I have organized my 18 hour work week thus;
On Monday and Wednesday I go to the shop,and put in 8 hours with The Partner traveling to the various complexes in the system,taking care of such routine and unexpected tasks as might arise.
On Thursday,I finish the remaining two hours working alone,performing scheduled maintenance at Winston Gardens,located about a mile from the homestead.
It's all quite unhurried.
I'm able to wake up a little bit later,and enjoy a couple of cups of coffee before I take the 10 minute bike ride to the complex.
The work is pleasant,and I can go about my business in quiet solitude.
I'd been there for about 20 minutes on this morning when,out of nowhere,it struck me.
You know,..that guttural,roiling sensation that begins in your bowels,and reaches all the way back to your,..let's just say that the laxative effects of fresh brewed java,combined with the brief,albeit brisk exercise of bicycling,had conspired to make themselves imminently apparent..'Okay..Stop what your doing Sling'
..,and make your way post-haste to the safety and convenience of the clubhouse restroom,some 200 yards on the whole other
side of the quad.
I arrived none too soon let me tell you,and proceeded to hurry myself through the entry door.
Let me rephrase that..
It's not just locked,.It's Fucking Locked!!
,..and according to that huge 'Hours of Operation' sign that has,until this moment,escaped my attention,it will remain so for another hour-and-a-half!
It's wits-gathering time if ever there was.'This is a simple physics problem involving the interaction of time and space'
Let's see...No time..No space..Reason doesn't enter into the equation.
The Little League ballpark is three blocks down the street,and there's a public restroom!
I can make it!..'It's just a matter of mind over sphincter!'
I keep repeating that little mantra to myself as I race back to my bike,and begin pedaling my less-than-happy ass down the road to salvation.
(The logistics of riding a bicycle in my present physical condition,I will save for a future post...yer welcome).
I'm fully two blocks into this desperate mission,..my destination shining on the hill like Camelot,..when my bicycle chain chatters off the rear sprocket,leaving the pedals spinning fruitlessly beneath my feet.
Without skipping a beat!..I dismount,and with one foot on the pedal,back leg pumping furiously,begin power gliding scooter fashion the last block,straight up to the door of the men's room.
Now,..I don't know if the restrooms remain unlocked when there's not a ballgame in progress,and at this point,I don't give a damn.
Open or closed,..inside or outside,..I'm not
leaving the playground in the same condition in which I arrived!
I dropped my bike unceremoniously at the door,and reached for the door handle....'This is pretty impressive'
..I mused at my leisure.
Brilliant white porcelain,set against sky blue ceramic tiles.
The hand soap dispensers filled with refreshingly scented liquid,..and just look at the quality of the tissue!
..This may very well be the most beautiful public restroom I've ever seen.
Labels: Based on a true story..