It's almost midnight...

..and I've been pounding away at this since I got home from work.

Finally,I managed to get things back up and running,with the help of a kind stranger....

Still lots of stuff I need to install...

Programs...updates..It will probably take a day or two before I'm satisfied with the end product.

..I think I'm going to like this new version of windows XP.

Due to technical difficulties...

No..I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.
Right now I'm sitting at the Lizzard King's computer,because mine won't let me log into blogger,or my e-mail for that matter.

I can bring up my blog,but when I try to sign in to post something,the "hot button" doesn't appear!!...what's up with that?
Naturally'this means I'm unable to post comments as well.Although I can still read all my buddies posts,and any comments I receive.

So,since I can do it on another computer,I figure that I'm having internal problems.
For the last three friggin' days I've been hammering away at shit,trying to fix it.

• System recover: All I get is a blank screen.
• Microsoft update:..blank screen.
• "User profiles" in my control panel: I get some crappy error message.
• The recovery disks that came with my computer: The "continue" hot button is inactive.
• Yelling at it REALLY HARD!!:.. Makes me feel better for short periods of time,but has no effect whatsoever on the problem.

...I'm starting to take this shit personal..Like,..maybe I have some kind of monster virus.(I'm running a full system virus scan,even as we speak).

I'm down to the real probabilty that I'll have to format my hard drive,and reinstall the whole shebang...CRAP!!
I hate doing that...

Anywhiz,..I'm still here,and hope to bring this to some kind of resolution over the Holiday weekend.
Any ideas would be appreciated....Peace out. :)

Let's talk about ME for a change..

Shut up...


I can see cs,peering through her star burst patterned pitted windshield,wondering if I'm ever going to respond to her Meme.

Well,it turned out to be a lot harder than I thought.
Particularly trying to come up with things that start with those pesky letters that reside at the tail end of the alphabet.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Follows the requisite,.er..required things;

1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.

2. You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.

3. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.


My middle name is Wayne.You know,..like Bruce Wayne,Batman's alter ego.
Coincidence?..I'll let you decide.
Okay,I'm stalling here,trying to come up with something relevant to the letter "W".
I mean,..besides Weasels and Wombats,which are a story for another time,the first thing that springs to mind is,


W- Women.
I have 2 sisters,2 ex-wives,1 daughter,3 granddaughters,and I pretty much spent the entire decade of the 80's in the constant pursuit of that elusive sweet surrender.


A- Asshole.
An appellation I acquired as a general result of the above mentioned pursuits.


Y- Yin and Yang.
It's all about balance boys and girls!..From Stoic deprivation to notorious excess,I've somehow always managed to find top-dead-center when I needed it.


N- Nuance.
God is in the details,and there is always more to things than meets the eye.I frequently obsess over these notions.


E- Environment.
My own,that is..The mountains,the desert,by the sea..I want to have lived in as many different climes,and experienced as many things peculiar to them as I can..I want to be an Earthling.

As is my usual custom,I'll casually ignore rule #3,and extend the invitation to all and sundry that wish to participate.
Meanwhile,..we're having tri-tip tonight!!
It's 103 degrees here in O-Town.Too hot to cook indoors,so we simply must barbecue....Peace out.

Banned in Boston..

The exotic and articulate princess banter recently wrote on her blog about her love of books.I highly recommend taking a moment to stop by her house to check it out.
Her post got me thinking about my parent's view on the subject of appropriate reading material,and I left a comment on that very subject.


My father was a pretty stern man.Oldest son of a German immigrant,he had little time for things he considered to be "nonsense".
He had rules governing just about everything that was expected from my siblings and I,and it generally never occurred to any us to try and circumvent those standards through either reason or plea.
So,his attitude toward our choice of reading material always seemed a little odd to me.

"Read whatever you want"..


This was the whole of his verbal opinion on the subject.
He said what he meant,and meant what he said.
That's not to say he didn't put his hand to his brow,and roll his eyes whenever he would see me reading the latest issue of Superman,or my beloved Mad Magazine,but not once,not ever,did he forbid me the luxury.

..Turns out,I was a voracious reader.

I read Tropic of Cancer about the same time I longed to be just like Sherlock Holmes.
Seems to me, I devoured Valley of the Dolls long about the same time the rhythm and rhyme of Julius Caesar left me thoroughly enamored of the beauty of the English language.
The Bible..Chariots of the Gods?..The friggin Encyclopedia Brittanica!..I probably garnered as much information from cereal boxes,as I did from Mark Twain,or O.Henry.

So many ideas,so little time.

I guess this is about the time I would normally try to drive home some salient point.
But I have none.
I didn't grow up to be President..Hell,I didn't even adhere all that well to the generally accepted standards of behavior that most people assume as a matter of course.
And I'm aware that in this day and age,access to some pretty vile verbiage is only a mouse click away...
Still..

Fundamentals..

The lizzard King's son,Little Newt,started kindergarten this very week.

I love this little guy.
He's sharp as a tack,and full of piss and vinegar.
I frequently have to remind myself that he's only 5 years old,because he is possesed of wisdom beyond his years.

Bounding into my room for his weekend visit,and proud as a peacock,he announced,.."I went to school!" ..

"Way cool Newt!".."What did you learn at school?"

.."Don't stand across of the yellow line at the bathroom,because if the door opens up,it will knock you down"..

Damm..I wish I had learned that a helluva lot sooner.

Brutal week..just brutal.

For those of you that may not know,I make my living building cabinets.
Those of you that do know,also know that I love my job,and the people that I work for.
This has been well documented.
There is however,one thing about this occupation that literally kicks my ass.
Staining...
Dont'cha know that you can pick from like 1,237,642(est.) different colors of stain to compliment any decorating scheme?..So,quite naturally,the biggest jobs always seem to require the most user un-friendly varieties.These would be the darkest colors,which are also of the thickest consistency.
Walnut..Dark walnut..Black walnut..Blind man in a cave at midnight during a new moon walnut..Holy crap.
Imagine painting the entire exterior of your house,..every nook and cranny,..and then,while it's still wet,wiping it all off with your T-shirt!
..It's like that.
Today I finished staining the last cabinet in one of the biggest jobs we've ever done.
4 bathrooms,..kitchen,utility room,and the garage!
All of the kitchen cabs have glass doors,which means that the insides must be stained as well!..I feel like I been shit at and hit.

So,what do I agree to this very morn?..
I agree to lay the carpet in the bosses' house this weekend.
Yep..I was a carpet layer for 10 years back in the day.

"Wait one minute there Sling!".."If we add up all the things you said you've done..3 years here..5 years there..10 years,. etcetera,.that would make you about 112 years old!..How is THAT?"..
Well,the answer is really quite simple.
..Figures don't lie!..

Now that I've cleared that up,here's a little Sam Cooke to celebrate the mood I'm in..

Yeah,..but can it tell jokes?..

I can cite any number of reasons why this world is going to hell in a digitized,sanitized,miniaturized,and electronically de-personalized handcart,but this one really chaps my hide.

I subscribe to Popular Science magazine 'cause,you know,I'm a dork,and here's the latest that them damm bean counting techno-weenies that have to take all the fun out of social interaction has to offer.

Robo-Bartender..

According to the article;

"It pours an Old Fashioned,but it's all modern day tech.

MyFountain is the first fully automated drink slinger".(Slinger!!..Dangerously close to plaigeristic,copywrite infringement type,"Screw you and yer infernal machine too!" verbiage if you ask me) .

"Tap the screen to select a drink,and pumps send each ingredient up a tube

to the nozzle,which mixes and pours them".

You know,it was bad enough when they came up with those stingy automatic pour spouts that poured exactly the same amount of alcohol each time,but at least you were still able to enjoy the personal touch of a trained professional at the helm.

Someone to listen to your gripes,empty your ash trays,and make you feel as if you were indeed special,regardless of what your spouse,your kids,or your employer had to say about you earlier in the day.

Is this mechanical bastard gonna greet you with a hearty "Hey!..How's it going Joe?...The usual?"...I think not.

It's going to be more like,"Please wait while MyFountain processes your request"..:45 seconds..:40 seconds..:35 seconds...

Fuck that shit!

The article concludes with those cherished words that every tight-assed,polyester wearin',penny pinching,sonofabitch longs to hear.

"Best of all,you don't even have to leave a tip!"..

Take me now Lord.

This is my plan..

Oh,some may consider it evil,but I've got it all worked out to the last detail.
Sublime in it's subtlety,and monumental in it's impact!
I have this new little life in the form of a Grandson(my first and only)about to burst forth,(okay,..yucky euphemism,but still..) upon the world.
Imagine a day,in the not too distant future.
There will be a conversation like this;

Daughter: "Dad,will you keep an eye on little Jackson while I go to the store?"
Evil Dad: "Why,yes my darling daughter..I will be happy to!"
Daughter: "And don't play any of that damm Hippie music yer always listening to!..Got it!!"
Evil Dad: "Oh,..I wouldn't dare go against your wishes Princess..(Insert innocent look here).
Daughter: Fine...I'll be right back...(exits)

A'ight buddy...Check this out.
It has flutes,and violins,and accoustic guitars,and terrific harmonies..Hell,..It's even got audience participation fer chrissake!..

It's all about indoctrination at a young age my pretty's! ..BWAHAHA!



"House at Pooh corner"

My pledge to you..

I've decided that having nothing to blog about is the blogging version of PMS...
Pretty Much Standard.
I mean,It's a phenomenon that occurs,from time to time,to everyone in bloggertown.
I gotta tell ya,I'm always impressed by the way everyone on my blogroll can turn the ordinary occurrences of life in their respective 'hoods,into something fun for the rest of us to take part in.
In that spirit...

It's Friday...Tonight,we barbecue.

**The Menu**

• Great slabs of beef,reeking with bad cholesterol,and infused with whatever spices are within arms reach,(lorraine..our spice rack is in desperate need of organizing..just sayin').
• SIL's home-made potato salad..Can you say ,"Ambrosia?"..I knew you could.
• Bush's baked beans.(We will decide which variety when we get to Food-Maxx..That's how we roll).
• Garlic bread.
• Beer.
• Whiskey.
• More beer.

My pledge?
I promise to get fat,and happy,and more than a little inebriated,..and stop by each and every one of my blogger pals houses to leave irrelevant and/or incoherent comments!
..I mean that.

Have a terrific weekend!

Bad news/Good news...

The bad news,at least for me,is that it's time to post something,and I can't for the life of me come up with an interesting topic.

Nothing has transpired since my last post to inspire me to rant,wax poetic,or even plant my tongue firmly in-cheek,and go off on some circuitous tangent,(my most favorite thing to do!). Although,I just this very instant figured out how to italicise words in my post..No kidding.

And so I'm thinking..

Well,that's the Good news!(I'm really gonna get annoying with this italics thing).Everything in my life is moving along quite nicely.

• The weather has been an agreeable 75-85 degrees these past few days.


• Our efforts at the cabinet shop are in ever increasing demand.


• My Grandson continues to flourish in-utero.This,by way of a lovely conversation with my daughter this very afternoon.


• I have a comfortable home,plenty to eat,and am blessed with the warm companionship of dear and thougthful friends.

God is indeed,in His Heaven.In spite of rumors to the contrary.

This has been my humble effort to bring you up to date,gentle reader.

I hope this post finds you and yours in the best of health and spirits.

As for me,and as you may have already surmised,life is good in Sling's Domain.

The Persian Version..

Some people are just fun to be around.
You know the type..They have that next level brand of personality,that makes your average everyday stuff seem like an adventure.

That would be Sar..

Sar is a dear friend of the family that has come up from the Bay Area,in an effort to make some positive changes in her life,..which is a whole other story that I might relate at some future date.Suffice it to say,"Been there..Done that".
Anywhiz..I come out of my room the other night,to find her doing the "Happy Dance" in the living room.Now,I've been around long enough to recognize the symptoms.

"You got yer period,didn't you?"..(This had been a matter of some concern).

"YES!"..Happy dance some more..

"Go to the store with me,I need to get some Tampons!"..


I guess this kind of thing is uncomfortable for some guys,but this is nothing new under the sun for me.
A big sister,two wives,and various assorted and sundry live-ins has rendered me immune to the whole late night ritual of tossing a box of feminine protection on the checkout stand.Hell,as long as I'm there,I may as well get a bottle o' whiskey,..you know,..for medicinal purposes.


Food-Maxx is one of those huge stores where you can buy stuff at a tidy discount.You bag your own items,and enjoy some small savings for the effort..It's like that.I'm just not readily familiar with the location of the product du-jur,so we look around for an employee to help us find the forbidden aisle....Meet "Scooter Boy".
Fresh out of night stocker,(I just made that up) school,proudly ensconced on his electric mini-forklift thingy,and ready to deal with any situation..

With the possible exception of Sar.


Sar: "Hey!..Scooter boy..You guys got any trial size Tampons?"..*wink*
.."Huh?"..
Me: "She said she wants to try on a Tampon!"..Sar thought that was funny.

..Clearly,they hadn't covered this on orientation day...
"Oh,..aisle 3..This way".

Scooter boy kicks it in high gear,and disappears around the corner.
Sar: "Kewl!..A guided tour!"..


By the time Sar and I get to aisle 3,Scooter Boy is already there,steadfast on his electric forklift thingy,and holding a brightly colored box in each hand..
As we round the corner,he looks Sar dead in the face,(This is where his prior fast food experience kicks in),and query's..
"Umm..Did you want wings with that?"..

..Later..


Me: "Sar,mind if I blog about our little shopping trip?"
Sar: "G'head..It was funny!"
Me: "Let me get a pic of you to post with it..People like that".
Sar: "Well,..I'm a little camera shy,but okay..How's this Sling?"..."Sling??"


Like I said.Some people are just fun to be around.

Checkin' in..

O-Town is in the news!

Perhaps you've heard.The new overpass under construction collapsed yesterday.CNN covered it here.

The driver of the demolished FedEx truck escaped with a sprained ankle..A friggin' sprained ankle!..Holy crap.

A laborer working on the bridge,rode the debris down 50 feet,and sustained only minor injuries.

Governor Schwartzenegger was heard to exclaim,"The bridge is out!".."The BRIDGE is OUT!!..Jamie Lee Curtis was unavailable for comment.

****In other news****

The O-town Arson squad has a shiny new Command post...

Here it is,parked behind our humble cabinet shop.

The K's have donated a nice Oak desk to help our fine Firefighters do their jobs.It seems as though,like Chicago,some part of O-Town is always burning.

...It's a work in progress.

Collapsing freeways,and heinous acts of arson aside,there is still much to

entice tourists to our little village.

When in O-Town,be sure to visit Stan and Eunice DeSade's "Midway of Fun!"...Bring the kids.