Monday, January 07, 2008

In case you were wondering..

The lissome and inquisitive doralong has tagged me to answer 10 well crafted questions!

I really don't mind these kind of challenges at all.I think they serve to help us look into ourselves,and maybe get some things out there that don't usually enter into everyday here goes.

1) Three Exes I would pretend not to know today.
Only 3??..I was pretty notorious back in the day,but I guess I can try to narrow it down.

a)Hurricane Ellen:..Where to begin?..A green eyed flaming red-head with a temper that would rival,..well, own.
God Damn!..I loved this woman.
Built like a brick shithouse,(she once declined an offer to appear in one o' those"Playboy's Girls Of"..pictorials),a brilliant poetess,and schizophrenic to the point of,"Who the hell am I talking to today??"..She was an avid practitioner of "Majick"..and I finally ended the relationship after nearly seven years by packing everything I could into a backpack,and walking out the door...

b)Princess Renee:..Half Sioux Indian,half Succubus..
What is a guy supposed to do about all that long black hair,deep brown eyes,and dancer's legs that went on for days?..
Make a total fool of himself,of course!
She was a full on man eater kids...I barely escaped.

c)Last,but by no means least!..Dawn-Rae.
My 2nd ex-wife...15 years my junior,and centered entirely on herself.
I wouldn't piss in her mouth if her guts were on fire...
Now..Throw me yer best curve.

2) The most scandalous rumor to pass through my high school.
This goes back to the late 60's you know..
It seems that one of the more popular fellas in high school,and a fairly good friend of mine,put his daddy's shotgun in his mouth one fine morning,and pulled the trigger...
We never knew why.

3) The time I Knew Santa didn’t exist.
That would have to be long about my 14th birthday(can you say denial?),when I got a carton of Marlboro's for Christmas...Everyone knows Santa smokes Camels.

4) The funniest thing I did in a house of worship.
My sister took me to church on my 5th birthday,..Christmas morn,and told me that I would get to go to Sunday school and color with the other kids.She went off to junior class,and left me in the main chapel with the adults.
During the sermon,when it became obvious to me that the pastor was going to continue rambling on,I interrupted his sermon by announcing,"I'm 5 years old today!"..figuring they would immediately send me off to color with the other kids..
"Oh, nice for you"..
Needless to say,I was so disappointed,that I walked out of church,and headed home..Over 5 miles.
By the time I arrived at my house,I was astounded to discover that my entire family had been searching for me for hours!..Go figure.

5) Best excuse I came up with for being out past curfew.
I never needed an excuse.
When I was 15,I spent the whole weekend in Tijuana with some older friends,and no one knew the difference.

6) Saturday cartoon character I had a crush on.
..Betty Rubble.
...I rest my case.

7)Cartoon character I wanted to be.
I didn't relate to cartoon characters,(Betty Rubble not withstanding)..
Okay,..Foghorn Leghorn cracked my shit up..But I definitely figured I could be Batman if I put my mind to it.

8)Foods I can no longer stomach.
a) Boiled Okra?..Well that's just warmed over snot,isn't it?..
I do love me some o' lorraine's Okra Poppers however.

b) Every year,or 5,or 10,I try to like Beef liver.
I mean,..It's good for you,and relatively inexpensive.
Not to mention that liver and onions smells absolutely fantastic!
..You know that sound a cat makes for the 2 days prior to hacking up a furball?..It's like that.

9)Tacky pick up line you used that worked.
I had been sitting next to this lovely girl at the bar in Rumours for about an hour,when she turned to order a drink from the bartender,and began rubbing her eye..
"Are your eyes bothering you?"..I asked.
"No,..not really",she replied.
Locking her gaze,I responded,"Well,..they're botherin' me!"..
Tacky?..No doubt.
Still,..sometimes,..I say the right thing. ;)

10)Secret Hangover recipe.
Now we're on my turf!..
I don't get hangovers...Truly...It's all about preventive maintenance boys and girls!

a) Eat something before you drink,..dammit!

b) Don't "mix" beverages.By that I mean,if you're drinking vodka tonic,don't have a tequila sunrise,and then a shot of Jack Daniel's...You'll be sorry.

c) A good rule of thumb,is that it takes about 45 minutes for alcohol to reach your brain.Think about that before slamming 4 celebratory shots in 10 minutes!..All that alcohol kicks in at the same time...Not good!

d)..So you still wake up hungover?..Protein and vitamin C!..I like scrambled eggs and orange juice,with some slightly burnt and buttered toast to handle the queasiness.Coffee or tea,which does nothing to sober you up btw,but the caffeine helps that pounding head ache.

Well there you have it!..Wasn't that enlightening?
You know,..I'll bet more cowbell,and rosemary would have some fascinating stories to contribute as well..They may consider themselves totally tagged!


At 11:28 AM , Blogger sageweb said...

"I wouldn't piss in her mouth if her guts were on fire" classic. That is the best ever. I just need a reason to use it now.

At 11:45 AM , Anonymous tater said...

I agree with Sageweb. Totally had me screaming! I also thought the Betty Rubble pic totally rocked, and am now imagining what a hepped up photo of Barney would look like. You did an excellent job with this meme, and you are a good sport for doing it.

At 12:14 PM , Blogger jan said...

I want to hear what happened between the time you were five and the family looked for you and you were fifteen and they didn't notice you were gone. Details?

At 2:20 PM , Blogger jp said...

Yabba Dabba Do!

Sorry, I just wanted to be the first one to say that.

And to hell with them for not stopping services to honor your 5th birthday. This is why I don't go to church anymore.

At 2:31 PM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

the best thing i can say to punish them women for being so mean to you is:...I hope somewhere down the line they ended up being married to my exhusbands...

At 3:12 PM , Blogger Sling said...

sageweb- Classic indeed!..That one comes from my maternal grandfather.

tater- Thanks buddy!..for the "good job" thing,I mean...not the Barney Rubble visual.

jan- No problem..My parents divorce happened between those years,not to mention the 60's!..also,I became an emancipated minor during that time.
..not sure exactly what that means,but I did pretty much as I pleased.

JP- See!..I'm thinkin' a true and loving God would have wanted me to color.

yellowdog G.- Time is the best punishment for the likes of these..They were in my life 10-20 years ago hon.
Physical beauty fades,but a cold and shallow heart endures.

At 5:19 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

I'll work on it it tomorrow or so.

Sling, I am sure we must have partied together some time in the past...we must have. Is that really Betty Rubble? I seem to remember her having longer hair.

At 5:55 PM , Blogger Doralong said...

I was right as usual.. we all got to learn loads about Sling- International man of Mystery.

Many smooches for being a such good sport dear heart!

At 6:32 PM , Blogger Monica said...

you are just too funny! where'd that betty come from anyway?

At 7:35 PM , Blogger Auld Hat said...

Damn that's good!
As was this most excellent of meme's!!!
Yeah, never trust those green-eyed redheads.
Ackspesh'ly the one's with an affinity for hats (:

At 8:29 PM , Blogger Sling said...

rosemary- Take yer time doll.
Of course we partied together!..Don't you remember that thing we did that time?..heh,heh.
Yes..I'm sure that's Betty.
At least,that's how I remember her.

doralong- Oh,..if smooches are involved,you can always count me in!

monica- Where did she come from?..Why,..Heaven,of course!

Hat- "Blogversation"..don't think I ain't all pleased with myself over that!
Trusting green eyed red heads??
Hell,..I'm fatally attracted to 'em!
With any luck,they'll be the death of me.

At 8:32 PM , Blogger Doralong said...

Of course they are honey- even if brown eyed brunettes don't do it for ya..

At 12:58 AM , Blogger Willym said...

YOu are one baaaad man! Could be why we love you???

And I just want to know what cartoon network you were watching? I don't recall Betty Rubble ever looking like that?

At 11:41 AM , Blogger apositivepessimist said...

Ooh I got all squirmy at yer pick-up line. Not because it done anything for me, more the ohbloodyhellness of it’s corn. Haha. Must have been how you delivered it huh Slingoh. Then again you did say it was at a bar. Was it closing time or near to it?

Big fat hugs on you Mister Sling.

At 2:26 PM , Blogger more cowbell said...

Oh, you just never know what you might find at Sling's place! You certainly do have a way with word and phrase, my man. Thanks for the entertainment and enlightenment. I'll get on my Me!Me! soon, but you know my nature ... there could be procrastination involved.

That is the hottest Betty I've ever seen.

At 6:22 PM , Blogger Sling said...

doralong- Oh,I can make a complete fool of myself over a brown-eyed brunette in a heartbeat!..I'm an equal opportunity letch.

Willym- Remember back in the day,when we only had 13 cahannels and rabbit eared antennas?..Betty totally looked like that.

apos!!-..There you are!..I figured once you moved to Kentucky,you were spirited away by those "dueling banjos" types.
..and it's all about the delivery kid. ;)
Hugs right back at ya!

more cowbell- I'm sorry,but you'll need to answer these questions immediately!..(taps foot)..or sometime..sooner or later.

At 8:51 AM , Blogger Kimberly Ann said...

I have one word for you Sling: yabba-dabba-do.

(or is that three)

At 9:44 AM , Blogger Willym said...

13 channels - hell we had two - test pattern 1 and test pattern 2. One had an Indian Head on it - from Buffalo N.Y. the other had - you should excuse the expression - a beaver. Hmm maybe Betty did look like that.

At 2:01 PM , Blogger Doralong said...

P.S.- lissome.. how adorable are you? No wonder that lame ass pick up line worked ;)

At 3:37 PM , Blogger Kari (GrannySkywalker) said...

Are you sure you're not one of my long lost brothers-in-law? lol My husband and his brothers all used to get a cartoon of cigarettes and a pair of jeans for Christmas. His parents both left him (although his dad did take his younger sister) when he was 15. His dad moved to Minnesota, Mom to Washington. Left my husband in Montana. Nice folks. He had to pretty much fend for himself from that age on.

By the way - just can't tell you how much I loved your list of 3 exes. Vivid descriptions. I'm pretty sure I never want to meet Dawn-Rae. But don't worry - if I do - I won't piss on her either. I'll just let the bitch burn and think of you while I'm watching. lol

At 4:14 PM , Blogger CS said...

I don't get hangovers wither - never have even in my heavy drinking days. But I think for me its just a family trait.

At 10:57 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

"I wouldn't piss in her mouth if her guts were on fire..." Sling I have just made you an honourary Australian.

That is just so Australian... still larfin me guts out. I know a few ex so called nurses Don survived herer in the house and I think I's flick some petrol down their giuts and help the flames along...know just how this one must have affected you.

har har har har

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