Wednesday, June 03, 2009

..and on Wednesdays,we solve crimes.

We have this symbiotic relationship with the tenants of our Housing Authority complexes.
We keep fixing the sprinklers and they,in turn,keep breaking them.
They'll run over them with a lawnmower,or back over them in their cars,..or the resident juvenile delinquent types will just kick them really hard,and retreat to their rooms to smoke weed,and plot the violent overthrow of the Rutherford B. Warsniak Manual Arts and Trade School.
It all works out quite nicely for everyone,as they are able to take out their hostilities and aggression in a largely benign fashion,and The Partner and I are afforded some measure of job security in these troubled economic times.
I have noticed of late,a variation in our routine that seems to fall precisely midweek.
Last Wednesday,we arrived at the Gardella complex to find an unauthorized vehicle parked in the space reserved for an apartment we knew to be vacant.
The Partner gets on the horn to report this infraction to O-Town's finest,and sure enough the car had been reported stolen in our sister city,some 30 miles away.
The police tow truck arrived shortly thereafter,and the hapless victim retrieved his property none the worse for wear.
Today,again at Gardella,(there seems to be a pattern forming here),we pulled in just in time to see two policeman combing the area with their K-9 compatriot,in search of a wanted felon known only as 'Rocky'.
Rocky drives a silver Mustang convertible,and was apparently last seen skulking about the premises,no doubt bent on committing some heinous act of fuckery.
Failing to track down the elusive Rockmeister,the cops bid their leave,(those doughnuts aren't gonna eat themselves,after all),and The Partner assured them that we,(that would be the royal 'we'),would keep an eye out,and ring them up should Rocky decide to make an appearance.
One hour later..
'Rocky, incredible moron!
You've returned to the scene of the crime!'

While The Partner is dialing 911,..Rocky's in the driveway gettin' the 411 on the morning's police activity from his lovely assistant.
Rocky beats a hasty retreat toward the freeway,The Partner relays that information to the local constabulary,and asks,..'Do you want us to follow him?'..
..'Have you lost yer friggin' mind??'..I inquire.
'That won't be necessary',they inform him..'We'll take it from here'...
The freeway,at this point,consists of two lanes running North and South,with miles of nothing in both directions.
I can only assume Rocky made it to his cell in time for the noon day meal of baloney sandwiches,and grape Kool-Aid.
Tomorrow is Thursday..
That's the day I sanitize the dumpsters over at Winston Gardens.



At 10:12 PM , Blogger Mom said...

I think your other name is Joe Friday.

At 11:31 PM , Blogger Willym said...

Just the facts, ma'm, just the facts.

At 6:16 AM , Blogger Random Thinker said...

With a name like Rocky he had no chance at all.

At 8:44 AM , Blogger sageweb said...

Oh poor Rocky, busted again. You might need to get a pay raise, with your extra detective duties added in.

At 8:56 AM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

i think the tenants at the authority are enviromentalists. they're trying to save the diminishing water supply.

At 9:44 AM , Blogger rosemary said...

Did Rocky have big teeth?

At 10:48 AM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

i see a fox channel tv show called 'just fix it' with cheech and chong..cheech playing your part..

At 3:07 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe the stolen car was to be a gift for his wife, Adrien.

At 4:05 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Mom- Detective Sgt.Sling..Housing Authority..

Willym- There are a million stories in O-Town..This,is one of them.

Thinker- He should have stuck with his given name,..Percival.

Sage- I hear they have an orange jumpsuit down at county jail,with his name embroidered on it.

Billy- If they wanted to perform acts of civil disobedience,they could just sit on the sprinklers when they come on.

Rosie- I couldn't tell.
His lovely assistant's antlers were blocking my view.

Yellerdawg- I don't think Fox channel would carry it..
It's based on real life.

JP- That could be,but I don't know.
I saw Rocky,and he's no Rambo.

At 6:24 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

But sanitizing dumpsters...that's the real ordeal, isn't it?? *grin*

At 8:06 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Miss HP- Now I have to tell you a story..Kind of a long one,but here goes.
Thursday is my favorite day!..
I get 18 total hours a week,which amounts to 8 hours on Monday,8 hours on Wednesday,and TWO hours on Thursday to do a job that takes about 1 hour and 20 minutes.
The dumpsters are always clean,because all the residents are required to use plastic garbage bags...which they are all kind enough to do.
All I really have to do,is splash some Pine-Sol in them,and spray them out with a garden hose.
Nobody is hangin' over my shoulder,so mostly it's just quiet time to finish out my work week,in pleasant early morning solitude...Really.
I actually enjoy it!
It's not menial labor,because I'm just arrogant enough to believe that I don't do menial things..Know what I'm sayin'? ;)

At 5:33 PM , Blogger booda baby said...

Oooh lucky you! (Not that I ever wanted to be a detective, but I wouldn't mind being a spy. I was thinking they're kind of the same, but the spy's got a whole lot of criminal in him. Her. Yah. I'd have to be a spy.) ANYWAY. Any second now you're going to be the inspiration for a buddy movie or a television show. I'd take tv. I don't know why. That probably needs a detective to figure out the better financials.

At 9:41 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

What do they mean by menial labour anyway. I remember when I got a job cleaning at the Mater Hospital when i was 18...after my elddest sister became a school teacher and the other a nurse...there would always be a slight hesitation with relatives as they composed themselves...I never gave a damn what they thought...and I liked the aloneness of cleaning sometimes.. people left you alone to just do what you had to i was very fitfor free... what did Rocky do do you know

At 10:33 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Booda Babe- I'm thinkin' television.
Syndication is worth it's weight in gold!

Middle Child- Knowing the neighborhood,and the fact that the cops had their drug sniffing dog with them,I expect Rocky was supplementing his income by selling pot.
A harmless enough endeavor in my opinion.
And yes..The Lord loves a laborer. :)

At 3:12 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

Sling--I know what you're saying. Sometimes that kind of work can be REALLY nice, when you can just stand there and kind-of enjoy the moment. :)


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