth heads, so maybe it does kind of work out.

 
At 10:22 AM , Blogger the rube said...

you got it figured out buddy, kill'm with kindness.

let him/her think something is gonna happen and never make it happen.

 
At 11:37 AM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

oh please..let me bip him/her...please please huh huh?..let me smack the shit out of the little fucker...

 
At 12:41 PM , Blogger Grish said...

Put a bucket of honey over the front door..

but seriously a nanny cam might work. I know they cost but...

 
At 1:29 PM , Blogger Mom said...

When you catch him/her, can I come and spit on him? People live in fear of my spit.

 
At 1:45 PM , Blogger Doralong said...

Still have that rat trap lying around the house??

 
At 2:22 PM , Blogger Auld Hat said...

My my. All this talk of spit and honey and cakes filled with choking hazards. tsk tsk. How would Jesus handle this situation Sling? Hmmm? JESUS! heh heh.
Hi! I'm going to hell.

 
At 5:12 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

I bloody hate sneak thieves. Bloody hate them. They think they are smarter than you are and I hate that too even more...its an ego thing perhaps. You usually know exactly who they are and apart from a dye bomb in amongst your possessions (which would defeat the purpose) you can't always prove it... but you know them. We lost a fair amount of stuff this way when Don was in hospital from the people we trusted to stay in the house...little bits and pieces and it makes me feel sick and angry. Maybe that old rat trap in a strategic place would do some damage but mongrels like this would probably sue you for damage... hope you get who it is good and proper Sling

 
At 6:36 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

This person will only do this 200 bucks worth...I'd turn Lorena Bobbitt on him. You will do much better I am sure because this person is obviously already dickless or a dick head.

 
At 7:10 PM , Blogger cs said...

Ol' Hat Mama....Sling is Jesus!

:)

Rose, I love it...but what if it's a g-i-r-l?

 
At 10:19 PM , Blogger jp said...

When you find them, and you will, check their garage. There might be a bike in there.

 
At 8:00 AM , Blogger Monica said...

selling a dude his own stuff eh? remind me to tell you about the scam me and my boy paul used to run in high school. i'll just tell you now. i would sell people cds, ask to borrow them a day later so I could "make a dub" never give it back and sell it to someone else. repeat repeat repeat. WE GOT AWAY WITH THIS FOR MONTHS!!!!! oh high school...so long ago :)

 
At 1:20 PM , Anonymous tater said...

I'm thinking a steel clawed bear trap rigged near your cash stash oughta do the trick. Just match up the person with the missing foot, and bingo bango, case solved. Best thing about it is they punish themselves for their thievery, and all you have to do is sit back and grin!

 
At 3:27 PM , Blogger Eternally Curious said...

I like your style Sling! Indeed, hurting 'em physically is just too boring. Best to leave 'em guessing and nervous!

 
At 9:29 AM , Blogger CS said...

You think you might want to put your money somewhere safer? Just a thought.

 
At 9:34 AM , Blogger Allan said...

Leave a note where the cash is- tell them you know who it is (I'm assuming you do)and they owe you $200. See if they bring it up.
Actually, I'd break a baseball bat on their head without hesitation and toss them into the alley for the winos to play with...you are either nicer than me, mellowed with age...er...wisdom or both.
In any case, I hope you make 'em squirm real good!

 

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