Monday, January 29, 2007

ASK SLING...


Dear Sling,
My boyfriend was out with his friends last night,so naturally I sent him text messages every 10 minutes.
He would text me back for the first hour,but then he just stopped.
I called every 5 minutes thereafter,and the phone would ring,but he didn't answer.
After a couple of hours,I tried calling every 3 minutes,but all I got was his voice mail...What should I do?

signed,
Hurt and Confused

Dear Obsessed raging Harpy from Hell,
HOLY FLYIN' CRAP ON A POPSICLE STICK!!
Man,..I can't wait 'till my 1600 hours of 'Community Service' is finished,so I can stop dealing with neurotic,self absorbed,twaddling morons like you!..You people are killing me dammitt!...Anyway,..I'm here to help,..so here is my advice;
Run the errant little vagrant down to yer local veterinarian and have one o' those 'Lo-Jack' deals implanted in his ass.That way,you'll always be able to stick yer head up his butt whenever you feel like it.In fact..You may as well have the poor bastard neutered while you're there,so you can keep his balls in a jar of formaldehyde on your nightstand,right next to that autographed photo of Anton LeVey...

Labels:

16 Comments:

At 7:09 PM , Blogger CSL said...

DO you know the John Prine song Dear Abby? "Bewildered, Bewildered, you have no complaint. You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't."

 
At 7:25 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Not familiar with that one CSL...But I DO know the old'Popeye'song,.."I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam!"
Does that count? ;)

 
At 8:39 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

My, my Sling...bad night at the old bararoo? Last night I used my husband's computer because he...of course being a man..has high speed and I still have slow frickin dial up. I got to listen to the Six Pence music and thanks to you I spent over 50 bucks at Barnes and Noble today...got Six Pence, Jim Croce, and when I spend over 25 bucks I get free shipping so I got the Wynonna cd with that LOVE song on it and I got the Commitments DVD. So, doing that favor for me should knock what? two hours off the community service thing?

 
At 8:56 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Rosemary-Actually,I'm havin' a great day..But I have a friend,who has a girlfriend,and things remind me of stuff,and that makes it way here...Know what i'm sayin?..
Enjoy the tunes kid! :)

 
At 10:57 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

Well...........dear fucking abby you aint..

 
At 5:40 AM , Blogger Sling said...

Yellowdog G.-Abby doesn't read my column,so I don't read hers.. :)

 
At 10:10 AM , Blogger jp said...

I think I used to date her.

Briefly.

 
At 10:31 AM , Anonymous Anton LaVey said...

Do what you want. Or something.

 
At 5:33 PM , Blogger ruby rocks said...

her boyfriend may not love her but i'll bet the phone company does.

 
At 7:11 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

But just imagine how someone likt this would "stalk" without a telephone.... it'd be personal visitations...arrrgghh

 
At 9:03 PM , Blogger Evangeline said...

I, Evangeline Karmasbitch (the emphasis is on the MA: karMAAAAsbitch), do hereby solemnly swear never ever to become this person. No matter how ridiculously good looking he is, I will not play celery with him. So help me (enter deity of choice)

 
At 4:02 AM , Blogger Grish said...

LMAO!

 
At 5:34 AM , Blogger Babs said...

I feel sorry for the guy. I think he should dump her and she should have a brain transplant.

 
At 8:59 AM , Blogger Citymouse said...

she should have called from a different phone number...geee... didnt she take stalking 101?

 
At 5:06 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

She obviously doesn't have enough "shows" to watch of an evening. He should buy her all the DVDs of "Gilmore girls". That would guarantee a few peaceful nights at the bar.

Or he could just break up with the pathetically needy...um, what was the word...harpy.

 
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