Could ya help a rodent out?

This furry little fella stopped by my front porch this morning.

He was late for a very important meeting,so I gave him directions to JP's balcony and he went on his way.

Often,there were conversations like this..

"Oh,..hey,.what's up?"
"What's up?..Are you out of you're fucking mind?..What you think is up?..I got people I gotta see,and you owe me for a mother fucking ounce,THAT'S what's up!"
"Hey!..Dude,..No shit,..I'm gettin' 15 hundred bucks from Claire's mom this weekend..You know I'm good for it."
"Yeah you are,..That's why you bought an 8-ball from Raphael this morning...You ignorant fuck!..Where the hell you think he gets his dope from?....Gimme the pink slip."
"What???"
"GIVE.ME.THE .PINK .SLIP, to that mother fucking,piece o' shit Maverick in yer driveway...and you'll get it back when I get my grand !" ..."Why you gotta make me tax yer ass?"
"Hey,..no problem bro.."

"Fuck Rick!,...Like I need another car.." .."Say hey to Claire".

It wasn't all glamour and excitement...I felt like sharing for a moment.Move along folks..I have.

Good Call !..

Let's see ,..given the thrust to weight ratio,and
factoring in the angle of trajectory,wind speed and direction,..that sucker ought'a land
right aboouut,....Here!!

The weather will continue...

...with variable changes.

That's pretty much the full extent of noteworthy news of late,here in the thriving necropolis of O-Town.

BUT!,..I do have a new favorite TV show.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.
Brought to us by Aaron Sorkin and Thomas Schlamme, those brilliant dudes that created 'West Wing',which as we all know,is probably the best television show to come along since Leonardo DaVinci invented the cathode ray tube back in 1804.(Oh,..put your hands down,..I'm workin' here!)..

It's a seriocomic ,behind the scenes peek into the corporate machinations and personal lives of the people involved in bringing their 'Saturday Night Live" clone to the small screen each week.The dialogue is crisp and witty,filled with Hollywood insider references,and the actors already seem comfortable in their new personas.As well they should be,since they are basically playing characters we are familiar with,albeit,in a different setting.They are,(in numerical order);

1)Bradley Whitford (Josh Lyman on cocaine).
2)Matthew Perry.
3)Timothy Busfield(equally credible as a vengeful nerd,or a Pulitzer prize winning reporter)
4)Steven Weber,..and..
5)Amanda Peet (appearing regularly in my most prurient and demented dreams).

I hope this post has found you and yours in the best of health and spirits,..as for me,I'm going to stalk a few friends,and then catch the new episode of 'House',..probably the best television show to come along since,..well,..you get the point.

Salmon Fest '06 !

Well Little Newt managed to avoid the clutches of Nackels-the-Troll for yet another year,so we got up early this a.m. and walked downtown to enjoy the activities of the O-Town Salmon festival.
There was music...


..Candy !!

Groups of large women!..oops,..I mean large groups of women!!

...and the ubiquitous KOI !!...damm things are everywhere this time of year..

Happy Autumnal Equinox!

..In case you missed it,I took this amazing photo of the Sun at the precise moment of the equinox.--->

I don't know why he looks so pissed,what with a shorter workday and all,but there it is.

We'll be celebrating at our house in traditional fashion,enjoying a meal of pickled pork hocks and mulled wine.
After which we'll snuggle in our beds and await the arrival of Nackels-the-Troll,who comes each Equinox in his goat drawn ox-cart to spirit away all the bad little boys and girls to his underworld lair,where he will use them as slaves,..or food..

EDIT: To my Bass Akwards friends in the Southern Hemisphere,Happy Spring!...or whatever..

Blogger Beta Update..

Well it seems that all those obscenities I've been yelling at my computer have paid off,and Blogger has finally fixed the problem of posting comments on non-beta blogs!..It's gratifying to know that I had a real impact.

I've enjoyed the ease and versatility that beta provides in organizing,and customizing my blog,and now that the comment issue is resolved,I feel okay about recommending it to anyone that might be thinking about switching over.I would also like to recommend;

1) Wearing pants while welding.
2) Feeding children and pets at least once a day.
3) If yer gonna be a scandalous tramp,then use a condom dammit!.and
4) The Kung Pao chicken at San's rice house and all-night Mah Jong parlor.

This has been a Blogger Beta update..We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Performance Anxiety...

The lovely and mildly insane babs hooked me up with blogmad,and for that she has my sincere thanks!

While I had some trouble getting set up as a member at first,due to an unfortunate inability to decipher 6 random letters,(stupid word verification thingie..It's a tool of the Devil,mark my words!),..Anyway,turns out it was an anagram of 'phlegm', so I finally got logged in,and began earning 'points'.

During my session I browsed through some very nice blogs,left a few comments,and scored a way cool new widget that tells me how many people are visiting my blog,in more or less real time.It comes with the caveat,'UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU ALLOWED TO ALTER THIS CODE IN ANY FASHION WHATSOEVER!!'..Well,..this seemed a little ambiguous to me,so I went ahead and re-wrote some text,and 86'd the pesky advertising link,and now it sets prettily in my sidebar,faithfully logging every voyeur that visits my site,...thank you very much..Remember,if the code police ask you,I was at your house playing twister..But I digress..

During the course of my visit,I discovered that my friends babs,and yellowdog granny,were listed among the most popular blogs!You guys rock!..I tried stuffing your ballot boxes,but since this isn't the Florida general elections,they wouldn't allow it.By the end of my session,I had advanced from 'newbie' to 'junior',and had earned a respectable 83 points!..AND!!..The number of hits on my blog had effectively doubled,due to blogmad routing members to my site...There's just one minor hitch.Every time a member is directed to your blog,blogmad deducts 1 point.

I now have zero points..Zip...Nada..

WTF??...I'm pretty sure that if I don't log into blogmad,and spend some enormous amount of time surfing blogs,they'll send 'Guido' around in his 3-piece suit to encourage me to 'use it,or lose it!'..

blogmad,..She's a cruel mistress,..and I don't know if I'll be able to satisfy her insatiable lust..

Please Sir,..may I have some more fish?..

Every week I receive tons of E-mails.The vast majority of which fall into two major catagories.

1)Hundreds of co-ed cheerleaders in your area are anxious to meet you TODAY!..and

b)Where can I go to find shakey video of Salmon making a half-hearted attempt to swim upstream?

While extensive research is still underway on the whole cheerleader deal,..it turns out that just this morning I rode my bike about a half mile up the road to the spillway,and captured this never before seen footage of the beginning of the annual Salmon run along the mighty Feather River here in O-Town.

In these precarious and uncertain times,I've noticed one common thread that seems to bind everyone in Bloggertown together...Fish...Hell,even charlie likes fish.(With the possible exception of CATfish...Pft..)

Have a great weekend!

GETTYSBURG..

...the day after.

Weekdays

I usually roll in from work about a quarter to four,turn on the TV,and catch the last 15 minutes of Ellen Degeneris.She cracks me up.
She did her stand-up routine during comedy night at a joint where I used to sling whiskey,back before she was a power lesbian.
I suppose she was already a regular type lesbian,but I can't be sure.
I'll bet Sheila knows!I'm pretty sure they all know each other,what with their secret handshake,and newsletter,and such ..:o...Anyway..
At 4 p.m. I click over to USA network and leave it there while I decompress.It's a Law and Order bonanza!
Yeah,I've seen them all a hundred times,but it's good background noise.
Besides,I have a grudging respect for ADA Jack Mcoy.The guy's a freakin' raptor.Once he's got you in his sights,you can bet your ass you're gonna be found guilty of SOMEthing...dammit.
Hey!..We have a brand new gas grill!..The Lizzard King is gettin' ready to fire up some sirloins even as we speak.I'm gonna jump in the shower,pop a brew,and see what's really goin' on in bloggertown..See Ya!

Where were you?..

I was a guest of the Colorado Department of Corrections five years ago when terrorists flew two planes into the World Trade Center.
The facility,like all other correctional facilities in the country,went on immediate "lock down".Like the name implies,everyone is confined to their quarters,and no one goes in or out of the building,period.It's an extreme state of security.
Head counts are performed every hour,lockers are emptied and searched for contraband,and a random few are treated to full body cavity searches...O.K...Fair enough I suppose..We had,each and every one of us, proven to be chronic misbehavers at some point in time after all.This was to be expected in the course of our penance.

You know,..when Bush was elected president I figured,"Now here's a guy whose historical legacy might just reach the the lofty heights of Franklin Pierce",who as we all know,brought peace to Kansas.
I'm thinkin' he'll spend his term kissing hands,shaking babies,and sitting quietly in the Oval Office eating tuna fish sandwiches,and sipping Kool-Aid from his official Texas Rangers mug ...No harm..No foul..
Then he would retire to his ranch and raise Chinchillas,or Alpacas,or whatever,..eventually fading into blessed obscurity.

Who knew??..

In the five short years since the tragic events of September 11th,under his leadership,this country has become an Orwellian nightmare.We have become more fearful,less tolerant,and have come to exist in an atmosphere of isolation from the rest of humanity.All in the name of National security.

Well,it doesn't feel secure to me.In fact,it feels an awful lot like lock down.

EDIT:While it's easy for me to rant,it's much more difficult to find the words to express my heartfelt sympathies to the victims,and families of those that lost their lives on that terrible day.I'll leave that,along with my thanks,to my more learned and articulate friends in Bloggertown.

...to make a short story long..

Stop me if you've heard this,..

This guy suspects his wife of cheating on him,so he sneaks home from work early one day to try and catch her in the act.
He lives on the third floor of an apartment building,so he sneaks quietly up the stairs and puts his ear to the door..He hears the sound of people making love!!
The door is locked so he pounds furiously on it,and then kicks it open.
Rushing into the bedroom he finds his wife in bed,alone.
The bedroom window is OPEN! so he runs to it and looks down onto the street where he sees a man running!...THAT'S HIM!
Enraged,he runs into the kitchen,grabs the refrigerator,goes to the window and heaves it down onto the guy,killing him.
Well,the strain of all this gives him a heart attack,and he dies too.
Next thing you know,they're in heaven standing before St. Peter..

St. Pete: "Welcome to heaven boys!Tell me,how'd you end up here?"

Guy#1: "I'm not really sure,..I was jogging down the street like I do every day,and this refrigerator lands on me and kills me!"

Guy#2: "Gee,I'm really embarrassed,..I thought that guy was having an affair with my wife,so I threw a refrigerator on him and the strain gave me a heart attack"..

There's a third guy there as well,and Pete says,"So,what's your story?"..

Guy #3: "Well,I'm really PISSED!...I'm sitting in this refrigerator..minding my OWN business"...

MORAL: Sling is bored and has nothing of consequence to blog about,yet his computer sits there,mocking him!..Stupid computer!!

Self Medication...

On occasion,and for reasons unknown even to myself,I fall into a mental state I like to call "pensive".It may possibly be something akin to depression,only,I don't know how to explain it,I'm not sad.
I do however,take personal inventory of choices I've made,and the directions I've taken at various crossroads in my life that have brought me to this point in time.A left turn here,a chance encounter there.Events, perfectly innocuous at the time,that had profound and irrevocable consequences.Certainly,this is true for everyone.
I love words.Their power,and influence on the human condition are undeniable.Still,when I'm in my pensive mode,only music can adequately express what I'm feeling,or bring tranquility to a turbulent psyche.

"Craigieburn Wood",..by William Coulter

FIX MY BLOGGER NOW!

I still can't post comments on charlie's and jane's blogs.
charlie is getting a visit from the ever charming Amy,and jane has a new BB boy proof screen door,and I want to post irrelevent and incoherent remarks on their blogs but stupid blogger beta keeps jerkin' me around.

FIX IT NOW DAMMIT !!

On the bright side however,lorraine is busy stomping out some primo vino even as we speak!...I'm pretty sure everyone is gonna get all liquored up real soon!

It's Tuesday already??

You know that thing where it's a Friday before a three day weekend and you're all stoked about partying for the next 72 hours so you start tearing it up right away,and on Saturday you know you have two more days so you don't worry and keep on burning the candle at both ends into the wee hours of Sunday but,hey,you don't have to go to work tomorrow so BRING IT ON! and you're secure in the knowledge that you'll get some quality rest on Monday,but one thing leads to another and you don't end up going to bed 'till 3:00 A.M Tuesday morning and you gotta get up at 5:30 which you do,but when you get to work at 7:00 A.M. you discover that you really can't find your ass with both hands and they pretty much have to re-train you?....It's like that.

I AM...VOLCANO MAN !

Sulphurous Spring..

Fumerole.
Lassen Peak,last erupted in 1915 and still active!
Diamond Peak.Every peak in Lassen Park,(and there is a Buttload),is a volcano,or part of one!
..More hot smelly stuff..
Mt.Lassen Volcanic National Park is a very scenic 90 minute drive from O-Town.
...and because my readers deserve more in the way of low-quality crap,click HERE for a 57 second video that takes 3 minutes to buffer!...give or take..
As an **ADDED BONUS!** The first voice you hear is mine. :0

EDIT:Freakin' Blogger Beta is not letting me post comments on some blogs.So far charlie and jane..This ability is allegedly "coming soon"..
Rest assured,I'm still keeping an eye on you guys! ;)

DREAMSCAPE

Last night I dreamed I was alone on a great wooden ship.It was what I call a "First person" dream,where I'm on the inside looking out,rather than observing myself from the outside.These are the most realistic.
I could feel the wind on my face,and smell the familiar salty air.
Suddenly,grey smoke began to waft up between the cracks of the Teak decking.
I jumped overboard,and found myself standing in about 3 feet of water,watching the ship burn.It was beautiful.