Monday, January 11, 2010

I think it's about time we got ourselves a new family tradition..

Mostly,those things we pass along from one generation to the next by way of tradition,tend to foster a sense of unity,continuity,and the comfort that comes from being part of the familial collective consciousness.
By ritual and rote,we attempt to establish patterns of behavior designed to propagate our singular branch of the family tree,and secure our place in the scheme of things,

'That's how it's always been done!'..

Well,..crap.

Darling Daughter informed me this past weekend,that in keeping with a long standing family tradition,..my eldest son was sentenced to 1 year in County Jail.

Yep..Sooner or later,and for as many generations as can be accounted for,every male member of the Sling household has pissed off exactly enough people to warrant some form of incarceration.
...You'd think that was a counter productive trait,if it weren't for the evidenciary argument that we continue to thrive!

I mean,under these all to familiar circumstances,we quite naturally forego the typical throwing up of hands,and rending of garments that many families might experience.

Instead,..we'll note the time and date of conviction,and calculate the actual time our kin will reside in limbo,within a very small margin of accuracy.
(Take the imposed sentence,subtract time served during adjudication,factor in 'good time',and the end result falls between 6-9 months..,or transfer to a half-way house in 4 months,with a 'sentence completed' in 8 months).

..I've had tooth aches that lasted longer than that..

In the meantime,We'll write the occasional letter,and put a few sheckels on his books so that he can purchase his personal hygiene products,enjoy a warming cup of 'Top Ramen' from the canteen,and have a cache of 'Jolly Ranchers' to trade for that extra carton of milk at breakfast.

..It's a family tradition.

22 Comments:

At 4:53 AM , Blogger Mom said...

That is a bad tradition. I am sorry.

 
At 7:52 AM , Blogger sageweb said...

Bummer....your family tradition seems to be that you Boys get caught. Have you been shaking up there...I hear the quake was a nice size.

 
At 8:57 AM , Blogger billy pilgrim said...

bummer.

he should have embezzled a couple of billion bucks and got a lighter sentence.

 
At 9:46 AM , Blogger Sling said...

Mom- It's okay..It'll be over and done with in no time.

Sage- 'your family tradition seems to be that you Boys get caught'..
You've nailed it!..We just don't seem to be all that good at it,which is why I gave it up.
..The 6.5'er was North of us,and we didn't feel it in O-Town,but there was a much smaller one afterwards that made me go,'Was that an earthquake?'..

Billy P.- HA!..I'm told he started out with $20,000..Actually,he was originally sentenced to probation,but failed to make regular restitution payments,so they revoked it..Judges take it personally when you ignore them.

 
At 10:39 AM , Blogger YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

we have a similar family tradition..called aldoholism..my 20 year old granddaughter Jamie is traveling down that road..I had a talk with her, but you can't make someone stop drinking..sigh*..sorry about your boy..hope he and jamie both get their shit together..

 
At 11:02 AM , Blogger jan said...

Sometimes it takes something dramatic to get people's attention. Hope the future gets better.

 
At 12:35 PM , Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

Maybe you should write a song about it--like Hank Williams Jr's "Family Tradition." :)

Sorry, I don't mean to joke--it's just what came into my mind when you talked about this family tradition of your's. I'm sorry to hear about your son, and I hope he's learned the right lessons and gets out soon. :)

 
At 3:11 PM , Blogger rosemary said...

What the hell is it in families? Grandson #1 has been in Frisco for exactly 5 months and has been arrested 3 times. They will never learn or pay attention. This grandson makes me laugh...he espouses a vegan lifestyle and smokes crack...definition of an oxymoron.

 
At 3:47 PM , Blogger Elizabeth said...

Ah families and their lovely traditions! My family has a long venerable tradition of committing suicide. I'm hoping SSRIs have made that truly a thing of the past, and so far so good as no one has succeeded at it in this generation (yay us?).

It'd be nice if they made a pill for all the crap we get and hand on down through the generations.

 
At 4:06 PM , Blogger booda baby said...

Will he start a blog when he gets out? I like that part best of all. Who knew Jolly Ranchers gave you such purchase power? Surely, not the watermelon ones. Ickety ick. You'd think Milk Duds'd be popular, but - oh I take that back. I hear dental care's less than best (which probably accounts for the long ass tooth ache you had).

 
At 4:07 PM , Blogger secret agent woman said...

It's like a Robert Earl Keen song.

 
At 6:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please, do not include the ladies in this such tradition! When Olivia was born I vowed to break the chain of this madness...she is only 3, but she is well taken care of by a very stable mother...with no convictions on record! Matt is making it though, Dad! My heart when out to him when I heard of this...it seems it isn't so bad afterall!

 
At 6:39 PM , Blogger Sling said...

I deliberately left out the women,who have only ever been a source of love and understanding when it comes to us misbehavers. :)
I've no doubt Matt will do his time gracefully,and come out better on the other side.

 
At 7:31 PM , Blogger Citymouse said...

I wonder what traditions my kids will pick up from me --- and they and shake and pray... Hope it all turns out for the best Sling.

 
At 9:27 AM , Blogger Random Thinker said...

Not surprised in the slightest to find out that Jolly Ranchers are currency in the slammer. I hope your son's time passes as quickly as it can for him.

 
At 2:13 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonapoop is glad I was born with female parts and a brain!

 
At 2:29 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I inclination not approve on it. I regard as precise post. Especially the title-deed attracted me to read the sound story.

 
At 12:24 PM , Blogger jp said...

Please figure a way to break this tradition before little Jackson becomes old enough to piss off a judge.

Here's looking forward to Matt's early release on good behavior!!

 
At 12:39 PM , Blogger Sling said...

..You can piss off your family,friends,and neighbors.
Hell,..you can piss off the cops and distrct attorney,and walk away with a scolding.
Piss off a judge,and you may as well just pack your toothbrush!

 
At 8:03 AM , Blogger Eternally Curious said...

I am sorry to hear about your son, Sling ... but he'll be OK, as will Dad and the rest of the family. Because you are, after all is said and done, a family.

In my family, I was the renegade! The only girl, the baby ... and the one and only renegade out of many generations of both males and females. And you're right ... for some reason, judges do NOT appreciate sarcasm. Go figure, huh?

 
At 8:22 PM , Blogger Middle Child said...

Better than our family tradition - about half of us seem to either get killed on the road...(and 100% of those were by drunk drivers.) or are killed by doctors - the lucky ones seem to live to a ripe old age - and they aren't always the nicest ones.

Hope your son is okay and comes out helathy

 
At 1:26 PM , Anonymous AprilHirschberg said...

Matt is a strong and wonderdful man.... Everything happens for a reason. He has been a man indeed and faced the circumtances! He grows closer and closer with God everyday! I am and always will be proud and honored to call him my husband! We thank you all for the support. Like Dad has said "tradition" we all have to do it once! But this will soon be behind us and we can move on with our future and nothing but blessing and blue skies ahead I'm sure! Thank you

 

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