Thursday, March 29, 2007

Ask Sling..

Dear Sling,
I am a modern woman, teaching 5th grade in a lovely little,typically American small town.
Recently,I was exposed to an heinous act of sexual miconduct when one of my 10 year old MALE students brazenly,and without any provocation,asked me for a hug!...Well,..I was shocked and appalled!
I mean,It's not like it was a darling and thoughtful little girl that just wanted to show some affection for a beloved teacher,it was a BOY!!!..Do you see the difference??
I immediately informed my superiors,and they decided that this kind of uncontrollable male aggression should be immediately nipped,(if you'll pardon my French) in the bud.
The disgusting little pervert was summarily suspended from school for his overt act of masculine intimidation of a morally unblemished,unquestionably righteous woman.
My question is this.
Do you think that suspending the horrid little boy for having the depravity to place a female in such an obviously sexually compromising position is adequate punishment?..Or should we have had the nasty little bastard neutered,and placed on a regimen of DepoProvera for the rest of his life?

Emasculate before it's too late!

Perfect example of why the human race is destined to implode within the next two generations,and become a species of pussy whipped,ineffectual,and androgynous mutants.Descending inexorably into the quagmire of political correctness,until the planet is taken over by the dominant,and more suited to procreative endeavors species,...the Meal worm.

I'm here to help,so here is my advice...

Can I hump yer leg?

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At 6:58 PM , Blogger apositivepessimist said...

Tis indeed a sad, sad fucking world isn't.

Glad I never went into the teaching profession as I like to hug tha kiddies. Granted sometimes I like to hug them around their little bastid throats. But it all balances out. Good hugs and bad hugs.

At 7:31 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

problem # 1. male aggression
problem # 2. righteous woman
solution? neutered....
borrowing a few of your words.

At 7:39 PM , Blogger Sling said...

apos-..I'm just barely kidding,But!.. now we have a 10 year old boy that wanted to express his affection for a female.Hey,she probably made the little guy feel safe,and warm,and smelled like flowers for Chrissake.This is the time for a REAL human being to promote the perfectly natural gender awareness of a young man by taking him in with a heartfelt,"I like you too" hug...a friggin' hug!
But no.
Now we have a 10 year old boy that is convinced that these feelings are innapropriate,and even worse,a punishable offense.
Fast forward 12 years...
He has this absolutely forbidden attraction for a girl in his,"Why the penis is evil" class,so rather than risk the consequences of asking her out on a date,he just catches her in the parking lot and hits her in the head with a sledgehammer...Ain't love grand..

At 7:42 PM , Blogger Sling said...

rosemary-Feel free to borrow my words anytime. ;)

At 8:34 PM , Blogger Monica said...

I'm not sure what's sadder, the fact that the kid obviously really needed a hug that he wasn't gonna get, or that the poor soul wanted one from such a cold cold coldy. But I guess since too many teachers like to ra-- uh--have suspicious relationships with their students these days, everyone is covering their rumps.

At 11:10 PM , Blogger TheLizzardKing said...

First and Foremost.......what the hell is wrong with our tax dollar payed school systems these days? Think they are taking this sexual harassment thing a bit to far, its a ten year old for god sake. I dont think I want a stand off ish teacher educating my children, whats the harm in a hug? Any normal child is going to show affection.

At 2:25 AM , Blogger Middle Child said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha this for real? Is this for real?

She should be taken out and neutered herself if it is.

At 3:00 AM , Blogger Grish said...


At 7:37 AM , Anonymous Tyrannical Robot Overlord said...

Lets build six billion rockets and launch every human into the vacuum of space. Only then will this world know peace and happiness.

At 8:43 AM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

sigh*..just another reason why I luvs ya...

At 10:58 AM , Blogger Danielle said...

That is one affection deprived woman right there. Hugs from children or anyone equal sexual harrassment? You gotta be kidding. How many kids could be saved from suicide by hugging them. If a child asks for a hug they need a hug. I liked to hug her insane ass into a hospital. Damn.
Has the world forgotten that love IS all we need.

Great big bear hug to you Sling.

At 5:44 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Monica-I can understand a teacher being concerned about the appearance of impropriety,but she took it to a ridiculous extreme by having the kid suspended....I mean,c'mon!..I think that the sexual misconduct was clearly on her part.Why else would she misconstrue a simple show of affection unless her own house wasn't in order?

The LizzardKing-Dude!..Everyone is afraid to laugh out loud for fear of being penalized.
No doubt,there are standards of behavior that need to be maintained,but the psychological rape of a ten year old should be included in the list of criminal behaviors.

Middle Child-It's for real.
If my link to the story doesn't begin to ply immediately,click your browser's "back" button....should work.

Grish- :) ..Nice to see ya out and about in Bloggertown my friend! Robot Overlord- See!..That's what I'm sayin'.
The Rube has a secret stash of liquid oxygen for just such an occasion.

Jackiesue- As if you needed another reason.. ;)

Danielle- I'm genuinely concerned about the precedent this kind of thing sets.
I have actually been given suspicious looks for hugging my grand daughters in pulic.Granted,I'm kind of unsavory looking,but I refuse to submit to the dirty little mindset that seems to be taking hold in society....and a great,and sincere bear hug back at ya girl! ;)

At 7:10 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

The teacher's name isn't Mary Kay, is it?


Come here. Give us a hug, you.

At 7:23 PM , Blogger Sling said...

(((lorraine)))- May Kay is a WHOLE other rant!.. :)

At 7:24 PM , Blogger the rube said...

why did the little bastard want to hug the old bag?

he should have been watching rasslin and smoking pot like a normal 10 year old.

At 7:33 PM , Blogger Sling said...

The Rube-..10 years old,and his priorities are already fucked up..It's a world gone mad!

At 7:52 PM , Blogger Sling said...

* <--- (sidebar)..My aunt Doris was an outgoing Texan that would greet you by pulling your head into her ample charms and say, "give me some sugar darlin'"..I loved aunt Doris..

At 11:03 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Ask Sling" is my favorite advice column EVER.

Although, you forgot to mention that the boy had his pants around his ankles when he asked for the hug. That's important.

At 10:09 AM , Blogger Sling said...

JP- You know,I had originally included that little bit o' info.But it sorta made the rant fall apart.

At 12:04 PM , Blogger Citymouse said...

you can hump my leg anytime :)

At 4:22 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Citymouse-...and don't think I won't!. ;)

At 7:10 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

Were you suggesting that Mimi Louise is shaped like a cabinet? A brick or a door stop maybe, but, umm, not a cabinet. Yep, this food thing is really pissing me off. I can't get a hold of my vet until Monday because although the vet on duty today did talk to me and suggested a food he admitted he had not looked at her, I passed. She can eat senior Sceince Diet until I talk to my vet or they recall that food too. Just pisses me off.

At 7:22 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Rosie-I'm no vet,but is it possible to make her catfood from scratch until you get something definite?
Maybe some Star Kist mixed with baby pablum or something?..

At 6:30 AM , Blogger CSL said...

My son's 3rd grade teacher hugged every single child in the class at the end of every single day. He was smitten. He told me that on the day before Christmas break he counted and realized they were going to be out 18 days, "so I gave her 18 hugs." She told me about it later, and said, "I just love your son." That's how it ought to be.

At 8:53 AM , Blogger Sling said...

CSL-Exactly..That's what normal thinking people do!..The teacher in the story has her head in the wrong place entirely.

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