No postage necessary if mailed in the United States..

Like most bloggers,I've done something so incredibly stupid,that I hesitate to admit it.
You know,..that thing you did that time,that if it were made public,you'd have to change your name,delete your blog,and move to another town!
A full blown moronic act whose revelation would require you to resign from the human race,and wander the world aimlessly,..your head forever hung in shame!!

Well fortunately for me,I have no shame..So lemme tell ya all about it:

Many years ago,my older brother came to live with me as a condition of his parole.
I forget what year that was exactly,but I do remember that it was an election year,and I asked him if he wanted to register to vote.

"I can't..I'm a convicted felon"..

"Well" I said.."That just sucks!"

And therein lies my transgression.
I took that statement at face value.Never questioning it..Never pursuing it.
Filing it away with all those other bits of common knowledge that I knew were an absolute fact.

Fast forward to the present..

I'm coming out of Food-Maxx recently,and there's a guy,sitting at one of those card tables,hawking people to register to vote.

"I can't buddy,..I'm a convicted Felon"

"Are you on parole?"..

"Nope".

Well guess what!
You may register to vote in California if:

You are a United States citizen.
You are a resident of California.
You are at least 18 years of age (or will be by the date of the next election).
You are not in prison or on parole for a felony conviction.
You have not been judged by a court to be mentally incompetent.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??..

I've been laboring all this time under the delusion that I couldn't vote!
I mean,..I've got the felony conviction,but corrections isn't prison,and I've never been on parole,having completed my entire sentence.

So there you have it.
The proper paperwork is in,and ol' Sling has joined the ranks of those that have a legitimate right to bitch about the way things are run in this country!
(Which I have been doing illegitimately all this time..See..No shame).

You can bet your bottom dollar that I'll be at the front of the line,come election day in November!

..Assuming of course that some judge doesn't read my blog,and declare me mentally incompetent..

Have a great week kids!

Dear Barack,

Hi,
I'm writing this letter,in an attempt to bring you up to speed on what I expect from you.
You see,I'm convinced that you will be the next President of my United States of America.
..Yeah,I said 'my'.
It belongs to me,by virtue of having been born within it's boundaries,nurtured in it's bounty,rejoiced in it's glory,and mourned along side my brethren in times of national grief for more than half a century.
So pay attention young man,because I'm just too tired to repeat myself.

I expect you to wake up each and every morning,as if today was your last chance to inspire the nation to listen,really listen,to the better Angels of our nature.

I expect you to accept,with humble determination,the legacy of freedom,and equality that was at the forefront of our founding father's intent,when Thomas Jefferson first penned the phrase,'We The People'.

I know,you know what I'm sayin',so don't even try to pass responsibility on to some nebulous 'Those guys'..
The buck stops with you son,so don't piss down my neck,and tell me it's raining.

I'm confident that you recognize your place in history as this country's first Afro-American President,..and that's the last time I'll ever make that distinction,because from this day forward,labels count for naught.

I expect you to perform the duties of the office of President,as if you only have one term in which to impact the next several generations of Americans for the better.

Can you do that?..I hope so.
Because if you disappoint me,I will fire your ass on the spot!
I can do that,..I'm an American,..look it up.

Your Friend,
Sling

I'm Sling,and I approve this message..

'Senator Obama's office,how may I help you?'

'Yeah,..hi,..this is Sling...May I speak with Senator Obama please?'

'What is this in regards to sir?'

'Well,..I've done the math,and it seems clear that I've fallen just short of enough delegates to secure the Democratic nomination,so I'm making this courtesy call by way of concession..You know,..protocol and all that'.

' Umm,..I'm sorry.Who did you say you were?'

'Sling!..You know..Bloggertown candidate for President'.

..'Mr. Limbaugh,..if this is another crank phone call'..

'I'm Sling dammit!..Now get Obama on the horn so I can eat some friggin' crow, and see if I can't weasel some sort of Cabinet position outta the deal!'

'I'm sorry sir,but Senator Obama is much too busy to talk to every crackpot blogger suffering delusions of grandeur!'

'OH YEAH!!..Well you tell him that I'll meet him anytime,..ANYPLACE of his choosing to settle this shit!..Got that!!'

*CLICK!!*..

..thanks for your support.