You must have seen this coming..

It's a little known fact that I was an 18th century seafarin' adventurer in a previous life.

Back in the day of tall ships,and exotic ports o' call that lay along the uncharted latitudes and longitudes of the seven briny seas,I lived the life of a nautical nomad,untethered from the terrestrial concerns of my landlocked brethren.

Oh..They imagined themselves to be 'Masters of the planet'.
A foolish and prideful claim when one considers the fact that our world is covered nearly three-quarters strong by the unfathomable depths of great angry oceans,over which we exert little,if any,control.

In the Official Intergalactic Encyclopedia of Habitable Worlds,this is the picture that represents a typical view of the Earth's surface..


..These flights of fabricated fancy came upon me whilst touring the Monterey Aquarium,and bring me to today's Jukebox Video.
A hearty sea chanty,best sung while sharing a keg of rum on deck with your fellow adventurers..



'Calypso'

It's Friday,..and life is a childhood dream in Sling's Domain.

Look What Followed Me Home!..

Numbered among the myriad and solemn duties we employees of the International Bureau of Housing Authority and Sprinkler Repair Shop are required to perform,is the task of cleaning out the storage sheds of our housing units,once the occupants have moved on to bigger and better things.

(..left town in the middle of the night).

You'd be amazed at the various assorted and sundry things people will leave behind,when motivated to beat a hasty exodus under pressure of numerous requests to 'Pay or Quit'..

Furniture,appliances,tools and electronics,..most of which are in perfectly serviceable condition.

Oh,..I know what you're thinking,..but under no circumstances are we allowed to keep any of these discarded treasures.

Every abandoned item must be properly loaded up,and taken post-haste to the county landfill.

It's a rule...

*In An Entirely Unrelated To What I Was Just Talkin' About Matter*

Check out the new bike I just got!..

She's all shiny,and rides like a dream!
..I'm naming her 'Calypso'.

On The Road With John Steinbeck..

We made it to the Monterey Bay Aquarium almost without incident.

Just 11 miles from our destination,and after several frantic gestures from passing motorists,we realized our right front tire was nearly flat!

Not to worry..Lizzard King sprung into action,and had us back on the road in less than 10 minutes.

I,of course,took advantage of the opportunity to smoke a cigarette in true supervisory fashion.

We found the aquarium easily enough.

If Cannery Row is the exclamation point of Monterey,then the aquarium is the period that punctuates it..

I should take a moment to explain (make excuses for) a minor malfunction..

..I had the foresight to set my camera for the dim fluorescent lighting of the aquarium,..no flash photography of the live exhibits being allowed.
Pretty clever of me huh?
Sadly,..I forgot to account for this when taking exterior shots,..hence the surreal quality of the photos.
..Pretty dumb of me huh.

The good news is!..We had purchased our tickets in advance from the Triple A store here in O-Town,..so we strutted right past that impossible line of folks out front,and walked directly into the side entrance normally reserved for heads of state and such!

We had anticipated having to deal with the holiday crowd once inside the aquarium,but HOLY CRAP!
In a not-so-subtle twist of irony,we were quite literally packed inside the joint like Monterey Brand Sardines!..Only,..without the soothing lubrication of extra virgin Olive oil.
This made it more than a little frustrating when trying to maneuver for unobstructed photos of the extraordinary collection of ocean dwelling creatures.

Oh sure,..Shoving 6 year old kids to the floor,and using occupied baby strollers as step stools is easy enough,but them determined old folks simply refuse to move their damn walkers,no matter how hard you kick 'em.

Follows,a small portfolio of what I was best able to capture..


















PLUS!!..An exciting video for your nautical pleasure.



Lizzard King,Little Newt,Mom-O,and I had a glorious time at The Monterey Bay Aquarium,..in spite of the crowd.
We spent about three hours marvelling,not just at the variety of species,but the brilliant technology it takes to maintain this world class operation!

It's a uniquely educational experience...

On a Whim and a Prayer..

Lizzard King: 'We got a three day weekend'.

Sling: 'Yep..We should prolly do sump'n'.

Lizzard King: 'Whaddya wanna do?'

Sling: 'I dunno..Wadda you wanna do?'

Lizzard King: ..I dunno...Wadda YOU wanna do?'

****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!****

Lizzard King/Sling: 'ROAD TRIP!!'



....To be continued.

Sasquatch Needs Love Too..

A seldom seen 'documentary' hit the theatres long about 1972 called 'The Legend of Boggy Creek',chronicling the misadventures of a lone Sasquatch that had been observed in and around the town of Fouk,Arkansas.
I was stationed at Fort Riley,Kansas,at the time,so dont'cha know a few buddies and I decided to take a road trip over a three day weekend to try and track the critter down.
Oh,..we had no expectations of actually running into His Hirsuteness,but we were young and dumb,with time on our hands,and a respectable cache of beer and weed to facilitate the search.
Quite naturally,Sasquatch was out of town that day,but we did get to enjoy some of the most stunning scenery on God's green Earth.
If you're ever in the neighborhood of The Lake of the Ozarks,it's well worth the time to stop in,and soak up some genuine primal beauty!
..I can see why Sasquatch likes to hang out.

In any case..

The movie itself was memorable for it's haunting title song.
The music is exquisite,and the poetry,decidedly poignant...Really.

'Perhaps he dimly wonders why,
there is no other such as I,
to touch,to love,before I die.
To listen to my lonely cry'..

..That stuff gets me every time.

Remove the whole Sasquatch premise from the equation if you need to, (I don't),..and enjoy!



'The Legend of Boggy Creek'

The Root of All Evil...

Yesterday,The Partner and I were assigned to repair a sprinkler valve that had been damaged by the roots of a nearby tree.
Funny how,when I think of 'roots',I conjure up visions of a stringy mass of delicate tendrils,weaving their way about the sub soil in search of nutrients.
..Take a look at this nasty bastard!!


That 90 degree angle is where it grew around the foundation of the building,some 10 inches below the surface.
It's relentless quest entirely engulfed the valve,after crushing the 1/4 inch PVC box that protected it.
...This is what was spared from annihilation..Notable for it's lack of,..you know,..technically complex sprinkling thingys.


Here's the long view of the offender.
I figure it weighs in at about 200 pounds,and 25 feet long.
Yeah,..that's a chainsaw..We refer to it as a 'Gardening tool'.


The whole operation took about 6 hours of pick axes,shovels,and all manner of power tool wielding determination..All the while,the sun has graced us with temperatures in the 90's.

Did I mention that this job only pays minimum wage?..No?
Did I also forget to mention that,as part-time employment,Unemployment deducts what I earn,and pays me the difference of my Unemployment entitlement so that I make exactly the same money busting my ass that I would if I just sat at home?..
Of course,..then I wouldn't have the satisfaction of a job well done.
Seriously,..that's important to a man's self-esteem.
The fact that I choose to do this,somehow keeps the whole thing one step above indentured servitude.

AnyHebrewSlave..I told you that story,..so I could tell you this one.

The first thing I do when I get home,(after pounding down a handful of extra strength Tylenol),is check my e-mail,and find a note from Bobbi over at Experience Works.
It seems that I have neglected to send in my job search paperwork for the last couple of weeks.
She notes that I have a 3 month performance review coming up,and that if I don't send them in,she will rate my participation in the program as 'VERY POOR'..

At first I thought,..'My bad'.

That lasted all of about 0.05 seconds,..when it occurred to me..
'So,..here's this broad sitting at her desk across town,in her air-conditioned office,who picks up my file,shuffles a few papers, and decides that my efforts are below her standards of how a man is supposed to 'perform',so she'll just reach for her rubber stamp and slam 'VERY POOR!' on my life!'
..Don't break a nail sweetheart!

It just seems to me that someone regularly disposed to business communication,should be more adept at their choice of words.
I've become accustomed to the well-chosen words of veteran bloggers,and frankly,I just wasn't in the mood.

I mean,..I like to think that I have some small skill at formulating a sentence,so I quick-fax her the errant copies of my job searches,and compose a reply to her
ultimatum;

'Good Morning Bobbi,
It seems that you have inadvertently wandered onto MY turf!
..Here is my advice...'

..I've yet to receive a response.

Monday Memory Dump..

Why I Prefer Essay Questions Over Multiple Choice..

..There's a good chance you can Bullshit your way through 'em!

Nocturnal Omissions..

Over the past several nights,I've been serial dreaming.
Sort of like a mini-series of slightly dark and disturbing scenarios,where I'm confronted with bizarre tests of my character.

..Should I take revenge on the drug dealers that murdered my brother?..
Yes!..Ambush them one at a time,and dispatch them with prejudice.

Remember,..this was just a dream,with no basis in actual fact.


Last night's chapter opens with me,alone,at an abandoned gas station.
Everything is in black-and-white except for my bicycle,which is bright red.
For reasons which make sense only in dream land,I left my bike and walked across the street to do,..something(?)..

When I turned around,I saw a gang of outlaw bikers loading my bicycle onto a truck!
Well,..there were hundreds of them,..so the only thing I could sensibly do was to resign my self to the loss of my bike,and go home.

..I was sitting in my living room consumed with anger.
Not at them,..but at myself for not storming right over there,and retrieving my property!..There's a thing in a man's chest that refuses to abide cowardice,after all.

There's a knock at the door!..
It's one of the bikers,selling stuffed animals for fifty-cents.
I leaped at this one-on-one opportunity!

'Hey!..You guys stole my bike,and that's my only means of transportation!'

There was a sincere look of contrition on his face that somehow absolved me of my masculine transgression.
..(cut to outlaw biker clubhouse,..because that's what dreams do).

We're all gathered around a great wooden table.
The bikers are filling out the final paperwork that will make them fully-fledged members of the gang...(Outlaw biker protocol,..I suppose).

The disheveled character next to me puts down his pen,and with an audible sigh of relief exclaims..

'Whew!..I'm glad that's over!'..

Then,he turns to me and says..

'The worst part,is the crows around your ankles'..

..I think that's something we can all relate to.

And now,a word about awards..

I was going to post about this last Sunday,but it was Mother's day,and I didn't want to appear all shallow and self-centered.
Now that it's Tuesday,it's all about how wonderful I Am!..

***I Won an Award!!***



The feisty and buxom Yellowdog Granny has presented me with the coveted 'One Lovely Blog Award'!..for which I am most sincerely grateful.
Thank you Darlin'!..

Of course,as the proud recipient of this singular accolade,I am charged with a list of specific duties,..a hard and fast set of rules that must be strictly adhered to!
Only,I forgot what I strictly adhered them to,..and now I can't find them.
But I do know this!..

Among my cherished list of Blogpals,there are some few that I think may not already have this prize decorating their mantle,and it's my genuine pleasure to rectify that by bestowing the 'One Lovely Blog' award to..

..The envelope please.

********************
Booda Baby!
I just love the way she thinks,..and the way she writes the way she thinks.
It's all giddy and circuitous like the 'Tea Cups' ride at Disneyland (my personal favorite),..which leaves you feeling delightfully exhilarated,and anxious to get right back in line for another spin.
PLUS!..She creates the most clever animations you'll find anyplace!
I heart her very much.

********************
Random Thinker!
She's relatively new in Bloggertown,but it didn't take long for Ms. Thinker to become one of my favorite reads.
She has style,and wit,and an incisive manner of viewing life from all perspectives so that you'll find yourself thinking out loud, 'Yeah!,..it's exactly like that!..
G'head and stop by her house..I've no doubt you'll come away with a lovely new friend!

Lastly,..and by no means leastly..

********************
Miss Healthypants!
You know what I love most about Miss HP?
I'll tell ya what I love most about Miss HP..
She completely lacks the ability to be mean!
..She just can't do it.
I mean,..even when she tries to get angry,it comes out all sparkly,and decent,and thoroughly considerate of how other people may feel ,so that it even makes a cranky old bastard like me consider trying a little harder .
She is that rare commodity these days.
..A genuinely good person!
Cute,and funny,..just like the little sister I never had.
Oh,..I have a little sister,..but the 'mean gene' got passed on to her,along with me and the rest of my siblings.

********************
Congratulations Kids!!..
You may now feel free to honor those of whom you choose with their very own 'One Lovely Blog Award'!

You know,..it's entirely possible I may have missed a dear friend or two that absolutely deserves a notable notation right here in Sling's Domain.
Fear not!..I have something for you as well!

**(Cue theme song for Sling's entire Blogroll)**



Have a great week kids!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!..

I'd like to wish all the Moms out there in Bloggertown a most wonderful day filled with love,and pampering,and all manner of well deserved self-indulgence!

I'll tell you something that every man knows in his heart..

We'd be a sad lot indeed without the comfort of your nature,and the blessings of your nurture.
You are the foundation of our character as children,the safe harbor against the turmoil of our adolescence,and the standard by which we gauge our capacity to love as husbands,..and fathers.

May The Lord bless you and keep you today,and every day..

Some days diamonds..Some days rocks.

I don't think I've ever once written about my little side hobby of seeking out indigenous rocks and fossils,wherever I happen to find myself living at the time.

From the mountains,to the desert,to the shore,..there's always something you can retrieve from the earth that has been sitting there since before humans crawled out of the caves,and learned to divine the seasons from the length of the solar day, harvest wheat,..and build freeways.

Scraping around in the dirt,and coming up with an egg-shaped geode filled with tiny crystals of Amethyst is like a journey to creation,on a manageable scale.

Scouring the rocky hillsides of Western Colorado after a rainstorm can yield Ammonites,and Trilobites,and fossilized leaves that ran the entire course of their existence,while our ancestors were still sequestered in their damp burrows, against the predatory primeval night.

Digging around a broken sprinkler valve in O-Town,might even turn up a curiously patterned stone such as this!..


Continents may drift,ecosystems will flourish and fall.
Often,I wonder if time would pass at all if it weren't for the stubborness of humans,determined to syncronize and categorize the whole of existence around those things we can only touch,and feel,and see right in front of our noses.

I turned the stone over,and confirmed my suspicion that the very spot upon which I stood was once the bottom of a great sea.

'Where things that crawl or swim or fly,
..eat and breed,..and live,..and die'..

And in their time,..their place in the scheme of things,..everything revolved around them.