Friday, August 07, 2009

Ask Sling..

Dear self,..

I think I'm having a depression.
I mean,..I watch all those 'Good morning O-Town',and 'Wake-up with talking heads' shows during my time off,and I'm pretty sure I have all the symptoms.

Trouble sleeping some nights,..or wanting to sleep all day..

Lack of motivation,..and an apathetic tendency to let my vintage collection of 'TV Guides' just gather dust in some obscure corner of the basement,without pouring over the entire decade of the 60's in my ever continuing quest to find a photo of Barbara Eden in her genie outfit where she shows her navel.
Oh yes,..even that has lost it's appeal.

Plus!..When I see all those commercials telling me that two out of three people being treated for depression,still suffer from symptoms of depression,I don't even have the energy to question the mathematical advantage of treatment,..I just get more depressed.


..I guess I just need a little heartfelt sympathy.
You always seem to give such thoughtful and well considered advice,so I asked myself,..'What would Sling do?'..

Yours truly,
Alter Ego..


Dear whiny-ass-shut-the-fuck-up-and-grow-a-pair.. self,

Holy Flyin' Jesus Christ on a Popsicle Stick!!..
Don't I have have enough crap to deal with,without having to respond to your self-indulgent,pseudo-introspective,'poor little me',..nobody likes me,everybody hates me,why don't I eat some worms BULLSHIT??

What?..You don't think the whole world has a knot in their stomachs the size of Cleveland over the friggin' state of the things here in the very infancy of the twenty-first century??
I'm payin' five bucks for a goddamm pack of cigarettes fer chrissake!..and do you hear me bitching?..

Okay, do.

But still,my point is that I don't have the time or inclination to untwist your precious little tidy whiteys, nut up and deal with it!

Anygivemeafuckingbreak,..I'm here to help, here is my advice;

STOP TOUCHING YOURSELF!..It isn't helping your self-esteem any..

And here's a Friday Jukebox Video to help cheer you up.
..I can't freakin' believe I'm indulging you!

'I'm yours'



At 11:02 AM , Blogger sageweb said...

THat song was great! Tell your ego to stop watching those commercials, next thing you know your penis is going to start thinking it has erectial dysfuntion.

At 11:38 AM , Blogger rosemary said...

Damn Alter Ego...see....there's the first problem...who in the hell gave you that stupid name? Crap, I'd be depressed too if people called me Alter. 5 bucks for smokes....second could get 5 XXXXXX dvd's for 5 bucks. would make you a lot happier and healthier than smoking. of course would not help that touching problem. Did you know that smoking makes little wrinkles around your mouth? The dogs in those depressed commercials make me you have a dog because I'd be worrying about the dog...not cats tho....they are pretty happy being boss an all. Loved the song. I actually thought one time of letting my frizz go to dreds....

At 12:43 PM , Blogger Willym said...

Remind me to only Ask Sling on one of his better days!!!! And as for the touching thing - isn't bad enough that you have to pay $5.00 for smokes do you want to have to buy a stronger pair of glasses. Remember what your mother told you!!!!!!

At 1:10 PM , Blogger laurent said...

I suggest you read my post about going to the beach, Mr. Willym thinks we are going to some Opera festival, I did not tell him I lost the tickets, the dogs ate them.LOL!!!

At 1:50 PM , Blogger Random Thinker said...

Advice served up with a nice hard smack upside the head usually leaves more of an impression.

At 1:55 PM , Blogger jan said...

Geez, and I thought I had a cold, unfeeling alter ego.

At 2:52 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Sage- Thankfully,that's not a problem.
Otherwise I wouldn't get any entertainment.

Rosie- The dogs are too dumb to care,and the cats don't give a damn in any case.
It is a pleasant little tune,isn't it!

Willym- I do remember what my mom always told me.
I'm wearing fresh tidy whiteys as we speak.

Laurent- OH NO!..I'm glad I won't be around when you tell him.

Thinker- A good bitch-slap never hurt anyone.

Jan-Oh,..I like the guy well enough,but sometimes he really chaps my ass.

At 3:22 PM , Blogger Grish said...

Great song! My alter ego is not near as understanding..:P

At 4:40 PM , Blogger YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

least your alter ego didn't charge you for the advice...people with real depression hate me...I always tell them to 'snap out of it'..
I was depressed depressed me so I stopped...liked the tune..

At 5:18 PM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

your alter ego can make a few bucks by enrolling in clinical research for depression.

it'll buy lots of smokes and i'm sure there'll be lots of interesting people.

At 7:18 PM , Blogger secret agent woman said...

My my my. People seem to be crabby all over the internet today.

At 5:28 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Grish- I try to be sensitive..

Yellerdawg- This is my thinking.
Depression isn't really working for me,so I figure I'll just quit it.

Billy P.- Clinical trials might be a fun way to go.
It's hard to focus on your depression, what with side effects like rectal bleeding and all.

Secret Agent Woman- I think the summer heat has everyone a liitle cranky.

At 7:10 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stop touching myself?

You might as well just tell me to quit smoking. Again.

At 1:49 PM , Blogger Sling said...

JP- Just take my advice!
..I'm not using it.

At 5:35 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

Geez, you sound like me and my two Gemini sides sometimes! :) :)

I hope you're feeling all better now, my friend.

At 8:15 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Miss HP- Sometimes,I decide to just slap myself. :)

At 1:06 AM , Blogger Middle Child said...

Gawd damn it Sling...chin up ol son..Life is not fair...was never meant to be fair and will never be...when we get our heads about that then things will be a ok...take care okay are just human okay...

At 6:48 PM , Blogger austexgrl said...

..tee hee!!

At 4:35 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

I forgot to add "nobody likes me,everybody hates me,why don't I eat some worms" We have this out here too in Aussie land...I thought it was one of our ditties... I like your second personality best...or as Oscar Wilde wrote "We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking up at the stars" or thereabouts...and some of us get crapped on by magpies while we are looking up as well


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