Monday, September 22, 2008

..it's like finding money in the dryer.

So,..it turns out I'm a fully vested owner in the world's largest Insurance-slash-Investment Banking enterprise in the history of the planet!
This is monumental!.

I mean,I don't know jack-shit about the economic subtleties of running an entire monolithic,freakin' grab yer babies!, financial behemoth,..but by golly,I got's me a piece o' the rock!

You know what tripped me out the most?..
I had a TRILLION smacks layin' around for just such an occasion!

At first I thought,'Holy crap!..Let's do whatever it takes to rescue our economy from this,the most devastating market collapse since the Great Depression of last century!'

Then I thought,..'Wait a minute?..If I had this $1,000,000,000,000.00 gatherin' dust in the Congressional coffers all this time,why didn't I just use it to pay off about a BILLION home mortgages,provide health care to every citizen of the United States,and maybe cure Lupus or something'??

..and then I thought..
'Fuck it,..now that I'm a major player in the global financial arena,I shouldn't have any problems cashing my unemployment check'.

Labels:

23 Comments:

At 5:27 AM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

next week you might be a big shot in the auto industry.

if you're really lucky you might own a piece of the military industrial complex. nah, i think the big boys will keep the sure fire money makers, weapons.

 
At 5:48 AM , Blogger sageweb said...

WHat I think the government should do is give the money to the consumer that got ripped off from the bank with a bad loan. The consumer then pays off the bank and has money to spend and will boost the economy. Instead they give the money to the bank and the bank gets awarded for ripping off the consumer. THe consumer remains broke. The bank gets richer. Economy gets crappier

 
At 8:56 AM , Blogger LostInCO said...

It is just crazy. I don't get it.

 
At 9:14 AM , Blogger jan said...

Should we all start living like major players now?

 
At 10:35 AM , Blogger Sling said...

Billy P.- You may very well be right about the auto industry.
The irony is,I don't even drive.

Sage- It's known as the 'Rube Goldberg' theory of economics.

Lost- Try to take some comfort in the knowledge that greater minds than ours are at work on the problem..Go ahead,..try.

jan- Hell yes!!..I plan on gettin' that colonoscopy I've had my eye on.

 
At 11:51 AM , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

wonder if i could get them to pay off my loan at the bank while they're at it...

 
At 12:12 PM , Blogger Mom said...

The economy is way past messed up.
Vote Democrat!

 
At 12:52 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

Yea, that means I am an owner too!!! Let's go out and get shit faced because Steve and I will be living in retirement poverty and I might as well spend my 15 bucks on a cheap 6 pack of beer. Umm, how much does beer cost these days?

 
At 1:11 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Yellerdawg- Sadly,I think that extra burden might just be a deal breaker..

mom- Should Obama become President,I think the Republican's should clean their room before he takes over..it's the polite thing to do.

Rosie- You have fifteen bucks??..Hot Damm girl!
We could get an 18 pack of Natural Light,AND a pack o' cigarettes too!..
..I wonder what the po' folks be doin'?

 
At 3:50 PM , Blogger evilganome said...

Well we couldn't let AIG fail because.... uh.... well, that would hurt all those poor rich people and, and, and..... Rosie has money for beer and cigarettes? Let's go get shitfaced!

 
At 4:12 PM , Blogger Doralong said...

You jump on that babe- let us all know when to expect shit to be straightened out. If possible by the end of 2010 so that free college education part can be thrown into the matrix, 'kay??

 
At 5:36 PM , Blogger citizen of the world said...

That's too funny. And too sadly true.

 
At 6:02 PM , Blogger Lorraine said...

I got your box of Cuban cigars and a $25 dollar suit right here. Also, a monkey. Haven't you always wanted a monkey?

 
At 7:15 PM , Blogger danny/ink2metal said...

hey sling, does this mean you'll be getting invited to soirees where paris hilton will be in attendance? or donald trump? or some prince from burma?

call me if you need a wingman! i like getting all gussied up. ;-}

 
At 7:32 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

*hee hee hee hee*

Sorry, sometimes all you can do is laugh. :)

 
At 8:41 PM , Blogger booda baby said...

And maybe, now that you've discovered all the hidden wealth, you've ALSO discovered that you have a little sway, because nothing impresses like cash. So, why don't you take that influence and gather all those boys hugging their golden parachutes like baby blankets and while their attention is on the chappy beside them - smugness, being a bit of a contest - you can snatch all those big old bonuses and early retirement gifties back.

It's unseemly. I bet it doesn't seem unseemly to them, but it is.

Well? Get crackin'.

 
At 6:38 AM , Blogger Middle Child said...

Ia simple soul...Que?


It must be a USA thingie...

 
At 9:53 AM , Blogger Allan said...

I wish I still had my sense of humor. Glad you do.

 
At 10:48 AM , Blogger Sling said...

Evil G.- Nothing could be worse for a fat cat,than having to tighten his belt.
See ya at Rosies! :)

dora- You'd think with all those zeros,they could maybe send a few kids to trade school or something.

citizen- I'm still trying to make sense of the whole thing.

Rainey- Woo Hoo!..I'm in tall cotton now!
I really did have a monkey when I was a kid.They're a total blast! :)

Danny- I'm hoping Paris will be my new BFF!..That would be HOT!

MHP- I'd say laugh all the way to the bank,but the bank is all boarded up.

booda babe- Oh,I'm all over that!!..You don't get to flush my country down the toilet,and walk away clean.

middle child- Si,..es verdad.
..and yes,only in America.

allan- We just can't give up our Constitutional Right to smack the government in the face with a cream pie!.Can we?

 
At 6:17 PM , Blogger Citymouse said...

aint it the truth sling

 
At 4:46 PM , Blogger Sling said...

Mouse- It's the truth,slightly exaggerated.. ;)

 
At 11:09 AM , Blogger Kimberly Ann said...

I'm with you, Sling. How 'bout 700B in checks to every US citizen to pay down their personal debt so they can survive and make their mortgage payments? The big companies will fall but new ones will come right up behind them to take their place.

Well, maybe there is a reason I don't work for the FED.

 
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