Save my place..

So,I've told y'all about Suzy...
Well,not really all,but enough to give your creative minds something to work with.

Let us hearken back to an earlier time,somewhere between the catastrophe that was my 2nd marriage,and the utter self-indulgence that precipitated the great fall of '99.

You know how you're in the moment,and you're indestructable,and it doesn't occur to you that all good things must come to an end?..It's like that.
Or,maybe that's just the cynicism borne of my own bad choices...
The bad choice in this instance,was letting Jessica go.
Yeah,..this is all cryptic and shit,but that's how I have to roll.
.. I think it's the grey and frosty mornings of late,that tend to make me look back on sunnier times.

I'll get over it.



"Forever and for always"..With Willie sittin' in..

Blog-A-Long..

It's a slow news day.

Those fortunate few of us that survived the carnage that was the "Great Layoff of '08",are back working full time in an effort to meet our production schedule.
Mr. K has been doing a fantastic job running hither and yon to drum up business.
We now have some lucrative onesy twosey's,as well as a plum $21,000 contract which he all but stole from our biggest competitor.Not by reducing the price mind you,but by showing the customer the difference in quality,and amenities that we can offer.

Here's a nice onesy we installed this very afternoon.


This was a ball to work on!
The customer wanted something other than his current wardrobe,which was your basic closet rod and single shelf,behind two sliding wardrobe doors.
The challenge here,was that we had to work around a safe that is bolted to the floor,and now located behind the lower right hand door of the middle section...A roll out laundry hamper lies behind the lower left hand door.
In order to do this,and get the wardrobe to fit properly in its space,we built this in eight sections.
I had to fit these together in the shop,shape and finish sand them all together to insure that all the joints would be virtually unnoticeable,and then disassemble it for lacquering,transporting,and final installation.
It's built from Red Oak and Birch,which have been clear lacquered inside and out.
The customer was ecstatic!
It took three of us 3 days to construct,45 minutes to install,and went for around $2,200..

Nick(L),and Larry(R),are putting the final touches on the trim in this photo.

That's just about all I got for now kids.
Have yourselves a great week!

A stitch in time..

Here's how it works.
Once I had violated my probation for the third time,I knew that I would be out of circulation for awhile.
My lawyer had lunch with the District Attorney,they marvelled together at the stupidity of some miscreants,me in particular,and decided I would get four years in Community Corrections.
I knew this two weeks before the court date that would cast that deal in bronze.
Yeah,they let you run around loose with the sure and certain knowledge that years will pass before you can call your life your own..Go figure.
Anyfelon,I was done with all the stress and anxiety that comes from all the clandestine machinations that come with dealing drugs.I mean,face it,on your very best day,your customers are drug addicts.

Now all I had to do was give them everything I owned,all the money I had,and submit to each and every one of their commandments for the next three years.
You see,you get ten days a month good time,so a four year sentence is actually served in three.
..I can do that.

I told you that story,so I could tell you this one.

Suzy(her real name) was a friend of my brother's.She liked motorcycles,she liked life in general,and she liked me.

Suzy: Your brother told me your gettin' four years.

Sling: Yeah,I go to court in two weeks,and then I'm off to Alamosa.

Suzy: So,what are you doing for the next two weeks?

Sling: You know,organizin' my shit,saying my goodbyes..This is actually a good thing.
I'm really too old for this shit.

Suzy: Wanna go for a ride?

..For the next two weeks,Suzy and I spent every moment together,except for the day I was sentenced.That was as far as it would go.
Now,..Here's the deal.

"You can't do the outside,from the inside".
Her words.
I knew exactly what she meant.
I knew that I'd have to concentrate on the here and now.
I knew I wouldn't be one of those guys,constantly on the telephone,plaintively begging some chick,"Where were you last night when I called?"..THAT'S hard time.
She took two weeks out of her life to help me,in no small way,reconcile myself to the fruits of my misdeeds.
This song reminds me of her.



"Follow Me"

Okay,this was a lot harder than I figured..

My good friend Kari over at Just livin' Large has tagged me to meme out some examples of "Why it's good to be me".

Normally I can crank out these kinds of things without much effort,but as I began thinking about it,it all just sounded like,"I can do this,and I've accomplished that,and aren't I just all that and a bag o' chips".
Things that have been blogworthy from time to time,but really make me want to click "Next Blog" if I have to look at them yet again.

BUT!..It is good to be me,dammit!..Pull up a chair,and I'll tell you why.

I really believe I have had the good fortune to live during the most amazing half-century since Archimedes invented the rubber ducky while lounging in the King's hot tub.

I think about this a lot,and it really has been a Forrest Gump kind of existence,historically speaking.
Remember Polio,and Smallpox?
I don't mean,have you heard of them.
These diseases were effectively conquered in my lifetime.Smallpox being the only human infectious disease ever to be eliminated from nature!

My children have never known a time when our moon was genuinely pristine,never having been trodden by adventurous humans.I remember holding my breath,knowing that the next few moments would change every.single.thing...Forever.

Bear with me..

• The entire 60's,and all the socio-political upheaval that transpired,played out while I was trying desperately to cope with my own puberty.
• There was no Berlin wall.Then there was.Then there wasn't!..Nothing lasts forever,I guess.
• Beatnicks begat hippies,who begat Yuppies,who begat Disco..Hey,..I didn't say it was all rainbows and Unicorns.
• Isn't "Pong" the coolest thing ever!!

I'm sure you all get my point.

Along the way,I have had singular opportunities to go to faraway places,have personal exchanges with both the famous and infamous,and be in the exact place and time when an historic event was unfolding.
And I still have,God willing,a few more years to rack up bonus points!
..You can't buy this in stores.

I'll bet it's good to be you too!..Play along if you wish.

EDIT:..Holy Crap!..I just realized that today is the anniversary of my Honorable Discharge from the U.S Army.
34 years ago today,then President Richard M. Nixon had one of his minions,(I'm guessin' Haldeman,..or maybe Erlichman),robo-sign my Release from Active Duty!...just sayin'.

Tit-for-Tat

The lovely Ms. Cowbell has suggested that I get this marvelous cat tattoo!..
Tastefully done!

After careful consideration,I've decided to go ahead and do it.
I mean,..it's the least I can do... ..after she went to all this trouble.

Friday Jukebox Video

I have a couple o' few vids I want to put up here,mostly so I can have easy access to them
I chose this one for a few of reasons.
I love me some Bach.
It is one of the best examples of the universal appeal of a simple musical phrase.Right up there with,"Louie,Louie"..
First Violinist is a total hottie!

Miscellany..

This is gonna be short and sweet.
I've blogged about a couple of things blowing in the wind recently,and thought this would be a good time to bring them up to date.

Possible layoffs at work,and The Lizzard King's custody woes regarding Little Newt.

Well,LK and his ex went through the mediation process,and it turns out Miss Thang is getting her one weekend a month...BUT!..Be of good cheer.LK gets to have him overnights,and into the next day on the Sundays that Newt is here,and this actually will amount to more total hours per month.
LK is pleased!
I don't care how his ex feels...

Bad news,Good news at work today.
It's been known for the last few weeks that layoffs were inevitable.This time of year,and other economic factors means that jobs have very nearly ground to a halt.
We also knew that 2 people were getting laid off,and those people knew who they were.
So,they called us all into the office at quitting time today,and announced that they were,unfortunately,obliged to lay off FOUR of us!..It didn't take me long to do the seniority math,and deduce that I was exactly fourth from the bottom...Ratz.
Only when Mrs. K announced the names of those getting a final paycheck,none of them were me!
One of the fellas that has been there longer than I have was chosen instead.
He has a wife,and three kids.
Needless to say,I felt relief on the one hand,and no small amount of grief for James and his lovely family on the other...I felt like a total bastard.

The simple fact of the matter is,that I possess a wider variety of skills than he does.
Business will be business.
Still,I'm absolutely certain this was not an easy decision for The K's to arrive at.
Everyone affected is guaranteed their unemployment insurance,and when Spring and Summer bring the expected turnaround,they will naturally be the first to be called back should they desire.

That pretty much wraps things up for now kids!
I'll be dropping by my friends in Bloggertown directly.

More Comfort Food Recipes for Bachelors..

You know how you get a certain food on your mind,and you have to spend the entire day at work thinking about it,knowing that it's just waiting at home,and there isn't a damm thing you can do about it for 8 hours until you can rush straight to the kitchen and whip it up?..

It's like that.

Lizzard King and I have both been pretty busy this last week,so a couple nights ago we bought one of those store brand,ready made,step right up and chow down,roasted chickens at Food Maxx.

We've been munchin' on it for the last two days,rather than try to organize any kind of evening meal..That's what guys do.

Looks pretty gruesome doesn't it?

Well, you take that ravaged carcass,put it in a 4 quart pot,cover it with water,and let that sucker rock n' roil for about half an hour...

I like to add some seasoned salt,and paprika while all this is goin' on.We also had some Tarragon in the rack,so why not!

Now the most important thing to do next,is use one of those slotted spoons to scoop out the cadaver,and pull the bits of meat off the bon...HOLY CRAP!..

*edit:..The most important thing to do next is scoop out the cadaver,AND LET IT COOL!..

then using a fork,(not your fingers,you moron),separate all that tender meat from the bones.

You should end up with some juicy chunks of shredded bird,and a nice golden yellow soup stock.

Now,..check the cupboard and fridge to see what you have to throw in the pot.

In this case,I found some rice behind the coffee filters,and the remains of a stalk of celery.

I would have liked to have had a can of sweet peas,but I don't...sue me.

Add the chopped celery,meat,and 1/3 cup of rice to the stock,..keeping in mind that rice defies the laws of physics,expanding to the tenth power of volume when cooked.

I like my soup thick..

Let all this boil for about 20 minutes,or until the rice explodes into those little "stars",then turn down the heat and simmer for another 10 minutes or so.

..We don't have any bread in the house either,but we do have some lovely English Muffins.
Trust me,..this shit is good!

..I found a bottle of Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale that LK had stashed in the crisper...DIBS!

And there you have it!..The whole operation took about and hour and fifteen minutes.


It's Monday,..and life is fat and happy in Sling's Domain.

My old Alma Mater..

I miss my high school days at Redondo Union High.
I miss walking in the front gate,when my mom dropped me off,and walking straight out the back gate,headed for the pier at Hermosa beach,to spend the entire day body surfing.
Mostly,I miss grades 9-11..
These guys graduated just a few years ahead of me.
Alumni of those very same hallowed halls.

Have some fun,and give a listen.

Take it!

Can you hear me NOW!..

Hi..I'm Sling,..and I'm hard of hearing...

Not deaf mind you,but for most of my adult life,I just haven't been able to hear as well as most folks.

I'm guessin' about 40% loss in my left ear,and not so bad in my right ear...10% maybe.

The point is,that I get along just fine.

Oh,I may turn to the right when a sound comes from the left from time to time,but not so's I'm likely to get hit by a train or anything.

What trips me out,and what continues to amaze me,is how other people handle this when dealing with me.

Usually when I'm meeting someone new,and it appears that some kind of lengthy conversation might ensue,at a convenient pause I'll tell them,"I'm sorry,but I really don't hear very well",..and make a motion to my bad ear.

Invariably,..this is what they do.

Lower their head..lower their voice!..and speak directly into their shirt pocket!..

"oh,..i said mumpf smungle framistat"....

???..WHAT?..Where the hell does that come from?..

I just told you essentially,and as politely as I could, to speak the freak up,..and you act like I'm trying to drag friggin' State secrets out of you!..

Still,this is not as disconcerting as the responses I get from people I see every day,and have even known for many years.

The attitudes range from minor annoyance on their part..."Oh,..Nevermind!"..

To downright hostilty..."Jeez!...are you DEAF!!!

Well,...I thought I explained to you that you need to talk directly to me,and speak just a tad louder.I mean,..it's not like this is something new.

I was hard of hearing yesterday...

I'm hard of hearing today..

And I'll be hard of hearing tomorrow...It doesn't get better with age,and I'm not likely to grow out of it.

Knowing this,why do they continue to try and talk to me while power tools are roaring?

Do they think I can hear them better if they turn their back to me,and ramble on while walking into the next room?..

Are these people descended from the folks in that old joke,that decided to surprise Helen Keller by re-arranging her furniture??..Gimme a freakin' break.

Here's an Idea!..Talk to ME!!..or don't talk to me.

Frankly,I don't give a damn which.

I think I'm going to handle this differently in the future.

Next time someone that knows better tries to converse with me from across a crowded room,I'm going to track them down,get dead in their face,and tell them,..

"Listen up Sparky!..I've told you a hundred times I don't hear well,and it just doesn't seem to be sinkin' in...

Good god man!...ARE YOU DEAF??"...

In case you were wondering..

The lissome and inquisitive doralong has tagged me to answer 10 well crafted questions!

I really don't mind these kind of challenges at all.I think they serve to help us look into ourselves,and maybe get some things out there that don't usually enter into everyday blogversation...so here goes.

1) Three Exes I would pretend not to know today.
Only 3??..I was pretty notorious back in the day,but I guess I can try to narrow it down.

a)Hurricane Ellen:..Where to begin?..A green eyed flaming red-head with a temper that would rival,..well,..my own.
God Damn!..I loved this woman.
Built like a brick shithouse,(she once declined an offer to appear in one o' those"Playboy's Girls Of"..pictorials),a brilliant poetess,and schizophrenic to the point of,"Who the hell am I talking to today??"..She was an avid practitioner of "Majick"..and I finally ended the relationship after nearly seven years by packing everything I could into a backpack,and walking out the door...

b)Princess Renee:..Half Sioux Indian,half Succubus..
What is a guy supposed to do about all that long black hair,deep brown eyes,and dancer's legs that went on for days?..
Make a total fool of himself,of course!
She was a full on man eater kids...I barely escaped.

c)Last,but by no means least!..Dawn-Rae.
My 2nd ex-wife...15 years my junior,and centered entirely on herself.
I wouldn't piss in her mouth if her guts were on fire...
Now..Throw me yer best curve.

2) The most scandalous rumor to pass through my high school.
This goes back to the late 60's you know..
It seems that one of the more popular fellas in high school,and a fairly good friend of mine,put his daddy's shotgun in his mouth one fine morning,and pulled the trigger...
We never knew why.

3) The time I Knew Santa didn’t exist.
That would have to be long about my 14th birthday(can you say denial?),when I got a carton of Marlboro's for Christmas...Everyone knows Santa smokes Camels.

4) The funniest thing I did in a house of worship.
My sister took me to church on my 5th birthday,..Christmas morn,and told me that I would get to go to Sunday school and color with the other kids.She went off to junior class,and left me in the main chapel with the adults.
During the sermon,when it became obvious to me that the pastor was going to continue rambling on,I interrupted his sermon by announcing,"I'm 5 years old today!"..figuring they would immediately send me off to color with the other kids..
"Oh,..how nice for you"..
Needless to say,I was so disappointed,that I walked out of church,and headed home..Over 5 miles.
By the time I arrived at my house,I was astounded to discover that my entire family had been searching for me for hours!..Go figure.

5) Best excuse I came up with for being out past curfew.
I never needed an excuse.
When I was 15,I spent the whole weekend in Tijuana with some older friends,and no one knew the difference.

6) Saturday cartoon character I had a crush on.
..Betty Rubble.
...I rest my case.

7)Cartoon character I wanted to be.
I didn't relate to cartoon characters,(Betty Rubble not withstanding)..
Okay,..Foghorn Leghorn cracked my shit up..But I definitely figured I could be Batman if I put my mind to it.


8)Foods I can no longer stomach.
a) Boiled Okra?..Well that's just warmed over snot,isn't it?..
I do love me some o' lorraine's Okra Poppers however.

b) Every year,or 5,or 10,I try to like Beef liver.
I mean,..It's good for you,and relatively inexpensive.
Not to mention that liver and onions smells absolutely fantastic!
..You know that sound a cat makes for the 2 days prior to hacking up a furball?..It's like that.

9)Tacky pick up line you used that worked.
I had been sitting next to this lovely girl at the bar in Rumours for about an hour,when she turned to order a drink from the bartender,and began rubbing her eye..
"Are your eyes bothering you?"..I asked.
"No,..not really",she replied.
Locking her gaze,I responded,"Well,..they're botherin' me!"..
Tacky?..No doubt.
Still,..sometimes,..I say the right thing. ;)

10)Secret Hangover recipe.
Now we're on my turf!..
I don't get hangovers...Truly...It's all about preventive maintenance boys and girls!

a) Eat something before you drink,..dammit!

b) Don't "mix" beverages.By that I mean,if you're drinking vodka tonic,don't have a tequila sunrise,and then a shot of Jack Daniel's...You'll be sorry.

c) A good rule of thumb,is that it takes about 45 minutes for alcohol to reach your brain.Think about that before slamming 4 celebratory shots in 10 minutes!..All that alcohol kicks in at the same time...Not good!

d)..So you still wake up hungover?..Protein and vitamin C!..I like scrambled eggs and orange juice,with some slightly burnt and buttered toast to handle the queasiness.Coffee or tea,which does nothing to sober you up btw,but the caffeine helps that pounding head ache.

Well there you have it!..Wasn't that enlightening?
You know,..I'll bet more cowbell,and rosemary would have some fascinating stories to contribute as well..They may consider themselves totally tagged!

Hot Chocolate please...

...and could you put some o' those tiny marshmallows in it?

Yesterday at 6:30 am,winds were clocked at 49 miles per hour,and the rain appeared to be falling straight up right here in O-Town!..That's Oroville,Ca. to you Tater. ;)

No way am I about to battle these kinds of conditions trying to get to work on my bicycle,..so I walked.

"Have you lost your mind Sling??..What is this,..some kind of testosterone driven act of macho insanity designed to prove to yourself that you can still do it?...

Yes..It is.

..Now that that's all cleared up.

I arrived at work,none the worse for wear.Along the way I passed by some pretty awesome examples of what this storm of the decade was about.

Felled trees,power lines snapped like toothpicks,and debris of every kind littered the streets.

The photos in the above newspaper were taken within a few hundred yards of our little cabinet shop...(click to enlarge).

This photo below is the corner of Oro Dam blvd,and 5th avenue,across the street,and 3 doors down from work.

We still had power in the shop at this point.
Around 11 am,after a few brown outs,and several calls from the fella's homes telling them the power was out,Mr.K told us to pack it in,and go home..Don't worry,my buddy Todd offered me a ride home,which I was more than willing to accept.

The Lizzard King and Little Newt greeted me at the door.It seems our power had slammed shut around 8am...No juice,no phone(except LK's cell),and NO HEAT!..Holy crap,it's freezin' outside!

Well hell...P G & E informs us that the outage could last for up to 48 hours.
Thank god O-Town's emergency services were still in operation!

*Ace Hardware

*Chin's house of rice

*Sal's liquor store

We jetted down to Ace,and picked up a marvelous kerosene heater.



This thing was more than adequate in heating up the living room,where we enjoyed a fine meal of Chow Mein,and sweet and sour pork.

Lizzard King and I poured ourselves great shots of whisky,and settled in for the long haul with young Newt.

We watched DVD's,and listened to tunes on our laptops until the batteries died.

After that,Newt did glue and glitter "projects" by candle light,while LK and I talked,drank,and generally enjoyed the peace and camaraderie that comes when friends and loved ones gather around the communal campfire to share in times of hardship,..however brief,and as it turned out,..pleasurable.

We retired to our beds,buried ourselves under layers of thick,warm blankets,and shortly after rising this morning,our power was restored!


All in all,..it was a perfect storm.

Batten Down the Hatches,..There's a Storm Brewin'!..

..I always wanted to say that.

The biggest winter storm in over a decade is poised to swoop down on O-Town like some giant swooping thing!

Rob,the channel 24 weather geek,is all twitterpated over the prospects,and I'm sure is lording over my favorite news anchor, Ashley-of-the-blond-persuasion,even now.

Barometers are rising,thermometers are falling,and the satellite picture looks like one of those swirling painted things you make yourself in 3rd grade art class...I love those things!..anyway..

This is what all that boils down to;

For you Cosmetology buffs,..It's gonna be a bad hair day!

For you Meteorology buffs,(who clearly don't give a damm about your hair,or hygiene in general),..We're due to get 10 feet of snow in the mountains,6 inches of rain in the valley,and winds upwards of 65 miles per hour!..

Add to that an abundance of inevitable,and unpredictable blackouts,and it looks like "This is a'goin ta be a whopper!" (I like to wax all Northeastern Seaboard in these situations..ay'up).

All this mayhem is scheduled,for our shopping convenience,to begin long about 5:00 pm central O-Town time.

We've got everything secured,candles and flashlights at the ready,and plenty of leftover pizza bread to carry us through the next 48 hours.

the Lizzard King and I both have battery powered laptops in the event of a power outtage,so as long as the internet stays up,we should be fi..................

See Spot run!..

Apparently,these people don't realize that I graduated 83rd in my class at the Rutherford B. Warzniak Manual Arts and Trade School!....dammit.



Tune in for my next post;

Dodgeball...The implications and ramifications of pre-pubescent males gettin' hit square in the 'nads by a 40 MPH, 14" red rubber ball...