Hi Mr. Taxman!..

Many of you are familiar with site meters.
They tell you who has visited your blog,where they are from,and how long they stayed.Yesterday,I got a visit from our good friends at the Internal Revenue Service!
They did a Google search(not sure of the keywords)and landed on my post about possible Al Queda attacks on financial institutions in the U.S.
They only stayed 15 seconds,probably figuring I was harmless..that really pisses me off..Click on the images to enlarge..

A Bachelor's degree in Gastronomy..

Well,the Christmas madness is over,and now it's time to prepare for the New Year's eve festivities.
Right about now,I'm sure you are all wondering,"What the heck is Sling makin' for chow!"..You guys should really get out more,..but since you insist, here's the New year's eve menu:

Sling's Homemade(as in,I mix this stuff all up at home)Chili!..
1) 2 regular size cans of red beans
2) 2 regular size cans of tomato sauce
3) 2 of those little cans of tomato paste
4) A handful of Jalapeno slices
5) lots of diced red onion
6) A ferschloggin of chili powder(ferschloggin being that amount that comes out when you take the top off the jar and give it a quick upwards jerk)
7) A couple pounds o' burger

Brown the burger in a skillet(you can drain it if you like,personally,I don't feel like it).
Dump the burger and all the other stuff in the crock pot you got for Christmas.
Put it on "high"and forget about it till it bubbles,..then it's pretty much done.
For best results,you can substitute practically everything with just about anything.




...and for dessert!..

Yogurt Pie..

This is cool on so many levels.
1) 1 bucket "Cool Whip"topping
2)3 regular things of your favorite Yogurt,in this case,Strawberry Banana
3) 1 store bought Graham Cracker crust

Mix the Cool Whip and yogurt together really good,pour into Graham cracker crust,refrigerate till firm(usually about 4 hours,or until you can stick your finger in it and leave a hole)..

See?...No cooking skills required,and the choice of flavors is unlimited!
Also,you can eat the leftover in the mixing bowl till ya get sick!..

Happy New Year's Kid's!!

Who thinks up this shit?.....

The worst thing about a four day weekend is the catastrophic shock of returning to work.
You know,..you get all fat and happy sleeping in late,staying up WAY late,and congratulating yourself for being clever enough to have a job that will actually pay you to stay home....I was born for this!

But I'll be a son-of a- bitch if they don't turn around and expect you to earn the occasional luxury of all this by bustin' yer ass when it's over.

Who invented this whole work deal anyway?
There we were,in paradise,lounging around burping and farting at our leisure,not bothering anyone,when some wise ass anal retentive putz decided we'd all be better off wearing clothes,and punching time clocks.
What's worse,apparently everyone else standing around agreed,because the whole insane quest for productivity continues to this day.
I can't figure out if the guy was the first preacher,..or politician.
Hey!..Maybe it was a woman!..Nothing agitates 'em more than to see a guy content to be,..well,..content.They'll have no truck with such nonsense!..Speaking from my own experience,quite naturally..

I digress at my peril.

So,..anywhiz,..after 4 glorious days of sloth and debauchery,jumping back into the fray is only slightly more fun than a discount spinal tap.

At least it's only a three day work week,and tomorrow's Friday.
Hey!..We get a three day weekend on account of New Year's!..

I love this job..

..after thoughts..

Easily my favorite thing about Christmas morn..
Easily my least favorite thing about Christmas morn..
Two magnificent Bull moose clash,horn to horn in mortal combat,in the lush green O-Town marshlands.Taken at great risk by myself,...at night. ...more eggnog please...

Fun with Bonsai !..

Dear Mary,knowing I'm enamored of such things,brought me this wonderful Bonsai for my birthday..

Good Morning!..

Pay no attention to the quality of the video...just press play.

Christmas Tagged!..

My favorite crazy lady,babs,has tagged me.My mission is to list 3 things I definitely want for Christmas.3 things I definitely do NOT want.Post them on my blog,and tag 5 other people....She's quite insane you know.
Things I want;
1)A Guild cutaway accoustic
2) My very own slave!!...er...robot,I mean..
3) A nice little boat to have adventures in!
Things I definitely DO NOT want;
1)To get so drunk I wake up next to her,..again.
2) I don't want my "Chestnuts" roasted on an open fire,..thank you very much.
3) *stupid blogger wouldn't let me upload one last pic,but one thing I really don't want is for anyone to forget why we celebrate Christmas.An extraordinary man lived some 2000 years ago.Whether or not he was "Divine" is simply not as important as the message he brought with him.
Let us love one another...

I could tag 5 people at this point.I'm thinkin' it would probably be well after Christmas before most people could respond,so if you care to play along,please do :)

Santa Who??...

"Little Sling..Wake up..Santa Claus came!"...

I adored my big sister.She was,after all,the source of all the the important life skills I had acquired to date.
Things like,it isn't polite to snatch bees from the flowers,and I needn't fear the gentle daddy-long-legs,because he makes ice cream.These things had served me well enough to trust that it would be wise to follow.I shuffled after her,rubbing the sleep from my eyes,piggy-toes peeking out from the tattered feet of my flannel PJ's,into the living room to meet this "Santa Claus".

I had met Grandma and Grandpa.Aunt Doris,and Uncle Maurice.
They smelled like candy,and were always eager to sit me on their laps and tell me stories,or rock me gently to sleep.One can't have too many acquaintances of this nature,I surmised.
Nothing,not even the dutiful counsel of my big sister,had prepared me for this wondrous apparition..

Santa Claus was a giant!
The twinkle-twinkle-little-star he wore for a hat brushed the ceiling.
He wore a miraculous coat of multi-colored baubles,shining silver 'basketti,and softly glowing lights that bubbled lazily, just like dad's beer!..and he brought things,..marvelous things.

My eyes were too small to open wide enough to take in the bonanza of satin wrapped packages,and I couldn't tell you today what treasures lay within..Save one.

Circling Santa's feet,amber headlight shining,and grey smoke puffing from it's engine,was a REAL choo-choo-train!

These memories are what remain, a half century after the fact.It's my very first,and most enduring recollection of Christmas.Which,as my all-knowing big sister was later to inform me,was also the occasion of my third birthday....A blessing on your houses..

Countdown..

By an amazing coincidence,I sound virtually nothing like this when singing in the shower...

Hump Day..

We've been working like electric cabinet makers trying to get out all the orders Mr K. promised to fill by Christmas.Cranking out overheads,vanities and linen closets like they were friggin' Oak donuts,and we're having an all-you-can eat special.

Monday,Mrs. K. rolled up on us long about noon and uttered those three dreaded words, "Overtime!"..okay,maybe that's only one word,..or possibly two..I don't know 'cause I'm delirious from changing hats,and running around putting out fires (the figurative kind,..although there was that incident with the snack machine in the break room)..Anyway..I was playing "Name that Tune" in my head all day,and didn't get a single one right.You Know the song that goes;

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la
La-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la??....crap..

On the upside!..We get a four day weekend.
After which,we'll be working overtime to get out all the orders Mr K. promised by New Year's and,...Claire de Lune!!...

Holy Crap!..

I should never have started this..
Now I gotta get all my old links and change a shitload of text.
No...I didn't save my old template because I'm an idiot a'right!

Sheesh!...

Anyway,I'll make it work I suppose.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

EDIT:...my head is smaller in real life.. ------------>

Necropolae..

We stood beneath a tall Black Pine at the end of Glenridge road.
"There are no strangers here",..I thought.
In this silent city where loved ones pause to renew the ties that bind.

I watched,..
as you knelt,with gentle grace,to stroke the handsome face of your only brother.

How they've grown.
On our own.
Since you've gone.

Jacob knows,..and loves you.
Perhaps as much as I.

Time Magazine's person of the year is...

US!....

NEW YORK (Reuters) - You were named Time magazine "Person of the Year" on Saturday for the explosive growth and influence of user-generated Internet content such as blogs, video-file sharing site YouTube and social network MySpace. ..Grossman said the creators and consumers of user-generated Internet sites showed a community and collaboration on a scale never seen before.
"It's about the many wresting power from the few and helping one another for nothing and how that will not only change the world, but also change the way the world changes," said Grossman, Time's technology writer and book critic.
"The tool that makes this possible is the World Wide Web," he said. "It's a tool for bringing together the small contributions of millions of people and making them matter."

...Oh yeah!....We bad!

I've seriously believed since joining the blogosphere a little more than a year ago,that it had the potential to be an important influence in our lives.

Ideas and opinions shared at light speed across the globe,between people of every rank and file,unhindered by the self-serving spin of governments and the media...People,talking to people..

I'd even go so far as to say that the recent shake-up in Congress was due,in part,to the seeds of discontent planted right here in Bloggertown.

Speaking for myself,when things of any consequence occur virtually anywhere,I think to myself, "How will this affect my friend?"..and it becomes personal...

Or maybe I read too much into this thing of ours.I don't know about that,..but I do know this!..I'm going to make some space on the mantle..

..while lorraine's away..

My dear friend evangeline was kind enough to post for me a while back when I was feeling under the weather..So,in lorraine's absence,I thought I would post a few tips for Holiday entertaining that I have gleaned from her wise and thoughtful counsel.

1) Greet your guests with a warm smile.

2) A little garland will add a festive touch to any decor.
3) Fresh baked hors d'ouvres show that you care.
4) Snacks and beverages can go quickly..Be sure to have plenty on hand.
5) Some educational toys will keep the little ones happily occupied.
6) ..Clean as you go!

JP is working hard over at all things bitter to keep us informed of lorraine's status,and getting himself SO FIRED as fill-in all 80's DJ.

By way of thanks,I've reached into my giant stainless steel vault to come up with one of Miss Dolly's Best.I know he'll enjoy it as much as I do.




...and to Jessica P.,...wherever you are ;)

Yet another tool of the Devil..

I cherish my Blogger buddies.

So much so,that I am more than willing to suffer the aggravation and ultimate humiliation of the dreaded "word verification" thingy.
First,they give you a completely undecipherable combination of Chinese/Arabic,which I always get wrong.I've begun to find this strangely comforting..
Then,they make the letters all tiny,so I have to take off my glasses and lean into the screen like Mr. Magoo....Wrong again..
Then you get some 17 letter palindrome that looks like the condensed version of "War and Peace" from the inside out...Frankly,my attention span is pretty much depleted by the time I log into Blogger Beta,so I fail that one with flying colors.
Finally!..My comment shows up,...4 freakin' times!!..

I know that it's designed to weed out spam and such,but can anything that will eventually let the likes of ME in really be that effective?..just sayin'..Tip o' the lid to lorraine.I really wasn't trying to be your one-millionth comment.. ;)

Faith

I know there is evil.
It crouches in the dark,with a terrible patience.
'Till the scent of innocence fills it's nostrils,
and opportunity draws it from it's lair.

I know there are Demons.
They understand our weakness,
and tempt us from desire with feigned compassion.

I know there is pain,and loss,and injustice.
By virtue of having been up and down upon the Earth,
and walking to and fro' in it.

I know there are Angels.
That illuminate the darkness,
sustain our haggard spirits,
and retrieve us from icy waters.

There are always Angels..

Tuesday Guest writer..

It was a beautiful letdown,
when I crashed and burned.
When I found myself alone,
unknown,and hurt.

It was a beautiful letdown,
the day I knew,
that all the riches this world had to offer,were never due.

We're a beautiful letdown,
painfully uncool.
Church of the dropouts,the losers,the sinners,the failures and the fools.
I'll be a beautiful letdown...

...posted here by permission of my beautiful daughter (she has her mother's eyes) , J-A.. :)

Recently discovered Pre-historic cave painting..Lascaux,France

Pass the butter sauce..

Sunday Quickie..

I really like Lobster,but every time I eat it I marvel at the maniac that first decided it was edible..
I mean,..here comes this great and crusty snappin' bastard crawling out of the primordial ooze, and Grog the Neanderthal thinks to himself, "Uh,..THAT looks good!"...just wonderin'..

I feel like dancin'..(could happen)

Supermom and legendary blogger lorraine has been doing a wonderful job with her 80's retrospectives these past few weeks.I mean,..even I have to say hey!..I kinda like that tune! (although,if quoted,I'll simply deny it and make those irritating LaLaLa sounds while covering my ears)..I know,I know,..my musical posts tend to be somewhat morose,if not downright depressing to most people.My daughter probably says it best. "Dad,your music makes me want to cut my wrists!".. She's been grounded for the last 7 years for saying that until she apologizes,which she stubbornly refuses to do...Brat!......So,...
I've reached into my giant stainless steel vault to come up with something a little more lively,in an effort to prove that I can be "hip".. or "groovy"..or whatever the kids nowadays are saying. :)

A cyber buck goes out to any one that can listen to Harry Belafonte's "Senora",and not wanna tap their feet,..just a little...You may click "HERE" if you wish..

Edit:Even if I could find it on You-Tube,which seems unlikely,I can't figure out how to attach them things to my post...Damm newfangled gadget...

Yet another edit:Props go out to evangeline for suffering me through the intricacies of learning how to do something every ten-year old kid can do.

You Rock!...(although my link is the more complete version,...I'm just sayin').. ;)

This edit just in!:.. "More complete"??..sigh..

Dear Diary..

The Lizzard King's brother and sister-in-law have gone home after a very nice visit.I will miss them because she always did the dishes and now I have to do them...stupid dishes..And I will miss their baby too because I could hold him but I never had to change his diaper or feed him or anything.

I wish it was Friday because we are really busy at work because everyone wants their cabinets done by Christmas and Mr. K has promised them they would be so there are like five families sitting back all happy but....DAMM!

Last night I dreamed that I shot this guy with a spear gun only he didn't die and he pulled out the spear and asked me why he didn't die so I told him that I forgot to put the poison on the tip and we both had a good laugh about that...in my dream I mean.

We are having Rib-Eye tonight! :)

'Ma didn't winter well..

I think that this time of year is,by some inherent genetic memory type of universal experience,a time for turning ourselves inward to take inventory of our lives,and account for the things that make us,..well,...human.

"Why is that Sling?"

Thanks for asking!..

Since time immemorial we have huddled,warmed by the fire of community, against the cold and perilous uncertainties of an arbitrary nature.This is our strength.Our edge .There is no weakest link,because the frail among us are empowered ten-fold by the bold and reckless endeavors of our brethren.The ones that inspire us to reach,by example,for that elusive goal that seems to lie just beyond our grasp...and we persevere.

I recall the death of my Grandmother,some 40 years ago this month.
My Grandfather,a tall and robust Texan in his 70's,began his account of her passing..."..'Ma didn't winter well"...

Sunday phone pranks...

1-888-beep,beep,beep-beep beep,beep beep...

"Hello,you've reached the Miracle-Gro hotline,how may I help you?"
"Uh,..hi,..yes..I want to register a complaint about your product"..
"What seems to be the problem sir?"
"Well,..It's not working at all.I've been using it for several months and there hasn't been any significant growth whatsoever."..
"Hmm?,that's odd..Are you sure you followed the directions sir?"
"I've been using it twice a week!..just like it says,and nothing is happening!"..
"I just don't understand sir,..Miracle-Gro should produce amazing results when properly applied to your plants."
"My PLANTS??"...I thought it said PANTS!..HAHAHAHA...*click*
"Hello?"...

Friday shopping...

I'm pretty sure all the major food groups are represented.